[DR_The_Like_Switch

duplicate the same sensation you feel when you catch yourself automatically displaying these nonverbal
communications.
A good place to hone these skills is walking down the street, in shopping malls, and in other public
places. When a person approaches, tilt your head, make eye contact, and smile. Watch the person’s reaction.
If the individual returns an eyebrow flash along with a smile, you have successfully transmitted a friend
signal. If the person gives you a goofy look or a “get away from me, you creep” expression, you might have
chosen a sourpuss or need more practice. Over time, you should see an improvement in how people
respond to your friend signals. Further, with practice, you won’t have to consciously think about sending
the signals or how they look; they will become automatic.
Acquiring new skills, or making old skills look authentic when we use them “in the spotlight,” takes lots
of practice. While working to perfect these signals, you might become discouraged and give up for various
reasons, including embarrassment, lack of immediate mastery of the new skills, or frustration. This is
normal. In studying how people acquire new skills, scientists have discovered that many novices experience
a period of “free fall” early in the learning experience. During this time, individuals are not comfortable
using the new skills and become frustrated or embarrassed when the skills do not work as advertised. Instead
of continuing to practice the skills, they give up.
Don’t you be one of those people! Persevere through this free-fall phase, confident in the knowledge that
you will achieve skill mastery with time and effort. The frustration and discomfort of acquiring new skills
will be well worth the effort because you will be rewarded with superior results in achieving successful
relationships.
That should make smiling very easy to do, consciously or otherwise!
TO ERR IS HUMAN . . . AND MAKES THAT HUMAN MORE LIKABLE, TOO
At the beginning of my lectures, I intentionally make several mistakes that don’t damage my credibility, such as mispronouncing a word or misspelling a
word on the whiteboard. The participants immediately correct my small errors. With a show of embarrassment, I graciously accept the correction and credit
the participants for being attentive.
This technique accomplishes several objectives. First, the participants making the corrections feel good about themselves, which builds rapport and
friendship. Second, participants are more likely to spontaneously interact during the lecture without the fear of looking stupid in front of the instructor.
After all, they reason, it’s okay to make mistakes because the instructor already has made several himself. Third, minor mistakes make me look human.
People like lecturers who are subject matter experts yet at the same time possess human qualities similar to the seminar participants (the Law of
Similarity, discussed in Chapter 5).
OBSERVE AND LEARN
Tapping on a cell phone keyboard and having earbuds in place shuts you out of the sending or receiving of
friendship signals. And the lack of personal interaction with other people reduces the opportunity for you to
sharpen your social skills or learn from observing others.
Learning from others doesn’t even take much effort. All you need to do is go to a restaurant and peoplewatch.
People feel comfortable communicating when they are eating or drinking. See if you can determine
the status and intensity of relationships by observing the non​verbal signals of nearby couples.
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
When two people walk into a restaurant you can tell if they are a couple or not by observing their
nonverbal behaviors. Hand holding is a sign of romantic interest. Couples who hold hands without