Family Road Map Guide

3
Guiding Star Point Three:
Build RELATIONSHIPS
Working with the Team
There Are No Stupid
Questions
Remember to ask:
• Who?
• What?
• When?
• Where?
• Why?
• How?
• Can You Explain?
And write down the answers
whenever possible!
As a parent, you are responsible for making sure that the providers on your child’s
team work together. That means you also have the right to be treated as a full
partner. Even a good provider can get too busy, feel cranky, or jump to conclusions.
If this happens all the time, you may need to find someone else. However, a good
provider is more likely to treat you as an equal partner if you show confidence in
yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have all the answers. Nobody does.
However, each time you walk into a room to deal with a provider, remember:
As the parent of that child, YOU are in a position of authority, too.
These “family-tested” tips are adapted from advice for parents from Tennessee
Voices for Children, a parent support and advocacy organization:
1. You have a right to be treated with courtesy and respect. Everyone
responds better if they are treated respectfully. You, the parent, know the most
about your child. It’s not acceptable for you to be treated as less than an equal.
2. If you don’t know how the provider came to a conclusion, ask for
an explanation. A recommendation will always make more sense if you
see clearly what led to it. Continue to ask questions until you understand the
provider’s thinking. You may disagree with providers about their recommendations
for your child. Don’t be afraid to say so. Providers aren’t
perfect. Sometimes they are mistaken. You know your child in a way they can’t.
If you think what they’re suggesting won’t work for your child, say so. Based on
your input, providers may change their recommendations.
3. Explain your point of view in a calm, courteous way. Don’t attack the
provider just because you don’t agree. If you are calm rather than angry when
expressing your opinion, the provider will be much more likely to see you as a
partner who has a different point of view rather than as a “difficult parent.” It’s
okay to disagree, to express emotion, cry, or be angry, but if you are feeling out
of control, ask for a short break to gather yourself. You might also end early and
schedule another meeting.
4. If you need more time with the provider, say so. If your appointment
isn’t long enough to get all your questions answered, the provider should be
willing to schedule more time to meet with you. You are entitled to this. It may
mean having to set another meeting on another day, but you have a right to get
complete, clear information about your child.
34