Family Road Map Guide

Practicing Assertiveness
The way you speak, move, dress, and react can affect how you are treated by providers.
Assertiveness experts offer these tips on getting results at an appointment
or meeting:
Project the right image.
• Dress neatly.
• Greet people firmly. Make strong eye contact.
• Take time to organize records and paperwork.
• Sit or stand in an upright but relaxed way. Keep your body still and relaxed.
Fidgeting will make you seem uneasy or lacking in confidence.
• If you feel nervous, practice what you want to say ahead of time.
Speak with confidence.
• State clearly and calmly what you believe to be true (“I think that... I feel
that...”).
• Speak up in a strong tone of voice without asking for permission or making
apologies.
• Don’t try to attack, bully, blame, or shame the other person. Your goal is to
solve problems, not win arguments.
• Listen to the other person carefully. Show you are listening by wearing an
alert, attentive expression.
• Refer to the other person’s point of view when you give a different opinion (“I
understand that you feel...but I believe...”).
• When you honestly agree with the person, say so. A little stroking never hurts
(“Yes, that seems like a good idea.”).
• Don’t raise your voice. If you aren’t satisfied, say so politely but firmly. Make
suggestions. Ask for ideas.
Show you expect results.
• Before you leave the room, briefly sum up the discussion, describing what
each person has agreed to do.
• State decisions in terms of “we” and “us” (“So, as I understand it, we’ve
decided to...”). Remember, you are the other vote in the room.
• If you think the other person may not clearly understand or stick to the agreement,
send a note that sums up the decisions made in your meeting. Keep a
copy for your files. In case of a conflict, this letter becomes part of the record
to help you get results.
Learn More
The Mouse, the Monster and
Me: Assertiveness for Young
People by Pat Palmer Ed.D.,
author; Louise Hart, Ed.D.,
editor; Sue Rama (illustrator).
This is a delightful little
book that conveys ideas
about assertive behavior
to young children. It’s never
too early to start teaching
children to express themselves
calmly but firmly,
particularly when talking
about their own treatment
needs. A good resource for
the waiting room! Find it at
www.amazon.com.
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