[DR_The_Like_Switch

from when the stranger did the same thing. The difference is that you have a close relationship with your
family members and, under these conditions, food forking is considered appropriate. Food forking, then, is
a friend signal and, if permitted, indicates a close relationship between the person possessing the food and
the person reaching for it.
EXPRESSIVE GESTURES
The amount and intensity of gestures people use vary from one culture to another and even within cultures.
Some people are naturally more expressive than others, even in more socially restrained cultures.
Nonetheless, people who like one another tend to display more expressive gestures. Expressive gestures
signal interest in what the other person is saying and keeps the focus of the conversation on the speaker.
Speakers can emphasize a point with a sharp downward movement of the hand at the end of a sentence,
or express openness and sincerity with extended open palms. Expressive gestures reinforce verbal
communication and mutual interest.
You can encourage potential friends to continue speaking (and like you more because of it) by additional
head nodding, smiles, and focused attention (when you lean forward, cock your head slightly and appear to
be listening intensely to what is being said). Be aware that nonverbal gestures can also signal discomfort,
dislike, or disinterest.
HEAD NODDING
One way we signal to a speaker that we are engaged with them and that they should continue is with a head
nod. It tells the speaker to keep talking. A double nod tells the speaker to increase the tempo of the speech.
Multiple head nods or a single slow nod tend to cause a disruption in the speakers cadence. Excessive head
nodding can rush a response. Rapid head nodding sends a nonverbal cue for the speaker to hurry his or her
response, usually because the listener wants to say something or is disinterested. Inappropriate rapid head
nodding can be perceived as rude behavior or an attempt to dominate the conversation. This behavior takes
the focus off the speaker and turns the spotlight onto the listener, which is a clear violation of the Golden
Rule of Friendship, and will be discussed in the next chapter. Used correctly, head nodding allows the
speaker to fully express his or her thoughts in a satisfying manner. If you use appropriate head nods, you
will be perceived as a good listener, and viewed in a positive light.
VERBAL NUDGES
Verbal nudges reinforce head nodding and encourage the speaker to continue talking. Verbal nudges
consist of speech confirmation indicators such as “I see” and “Go on” plus word fillers such as “Ummm”
and “Uh-huh.” Verbal nudges let the speaker know that you are not only listening but are also validating
the speaker’s message with verbal confirmation.
FOCUSED ATTENTION
Don’t let distractions interrupt your attentive listening to the speaker. You want to send the message that
what the speaker is saying is important to you. That message will ring hollow if you answer your cell phone
and put the speaker on hold. If your cell phone rings while you are in a conversation, fight the urge to
answer. For reasons unknown, most people feel compelled to answer a ringing phone. Just because your cell