The Sleeping Wall

Jane M. Downs
He punches in the tape. Music explodes, then settles into a familiar strain that relaxes him,
propels him through the delicate snowfall. He will climb steps strewn with shoes and
small sailboats. He will gather his sons to him, breathe in their salty scents, feel the small,
tight muscles of their backs.
6
The landscape stiff with cold. Without James you are in pieces. The wine makes you clumsy.
You see yourself and your sons as the nighthawk would: a torn branch floating on the
lake.
James said that when he set off a round of ammunition, he released pieces of himself. He
said he was lodged inside each human being he’d killed.
The cove. The far shore where you first drank from his body. He kept touching your face.
And now, you are crying. You turn toward the house. Light flickers through birch. Two
cones of light on the lawn. You stand up and call his name, your voice a flame. The Old
Town rocks. Philip yells, “Sit down!”
He pulls at your shirt, and you jerk away. The Old Town lurches onto its side. You aren’t
able to stop them from falling. You follow.
Water rushes into your ears and mouth. You cannot see or think. The paralyzing cold
steals your strength. You struggle to the surface. A hand grabs your hair, drags you down.
You pull the weight against you. It thrashes away.
Michael’s head bobbing near the Old Town. You grab his arm. He clings to you. He gags
and spits. You cannot feel your body. Your wet clothes pull you down and down. Your
lungs burn.
You hear Philip splashing. He swims away from you toward the lit windows of the house.
You know you have only minutes before the cold completely drains you. You reach for
him again and again. He’s beyond your grasp, arms flailing, head jerking from side to side.
Michael’s chattering teeth against your throat, his jaw working as if unhinged. You plow
through the water to the shore where you sit, Michael cradled in your arms. His eyes click
open and shut. He is choking.
You fumble for James’s knife, your hands blunt, without fingers. With your teeth you cut
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