Cosmopolitan - November 2016 UK

CELEBRITY
SHIRT, AS BEFORE. GLASSES, £225, GENERAL EYEWEAR. SUPER 8 CAMERA, LOUIS WILSON-GOLDBERG
constitutes rich.
Obviously I earn more
money now than I did
four years ago, and more
than I ever thought
YouTube would be able
to [provide]. But I’m not
driving a Lamborghini…”
(Zoella’s net worth is
reported to be around
£3 million).
It’s not just big-money
deals by brands that Zoe
gets offered. In the past
year, she’s been asked
to record a single
(declined), appear on
reality TV (declined)
and even been invited
to have tea with Prince
Harry at Buckingham
Palace (also declined).
Her reasons for
turning down Prince
Harry, as well as lunch
last year with President
Obama, are rather more
complicated, though.
Zoe has suffered from
crippling anxiety since
her teens, which has at
times left her bedbound.
She first revealed this in
a 20-minute YouTube
video in November
2012, called Dealing
With Panic Attacks &
Anxiety. It has since had
nearly four million views.
“It took me so long to film,” she
says. “It was refreshing for a lot of
people because they think I’m this
perfect role model and I live this
perfect life in a dream world, but
actually everyone has their demons
and things that they are struggling
with. It was an eye-opener and
made them realise that maybe
I’m just like them.”
So what about Prince Harry? “I was
too scared,” says Zoe, who is now
digital ambassador for the mentalhealth
charity Mind. “I’m working on
this anxiety thing but I’m not quite
ready for that. Hopefully he will
invite me back. Sorry Prince Harry.”
Zoe sees a therapist, but still
struggles with travelling and big
crowds. “I have had anxiety since
before I started doing this,” she
explains. “I think it changes and
adapts with your life. I have a
therapist who I speak to every week
without fail, and that’s been the
biggest help because I’m now doing
things that I never thought I’d be
able to do. I’m one of those people
who think everyone should have
a therapist. People go to
the gym, they eat healthily
and visit the hairdresser’s,
but no one really looks
after their mind.”
Zoe rarely visits London
because of her anxiety, and
instead films her vlog
from her bedroom in
Hove. “My dream is to be
able to just hop on the
train one day and come
back again, and I know
I’ll get to that point, but
up until then I have to
take lots of little baby
steps. One of my big
things is to visit Australia
and New Zealand. That’s
my main goal.”
She recalls attending the
Radio 1 Teen Awards in
2014. “We walked out to
our taxi and there were
fans everywhere. I got
pressed up against a car
and I really hurt my back.
It was quite intense…
Things like that become
something else to work
on. And just simple things
like going to the shop
knowing you’re being
followed or thinking
someone might approach
you.” She adds, “There
was a point where I was
nervous to go out on my
own. It’s not like you’ve gone into a
Hollywood film where your biggest
dream is coming true. It’s something
that happened because of a hobby,
and along the way you have to get
used to this new lifestyle you have.
There have been times when
someone has just gone ‘Hi’ in my
face.” She flinches at the thought of
it. “And I have sworn [in shock],
and then had to apologise…”
Zoe references another difficult
time in 2014 when it became a huge
news story that a ghostwriter had
helped write her debut novel. She
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