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Out and About STYLE Magazine

Ordinary people living extraordinary lives.

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I recently heard a friend say, “People tell me ‘You are<br />

not Janet Jackson nor Halle Berry.’ Hearing this made<br />

me numb <strong>and</strong> as if my chances were really short <strong>and</strong> I<br />

should’ve started years ago.”<br />

As if there isn’t enough pressure questioning or<br />

suggesting about:<br />

• Getting into a relationship<br />

• Adoption<br />

• The purpose of womanhood being to reproduce<br />

• Having a fertility check<br />

And so on ...<br />

A woman’s world is not transparent for the outside<br />

society to see <strong>and</strong> sympathise. And when others view<br />

you through their expectations, it does a lot to shatter<br />

the confidence we have inside.<br />

In this article, let’s explore the realities of societal<br />

pressure <strong>and</strong> life choices.<br />

• A few may have experienced trauma <strong>and</strong> are<br />

struggling with its outcomes.<br />

IF WE WERE IN YOUR SHOES ...<br />

<br />

Whenever we encounter women in this situation,<br />

take a minute to pause <strong>and</strong> reflect on how you<br />

would feel if you were in her shoes. Following are a<br />

few questions that you should never ask a childless<br />

women over the age of 40:<br />

1. “Do you like children?”<br />

It sounds like a question from a first date or a<br />

dating app chat mate. Of course, they do like<br />

children! They simply have a personal circumstance<br />

why they don’t have one of their own. And what<br />

if they replied ‘no’? Should they be ridiculed<br />

or humiliated? Don’t they have a choice in this<br />

matter? Just like the rest of us, they do. And it<br />

is time society owns up to respecting people for<br />

their choices.<br />

THE ‘WHY’ - REASONS FOR BEING CHILDLESS<br />

AT THE AGE OF 40:<br />

2. “Has fostering or adopting a child ever crossed<br />

your mind?”<br />

• Some women don’t have partners.<br />

• Some cannot be pregnant due to medical<br />

conditions.<br />

• Many do not want to be pregnant without<br />

getting married.<br />

• Some do not want to have children, period.<br />

Adopting a child is always an option. However,<br />

have you thought that this question can offend<br />

someone who wants to have a biological child?<br />

The difference is just a few words for you, but<br />

could be a drop in honour for the woman.<br />

38

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