Viva Lewes Issue #135 December 2017

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HEALTH Mistletoe and Whine ’Tis the season to be quarrelly Photo by Anita Hall According to Andy Williams, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. But for many of us the festive season looks less like a John Lewis ad of co-ordinated outfits, tasteful decorations and perfectly cooked food, and more like an episode of The Royle Family. “Christmas is a very stressful time,” agrees psychotherapeutic counsellor Tom Lockyer. “Stress factors include family dynamics, the media, food, the pressure to do ‘something special’, alcohol, money, travel, competing with others, being alone… All these can be sources of stress.” The good news, he continues, is that just identifying those stressors takes us closer to overcoming them. “The disconnect between reality and how we want things to be leads to a potential sense of powerlessness, but we can always do things differently. I like to say, wake up and smell the coffee - but don’t drink it!” The starting point, he explains, is to reflect on how things have been before. “The reality of Christmas is that you will have had the same nightmares last year and the year before that. The same issues will come up - especially within families. So you have to ask yourself if that is what you want, and, if it isn’t, to do something different.” One key issue is time management. “To begin with you have to be sure you even want to see those people,” Lockyer says, “then, if you do, you need to set really clear boundaries. Decide how long you want to spend there, then halve it. Rather than feeling drained and exhausted, leave wanting more.” If tensions are already running high, defuse the situation by taking time out, he adds. “If you know you can only last two hours, then don’t just sit there — take yourself out for a walk. Go and sit on Mount Caburn for half an hour looking at the clouds, or watch your kid playing with his new truck. Once you are aware of difficult relationship dynamics, you can act to avoid conflict.” Above all, Lockyer concludes, be kind to yourself. “Have compassion for yourself, rather than setting yourself up for a fall. It’s okay not to be perfect, and it’s okay to have a limited capacity to manage stressful situations. We don’t have the capacity to give unconditional love to everyone, so you need to be aware of your reserves. Enough is enough — and more than enough is too much. “Ask yourself how you want to spend your time with the people that you love. Do you want to give them an experience of your cooking ability or an experience of your love? If you want things to be different, then start now and take hold of the reindeer’s reins. It’s never too late.” And if all else fails, you can always comfort yourself with the fact that it’s a full year until you have to go through it all again… Anita Hall Tom Lockyer: 07711 265642 or tom@sussextherapyworks.co.uk 113
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Balm Don’t forget Lewes Late Nigh
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THE 'CHRISTMAS' ISSUE CONTENTS Bits
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A PARTY FOR THE MANY LEWES LABOUR
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EMMA CARLOW hang alongside each of
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Photo by Alex Leith MY LEWES: ALEX
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BITS AND BOX LOCAL CHRISTMAS POST I
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PHOTO OF THE MONTH REAL ZULUS Max J
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PUBS AND BOBS TOWN PLAQUE #33: THE
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The Finest British and European Con
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PHOTOGRAPHY CARLOTTA LUKE BREAKY BO
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BOOKS AND BIKES LOCAL LITERATURE: T
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BITS AND BOBS CLOCKS OF LEWES #13:
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COLUMN Colin Chapman Confessions fr
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COLUMN East of Earwig Don’t look
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WHAT A SAVE TURN YOUR PHONE INTO A
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ON THIS MONTH: PANTO Pinocchio Pupp
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ON THIS MONTH: TALK Luke Wright Lef
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ON THIS MONTH: CINEMA Film 17 Dexte
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THE LOWDOWN ON... Photo by Robert K
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CLASSICAL & CAROLS SUN 3 RD , 3PM A
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CLASSICAL & CAROLS SAT 16 TH , 6PM
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ON THIS MONTH: ART Focus on: Untitl
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ON THIS MONTH: ART Focus on: The Cr
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ART ART & ABOUT In town this month
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ART From the 2nd there’s the Chri
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ART VALUATION DAY Jewellery and Ant
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ON THIS MONTH: ART Private detectiv
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Page 84 and 85: • C H R I S T M A S & N E W Y E A
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Page 90 and 91: THE WAY WE WORK This month we asked
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Page 114 and 115: 'tis the season... Packed with gift
Page 116 and 117: ADVERTORIAL ARE WE TRULY A NATION O
Page 119 and 120: COLUMN I bought my charity Christma
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Page 123 and 124: BUSINESS NEWS Let’s hear it for t
Page 125 and 126: HOME LTD We are a building company
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Page 131 and 132: GARDENS Global Gardens Design, Rest
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Page 137 and 138: COMPETITIVE PRICES FLO TYRES & ACCE
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Viva Lewes Issue #135 December 2017

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