Happiful August 2019

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH 

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SELF-CARE 

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AUGUST 2019 £4.00 

WILD 

ABOUT 

GRACE 

Taboo-smashing & 

filter-free: this is 

Grace Victory 

PLUS! 

Aldo Kane 

Exploring 

mindfulness 

& living for 

now 

sensational 

summer 

ideas 

08 

YOU'VE 

GOT THIS 

Go with the flow. Period. 

The secret to making your menstrual cycle an easier ride 

9 772514 373000 

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SELF 

CARE 

FOR SUMMER 

Put wellbeing on your holiday packing list 

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Tune in to you 

We all do it: push ourselves to breaking point, trying 

to spin all the plates, hold all the hands, juggle all the 

metaphors. 

We plough on, feeling the strain, trying to stay strong 

and measure up against some indeterminate bar the 

world will hold us to. We see our value measured by 

how many boxes we’ve ticked off on the ‘life goals’ 

list, rather than by what the intricate calibrations 

our personalities add to the world, and connections, 

around us. 

But, the question remains, who are we working 

ourselves into the ground for? 

As we approach summer, we want you to soak up 

some of that vitamin D – and feel the self-acceptance 

in the air. It’s time for a breather – from the pressures 

we put ourselves under, the dreams that have to 

be achieved today, and the feelings of guilt and 

inadequacy that weigh heavy on our shoulders. 

Feel empowered this August, as you hear from our 

incredible cover star Grace Victory, who broke the 

wheel of her life in order to start a new cycle of 

healing. Discover the concept of ‘sisu’; you’ve almost 

certainly displayed it before, but is it healthy going 

forwards? And put things into perspective with 

insight from professional adventurer and ex-Royal 

Marine Aldo Kane. 

A quote from Albert Einstein really captures the spirit 

of this issue: “Strive not to be a success, but rather to 

be of value.” 

When we tune in to just how 

valuable we truly are, the 

external milestones, accolades, 

and applause can wait. It’s just 

white noise in the symphony of 

our multi-tonal glory. 

Listen. Your true self is calling, 

We love hearing from you, get in touch: 

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR 

happiful.com happifulhq @happifulhq @happiful_magazine

40 

The Uplift 

8 In the news 

13 The wellbeing wrap 

14 What is 'sisu'? 

Is this Finnish tradition the key to getting 

through hard times? 

83 Hospice Biographers 

The incredible charity ensuring life stories 

of people with terminal illnesses live on 

Features 

16 Grace Victory 

The 'internet’s big sister' opens up about 

healing from abuse, breaking taboos, and 

empowering others to live their best lives 

26 Put it in writing 

The story of how poetry became an outlet 

for one woman living with BPD 

44 Go with the flow 

Get to know your menstrual cycle and 

stop periods from cramping your style 

73 Anna Williamson 

Love, life lessons, and 'Loose Lips' with 

the 'Celebs Go Dating' mind coach 

73 

Life Stories 

36 Jenny: the long run 

Following the breakdown of her 

relationship, Jenny was fearful of what 

the future held until she found solace 

in reconnecting her body and mind 

52 Vikki: discovering who I am 

Every day was a struggle for Vikki 

after she developed chronic fatigue 

syndrome following a viral infection. But 

things started to look up when she took 

time to reassess what mattered to her 

Culture 

49 What's on in August 

57 Editor's picks 

From self-care to sliders, discover what our 

Editor's is loving this month 

66 Your summer reading list 

Nine page-turners to enjoy in the sunshine 

90 Quickfire: MH matters 

78 Suz: breaking free of guilt 

Intrusive thoughts plagued Suz's 

life for years, as her mental health 

spiralled out of control. It was when 

her self-esteem was at an all-time low 

that she finally found the strength to 

78 58 

reach out

32 

16 

Lifestyle and 

Relationships 

31 Summer lovin' 

Five ways to make the most of this summer 

32 Aldo Kane 

The explorer and broadcaster reflects on 

how he manages to find calm moments in 

an adrenaline-fuelled lifestyle 

70 Life after divorce 

With 42% of UK marriages ending in 

divorce, what is the emotional impact? 

86 One step at a time 

How walking saved the life of 

psychotherapist Jonathan Hoban 

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Food & Drink 

58 Up in your grill 

Refresh your BBQ with these delectable 

vegan recipes, perfect for summer 

60 Endometriosis explained 

It's the second most common 

gynaecological condition in the UK, but 

how does it relate to what we eat? 

Happiful Hacks 

24 Stop counting sheep 

40 Sew good for you 

50 Archive inbox anxiety 

76 Thrive through illness 

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EXPERT PANEL 

Meet the team of experts who 

have come together to deliver 

information, guidance, and insight 

throughout this issue 

SONAL SHAH 

BSc (Hons) 

Sonal is a nutritional 

therapist, health tutor, and 

director of Synergy Nutrition. 

ZEENAT NOORANI 

BA ANLP 

Zeenat is a life coach 

specialising in building 

resilience with clients. 

RACHEL COFFEY 

BA MA NLP Mstr 

Rachel is a life coach 

encouraging confidence 

and motivation. 

BEVERLEY HILLS 

MA MBACP 

Beverley is a psychotherapist, 

columnist, and lead partner 

at The Practice, London. 

GRAEME ORR 

MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind 

Graeme is a counsellor 

working with both 

individuals and couples. 

ROS KNOWLES 

NLP AfSFH CNHC 

Ros is a solutionfocused 

clinical 

hypnotherapist. 

LINDSAY GEORGE 

MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred) 

Lindsay is a counsellor, 

psychotherapist, and 

registered nurse. 

OUR TEAM 

EDITORIAL 

Rebecca Thair | Editor 

Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer 

Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant 

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor 

Beverley Hills | Expert Advisor 

Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director 

Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer 

Rosan Magar | Illustrator 

CONTRIBUTORS 

Lucy Donoughue, Kat Nicholls, 

Bonnie Evie Gifford, Becky Wright, 

Ros Knowles, Maxine Ali, Lydia Smith, 

Fiona Thomas, Ellen Hoggard, Sonal Shah, 

Lindsay George, Anna Gaunt, Gemma Calvert, 

Jenny Richardson, Vikki Cook, 

Suz Yasemin Selçuk 

SPECIAL THANKS 

Paul Buller, James Gardiner, Krishan Parmar, 

Lo Dias, Susan Hart, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, 

Georgina Batt, Zeenat Noorani, Libby Palmer, 

Sophie Lee, Simone Ayers, Lyzi Unwin, 

Claire Baker 

COMMUNICATIONS 

Lucy Donoughue 

Head of Content and Communications 

lucy.donoughue@happiful.com 

LIBBY PALMER 

Dip MISRM MCNHC 

Libby is a remedial and 

sports massage therapist 

based in London. 

SUSAN HART 

MFHT MENT 

Susan is a nutrition 

coach, food writer, 

and vegan chef. 

Amie Sparrow 

PR Manager 

amie.sparrow@happiful.com 

MANAGEMENT 

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

Emma White | Director & Co-Founder 

Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

Steve White | Finance Director 

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FIND HELP 

CRISIS SUPPORT 

If you are in crisis and are concerned for your 

own safety, call 999, or go to A&E 

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email 

them on jo@samaritans.org 

Head to 

happiful.com 

for more services 

and support 

GENERAL LISTENING LINES 

SANEline 

SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm: 

0300 304 7000 

Mind 

Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank 

holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk 

CALM 

The Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) is a line 

for men, and is open from 5pm–midnight: 0800 58 58 58 

Switchboard 

Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 

0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt 

IN THIS ISSUE 

p16 

FIND A COUNSELLOR NEAR YOU 

Help is out there. Search your postcode and browse counsellors 

in your area at counselling-directory.org.uk 

p26 

INFORMATION AND SUPPORT FOR BPD 

For those living with BPD, as well as their family and friends, 

bpdworld.org offers information, advice, and an active and 

supportive community forum. 

p78 

OCD ADVICE AND COMMUNITY SUPPORT 

A charity that's run for and by people with OCD, OCD UK offers 

a huge library of information on their website ocduk.org, and 

a support line you can call on 03332 127 890 

p83 

NATIONAL BEREAVEMENT HELPLINE 

Offering support and advice, you can call Cruse Bereavement Care's 

helpline on 0808 808 1677 if you're in England, Wales, and Northern 

Ireland, or for Scotland call 0845 600 2227 

p86 

DISCOVER WALKS IN YOUR AREA 

Get advice on how to find free walking paths, uncover routes 

near you, and join walking groups at ramblers.org.uk

The Uplift 

SELF-EXPRESSION 

Photo series 

explores mental 

health, makeup, 

and masculinity 

In an empowering look at the topic 

of masculinity and mental health, 

model and activist Hélène Selam 

Kleih has collaborated with makeup 

artist Athena Paginton to create the 

anthology HIM + HIS. 

Designed with the aim of sparking 

conversation about men’s mental 

health, the book shares stunning 

imagery of male contributors 

decorated with makeup and 

face paint. A vital component 

of the series, each contributor 

collaborated with Athena on a look 

that reflected their personality and 

the mantras they live by. 

Considering the power of the 

portraits, Hélène explains that 

she wanted to create a project 

that showcased men being 

unapologetically themselves, which 

in turn she hopes will help erode 

the mental health stigma that can 

hold them back. 

“I want readers to hold HIM + HIS 

as a journal of hope,” she explains. 

“A platform to speak honestly, 

however dark – a means to continue 

a discussion in a meaningful, albeit 

light-hearted, way. HIM + HIS is not 

about taste, but about expression.” 

Find out more, and order copies of 

HIM + HIS, from himandhis.net 

Writing | Kat Nicholls 

Makeup | Athena Pagington, Photography | Piczo 

8 • happiful.com • August 2019

ARTS 

New research reveals creativity 

helps with three key areas 

Even a little creative indulgence can significantly improve 

our sense of wellbeing 

Great news for budding creatives, 

recent research commissioned by 

BBC Arts has revealed that even 

a short length of time spent on 

creative activities – like singing, 

crafting, or sketching – can 

have a significant impact on our 

wellbeing. 

The online survey of nearly 

50,000 people across the UK 

revealed that creative activities 

can help us manage our stress 

levels, face new challenges, and 

explore new solutions to everyday 

problems. 

Produced in partnership with 

University College London, the 

Great British Creativity Test 

asked participants which creative 

activities they enjoy taking part 

in regularly. Researchers then 

identified three key ways that 

we use creativity: first as a way 

to distract ourselves from stress; 

second to help us contemplate as 

we reassess problems and make 

plans; and third as a tool for selfdevelopment. 

No matter what your level of 

skill, trying new creative activities 

can positively impact how you’re 

feeling. So if you’ve been thinking 

about going along to an evening 

class, or giving a new hobby a try, 

this is your sign to go for it! 

Take the creativity test yourself 

by heading to nquire.org.uk and 

searching for ‘The Feel Good Test’. 

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford 

LGBT+ 

‘Transgender’ 

no longer 

classed as a 

mental health 

disorder 

In one giant step forward for 

equality, the World Health 

Organisation (WHO) will no longer 

class transgender health issues as 

a mental health disorder. In their 

global manual of diagnoses, issues 

related to gender will now be placed 

within a chapter on sexual health. 

Considered an outdated diagnosis 

by many, reproductive health expert 

at WHO, Dr Lale Say, explains: “It 

was taken out from mental health 

disorders because we had a better 

understanding that this was not 

actually a mental health condition, 

and leaving it there was causing 

stigma.” 

Graeme Reid, LBGT+ rights 

director at campaign group Human 

Rights Watch, has spoken out about 

the changes, saying they will have 

a “liberating effect on transgender 

people worldwide”. 

In a joint statement, nine 

organisations working on gender 

identity declared that while the 

move to the sexual health chapter 

was by no means perfect, they 

remained optimistic for the future. 

“Today, we know that full 

depathologisation can be achieved, 

and will be achieved in our 

lifetime.” 

Here’s hoping future strides are 

quick and plentiful for the LGBT+ 

community. 


August 2019 • happiful.com • 9

Reading gives us someplace 

to go when we have to 

stay where we are 

– MASON COOLEY

COMMUNITY 

Library lends 

‘bags of wellness’ 

to support 

community 

mental health 

Recognising the unique power that 

libraries have in their communities, 

North Yorkshire County Council has 

begun offering ‘bags of wellness’ to 

locals in a bid to boost mental health 

across the district. 

The bags – which service users can 

borrow using their library cards – 

include self-help and colouring books, 

recipes, puzzles, and a relaxation CD, 

along with information and advice. 

The scheme came about following a 

Dragon’s Den-inspired exercise where 

staff had the chance to pitch ideas to 

improve the service, the hope being 

that the bags will make simple wellness 

activities accessible for everyone. 

“Libraries play an important part in 

wellbeing, and form the hub of many 

communities in North Yorkshire,” county 

councillor Greg White tells Happiful. 

“There are very few places that can offer 

people of all ages a place to explore an 

interest in books, take up a new hobby, 

discover new information, and meet 

like-minded people. Regardless of age, 

background or income, libraries have 

something to offer everyone.” 

With studies showing that mindfulness 

exercises increase activity in the area 

of the brain associated with positive 

emotion, this fantastic initiative puts 

North Yorkshire County Council straight 

in our good books! 

Find out more at northyorks.gov.uk 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler 


Take 5 

Is there anything quite as satisfying as cracking a puzzle? We don’t think so. This month, 

experience the mood-boost for yourself with these two confounding challenges 

Diagonal suduko 

Like a normal suduko, but with a 

transversal twist. Fill the empty boxes so 

that the numbers one to nine appear once 

in each row, column, diagonal, and box. 

1 

9 1 6 

5 4 

2 9 1 

How did you do? 

Search 'freebies' at 

shop.happiful.com 

to find the answers, 

and more! 

3 9 6 7 

9 4 

2 1 8 7 

3 6 

6 5 8 7 1 

Movie emoji-nary 

Use the emoji clues to work out the title of these famous films. 

️️ 

️️ ️ ️

Going up 

Champagne 

& chips 

apparently it's the 

perfect pairing 

T'ai Chi 

is helping anxious 

kids find calm 

around exams 

Periscope 

glasses: 

great for gigs, or a 

glaring mistake? 

The 

wellbeing 

wrap 

An 'ace' campaign 

Amateur tennis player 

Robyn Moore spent June 

hitting 200,000 tennis balls 

to raise awareness of 

the mental health 

benefits of sport. 

The Breakpoint 2019 

challenge was lauched 

with former British #1 

Tim Henman. That's one 

love to mental health. 

Force Blue is an 

organisation recruiting 

veterans in Florida 

for diving missions to 

help local coral reefs. 

Scuba diving can 

be therapeutic for 

those with PTSD and 

depression, so one 

thing springs to mind: 

just keep swimming! 

BOTTOM'S UP 

Itchy eyes, runny nose – the dreaded hay fever 

season may be in full swing, but soothing those 

sore eyes could come in the form of tickling 

those tastebuds. Asthma UK have noted that 

while drinking alcohol such as wines and beer 

can make symptoms worse, gin has a relatively 

low histamine content, so could be your perfect 

alternative to unwind! G&Ts all round. 

100% my type on paper 

New research has found that we do indeed have 'types' 

when it comes to relationships. This isn't about looks 

though, it's the personalities that have similar traits, and 

while we might look for something different in a partner 

post-breakup, our understanding of how to work with 

that type of personality could be a reason we keep going 

back – we've already developed strategies for connecting. 

#SaveTheOcean 

In an innovative move to 

protect our planet, Ocean 

Mimic have created swimsuits 

from recycled plastic, and for 

every $10 spent on a product, 

they collect 1kg of trash 

from oceans and 

beaches! 

A test of 

honesty 

In a study 

spanning 

40 countries, 

researchers put the 

public's honesty to the 

test by dropping 17,000 wallets with 

varying amounts of money in, and 

seeing how many were reported. In a 

surprising turn, the more money there 

was inside the wallet, the more likely 

people were to return it! 

THE GREATEST SHOW 

Roll up, roll up! The circus has 

come to town, but it's like nothing 

you've seen before. To make a stand 

against the mistreatment of animals 

in the industry, Circus Roncalli 

in Germany has started using 

holograms instead of live creatures, 

which fill the entire arena. The 

special effects spectactular set the 

founder back more than £400,000, 

but has lit up social media, and is 

going down a storm with audiences. 

The futuristic development is a win 

in the fight against animal cruelty – 

something to definitely cheer for. 

Emojis | emojipedia.org 

Plastic bags 

Boots are ditching 

them in favour of 

paper ones 

Vape break 

San Francisco has 

banned them until 

FDA approval 

Going down 

TWEET ALL ABOUT IT! 

THE TOP 10 EMOJIS 

FOR TV REACTIONS 

HAVE BEEN REVEALED, 

AND IT SEEMS WE'RE 

LOVING WHAT'S ON 

RIGHT NOW. IN AT 

NUMBER ONE IS , 

FOLLOWED BY , 

AND THEN . BUT 

PERSONALLY, 

WE'RE PARTIAL TO 

NUMBER EIGHT 

IT'S BBQ (BLUNDERS) SEASON 

Delivery service Just Eat have launched a 'BBQ Rescue Service', 

in the build-up to a summer where Brits are predicted to ruin 58 

million BBQs. Their research discovered that 66% of us have had 

either over or undercooked food at a BBQ, and 75% admitted to 

eating before going to a BBQ for fear of the food on offer! 

“ 

66% of us have had overcooked BBQ food 

It seems part of the problem is hosts struggling to meet the dietary 

needs of friends and family, with 16% of vegetarians noting 

they only have one option (a bun and a salad), while 10% of 

vegans get nothing at all. If you don't want to rely on a backup 

takeaway this summer, check out our vegan recipes to 

make your BBQ a success on p58 – now we're cooking!

‘Sisu isn’t about climbing the whole 

mountain, it’s just about finding the 

strength to take the first step’ 

Exploring 

Sisu 

Never give up, keep fighting, always do the best 

you can. If you’ve ever had to dig deep and find a 

strength you never knew you had, you’re already 

embracing sisu 

Writing | Becky Wright 

Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

It’s a term that dates back hundreds of years in Finnish 

culture. But, like many Scandinavian words, sisu 

doesn’t have a direct translation in English – which 

means it’s quite problematic for me to try to explain. 

But it’s a trait you’ve undoubtedly experienced before at 

some point in your life... 

14 • happiful.com • June 2019

To help, we can look to 

the origins of the word 

for a little more clarity. 

‘Sisus’ literally means 

‘internal’, which is why it is 

sometimes translated to ‘guts’ 

or ‘inner strength’, and is often 

used synonymously with grit, 

determination, and resilience. 

But, perhaps better than these 

clumsy attempts at translation, 

there’s a popular song lyric that 

I think sums up sisu perfectly: 

‘When the going gets tough, the 

tough get going’ – thank you, 

Billy Ocean. Basically, when life 

becomes difficult, your inner 

strength comes out to meet the 

challenge. 

WHAT IS SISU? 

The Finns believe that everyone 

has a certain amount of sisu within 

them; it just may sometimes lie 

dormant or be blocked by fears or 

uncertainty. Of course, we all face 

times or situations that are more 

difficult than others. But sisu is 

about facing a challenge head-on, 

despite any doubt or insecurity you 

may be feeling. 

In Scandinavian culture, sisu 

is viewed positively as the art of 

courage – in fact, for many, it’s 

a part of being Finnish. And it’s 

not only Finland that embraces 

a gritty element to their national 

character; the Japanese have their 

own version, ganbaru, which 

means to slog on tenaciously 

through rough times. And, if we 

look a little closer to home, there’s 

the concept of the British stiff 

upper lip. 

But, is it just me, or do these 

concepts feel a little reminiscent of 

wartime resilience? Should we still 

strive for this level of resilience in 

the world we live in today? 

In search of an answer, I spoke 

to Zeenat Noorani, a resilience 

and wellbeing coach. 

“I believe that having balanced 

elements of perseverance, grit, 

and resilience allows us to 

achieve desired outcomes when 

facing adversity, without costing 

our mental health. The key to 

resilience, in order to achieve 

success, is having a positive and 

healthy balance in mindset, 

empathy, and compassion.” 

Perhaps, then, it’s the element 

of compassion where modernday 

resilience comes into its own. 

THE IMPORTANCE OF 

SELF-COMPASSION 

Finnish mountaineer Veikka 

Gustafsson once said: “The 

biggest obstacles are between 

our ears; what we tell ourselves.” 

It’s often true that the biggest 

challenges we face are the ones 

in our own minds, which is why 

combining compassion alongside 

sisu is incredibly important. 

Sisu isn’t about ignoring or 

suppressing emotional pain, 

and it’s certainly not about 

continually pushing yourself to 

the ends of your capabilities, 

day in, day out. It’s about 

acknowledging difficulties 

(whether they are coming from 

within your own mind or are 

imposed from the world around 

you) and doing what is needed to 

rise above them. 

“It is our own thoughts, feelings, 

and behaviours which will, 

or will not, enable us to reach 

desired goals. We each need to 

consider our own limitations 

and capabilities, and reflect 

on whether these bring us the 

results we truly want,” says 

Zeenat. 

HOW CAN WE EMBRACE 

OUR SENSE OF SISU? 

The tricky part about mental 

strength, grit, resilience, sisu 

– or whatever you want to call 

it – is that we know little about 

how to build it. Although we can 

all recognise what these traits 

represent, the meanings and 

behaviours that accompany them 

can be personal to each of us. 

Zeenat explains: “I assist my 

clients to foster their skills in 

resilience and grit through 

evaluating their own behavioural 

patterns, and exploring their 

strengths and weakness. By 

acknowledging their strengths and 

weakness, clients can implement 

resilience by breaking negative 

patterns, and replacing these with 

positive thought patterns.” 

So, whenever you’re going 

through a tough time, take a 

moment to show yourself some 

kindness. Recall moments in 

your life when you embraced 

your inner strength. Overcome 

that critical inner voice by 

remembering past times when you 

exceeded your own expectations 

in order to get through. 

It’s not all about what you can do 

yourself, or training your internal 

thoughts, though. One important 

factor in embracing sisu is that 

it requires an action-oriented 

mindset. Particularly when you’re 

struggling, one of the best ways to 

access support is to reach out to 

others. Having the courage to ask 

for help is perhaps one of the best 

indicators of strength. 

Whatever struggle you’re facing, 

in whatever aspect of your life, you 

can embrace sisu. It isn’t about 

climbing the whole mountain, it’s 

just about finding the strength to 

take the first step.

A M A Z I N G 

Grace 

A refreshing burst of energy, enthusiasm 

and authenticity, Grace Victory has 

gone from ‘the internet’s big sister’, to 

a woman who is not only stepping into 

her own power, but is emphatically 

encouraging everyone to do the same. 

Her honest and genuine nature has 

helped start many crucial conversations, 

and empowered others to open up, seek 

help, and know that they’re not alone. 

Now, after starting a new chapter in 

her own life, Grace tells Happiful about 

changing course, the role therapy plays 

in her life, and finding ‘the one’ 

Interview | Lucy Donoughue 

Photography | Paul Buller 

“ Unexpected” is Grace Victory’s 

response when I ask her to describe 

2019 to date. She’s cradling a cup 

of tea in her hands, as we’re both 

cosied up on the sofa in the corner 

of the photography studio, while the unseasonal 

summer rain pounds down outside. 

This scenario immediately feels like a chat 

with a friend rather than a formal interview – 

and that’s a very good thing. 

Grace’s ability to be instantly at ease 

with other people, and to talk openly and 

authentically about her life experiences, is a 

talent that has contributed to her incredible 

success and popularity. >>>

18 • happiful.com • June 2019

Top | ASOS, Jacket | Pretty Little Thing 

Blazer and Jumpsuit | Monsoon, Shoes | Aldo, Earrings | Freedom @ Topshop 

She’s been an online presence 

since 2011, gaining the title of ‘the 

internet’s big sister’ due to her 

honest, relatable, and authentic 

approach. 

Over the past eight years, 

Grace has amassed a loyal and 

global following for her work. 

She’s a TedX speaker, the author 

of No Filter, presenter of the 

highly acclaimed BBC Three 

programme Clean Eating’s 

Dirty Secrets, and she’s created 

a plethora of content across all 

her channels; covering topics 

from plus-size fashion and 

beauty, to sex, trauma, therapy, 

relationships, periods, and 

spirituality. She is a woman of 

great style, and great substance. 

“I knew that things 

had to change, but I 

don’t think anything 

prepares you for the 

change that therapy, 

self-development, 

and self-awareness is 

going to bring you” 

This year, however, and its 

“unexpected” nature, came after 

2018 saw Grace questioning her 

life direction and choices. 

“Last year was the beginning 

of my world literally turning 

upside down,” Grace explains. “I 

describe my life like a map – there 

are roads, train journeys... it has 

all kinds of stuff. And I took a 

hammer to the whole map.” 

Grace left the relationship she was 

in, stopped producing some of her 

content – specifically on YouTube – 

and began working with a therapist 

again. 

“I knew that I needed to heal 

deeply. I knew that things had to 

change, but I don’t think anything 

prepares you for the change that 

therapy, self-development, and selfawareness 

is going to bring you.” 

Working through traumatic 

experiences Grace had as a child was 

part of that self-development, and 

she’s candid about the impact the 

therapeutic work had on her, as well 

as its importance in her healing. 

“It was f**king hard! I think if 

you’ve experienced trauma of any 

kind, but specifically continuous 

childhood trauma, you develop 

really false perceptions of what the 

world is like. As a kid, I had to learn 

how to manipulate situations so 

that I could keep myself safe. If you 

haven’t gone to therapy before, you 

don’t know how to unlearn that.” 

Grace worked with a male 

therapist because, she says, “how 

can I learn to trust men if I’ve never 

had a male therapist?”, and as well 

as addressing the past, Grace had 

the realisation that she needed to 

explore her adult relationships 

too, acknowledging her challenges 

around vulnerability and intimacy. 

“I remember having this light bulb 

moment,” she shares. “I realised 

that with sex, I used to always 

perform. It was never really like 

true, like authentic. And I pride 

myself on being authentic.” 

After a month of therapy, the first 

unexpected life-shift happened. 

Grace met Lee, the man she now 

describes as being her “soulmate” – 

although the first time they spoke, 

she was left in tears… >>> 


EXCITING NEWS! 

We’re delighted to announce that 

Grace Victory is Happiful’s new – 

and first ever – columnist. Be sure 

to check out our September issue 

for Grace’s first column with us – 

available from 15 August. 

“I think more 

women should 

believe that they 

deserve to be 

happy and ascend 

in their power” 

“I met this guy on Bumble,” she 

smiles broadly. “I literally knew 

within a second that he was ‘the 

one’.” 

Lee and Grace took the 

conversation from online, to 

phoneline and: “After we had our 

first conversation, I panicked. I 

cried. I actually cried! I was like: 

‘I’ve just met my soulmate, the 

other half of me. And now I’m 

sh*tting it!’ 

“I’d made all these plans to 

work on myself, and be single to 

work on myself, which I’m still 

doing, but the universe works 

in wonderful ways and it was 

obviously time that we met.” 

Earlier this year, Grace left south 

London and moved in with Lee, 

in north-west London, where, she 

says, the energy feels positively 

different, and there is a massive 

sense of community – something 

that pleases her, as a self-professed 

homebody. 

Moving in with Lee has also 

signalled a different type of 

‘homecoming’, and Grace is 

reflective about their new 

beginning together. “I feel like I’ve 

worked so hard to have this life, 

and it’s slowly forming in front of 

me. This is what I always wanted as 

a kid.” 

In true Grace style, she’s keen 

to point out that there have been 

learnings along the way. “I believe 

in astrology and I’m a Virgo, so I’m 

very organised and a clean freak 

– I like things in their places,” she 

laughs. “Whereas Lee is a Pisces 

– the complete opposite – just 

spread out and doesn’t realise how 

much work it takes to have a nice, 

clean, tidy home. So it’s been a 

journey and we’re learning how to 

compromise, and to show up for 

each other, but also for ourselves.” 

Despite their differences around 

domestic issues, Grace is clearly 

deeply in love, and watching the 

two of them chat on her recent 

YouTube post, it’s obvious that the 

feeling is mutual. 

The fact that Lee had started 

therapy prior to their meeting 

is an important factor in their 

relationship, according to Grace. “I 

think it’s really weird that Lee had 

just had his first session of therapy 

before meeting me! I always said 

I couldn’t date a man who’s not in 

therapy. I think it’s because I’m so 

self-aware and healing, and I need 

a man who’s doing the same.” 

She’s deeply respectful of Lee and 

his experiences of counselling. 

“I’m really proud of him for going 

to therapy; I think mental health 

for men is such a minefield – 

it’s even more taboo than it is 

for women, especially being a 

black man. In the Jamaican and 

Caribbean culture, it’s so taboo 

and under the radar.” 

Lee’s transparency around 

mental health support has had 

a ripple effect, too, opening up 

the possibility of counselling to 

members of his family, friends, 

and colleagues within the music 

profession. “Talking about mental 

health, especially for black men in 

that industry, it’s just incredible,” 

Grace enthuses. “I’m so proud of 

him. I just love him – he’s the most 

incredible man I have ever met. 

He’s just like this beam of light.” 

Grace has an amazingly positive 

energy. She says what she feels – 

and she says it with gusto. She’s 

passionate about mental health 

and wellness, and is committed 


Playsuit | New Look, Shoes | Kurt Geiger 

to spreading the word about the 

power of therapy, and promoting 

the type of self-belief she 

demonstrated when she changed 

her own life-direction last year. 

And for cynics who might feel that 

self-belief is easier for someone 

who has the success Grace has 

now? They would do well to look 

at her journey to the place she is in 

today. “It’s a privilege for some not 

to have self-belief,” Grace asserts. 

“I think that if you go around 

life and you get things handed to 

you, you’re obviously not going to 

believe anything bigger than that, 

because it’s just normal to you. 

“Whereas me, I had to believe 

that I was going to get out of my 

family situation, the home town I 

grew up in, I had to believe that, 

otherwise life would have been 

really f**king sh*t. So, I have great 

self-belief because I think it can get 

you places nothing else can. 

“I haven’t gone to university,” 

Grace continues. “I wasn’t 

particularly academic. I just lead 

a really incredible life because I 

believe that I deserve it. I think 

more women should believe that 

they deserve to be happy and 

ascend in their power.” 

Embracing her own power, and 

championing others, is important 

to Grace. She has started a new 

must-listen podcast, ‘The Sister 

Space’, with good friend Simone 

Powderly, to address everything 

from surving childhood sexual 

abuse and learning to be without 

trauma, to changing careers, 

sex positivity, spirituality, and 

body love. It’s full of honest talk, 

emotional vulnerability, and 

women supporting, and proudly 

celebrating, other women. >>>

Dress | ASOS

In addition to her podcast, Grace 

is now training to become a trauma 

therapist. She is constantly curious 

about the world around her, both 

the physical and spiritual, and talks 

enthusiastically about discovering 

astrology, crystal healing, and 

using the gift of intuition. Power, 

for her, is knowledge of her own 

mind, body and soul, as well as the 

greater universe. “I’m a sponge,” 

she says, explaining her love and 

need to continually learn. 

Grace lists the books and theories 

that have helped her, alongside 

therapy, crediting The Secret by 

Rhonda Byrne, for focusing her 

thoughts on the spiritual laws 

of life, manifestations, and the 

vibrations within the universe – 

love being the highest, and shame 

being the lowest. The way we 

speak to ourselves, she says, has 

the power to raise our own loving 

vibrations and generally improve 

our health. 

However, A Return to Love by 

Marianne Williamson, was the 

book that changed her life and 

relationship with her inner self. 

“It sparked everything, and I 

started learning more and more. 

I recognised the internal change 

that was happening for me, which 

lead to thinking about what we 

put in our bodies – not necessarily 

food, but what we read, what we 

say about ourselves, the products 

that we use – and the big one for 

me was contraception. 

“So, I came off the pill and my 

womb went into meltdown. I 

bled every day for about a year, 

and was getting thrush every 

month. I was in therapy and 

talking about sexual trauma, 

and I wondered whether there 

was a link between women, 

wombs, and pain? I started to do 

some research and came across 

information about manifesting, 

and how your womb is your 

second heart; it has its own beat 

and it’s silenced by false periods 

and contraception. 

“The GP had no idea what 

was happening, so I just kept 

on researching, used essential 

oils, massage, meditation and 

breathwork. I was Googling 

‘womb meditation’ and ‘how to 

heal your womb naturally’, and 

from the outside I must have 

looked crazy – but it worked.” 

“You don’t have 

to be unhappy, 

you don’t have to 

live an ‘alright’ 

life, you can lead 

a wonderful life if 

you believe that 

you are worthy 

of it” 

Grace was relieved to find that her 

periods returned to normal, the 

thrush disappeared, and she felt 

more grounded. “It was all because I 

was looking inside of myself. It was 

about being curious and knowing 

that we are powerful beings. That’s 

why I think I’ve healed so much; I 

wasn’t just thinking about my mind 

or my body, I was thinking about 

my soul.” 

Grace wants to share all that 

she has witnessed and learned 

about being well and working on 

ourselves, with her audiences. “I 

know that people who follow me, 

in terms of maybe class or race, 

don’t always have access to this 

language, this mental health and 

wellness education. 

“The wellness industry can be 

quite privileged and whitewashed – 

and its really sacred. The wellness 

industry, their beliefs are coming 

from African and Greek mythology, 

so I want to talk to my people 

in the language that I, and they 

understand. 

“It seems to be what I’m meant to 

do, to make healing accessible, and 

to let people know that you don’t 

have to be unhappy, you don’t have 

to live an ‘alright’ life, you can lead 

a wonderful life if you believe that 

you are worthy of it.” 

“I want to tell them that 

everything you need to do that 

is inside of you,” Grace smiles. 

“It’s just about remembering how 

powerful you are without anything 

else – just you.” 

Follow Grace on Instagram 

@gracefvictory, and read more from 

her at graciefrancesca.com. The 

‘Sister Space’ podcast is available 

now, and you can listen to Grace 

on Happiful’s podcast ‘I am. I have’ 

from 22 July. 

Styling | Krishan Parmar 

Hair and Makeup | Lo Dias using 

Morphe, NARS, and YSL 


How to get a 

good night’s sleep 

Anxiety, stress, noise, or even your phone or computer, could be coming 

between you and eight hours of delightful rest. So here are some simple 

steps that will get you blissfully back to the land of dreams 

Writing | Ros Knowles Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

We all know we 

feel great after 

a good night’s 

sleep – we wake 

feeling refreshed 

and ready for the day! However, 

it is not always easy to achieve, 

and many people suffer from 

insomnia. 

There can be various reasons for 

this, such as noise, disturbance, 

or pain. But the usual cause 

is often anxiety or stress. As a 

hypnotherapist, I regularly work 

with people to reduce their anxiety, 

in order for them to feel calm, and 

to sleep well again. 

If we are suffering from anxiety, 

this will typically make us wake 

in the night feeling miserable, 

and leave us unable to get back to 

sleep, often with negative thoughts 

constantly going around our head 

in a loop. 

While we’re asleep, our brain has 

periods of rapid eye movement 

(REM) sleep, when our brain 

processes thoughts, emotions, and 

experiences, moving them from 

the subconscious to the conscious 

part of our mind, so we can come 

up with solutions to problems. So, 

‘sleep on it’ is great advice!

The brain and the body are 

very busy while we rest – they 

restore and rebuild cells, 

and fight off infections. The 

brain cleans itself, removing 

the debris of the day. Sleep 

also provides the brain with 

time to embed memories, 

so reinforcing what we are 

learning. 

REM sleep is also a time when 

we can replay and process 

stressful events in a peaceful 

environment, and these can 

appear to us as dreams. 

So it comes as no surprise 

that a good night’s sleep can do 

wonders. Here are five top tips 

to help you get that essential 

peaceful night: 

1 TAKE BREAKS FROM 

WORK DURING THE DAY 

Have breaks away from 

your desk to help you 

reduce anxiety. It is 

tempting to keep going, 

but you need to ease off 

the pressure, relax, think 

about something else, and 

let your brain process your 

thoughts – frequent breaks 

are good for you, and help 

you to find solutions and ideas. 

Decide to forget about work in 

the evening. Choose a cut-off 

time when you stop looking 

at emails and messages, and 

focus on relaxing instead. You 

deserve time to rest! 

2 PLAN YOUR BEDTIME 

Allow time for enough sleep. 

It’s easy to be tempted to stay 

up late, but give yourself a 

reasonable chance to get eight 

hours of rest. 

Since the advent of electricity, 

we no longer set our daily 

routines to our natural 

circadian rhythm, where we 

would sleep when the sun went 

down, and rise when it came 

back up again. 

In the past, people would have 

had segmented sleep, a pattern 

of four hours sleep, two hours 

awake, and then another four 

hours sleep before morning. 

3 TURN OFF ALL SCREENS 

AT LEAST AN HOUR BEFORE 

BEDTIME 

The blue light from devices 

can suppress the production of 

the sleep-inducing hormone 

melatonin. This hormone 

makes us feel naturally 

drowsy, so we need it to work 

for us, and take us into sleep. 

If you have a bedside clock 

with an LED display, it might 

be a good idea to change it to a 

more conventional one, as the 

light could interfere with your 

sleep. Remove devices with 

screens from the bedroom to 

avoid temptation! If you read 

before you go to sleep, choose 

a ‘real’ book where you can. 

4 KEEP YOUR BEDROOM A 

PEACEFUL PLACE 

The bedroom should be 

designed for relaxation and 

rest, so remove anything that is 

not necessary, such as laundry 

or anything work-related. 

Keep the lighting soft, choose 

curtains or blinds that keep the 

light out, and make sure the 

room is dark when you go to 

sleep. Decorate it with restful 

colours, with beautiful artwork, 

objects, and accessories, to 

make it a room you enjoy, that 

feels like a sanctuary. 

Many people find the smell of 

lavender helps them relax; try a 

few drops of lavender essential 

oil on your pillow. 

5 FOCUS ON THE 

POSITIVES 

If you suffer from anxiety, 

remember to focus on 

what has been good during 

the day, rather than any 

problems. It is too easy to 

dwell on what went wrong. 

Remember the things that 

were good, that made you 

happy, however small or 

big. This is a good habit to 

acquire, as we often don’t 

notice the nice things. Get 

used to enjoying the happy 

moments! 

Just before you go to sleep, 

think of at least three good 

things that happened that day 

– you may think of more. 

Sleep well! 

Ros Knowles is a clinical 

hypnotherapist practising 

solution-focused hypnotherapy, 

helping people to make positive 

changes in their lives. Visit 

dovehousehypnotherapy.com

Writing for 

change 

Diagnosed with borderline personality disorder in her early 20s, Rosie felt ashamed, isolated 

and confused. The stigma of BPD has silenced people for years – but she’s had enough. 

Through her poetry, Rosie is leading the way for change, and showing that everyone 

deserves love, support, and most importantly, a voice 

Writing | Maxine Ali 

Mental illness can 

often feel like a 

silent struggle. 

Finding and 

sharing the right 

words to capture 

the confusion and emotion of life 

with a mental health condition 

is no mean feat. It is especially 

challenging because these feelings 

are not always visible to the 

outside world. 

Even with various efforts being 

made to end the stigma, silence 

remains an experience for many 

when it comes to discussing our 

own mental health. 

For Rosie, silence was a defining 

part of her early experiences as 

she navigated life with a mental 

illness. “In the beginning, I felt like 

I had no one to talk to,” she says. “I 

felt extremely ashamed, isolated 

and confused.” 

Rosie was diagnosed with 

borderline personality disorder 

(BPD) when she was 23. “For years, 

I carried my BPD around like a 

dirty little secret,” she recalls. “Any 

attempt I made to say the words 

‘borderline personality disorder’ 

made me want to vomit.” 

BPD, sometimes called 

emotionally unstable personality 

disorder, is characterised by 

affective dysregulation, disturbed 

patterns of thinking or perception, 

and impulsive behaviour. 

These characteristics are believed 

to emerge as adaptive, defensive 

strategies from the chronic 

trauma, interpersonal violence, 

or emotionally-unprotective 

environments often experienced by 

people with BPD. 

Chartered psychologist Kimberley 

Wilson says: “People with a 

diagnosis of BPD can often feel 

under siege by their own thoughts 

and emotions, and become 

sensitive towards any hint of 

rejection from those around them.” 

Rosie adds: “I would describe 

a BPD episode as a moment 

of emotional agony. In those 

moments, I am deafened by 

my thoughts and drowning in 

emotions.” 

Unfortunately, BPD is a condition 

layered with myths, stereotypes 

and misrepresentations. Many 

people with BPD recall being 

dismissed as ‘over-dramatic’ and 

‘attention-seekers’, feeling coerced 

into silence and secrecy for their 

own self-preservation. 

The sanctions of silence 

surrounding BPD were 

immediately apparent to Rosie. 

“The psychiatrist who diagnosed 

me told me it would be better if 

she didn’t record my diagnosis 

in my medical notes,” she says. 

“Essentially, she was telling me to 

hide my BPD.” 

Individuals with BPD tend to be 

treated with less compassion than 

those with other mental health 


concerns. Misunderstandings 

about the term ‘personality 

disorder’ drive a lot of aggression 

toward someone living with BPD, 

due to the belief that it is the 

person’s own identity that is to 

blame for their condition. 

People with BPD are sometimes 

cast as ‘difficult patients’, and 

become the target of frustration 

from under-resourced and 

overstretched clinical teams. This 

rejection and hostility can intensify 

the punishing effects of BPD by 

confirming the worst fears of the 

person living with the condition. 

Rosie set out to show that people 

with BPD are caring, kind and 

loving. She wanted to demonstrate 

I would describe 

a BPD episode 

as a moment of 

emotional agony. 

In those moments, 

I am deafened by 

my thoughts and 

drowning in emotions 

that a diagnosis doesn’t have to lead 

to a life of shame, guilt and silence. 

Rosie began to chronicle her 

experience through poetry, and 

started her now award-winning 

blog, ‘Talking About BPD’. These 

outlets were a way for her to talk 

about her life when she felt there 

was no other way to communicate 

honestly. 

“Writing is a tool which helps me 

bear these strong emotions,” she 

says. “It creates a space between 

myself and my thoughts. In these 

spaces, I can choose how to act, 

rather than reacting on impulse 

out of fear and anxiety.” 

Commanding the language of 

one’s own mental health can help 

create a sense of autonomy and 

personhood, a potent tonic for 

any experience that leaves you 

feeling invalidated and out of 

control. >>> 


As Kimberley Wilson says: “I think 

it’s always helpful for patients to 

have some agency over how they 

and their condition are described. 

Receiving any health diagnosis can 

be a dehumanising experience; 

your personality and personhood 

can disappear under the weight 

of the label, and this can be felt 

even more acutely when your 

personality is diagnosed as ‘the 

problem’.” 

Poetry provided a channel for 

Rosie to write about the things that 

hurt the most, and turn them into 

an ‘object’. 

“It’s hard to convey the intensity 

of the highs and lows I feel,” she 

says. “But poetry gives me a way of 

communicating these extremes. 

“Describing myself as an electric 

eel, and accelerating the rhythms 

and frequency of the rhymes, can 

portray a rush of hypomania. I can 

capture my loneliness by likening 

myself to a prawn crawling around 

on the seabed, or convey the terror 

of an episode by repeating ‘help 

me’ seven or eight times.” 

Rosie’s voice became one of 

representation and solidarity, 

letting others know that even in 

their most difficult moments, they 

aren’t alone. 

“The first time I read my poem 

‘Bear’, which is about an eating 

disorder, a woman said to me that 

my poem had said the things she 

wanted to say but didn’t know how,” 

says Rosie. 

Though a powerful tool to help 

translate the reality of living with 

a BPD diagnosis, self-exploration 

isn’t all that the spoken word can 

achieve. Poetry can function as 

a platform for promoting social 

justice, an opportunity to act 

against the unfair treatment that 

emerges from misunderstandings 

and misrepresentations of mental 

illness. 

It enables people to leave behind 

the spectator role that separates 

us from the perspective of others, 

and gain insight into mental health 

as a personal experience, felt by 

someone with a past and a future 

worth caring about. 

Rosie says: “Self-expression can 

be a form of activism. After all, 

the personal experiences we have 

are shaped by the world we live 

in. Mental health doesn’t exist in 

a vacuum. There is a clear link 

between social exclusion and 

marginalisation, and mental health 

problems. 

“More than anything, I want 

people going through emotional 

distress to be seen, heard, and 

cared for, with respect and 

compassion,” Rosie says. “Lots 

of people experience BPD as a 

diagnosis of exclusion from mental 

health services, and it’s never OK 

for someone to be left without 

access to support.” 

Rosie’s words aren’t a call to action 

to talk, as she acknowledges that 

not everyone wants to, or feels safe 

doing so. It is an effort to mitigate 

the guilt and shame so often 

enveloped in a diagnosis of BPD. 

Rosie says: “When reading my 

writing, I feel compassion towards 

myself. My writing bears witness 

to moments of pain, and as a result 

becomes proof of my survival too.” 


More than 

anything, I want 

people going 

through emotional 

distress to be seen, 

heard, and cared 

for, with respect 

and compassion 

For Rosie, poetry is empowering 

her to reclaim her BPD 

NO APOLOGY 

She should not apologise 

for the trauma 

that formed her. 

Or for the fire that warmed her, 

burned her, turned her to ashes 

and reignited her in the same breath. 

Follow Rosie on @talkingaboutbpd or 

visit her blog talkingaboutbpd.co.uk 

Maxine Ali is a health and science 

writer, and linguist specialising in 

body talk and body image. Follow 

Maxine @maxineali or visit her 

website maxineali.com 

Kimberley Wilson is a dialectical 

behaviour therapy-trained chartered 

psychologist. Find out more at 

monumentalhealth.co.uk 

Or for the million lives 

and billion deaths 

she fledged and shed like feathers. 

Or to the divers whose 

knees bled on stones. 

It’s not her loss to console. 

Maybe she is not one woman 

but many women. 

Maybe the way to understand her 

is through her anger. 

Her shipwrecked depths 

don’t require your anchor. 

By Rosie Cappuccino 


Happiful Hero 

Photography | JoelValve 

“ 

The future belongs to 

those who believe in the 

beauty of their dreams 

30 • happiful • December 2018 – ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

Squeeze the most out of summer 

When it comes to British summertime, we need to take advantage of every 

sunny day we get. Here are some ideas to help you do just that 


Kew Gardens | kew.org 

1 Head out for a picnic 

One of the easiest and most 

wholesome summer activities, 

who doesn’t love a picnic? Grab 

yourself a blanket, some snacks 

and sun cream, and get yourself 

to your nearest green area (yes, 

that includes your garden!). 

Celebrate with some peace and 

quiet solo, or rally up some 

friends, kick back, and enjoy. 

Looking to step up your picnic 

game? We love the Beachcrest Home 

4 Person Wicker 

Picnic Basket, 

1 

£35.99, 

available at 

wayfair. 

co.uk 

2 Go 

stargazing 

Summer nights 

usually mean clearer 

nights, making it 

ideal for a spot of 

stargazing. Find your 2 

nearest ‘dark sky site’ and 

take in the vast expanse of a 

starry night sky. If you want to 

learn more about what you’re 

seeing, download the SkyView 

Lite app, and point it towards 

the sky to identify stars, 

constellations, satellites and 

more. To find a dark sky 

site near you, or to attend a 

stargazing event, take a look 

at gostargazing.co.uk 

3 Explore some Great British 

Gardens 

If there’s one thing the 

UK is good at, it’s 

gardening. While 

away a summer 

afternoon with 

a trip to one, 

and take in 

the beautiful 

3 

views. We love 

Kew Gardens in 

London, which houses 

rare plants, wildflower 

meadows, and tropical 

glasshouses. Alongside 

standard guided tours, 

Kew Gardens provide 

monthly British Sign 

Language (BSL) tours, and 

bimonthly sensory 

tours that allow 

visitors the 

chance to 

explore smells 

and textures. 

If Kew Gardens 

sounds up 

your street, find 

out more and plan 

your visit at kew.org. To 

explore other gardens, check out 

greatbritishgardens.co.uk 

4 Take your mindfulness 

practice outdoors 

Whether you love meditation, 

yoga, or a mindful walk, if you 

have a mindfulness practice, 

4 

taking it outside can add a 

new dimension. Listen to the 

birdsong, notice the warmth 

of the sun on your skin, 

and take in the glorious 

scent of cut grass and 

BBQs on a warm 

summer breeze. 

For inspiration, we 

love mindful.org 

who share new 

meditations 

to try. 

5 Enjoy 

some 

movie magic 

Cosying up on a 

blanket and watching a film 

under the stars is a perfect 

way to enjoy a balmy summer 

evening. There are plenty of 

companies that run outdoor 

screenings, so have a Google 

to see where your nearest one 

is, and get ready for some 

serious summer vibes. Oh, and 

remember to pack an umbrella... 

just in case (this is British 

summertime we’re talking about 

after all). The Luna Cinema 

have outdoor showings 

across various 

locations in the UK, 

and offer accessible 

facilities. Find out 

what’s showing 

at thelunacinema. 

com/2019 

5

Right here 

and now 

Continuously embarking on dangerous expeditions for his work, Aldo Kane leads an 

adrenaline-fuelled lifestyle. However, as he tells Happiful, a sense of calm and 

appreciation is always available to you when you learn to live in the moment 

Writing | Lucy Donoughue 

I’ve caught Aldo Kane in a 

rare moment of quiet. He’s 

back home, in London, in 

the middle of a round of 

interviews and photoshoots, 

before preparing for his next 

exciting expedition to Thailand, 

Laos, and Vietnam. 

As a former Royal Marine sniper 

and current-day TV adventurer, 

explorer and presenter, Aldo is 

used to spending long periods 

away from the UK, exploring the 

world. In the past two years alone, 

he completed a world recordbreaking 

row from Portugal to 

Venezuela with Team Essence and 

long-time pal Jason Fox, spent 

three months in South America 

filming Meet The Drug Lords: 

Inside The Real Narcos for Channel 

4, worked with Steve Backshall 

on Undiscovered Worlds, had two 

stints in active volcanoes for 

Expedition Volcano, and worked on 

National Geographic’s One Strange 

Rock with Will Smith – and the list 

of adventures goes on. 

To say that Aldo has experience 

of negotiating extreme and 

hostile situations, both on and off 

camera, is an understatement. 

“I’ve been living like this since I 

was 16,” he says, referring to when 

he went into the armed forces. 

“Although I’ve probably been in 

more hardcore and high octane 

situations since I left the Marines.” 

I can only imagine... 

With physical strength and a high 

state of awareness being so hugely 

important for Aldo’s work, it’s 

hard to picture what he does in his 

downtime, away from the cameras 

and pulse-racing activities. 

“I always need to be mentally 

and physically fit for the next stint, 

whatever that might be, so when 

I’ve got two weeks off between 

jobs I’m not sitting around eating 

donuts!” Aldo laughs. 

“I’m in the gym, doing crossfit 

training, because my body needs 

to be prepared to run away from 

danger, to escape, fight, whatever 

is needed in the moment, and 

my brain needs to be ready and 

working together with my body to 

help me achieve that.” 

This marriage of mental and 

physical is a recurring theme 

as we chat, along with Aldo’s 

love of the outdoors. “The 

most important thing for me, 

My body needs to 

be prepared to run 

away from danger, 

to escape, fight, 

whatever is needed 

in the moment, and 

my brain needs to be 

ready and working 

together with my 

body to help me 

achieve that 

mentally,” he adds, “is being 

outside and being active. It’s so 

crucial to get out in nature at least 

once a day. It’s there for everyone, 

and it’s free.” 

Despite the breathtaking, farflung 

locations Aldo has filmed 

in, he still finds that it’s the UK’s 

capital where he regularly gets 

the most benefit from open air 

exercise – as it’s the place where 

he doesn’t have to be “hard-wired 

into the environment”, as he does 

on location. 


Whether it’s living in solitary 

confinement, without access to 

sunlight or other people, or facing 

life-changing situations with 

dangerous criminals, I imagine 

this mental aspect of Aldo’s work 

could take more of a toll on him 

than the physical demands. How 

does he deal with the permanent 

extreme focus required to ensure 

the safety of himself, and others, 

when working? 

“When I go into a new situation, 

I am initially hypervigilant. I 

am aware of everything, the 

surroundings, people, potential 

issues – all of the things that I 

need to be thinking about,” Aldo 

says simply. “You need to be aware 

of all elements of risk – but then 

It’s so crucial to 

get outside and 

in nature at least 

once a day. It’s 

there for everyone, 

and it’s free 

you have to put that to the back of 

your head. But when something 

does happen, you’ve done all that 

thinking and planning in advance, 

so you’re not in a panic mode.” 

It’s hard to reconcile Aldo’s 

lightness of approach, and his 

calm nature, with the projects he 

undertakes. However, it’s clear that 

working on his mental strength as 

much as his physical state is vital 

to him. Practising mindfulness 

plays a major role in this, although 

it’s not a term that Aldo was aware 

of until a couple of years ago, even 

though it was a presence in his 

everyday life. >>> 


Living in the UK, you 

have more opportunity 

than probably 95% of 

the rest of the world 

“Looking back, mindfulness is 

something I’ve practised for a 

long time. When I was still young 

and in the Marines, I used to 

lead expeditions and take groups 

of students across the world. I 

remember sitting on top of a 

waterfall in Guyana with about 15 

kids who just weren’t interested in 

being there. 

“I asked them to sit with their 

legs dangling over the edge of the 

waterfall, close their eyes and 

imagine they were back at school, 

worrying about exams. Then, that 

they hadn’t received the grades 

they wanted, or were finding it 

hard to get work. I asked their 

future selves to think back to this 

beautiful, wonderful moment and 

wish they were here again. Then 

I told them to open their eyes, 

look out and really appreciate the 

experience. 

“That to me is mindfulness. 

Being in the moment, soaking it 

up and learning from it.” 

Cherishing the moment is 

equally important when it comes 

to his romantic relationship. “I 

appreciate my fiancée Anna,” he 

smiles. “We spend a lot of time 

apart. She’s a producer, and we’ve 

had times where I’ve been away 

for months and have two days at 

home, and then she’ll be away for 

three weeks, but those two days we 

have together are so special, and 

so full of everything you would 

want to have.” 

The pair won’t have long to 

wait until another very special 

day, with their wedding planned 

for September this year. Yet 

while they’re in the middle 

of organising their nuptials, 

they still have no less than five 

working trips between them in 

the months before their wedding. 

Aldo doesn’t seem at all fazed by 

this, but then wedding planning 

must be an enjoyable exercise 

for someone who has been 

used to negotiating the extreme 

challenges he has. 

When it comes to these 

challenges, Aldo is aware of the 

importance of monitoring his own 

mental health and resilience. After 

leaving the Marines, he proactively 

sought counselling to ensure that 

his experiences in the Services 

didn’t come back to impact him 

negatively later on in life. 

And now? “I make sure I 

exercise, I keep my brain busy, I 

talk to people who understand 

my situation.” 

Aldo is consistently quick to 

point out the positives in his life, 

after speaking about some of the 

more testing times he’s endured, 

including his time in West Africa 

in the middle of the Ebola crisis. 

“With the travelling I do, I come 

back and it can be wonderful to 

just see green grass, or walk into 

a shop and just be able to buy 

something… 

“My perspective is that, 

generally, living in the UK, 

and in particular London, you 

have more opportunity than 

probably 95% of the rest of the 

world. Anna and I are good 

at not complaining, because 

we’ve seen those other life 

experiences.” 

As our conversation ends, I am 

left with the sense that Aldo is 

someone who has seen the very 

worst that human and mother 

nature can offer, but he’s also a 

person who remains dedicated 

to seeing the beauty in life, 

who embraces movement and 

strength, and celebrates his 

connection to other people. 

Aldo truly knows what it means 

to appreciate each moment, 

and live for the here and now – 

something we can all do, in our 

own way, every day. 


Photography | Joseph Sinclair 

This July, Aldo will front the BBC2 

Horizon documentary ‘Britain’s 

Next Air Disaster? Drones’, and will 

appear alongside Steve Backshall in 

‘Expedition’ on Dave. 

Follow Aldo on Instagram 

at @aldokane

I will certainly keep on 

running, pacing forward, 

finding my rhythm

The healing 

power of a 

marathon 

Heartbreak sent Jenny 

spiralling into negative 

thoughts and doubts, but 

the mindfulness of putting 

one foot in front of the other 

helped her to rediscover 

her rhythm 

Writing | Jenny Richardson 

Tick tock. The clock counts up 

the seconds as I count down 

the miles. It’s September 2018, 

I am 58, and I’m running the 

Loch Ness Marathon. 

Sweat runs into my eyes. I blink away 

the tears, the fears, the years. Today, this 

is what I am: sinews, muscles, a furnace 

burning fuel. My breath and feet keep 

rhythm with my pumping heart. This 

heart that was breaking. 

Running is my way into mindfulness. 

I need an extended stretch of steady 

pacing to find a rhythm, to let my 

thoughts ebb and flow, while feeling a 

part of my surroundings. 

Five years ago I progressed from being 

an occasional jogger to a regular runner, 

and I was finally able to come off the >>>

‘I am grateful for all I have – my wonderful sons, 

family, friends, and freedom’ 

The beautiful Highland setting was the perfect location for Jenny 

to reconnect with herself 

antidepressants that 

had helped to keep my 

equilibrium for 13 years. 

The recent downturn 

came about after I ended 

a year-long relationship. 

My mind told me this was 

the correct decision, but 

I was unprepared for my 

gut response. I felt lonely, 

hollowed out, and full of 

doubt about the future. 

After several painful 

months, the only solution 

I could come up with 

was to train for and run 

a marathon – my third 

– which would, out of 

necessity, put me fully in 

the moment, and thereby 

halt the obsessive spiral of 

doubts. 

The race starts on high, 

exposed moorland, and 

heads largely down for 

the first six miles to reach 

the lochside. At once, I 

feel the childlike thrill of 

running downhill, and 

have to hold myself back 

from taking off too fast. I 

look at my fellow runners, 

intent and focused. There 

is a quiet solidarity in our 

pounding feet. 

At this point, Douglas 

firs tower to the left, and 

scrub and heather to the 

right, allowing views 

over the moors and the 

mountains. 

At the village of Foyers 

we get some welcome 

encouragement from 

spectators, and then are 

out on the open road 

again. Loch Ness comes 

into glorious view ahead. 

The tagline for this 

marathon only slightly 

exaggerates: “If you’re 

going to put yourself 

through hell, you might 

as well do it in heaven.” It 

really is heavenly. It is also 

of this earth, bringing us 

into intimate contact with 

one beautiful part of this 

planet and, for me, helping 

to put life into a more 

balanced perspective. 

My break-up had thrown 

me off kilter. But this was 

a short-term reaction and 

could not be compared to 

my situation in 2000, when 

I found myself bringing 

up my two boys alone in 

England, while their dad 

lived in America. 

An acrimonious divorce, 

constant anxiety about 

money and work, and my 

fear of failing my children 

sent me into a downward 

spiral of depression, 

sleepless nights, and 

panic attacks. I tried 

counselling, but talking 

didn’t change the facts, 

and the passive listening 

I felt hollowed 

out, and full of 

doubt about 

the future 

made me angry rather 

than relieved. 

My kindly GP, who had 

tried to avoid putting 

me on pills, eventually 

prescribed SSRI 

antidepressants when he 

realised how bad things 

had become. These saved 

me. They quelled the 

despair and the overthinking, 

enabling me to 

get on with life, and my 

most important job: being 

a parent. 

In true Scottish form, 

the weather turns in an 


instant, and sunshine 

gives way to icy rain. 

Every inch of my body 

is awake, feeling pain it 

is true, but my physical 

senses are alive. The clock 

is ticking on, and so am I. 

But now I ground myself, 

literally. I think down 

to the soles of my feet, 

burning on the tarmac, 

pacing onwards, one foot 

then the other. These legs, 

mighty with their bones, 

pulleys, veins and strings, 

pushing me on. 

I look at the runners 

around me. They are 

amazing. We are amazing. 

Ordinary mortals pushing 

ourselves to do more than 

we need to, much more 

than is comfortable and 

easy. We are not heroes; 

we are devourers of life, 

using the talents given to 

us by nature, the universe, 

God, however you see it. 

This world is so complex 

and unpredictable, illness 

so random that, while 

I can, I must live fully 

with my whole intact 

heart. I am grateful for 

all I have – my wonderful 

sons, family, friends, and 

freedom. 

Somewhere between 

miles 23 and 24, in another 

freezing downpour, my 

joints are seizing up, and 

setting at acute angles like 

a wooden puppet. I pull 

over to unlock myself. I 

stretch my arms and they 

click. I bend painfully 

forward and cannot touch 

my toes. My knees crack. 

“I feel your pain,” says a 

passing runner. 

That is comfort. We 

do all share a common 

understanding. But I am 

sure we all have our own 

particular pain. 

In spite of the effort, 

the overall effect of 

running is to make me 

feel wonderfully well. It is 

as though by getting my 

heart pumping, the blood 

surging round my cells, 

my whole body is being 

cleansed and replenished, 

my mind made clear and 

my emotions balanced. 

Add to that the 

camaraderie of running, 

I see why this is a 

prescription that works. 

The antidepressants got 

me through, and allowed 

me to feel joy in my 

children. As they left the 

nest, I braved coming off 

the tablets (something I 

had tried and failed to do 

on previous occasions). 

I had already started 

running regularly, and 

its positive effects meant 

a seamless change to my 

now being a pill-free zone. 

I reach the 25-mile 

marker, and suddenly 

I start wheezing. I am 

gasping, momentarily 

struggling to breathe. 

I look to the sky, white 

clouds racing, to the river 

gleaming and patient. 

Whatever is going on, I am 

not dying. I run on, stiffly. 

These last and hardest 

minutes become a race 

against myself. I am 

We are amazing. Ordinary mortals 

pushing ourselves to do much 

more than is comfortable and easy 

Jenny found mindfulness in 

running – and set a new PB! 

dangerously close to my 

previous time. I hear the 

the crowds cheer as I push 

on, tired and in agony. I 

have achieved my aim, to 

think of nothing else but 

this moment. 

And I win, too, in my 

private race. I have beaten 

my time from three years 

ago by four minutes, 

finishing in 3 hours 50. 

OUR EXPERT SAYS 

The cheers are for 

everyone. The tears are 

from me. I stagger and 

sob, not from heartbreak, 

but from pure exhaustion. 

I must look as wrecked as 

I feel, because the woman 

handing out T-shirts 

makes all the other 

runners wait while she 

gives me a huge hug. 

I’m thankful for this 

supportive community, 

and the good health 

that’s enabled this lateblooming 

marathon 

career. I needed this 26.2 

therapeutic miles to build 

my heart back up, to break 

the cycle of obsessive 

thoughts, and to embrace 

life again. I’m not sure I’ll 

do any more marathons, 

but I’ll keep on running, 

pacing forward, finding 

my rhythm. 

Life often feels like a marathon, and Jenny saw this 

from a whole new perspective. She used that sense of 

achievement to heal her life, and realised how being in 

the moment could help her through the pain and doubt. 

Jenny chose her marathon well! Yes it would be tough 

– but beautifully so. While we all have far to go 

at times, maybe the secret is in choosing a route 

that will allow us space to breathe on the way. 

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr 

Life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation 


How 

can support your mental health 

Unpicking the craft of needlework; how it can help you switch off, improve your 

mental health, make new friends – and even save the planet 

Writing | Lydia Smith Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

Most of us can feel 

overwhelmed by the 

relentless demands 

of the digital world. 

Endlessly scrolling 

through social media, replying to 

emails, and checking apps, can 

make it difficult to switch off. 

Mindful practices are a popular 

antidote to this. And sewing, as 

well as knitting, is increasingly 

recognised as an effective way to 

help with anxiety and depression. 

The concentration these demand 

not only helps to calm the mind, 

but learning to repair clothing 

helps tackle the environmental 

impact of fast fashion, too. Here’s 

a quick look at why you might 

want to explore the world 

of needlework. 

1 SEWING IS MINDFUL 

Engaging in a mindful activity like 

sewing can help us pay attention to 

our thoughts and feelings, which 

can improve our mental health. 

“Being creative is incredible for 

your wellbeing,” says Aliss Oxley, 

a sewing lover who set up the 

Workshop Sewing Cafe, in Leeds. 

“It gives you an outlet to 

focus energy, but can also give 

you an enormous sense of 

accomplishment, which is a great 

way to support your mental health. 

“People say sewing can be almost 

meditative. You concentrate on 

what you’re making, and the 

process of your construction,” she 

says. “It means your focus is solely 

on the activity 

of stitching.” 

2 A DISTRACTION FROM 

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS 

When you’re crafting, you’re giving 

your mind a break, too. One study, 

which introduced knitting to the 

lives of patients with anorexia, 

found 74% of participants 

described feeling distracted or 

distanced from negative emotional 

states, as well as more relaxed. 

James McIntosh began to knit 

when he was struggling with 

depression. He recently wrote a 

book called Knit and Nibble, which 

explores knitting, cooking, and 

mindfulness. 

“The fear, 

anxiety, panic 

Starting to sew 

• Search #memadeeveryday or #selfishsewing 

on Instagram for ideas. 

• Visit thefoldline.com, which offers a database 

of patterns, and try YouTube and Pinterest 

for tutorials and inspiration. 

• Try sewing classes, such as Sew It With 

Love, in London, or Ministry of Craft, in 

Manchester. There are sewing schools all 

over the UK.

and sadness, was too much. One 

day I found two chopsticks in my 

flat and some string, looked on 

YouTube, and started to cast on,” 

he says. “Before I knew it, I had 

knitted ‘something or other’. 

“I noticed that each stitch became 

a breath, each breath a feeling, and 

the stitch was a tangible sign that 

my feelings were worth something, 

that I was worth something.” 

3 A SOCIAL ACTIVITY 

Loneliness has huge implications 

for our health, and social isolation 

is growing in the UK, with 2.4 

million adults feeling lonely, 

according to the Office for National 

Statistics. Joining a sewing group 

– which you can often find on 

Facebook – is a good way to meet 

people. 

Issy Woolford-Lim is an avid fan 

of needlecraft. “I go to a weekly 

group, which gives me social 

contact and encourages me to get 

out of the house, even when I’m 

down,” she says. “We’re all very 

positive and encouraging with each 

other, which I love.” 

“Try to find your local 

haberdashery or fabric shop,” Aliss 

says. “The sewing community is 

incredibly friendly, 

and they 

should have some great advice to 

get started – from sewing meetups, 

to fabrics and patterns. They’ll 

point you in the right direction.” 

4 A CREATIVE SENSE OF 

ACHIEVEMENT 

Creating something with your 

own hands provides a sense of 

accomplishment that can boost 

mental health. In studies of people 

with depression and other chronic 

illnesses, textile crafts were 

found to increase self-esteem and 

improve the sense of wellbeing. 

James struggled to find 

fashionable knitting patterns 

for men, so he started creating 

his own. “The first time I put 

on something I had knitted, I 

felt proud of myself again – an 

intimate and personal feeling,” 

he says. “I was knocked badly 

by homophobia in my native 

Northern Ireland, which triggered 

the depressive episode, and a stitch 

at a time helped me to realise that I 

was worth something.” 

5 FIXING HELPS TACKLE FAST 

FASHION 

Our clothes are fast, inexpensive, 

and mass-produced, which 

enforces cheap labour and 

generates a huge amount 

of pollution. Global textile 

production creates 1.2 billion 

tonnes of carbon emissions a 

year, according to research by 

the Ellen MacArthur Foundation 

– more than international flights 

and shipping. Repairing clothes 

instead of throwing them away 

can prevent fabric ending up as 

landfill, and lets you know you’re 

doing something positive to help 

our planet. 


Ask the experts 

There are many benefits to 

massage therapy, and the 

practice is much more than a 

pamper. Here, Libby Palmer, 

massage therapist and Therapy 

Directory member, answers 

your questions 

Q 

I suffer regularly with headaches. I 

have a demanding job and relaxation 

is something I struggle with. I know 

taking some time to really unwind will help, 

but is there a particular type of massage you 

would recommend? 

A 

Massage has two roles in treating tension headaches: 

relaxation, and trigger point therapy. 

A regular massage can help the body maintain an 

optimal level of relaxation. In order to find the correct 

therapist for your needs, you need one who understands 

your condition and is adequately qualified to meet your 

needs. A clinical massage therapist, with a level five or six 

qualification, will have studied anatomy and physiology, as 

well as massage techniques. 

The second role in treating tension leading to migraines 

and headaches is to relieve tension in trigger points 

located in the neck and shoulders. 

For relaxation and general wellbeing, consider shiatsu, 

aromatherapy, or Swedish massage. 

In order to get a rounded treatment, offering both 

relaxation and trigger point therapy, it’s important to 

discuss your condition prior to treatment, so that the 

therapist understands the problem fully, and can tailor a 

treatment to your needs. 

Q 

I’ve recently 

moved away 

from hormonal 

contraception, but 

after years of taking 

the combined pill, I’m 

suffering with PMS. 

Friends have told me 

certain types of massage 

can help ease symptoms, 

can you tell me more? 

A 

Massage is an effective 

treatment for PMS as it relaxes 

and soothes aching muscles, while 

treatment on the abdomen and 

lower back can relieve bloating 

and tension. Massage is a wellknown 

effective treatment for 

fluid retention, allowing fluid to be 

moved towards the lymph system 

and naturally removed by the body. 

Massage is also a good way of 

lifting your mood, with clients 

reporting feeling lighter, less stress, 

less bloated, and more energised 

after a PMS massage. 

Many places may not offer a PMS 

massage on their treatment list, but 

once you’ve discussed your needs 

with the therapist they’ll be able to 

tailor a treatment to you. 

For optimum results, consider 

getting a massage two days 

before your period is expected, or 

when PMS rears its ugly head, so 

approximately every four weeks. 

You can find more information about Libby on therapy-directory.org.uk

ASK THE EXPERTS 

Brought to you 

by Therapy 

Directory 

Q 

After watching the 

London Marathon 

for years, I’ve 

decided to finally take 

up running. The first few 

weeks have been going 

well, but the pain in my 

shins is taking its toll. I 

don’t want to stop, and 

have heard that sports 

massage can help with this? 

A 

I’m sorry to hear you’re 

experiencing pain in your 

shins – you’re not the only one. 

Many people get this problem, 

called shin splints, when they begin 

to train seriously. 

The problem will likely get worse 

as you increase your mileage, so 

will need managing in order for 

you to continue running. Book an 

appointment with a clinical sports 

and remedial massage therapist. 

They will assess your injury, and 

your biomechanics, in order to 

identify why you are experiencing 

this problem. A common cause of 

shin splints is over-worn trainers, so 

take your shoes with you. 

Expect to need at least two or 

three appointments to treat and 

monitor your injury. Once the 

condition is under control, consider 

getting a regular sports massage to 

keep your muscles in good, flexible 

condition, and allow you to train for 

your marathon. 

Therapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

M E N S T R U AT 

Go with the flow 

I O N 

F O L L 

I C U L A R P H A S E 

O V U L A T 

I O N 

LUTEAL PHASE

When it comes to our periods, most of us know about PMS. But, what 

you might not realise is how much our cycle affects us mentally. 

Here we take a closer look at the relationship between our 

menstrual cycle and our mental health 


Orginal artwork | Charlotte Reynell 

A 

notification from my 

menstrual cycle tracking 

app just popped up to 

tell me ‘PMS is coming’. 

While this may sound a 

little ominous, it’s helpful to know. I’m 

on day 26 of my cycle, and this week I’ve 

felt my anxiety peak – something that 

often happens in the days leading up to 

my period. 

Armed with this information, I know 

I need to take things a little easier 

over the next week or so. I can allow 

anxiety to make itself known in my 

body without judgement or fear, while 

ramping up my self-care to manage it. 

A couple of years ago, I didn’t know 

anything about my cycle, apart from 

the fact it brought a lot of pain, tears, 

and chocolate cravings. It wasn’t until 

I started tracking both my mood, and 

my cycle, that I noticed the pattern of 

anxiety spiking around the time of my 

period. And I’m certainly not alone 

with this. 

Many of us will notice a change 

in mood; we all differ in how 

severely we’re affected – some 

will barely notice a change, while 

others find themselves battling with 

premenstrual dysphoric disorder 

(PMDD, a condition that causes severe 

depression, anxiety, and even suicidal 

thoughts, around the time of your 

period). 

Before we explore the mental 

health side of things, it’s important to 

understand the different phases of 

our cycle: 

Menstruation 

This is when we get our period. Many 

people will notice a change in their 

energy levels, feeling more tired than 

usual, and withdrawn. The first few 

days of your period may involve painful 

cramps, and a general desire to hide 

under a duvet clutching a hot water 

bottle and a family-sized bar of Dairy 

Milk – just me? 

Around halfway through the period, 

oestrogen levels rise and our mood 

lifts. We start to feel more ‘us’, and pain 

generally eases. 

Follicular phase 

After menstruation, our oestrogen and 

testosterone levels rise, and our mood 

stabilises. Generally, at this point, you 

should feel calm, and as if all is right 

with the world. 

Ovulation 

When we start to ovulate, our 

testosterone levels spike, which gives 

us an increased sex drive. As well as 

feeling in the mood for love, you should 

feel more confident. By the end of the 

ovulation phase, your oestrogen and 

testosterone levels will drop. This can 

make you feel tired and you may notice 

PMS-like symptoms. 

Luteal phase 

If you experience PMS, this will be 

the week you’ll feel it. This is down to 

low levels of oestrogen. The hormone 

changes that take place throughout our 

cycles lead to the shifts in our mood. >>> 


Many women find that 

their mental health 

needs more attention 

on certain days of 

the cycle, and this 

awareness itself can 

literally save lives 

Claire Baker, women’s coach and 

menstrual educator, explains: “The 

rise and fall of female sex hormones, 

oestrogen and progesterone over a 

cycle, can affect mood, emotions, and 

mental health, because hormones 

change the chemistry of the brain. 

“This influence is complex and 

unique to the individual. It’s natural 

to feel a little different, week-to-week, 

as hormones shift, but very disruptive 

changes in mood and mental health 

might point to a hormonal imbalance.” 

So why do these hormone changes 

affect our mood? Two of the key 

hormones that fluctuate are oestrogen 

and progesterone, which regulate 

neurotransmitters serotonin (dubbed 

‘the happy hormone’) and gammaaminobutyric 

acid (which relieves 

anxiety). 

Oestrogen and progesterone levels 

rise during ovulation to prepare for 

pregnancy. If we don’t conceive, 

these levels drop to prepare for 

menstruation. This rise and fall 

takes a toll on us mentally. 

THE IMPACT ON OUR 

MENTAL HEALTH 

“The impact of menstruation 

on mental health is often 

greatly underestimated,” 

counsellor Simone Ayers tells 

us. “Experiences vary on a 

spectrum of mood changes 

– from increased stress and 

anxiety, to suicidal thoughts, 

and the use of self-harm to 

cope with the intense feelings 

that menstruation can cause.” 

For those who already struggle with 

their mental health, they may notice 

a spike in their symptoms, Simone 

notes. This is known as premenstrual 

exacerbation (PME) and can affect 

both mental and physical illnesses, 

including anxiety, depression, asthma, 

and inflammatory bowel disease. 

46 • happiful.com • July 2019

Lyzi | Instagram: @being_little 

Using an app to track 

my moods, and 

remembering that it 

will pass, is helpful 

Blogger Lyzi Unwin shares 

how her menstrual cycle 

affects her. 

“Even though my cycle is pretty 

much like clockwork, I still find 

myself frustrated and confused as to 

why I feel so down every month. 

“A day or two before my period 

is due, I suddenly have an 

overwhelming, crippling bout of selfdoubt 

and anxiety. I am convinced 

that I’m awful at everything, the 

ugliest creature to have ever walked 

the earth, and that everyone hates 

me. Even if everything in my life is 

running smoothly, the thoughts are 

always the same. 

“I haven’t yet found anything 

to stop the thoughts, but using 

an app to track my moods, and 

remembering it will pass, is helpful. 

Having a quiet day, and an early 

night can be really beneficial, as is 

talking to friends who understand.” 

Lyzi Unwin blogs about mental 

health, fashion and lifestyle at 

beinglittle.co.uk 

“For those who need extra 

support to be able to cope with 

their menstrual cycle, it can be 

a long journey to find the right 

treatment – which may include 

any combination of hormonal 

treatments, antidepressants, 

talking therapy, and lifestyle 

changes such as moderated work 

schedules and dietary changes,” 

Simone says. 

OK, so the bad news is that our 

menstrual cycle can be linked 

to some pretty difficult mental 

health challenges. The good news 

is, with knowledge comes power. 

WHY YOU SHOULD START 

TRACKING YOUR CYCLE 

Cycle tracking may sound a little 

scientific, but it’s actually really 

simple. There are countless apps 

to help (we love Clue, Moody 

Month, and Flo), but you could 

also make notes in a journal. 

The key things to keep track of 

are the day of your cycle (the first 

day you bleed is day one) and how 

you’re feeling. Over time you’ll 

have a better understanding of 

your cycle, and how it affects you. 

“Menstrual cycle awareness 

helps people identify where their 

strengths and vulnerabilities lie 

in the cycle,” says Claire. “Each 

phase of the menstrual cycle 

may benefit from a different 

approach to self-care, work, or 

What is PMDD? 

relationships. Tracking helps to 

reveal how to live more in flow 

with this internal rhythm. 

“Many women find their mental 

health needs more attention on 

certain days of the cycle, and this 

awareness itself can literally save 

lives. I look forward to the day 

when our mental health systems 

integrate and prioritise menstrual 

cycle awareness.” 

So, what can we do when we feel 

our cycle impacting our mental 

health? Claire says it’s all about 

self-care. 

“At more vulnerable points in 

the cycle, the best kind of selfcare 

includes a combination of 

getting professional and personal 

support, taking some space, and 

having personal boundaries, 

moving slowly, drinking lots of 

water, and sleeping as much as 

possible. Knowing where our 

sensitivities lie in the cycle, and 

being tender with ourselves at 

these times, is excellent and 

transformative self-care.” 

Raising your awareness is your 

first step to gaining control, and 

if you think you would benefit 

from professional mental health 

support at any time, don’t be 

afraid to reach out. 

Learn more about Claire’s coaching 

services and menstrual awareness 

courses at thisislifeblood.com 

“Women living with premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) can 

experience a huge impact on their quality of life, due to the constant 

cycle of deep depression that lasts for extended periods each month. 

Relationships and work can also be affected due to social anxiety, and the 

debilitating effect of severely painful periods, which can also affect selfesteem 

and libido.” 

– counsellor Simone Ayers 

Simone is based in Hertfordshire, but also offers online counselling sessions and supports 

those with PMDD. Learn more and get in touch via simoneayerscounselling.com 

August July 2019 • happiful.com • 47


£57 

£40 

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AUGHAPPI 

AT THE CHECKOUT 

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using code AUGHAPPI at shop.happiful.com 

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48 • happiful • December 2018

Images | Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: Sony Pictures, Alexandra Elle: @alex_elle 

1PAGE-TURNERS 

Happiful 

TOP 

10 

365 Ways to 

Be Confident: 

Inspiration 

and 

Motivation for 

Every Day 

A welcome 

addition to Summerdale’s 365 Ways to 

series, this collection of self-care ideas, 

practical tips, and motivational activities is 

designed to boost your mood and build your 

confidence. 

(Out 8 August, Summerdale, £6.99) 

GET GOING 

Superhero Series, Superhero Tri 

Head to Windsor for the UK’s 

only disability sports series, where disabled 

people can take part in challenges without 

worrying about cut-off times or restrictions 

on their equipment. Enter solo or with friends 

and family, and complete a swim, bike, or run 

stage, all three stages, or a mixture of two! 

(17 August, visit superheroseries.co.uk for more) 

TREAT YOURSELF 

Pillows made from recycled 

plastic bottles 

With plastic pollution at the front of a lot 

of our minds, the Eco Comfort pillow from 

Silentnight is another way that you can make 

sure that the things in your home aren’t 

harming the planet. Made from 

100% recycled materials, 

the pillows offer all the 

comfort of standard 

pillows, but with 

an eco-conscious 

bonus. 

(£30, visit 

silentnight.co.uk 

to browse the 

range) 

August 

Broaden your horizons this August with a confidence-building read, 

an app to help you get creative in the kitchen, and the UK’s biggest 

celebration of drag culture 

OUT AND ABOUT 

4 

Jeff Wayne’s The War of 

The Worlds: The Immersive 

Experience 

You’ve read the book and listened to the 

score, now it’s time to jump into the cuttingedge 

immersive journey through the story of 

The War of The Worlds. With a combination of 

theatre, virtual reality, and holograms, travel 

through Victorian London and survive the 

Martian invasion. 

(Tickets from £49.50, dates throughout August. 

Visit dotdot.london to book your place) 

TECH TIP-OFFS 

Magic Fridge 

5 If you want to cut back on food 

waste at home, this handy app will help you 

on your way. Simply add the ingredients 

you have left over in your fridge, freezer 

and cupboards, and the app will suggest 

delicious, simple recipes that you can whip 

up in 30 minutes or less. 

(Free from the Google Play Store & App Store) 

6 

SQUARE EYES 

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 

In what’s already been called a 

‘masterpiece’ from writer and director 

Quentin Tarantino, a struggling TV 

actor (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his 

stunt double (Brad Pitt) set their eyes 

on big-screen fame and glory. In this 

celebration of unlikely friendships and 

the golden age of Hollywood, Once Upon 

a Time in Hollywood is right on track to 

become a modern classic. 

(In cinemas 14 August) 

THE CONVERSATION 

Playday 

Duvet Days 

2 9 

WIN! 

Two Silentnight Eco 

Comfort pillows 

To enter, email competitions@ 

happiful.com with your answer 

to the following question. What 

percentage of household 

waste is the UK’s target to 

recycle by 2020?* 

3 

7 

8 

LEND US 

YOUR EARS 

Broadcaster Abby Hollick gets into bed with 

musicians and artists, including friends of 

Happiful Emeli Sandé and Jordan Stephens, 

to have frank chats about everything from 

burnout to activism. 

(Available to listen to on BBC Sounds) 

PUT ON A SHOW 

DragWorld London 2019 

Celebrate the artistry, talent, 

and glamour of drag at the 

UK’s biggest convention – this year 

partnering with mental health charity 

Mind. Browse stores, attend Q&As and 

tutorials, and witness fierce lip-sync 

battles. 

(17–18 August, tickets start at £35, Olympia 

London, visit dragworld.co.uk for more) 

10 

PLUGGED-IN 

Alexandra Elle 

Be uplifted by the words 

of poet and host of the ‘Hey Girl’ Podcast 

Alexandra Elle, as 

she shares snippets 

of her work and 

snaps from her 

life, along with 

reflective captions 

that will inspire you 

to celebrate and 

prioritise yourself 

(Follow Alexandra on 

Instagram 

@alex_elle) 

Treat your inner-child, or spend time with the children in your life, as Playday 2019 celebrates 

the power of play, and encourages children and their families across the UK to get involved in 

community events. This year, the theme ‘Play Builds Children’ encourages us to look at how 

integral play is to children’s development. (7 August, find events near you at playday.org.uk) 

*UK mainland only, entries close 20 August.

(100) 

How to deal with 

inbox anxiety 

Do you feel constantly overwhelmed by the never-ending pile of messages 

in your inbox? You’re not the only one! But for every problem there’s a 

solution, and we might just have yours here... 

Writing | Fiona Thomas 

The average office worker 

receives more than 120 

emails per day – there 

are probably unwanted 

memos and meeting 

requests winging their way to 

you right now! You can try to look 

away, but it’s just so tempting. 

In fact, a YouGov survey found 

that 60% of people check their 

work inboxes while on holiday — 

even though 80% would prefer to 

‘completely switch off’ while away. 

Research by the University of 

British Columbia has shown a break 

could be good for us, revealing 

people experienced ‘significantly 

lower daily stress’ when their email 

access was restricted to three times 

a day, compared to unlimited use. 

But why does email make us so 

anxious in the first place?

PROBLEM: YOU’RE AIMING 

FOR ZERO 

SOLUTION: LEARN TO PRIORITISE 

Do you insist on clearing out 

your inbox every single day? The 

problem here is that there’s no 

finish line, because as soon as 

you look away, the messages start 

piling up again. The glory of an 

empty inbox may be thrilling but, 

ultimately, it’s short-lived. 

Instead, make a list of the top five 

people who deserve your attention, 

and commit to responding to 

them within 24 hours. Go one 

step further by using three folders 

labelled ‘Today’, ‘End of Week’ and 

‘End of Month’ to help prioritise 

which emails need to be dealt with 

first. The rest can wait. 

PROBLEM: YOU LOVE 

REWARDS 

SOLUTION: FIND THEM 

ELSEWHERE 

In her book, Unsubscribe: How to 

Kill Email Anxiety, Avoid Distractions 

and Get Real Work Done, Jocelyn 

K Glei cites a 1930s experiment 

(albeit with rats instead of humans) 

which shows how addictive the 

random rewards system can be. 

Similar to rats pressing a lever to 

receive food, we hit that refresh 

button in the hopes of seeing a new 

email. Most of the time it’s boring 

junk mail, but every now and again 

there’s an exciting job prospect or 

event invitation. 

According to Glei, it’s these 

random rewards that make us 

want to “push the lever again and 

again and again, even when we 

have better things to do”. Replace 

this reward-seeking behaviour 

with a daily to-do list, or monthly 

goal tracker. Keep your goals in 

sight (literally on a noticeboard 

in front of you) and work towards 

a guaranteed reward, such as an 

early lunch break, walk in the 

park, or beauty treatment. Every 

time you find yourself knee-deep 

in pointless correspondence, bring 

yourself back to those goals. 

PROBLEM: YOU ALWAYS 

ASSUME THE WORST 

SOLUTION: TAKE A STEP BACK 

Without body language or tone of 

voice to pick up on, the written 

word can often be misconstrued. 

I spoke to psychotherapist Annie 

Cassidy — who works at private 

clinic Esher Groves — who says: 

“With email, there’s always this 

sense that it’s going to be bad 

news, and that can be really 

overwhelming for people. They 

can become obsessed, and check 

emails all the time.” 

She suggests allowing a cooling 

off period before responding, 

taking time and space to reflect on 

the context of the email. Instead 

of allowing email to control your 

mood, don’t visit your inbox until 

you’re emotionally ready. When do 

you feel most calm? Maybe it’s after 

lunch, or once you’ve exercised. 

Identify this part of the day and 

respond to emails during this time. 

PROBLEM: YOU FEEL 

OBLIGED TO RESPOND 

SOLUTION: SET BOUNDARIES 

If you receive an email outside 

of normal office hours, should 

you respond right away? Not 

necessarily. According to Annie, 

you’ve got to be the one to set your 

own boundaries so that people 

don’t get the wrong idea. “You need 

to identify what you can tolerate, 

and when those boundaries can 

be stretched. The onus is on you to 

monitor your own boundaries.” 

Make a rule that you won’t 

respond to work emails after 

hours, and delete the email app 

on your phone at the weekend. 

Even better, ask for a designated 

work phone that you can switch 

off after 5pm. Consider adding 

your working hours to the footer 

of every email to get the message 

across. Oh, and those random 

emails from someone you’ve 

never met asking for a favour? Get 

comfortable with ignoring them 

completely. 

60% of people who 

use email for work 

check their inboxes 

while on holiday 

PROBLEM: IT SUCKS ALL 

YOUR TIME 

SOLUTION: COMMUNICATE 

MORE EFFICIENTLY 

Set a timer and work through your 

inbox for an hour each day, then 

call it quits. Minimise the email 

tennis which can go on for weeks 

at a time by picking up the phone, 

arranging a Skype call, or simply 

walking over to your colleague’s 

desk to move things forward. You’ll 

be surprised at how quickly things 

progress when you have a faceto-face 

conversation instead of a 

lengthy email thread.

I had done what so 

many people had said 

was impossible

From being 

diagnosed 

with ME, to 

rediscovering me 

Chronic fatigue syndrome 

shook Vikki’s life to the core, but 

it also prompted her to reassess 

what really mattered. Now, 

she’s determined to never take 

a moment for granted 

Writing | Vikki Cook 

Sitting at my desk, tears 

splashing on my keyboard, 

I avoided meeting the 

impatient sideways glares 

from my colleagues, and 

tried to pull myself together. 

For months I’d been struggling, aware 

of the gossip and rumours, and trying 

to stay on top of my work, but an 

important meeting had just fallen apart 

because of me. My brain fog had left 

me unprepared. I was humiliated, and 

couldn’t even summon the energy to 

walk to the toilets to sob in private. 

A year earlier, in December 2010, a 

vicious strain of flu left me with postviral 

fatigue syndrome (PVFS) – a 

condition that can leave the sufferer with 

a host of symptoms, from muscle aches 

to disabling fatigue. >>>

Hear more from Vikki on her blog, 

Life’s a Beach, at bit.ly/2Ywlckr 

The support from Vikki’s family helped her stay 

strong through her experience 

Graded exercise therapy was an effective treatment for Vikki 

In time my symptoms 

faded, but in January 2011 

I contracted chicken pox. 

The PVFS followed, but 

this time, after six months, 

I was diagnosed with ME 

(also known as chronic 

fatigue syndrome) and 

was warned I might never 

recover. 

Every day was a fight 

with my own body; 

tremors, headaches, 

painful muscle spasms, 

memory loss, noise 

sensitivity, and exhaustion 

so severe I could barely 

walk to and from the 

bathroom unaided. Day by 

day, the me I had known 

for 25 years slipped away. 

I spent two months 

off work, while my 

husband worked full-time 

and cared for me, but 

eventually I felt pressure 

from my employer. 

I began a phased return 

to work, fighting against 

my symptoms, barely 

aware of anything beyond 

my need to get home, cry, 

and fall asleep. 

When a supplier 

arranged a visit, I was 

asked to lead the meeting, 

as I had done many times 

before. I had tried in vain 

to clear my foggy head, 

but a misunderstanding 

with my manager, made 

worse by my confusion, 

had led to a meeting with 

none of the information 

required. After 20 painful 

minutes of baffled 

flapping on my part, I 

returned to my desk, 

tearful and ashamed. 

I had never felt so 

incompetent. 

My parents and husband, 

Rich, concerned by how 

ill I still was and the effect 

the stress was having on 

my mental health, insisted 

I take a six-month break 

from work to focus on my 

recovery. My request for a 

sabbatical was accepted, 

and everyone hoped the 

long rest would trigger a 

recovery. It didn’t. 

By November, I was no 

better, but I had realised 

something: my job and 

the environment I was 

working in was killing me. 

I had heard the rumours: 

I was faking the whole 

thing; I was using my time 

off for other activities; I 

was looking for attention. 

None of it was true, but 

the constant judgement 

stung. I handed in my 

notice, left the office, and 

never looked back. 

Relying on our savings, 

we searched for answers. 

I tried supplements, 

Day by day, 

the me I had 

known for 25 

years slipped 

away 

Chinese medicine, 

acupuncture, and 

attended an ME clinic. I 

spoke to fellow sufferers 

online, who all agreed on 

one thing: it was unlikely I 

would recover. 

In spring 2014, I was 

introduced to ‘reverse 

therapy’ – an approach 

based on the idea that 

illnesses like mine were 

the result of ignoring your 

body’s warning signals for 

too long. By reconnecting 

my body and mind, I 

could start to heal. 


The therapist asked me 

to write a list of things that 

made me happy, and do 

some of them every day. 

I could think of nothing 

– and this was my first 

breakthrough. I’d been so 

overwrought at work for 

so long that I didn’t know 

what I liked doing. How 

had I let that happen? It 

sparked something inside. 

I didn’t care what anyone 

else told me; I would 

recover, no matter what. 

I read more, and began 

daily meditations. To keep 

my brain active, I started 

working towards a degree 

with the Open University. 

I cleaned up my diet, and I 

got outside more. 

I read about something 

called ‘graded exercise 

therapy’ – an NHSapproved 

treatment that 

follows a programme of 

steadily increased activity. 

Confident this could be 

the right approach for me, 

I began taking short walks 

nearly every day. 

The first walk, in early 

2015, only took me to 

the end of our road, and 

afterwards I cried with 

exhaustion. It felt like 

knives were stabbing my 

thighs as I walked, and 

once home I couldn’t even 

get myself a glass of water, 

but I did it again two days 

later. This time, it wasn’t as 

difficult. I quickly learned 

to recognise when my 

body had had enough, and 

within six months, I could 

walk well over a mile. 

Most of my symptoms 

gradually faded, and while 

the fatigue was the only 

remaining part, I started 

playing badminton. 

By early 2016, I was 

swimming and playing 

rounders once a week. 

We celebrated my 

progress with a holiday. In 

August 2016, we went to 

Rome, but I was nervous 

about how I’d cope. My 

husband reassured me 

that we didn’t have to do 

anything in particular, and 

could just relax. 

His optimism helped 

bolster my own, but I 

needn’t have worried. We 

threw ourselves into that 

holiday, and were amazed 

when my fitness tracker 

reported I’d walked 14,000 

steps one day. I did 11,000 

the next. I kept waiting 

for the fatigue to knock 

me off my feet, but aside 

from sore leg muscles, I 

felt great. 

The day after we 

returned home, I applied 

for a part-time job at a 

pet shop. Standing up all 

day was hard, but after 

a few weeks my body 

adjusted. In time I went 

up to working three days 

a week, continued my 

studies, and maintained 

my physical exercise. 

While ME will affect 

some people for the rest 

of their lives, in February 

2017, I declared myself 

recovered. It had been 

six long years of fighting 

every single day but, at 

At last, I had done what so many 

said was impossible, and I was 

determined never to take my life 

for granted again 

Vikki graduated in 2018, with 

first-class honours 

last, I had done what so 

many said was impossible, 

and I was determined 

never to take my life for 

granted again. I would do 

everything that made me 

happy, and work to spread 

that happiness to others. 

I now have a blog on this 

topic – Life’s a Beach. 


Our bodies tell us everything we need to know, but often we 

ignore the warning signs that something is wrong. Once Vikki 

reconnected with herself physically, the mindful healing began 

– what therapists call ‘working phenomenologically’. It’s terribly 

hard when you have an illness nobody understands; 

it can be a frustrating and lonely experience. 

Fortunately, Vikki had a good support structure, but if 

you haven’t, remember there is always help out there 

in the form of counselling. You don’t have to be alone. 

Beverley Hills | MA MBACP 

Psychotherapist 

Action for ME estimates 

17 million people around 

the world suffer from 

ME, and are often driven 

people who forget selfcare. 

It doesn’t surprise 

me. In a world that 

idolises success, it’s easy 

to sacrifice everything to 

be the best. I learned the 

hard way that success is 

nothing without health. 

In November 2018, I 

stepped on stage to collect 

my first-class degree 

with honours. As I shook 

the Dean’s hand, I was 

bursting with pride. I was 

surrounded by the love of 

family and friends who’d 

stuck by me, I’d earned 

my degree, and I’d done it 

all while battling a vicious 

illness that nobody truly 

understands. 



Photography | M T Elgassier 

“ 

If opportunity doesn’t 

knock, build a door 

56 • happiful • December 2018 – MILTON BERLE

Editor’s picks 

Rebecca Thair 

I’m the dog-obsessed editor of Happiful – sorry for hounding you with 

pictures of pups! Outside of work, I can normally be found in the gym 

watching Killing Eve to feel like a badass, bingeing on a good box set, or 

getting out for walks around Virginia Water, with a quick pit-stop at a pub 

Images | Sliders: ASOS, Twilight Spray: Lush, Emojis: emojipedia.org 

FAVOURITE SONG 

Sam Cooke – ‘Bring It on Home to Me’ 

BEST THING YOU’VE DONE 

RECENTLY FOR YOUR WELLBEING? 

I deleted our internal messenger 

app from my phone – it’s 

important to set boundaries 

when away from the office! 

MUST-TRY PRODUCT 

‘Sleepy’ body lotion from Lush 

(£16), or their ‘Twilight’ spray 

(£20). When I’m stressed, sleep 

is the first thing that goes out of 

the window, but these lavenderinfused 

products 

smell incredible, 

and really work 

wonders. Definitely 

worth a try when 

sleep evades you! 

FAVOURITE QUOTE 

MUST-TRY ACTIVITY 

For summer evenings, you can’t 

beat a bit of Top Golf. Some fresh 

air, fun with friends, and if you’re 

feeling frustrated, a great way to 

let off some steam. 

YOUR PET HATE 

People using their Facebook 

status as a replacement for 

Google. This isn’t the place to 

request a quote on your new 

kitchen, Sharon. 

MUST WATCH 

It’s all about The Handmaid’s 

Tale right now. No explanation 

required. If you’re not watching, 

catch up immediately. 

So we beat on, boats against the current, 

borne back ceaselessly into the past 

– F. Scott Fitzgerald 

From my favourite book, The Great Gatsby. While the message might be 

‘you can’t repeat the past’, and the futility of the American dream, I still 

see hope in it. The future can still be full of new possibilities, when we 

stop letting the past hold us back. 

ON THE UP 

Sliders 

Yes, I take office 

casual too far… 

In my defence, 

it’s summer. 

GOING DOWN 

Office air con 

It’s roasting outside, 

but like the North 

Pole inside – the 

clothing dilemma 

is real. 

YOUR SELF-CARE ADVICE 

Give yourself a break. 

Sometimes self-care is 

treating yourself well, 

pampering, or going to the 

gym. But sometimes it’s 

letting yourself have a night 

off when you need it. To be 

lazy, to not do anything on 

your to-do list, and relish 

some meaningless 

downtime. 

FAVOURITE FOOD 

Fajitas. All about that 

sizzle and spice.

BUST OUT THE 

BBQ 

Say goodbye to boring burgers, it’s time for a change 

Writing | Ellen Hoggard 

The UK may be used to 

a not-so-dry summer, 

but that doesn’t stop 

us from making the 

most of the warmer 

days and eating al fresco. While a 

BBQ typically involves meat, we’re 

mixing things up. We’re going 

vegan, and the food is so good 

that everybody will be asking you 

for the recipe. 

With Meat Free Monday and 

other initiatives in full swing, we 

want to inspire you this season 

with a delicious collection of 

recipes – ready to throw on 

your BBQ, rain or shine. There’s 

something so special about trying 

a new dish and running away 

with your imagination when it 

comes to cooking, and this is 

no exception. As always, our 

recipes are totally open to change, 

depending on your taste and what 

you have in the cupboard. 

So fire up the grill, it’s time to 

impress your guests. 

CHARGRILLED VEGETABLE 

SKEWERS 

Makes 12 

Ingredients 

1 courgette 

1 yellow pepper 

1 red pepper 

2 red onions 

180g chestnut mushrooms 

200g cherry tomatoes 

50g ciabatta 

1 lemon, grated 

1 red chilli, finely chopped 

2 sprigs of rosemary, chopped 

Extra virgin olive oil 

Salt and pepper 

Method 

Soak 12 wooden skewers in water 

to stop them from burning on 

the barbecue. Chop the peppers, 

red onions, mushrooms, and 

courgette into large chunks, and 

place in a mixing bowl. Remove 

the crust from the ciabatta and 

cut into 2cm chunks. Add to the 

bowl, along with the tomatoes. In 

a small bowl, combine the chilli, 

rosemary and lemon zest. Add 

the olive oil, salt and pepper and 

mix. Add to the vegetables. Using 

your hands, toss everything 

together and leave to marinate 

for 30 minutes. 

Divide and thread the 

ingredients between your 

skewers. Add to the barbecue, 

cooking for 8–10 minutes, 

turning occasionally. Serve. 


FIVE BEAN SALAD 

Serves 8 

Ingredients 

1 can kidney beans 

1 can chickpeas 

1 can black beans 

1 cup edamame beans 

1 cup green beans, chopped 

1/2 red onion, diced 

2 tbsp parsley, chopped 

Juice of half a lemon 

2 tbsp agave syrup 

4 tbsp white wine vinegar 

1 tsp extra virgin olive oil 


Method 

Drain the beans. In a large bowl, 

combine the beans, onions, 

and parsley. In a separate bowl, 

combine the olive oil, lemon 

juice, white wine vinegar and 

agave syrup. Whisk. Add to the 

bean mixture and season with 

salt and pepper. Serve. 

SWEET BBQ TOFU 

Serves 4 

Ingredients 

1 block tofu, pressed 

10 tbsp BBQ sauce 

70ml orange juice 

70ml water 

1 tsp chilli powder 

1/2 tsp chilli flakes 


Method 

Prepare your tofu by pressing it 

before use. When the moisture is 

removed, slice into large chunks. 

In a small pan, combine the BBQ 

sauce, orange juice, water, and 

dry ingredients over a low heat. 

Place the mixture in a bowl and 

add the tofu, coating both sides. 

Leave to marinate for two hours. 

Spray the grill with oil so the 

tofu doesn’t stick. Grill the pieces 

for 4–5 minutes on each side, 

brushing with additional sauce. 

Season with salt and pepper to 

taste. Serve. 

Find a 

nutritionist 

near you at 

nutritionistresource.org.uk 

OUR EXPERT SAYS… 

CHARGRILLED VEGETABLE 

SKEWERS 

All the colourful vegetables are 

bursting with health-giving fibre, 

to keep blood sugar levels stable, 

and antioxidants to boost the 

immune system. You could 

add garlic cloves to 

the skewers, giving a 

roasted garlic flavour 

and additional health 

benefits. 

FIVE BEAN SALAD 

This salad is really rich 

in low fat, low cholesterol, 

protein, and plenty of gut-friendly 

fibre. Fresh mint, coriander, 

tarragon, chives and basil could 

also be added for extra flavour, and 

to help boost the immune system. 

You may not need the sweet agave 

syrup, so taste the dressing before 

adding it, and if you like apple 

cider vinegar, consider using that 

in place of the white wine vinegar. 

SWEET BBQ TOFU 

Tofu is a great source of vegan 

protein, and is low in fat and 

cholesterol. It takes on flavour 

really well, so any marinade will 

work. You could make an Asianinspired 

one by using 10 tbsp black 

bean sauce, 1 tsp ginger garlic 

paste, 1/2 tsp chilli flakes, salt and 

pepper, and 150ml water. To make 

the cooking process easier, thread 

the tofu on to skewers before 

placing on the grill. 

Susan Hart is a nutrition 

coach and speaker. As well 

as delivering healthy eating 

advice to individuals, Susan 

hosts regular workshops and 

runs vegan cooking classes. Find 

out more at nutrition-coach.co.uk 


What is endometriosis? 

With 176 million women across the world believed to have endometriosis, it’s a condition 

affecting a huge number of lives, and yet for many of us it remains a bit of a mystery… 

Here, nutritional therapist Sonal Shah, explores the symptoms to be aware of, possible 

causes, along with how diet could be key to managing the condition 

Writing | Sonal Shah 

The second 

most common 

gynaecological 

condition in the UK, 

endometriosis is the abnormal 

growth of cells that form in the 

lining of the uterus. Some of 

these cells may, instead of being 

expelled from the body during 

the menstrual process, actually 

end up continuing their cycle 

elsewhere. They then have no 

way of leaving the body, so the 

material builds up and may attach 

itself to other organs in the lower 

abdomen, such as the ovaries, 

fallopian tubes, or bowel. 

While endometriosis can affect 

women of any age, it is most often 

found in those in their 30s and 

40s. While it’s difficult to pinpoint 

the exact number of women 

who develop endometriosis, 

it’s estimated that one in 10 

women of reproductive age in 

the UK have it, and it costs the 

UK economy around £8.2 billion 

each year due to treatment, loss of 

work, and associated healthcare 

costs. So, understanding how to 

manage and reduce the impact 

of endometriosis on the lives of 

sufferers is essential, and the 

likelihood is you already know 

someone who is all-too-familiar 

with the pain and discomfort this 

condition can bring... 

SYMPTOMS AND 

COMPLICATIONS 

When it comes to endometriosis, 

it really can be quite a unique 

experience for people. One thing 

to note is that the severity of 

endometriosis does not always 

correspond to the level of pain 

and discomfort experienced. 

Additionally, symptoms can vary 

from one woman to another, and 

some women may not experience 

any symptoms at all. 

For those who do, the classic 

symptoms to be aware of include 

pelvic pain, heavy periods, 

intermittent pain throughout 

the menstrual cycle, painful 

intercourse, painful bowel 

movements, fatigue, nausea, 

vomiting and constipation during 

menses, and infertility. 

One of the primary concerns 

with endometriosis is that it can 

cause fertility problems. While 

the reasoning for this is not 

fully understood, it is thought 

to be because of damage 

caused to the fallopian tubes or 

ovaries. 

Other issues which can 

arise include some women 

developing adhesions – ‘sticky’ 

areas of endometriosis tissue 

that can join organs together. 

Ovarian cysts may also develop, 

which are fluid-filled cysts in 

the ovaries that can sometimes 

become very large and painful, 

and can be treated with surgery. 

For some women, the impact 

that endometriosis can have on 

their life can lead to depression, 

so it’s important to recognise 

symptoms, and look for support 

with managing the condition as 

soon as possible. 

If you suspect you may have 

endometriosis, it’s important 

that you speak with your GP. As 

symptoms can vary, it’s a good 

idea to keep track of them in a 

diary so that you can accurately 

describe them during your 

appointment with the doctor. 


POTENTIAL CAUSES 

Unfortunately, the exact cause 

of endometriosis is unknown, 

and there is no definite cure. 

However, some possible reasons 

are outlined here, and the 

likelihood is it could be a result of 

a combination of factors: 

• One theory is that hormonal 

imbalances, such as oestrogen 

dominance, may play a role. 

Interestingly, the symptoms of 

oestrogen dominance are similar 

to that of endometriosis. 

Endometrial tissue produces 

an enzyme called aromatase 

which, in turn, leads to oestrogen 

production. Furthermore, 

oestrogen and progesterone both 

regulate phases of the menstrual 

cycle, and if a woman has gut 

and liver imbalances, the old 

hormones might not get cleared 

out soon enough. This can provide >>> 


the opportunity for the unwanted 

recycling of oestrogen, and high 

levels of oestrogen compared to 

progesterone. 

• Endometriosis and irritable 

bowel syndrome (IBS) seem to 

go hand-in-hand, with many 

women who have endometriosis 

reporting this. A recent study 

published in the European Journal 

of Obstetrics & Gynecology and 

Reproductive Biology found that 

IBS is five times higher in women 

with endometriosis, compared to 

women without endometriosis, 

prompting thoughts of a possible 

link. 

A bacterial imbalance in the gut 

can also impact the microbes and 

bacteria in the large intestine, 

small intestine and pelvic area. 

This could potentially cause 

inflammation that damages the 

cells and activates the immune 

cells in the body leading to a 

dysfunctional immune system, 

which is also a potential trigger. 

• In the 1920s, Dr John 

Sampson believed ‘retrograde 

menstruation’ could be one 

explanation behind the condition. 

He believed that endometriosis 

could be caused by menstrual 

tissue flowing in reverse through 

the fallopian tubes, and landing 

on the pelvic organs where it may 

stay and grow. 

• Another possible cause could 

be simply down to our genetic 

disposition – an individual might 

find their risk of developing 

endometriosis increases if it 

runs in the family. Additionally, 

hormonal developments like early 

puberty might be influenced by 

genetics. 

HOW NUTRITION CAN HELP 

Given the importance of 

gut health, including the 

detoxification of hormones 

through the liver, it makes sense to 

investigate how improving our gut 

health could help to manage the 

symptoms of endometriosis. 

Because those with 

endometriosis are likely to have 

inflammation in the gut and pelvic 

area, the emphasis is therefore on 

an anti-inflammatory diet to help 

with this. 

It’s estimated that 

one in 10 women 

of reproductive 

age in the UK have 

endometriosis 

This would mean eating oily 

fish for their omega-3 content, 

or seeds, nuts and avocados, 

olive oil, colourful foods like 

dark berries, carrots, sweet 

potatoes, and leafy vegetables, 

which provide vitamins and 

minerals that help lower 

inflammation and strengthen 

our immune system. 

Green tea, cinnamon, ginger, 

and turmeric are also good 

at helping the body to fight 

inflammation. Cruciferous 

vegetables like broccoli, kale, and 

Swiss chard contain magnesium, 

along with a compound called 

indole-3-carbinol that assists 

the body in healthy oestrogen 

metabolism. Furthermore many 

of these foods (also beans and 

pulses) are rich in fibre, which 

can all help to restore hormonal 

imbalance. 

TASTE THE DIFFERENCE 

An anti-inflammatory green 

smoothie could be a wonderful 

addition to your diet, and help 

those with endometriosis 

symptoms. With smoothies, you 

can have this daily, and simply 

change up some of the fruit and 

veg you add for a bit of variety! 

Recipe: 

• 1 cup of dark green vegetables 

(spinach, kale, or watercress) 

• 1 cup of fruit (berries, mango) 

• 1/2 an avocado or 1 tbsp ground 

flaxseeds 

• 250ml dairy-free milk 

• Powdered turmeric (or ginger) 

Method: 

• Choose either spinach, kale, or 

watercress, and add to a blender 

with the fruit, to sweeten. 

• For a boost of fats, add 1/2 an 

avocado, or ground flaxseeds, 

which provide a hit of omega 3. 

• Pour in 250ml dairy-free milk, 

or use water if you prefer. The 

more liquid you add the runnier 

it will be, so experiment with the 

consistency you like best. 

• Add a pinch of ginger, or 

powdered turmeric. Blend it all 

together and enjoy! 


THINGS TO TRY TODAY 

Sources of omega 3 oil, 

1 which can reduce levels of an 

inflammatory chemical and slow 

the growth of endometrial tissue. 

If you’re on a plant-based diet, I’d 

recommend flaxseed oil daily. 

One size does not fit all when it 

comes to living with endometriosis. 

Consult your GP for support 

Try supplementing iron, as 

2 low iron is common with 

heavy menses. You can get your 

blood iron levels tested, and then 

supplement accordingly. 

Increase your omega 6 intake – 

3 Gamma-Linolenic Acid (GLA). 

Starflower oil contains more GLA 

than some other options, and 

has therapeutic benefits to lower 

inflammation, balance hormones, 

and reduce pain. 

Magnesium capsules can 

4 help strengthen bones, relax 

muscles, and reduce pelvic pain 

and abdominal cramps. Vitamin 

D3 should also be supplemented. 

A good multivitamin will 

5 contain B vitamins, vitamin C, 

along with minerals such as zinc 

and calcium to keep your body 

healthy. My favourite is Cytoplan’s 

Wholefood multi. 

Portraits | billie.com 

There are also things you can 

implement in your lifestyle, such 

as trying a sitz bath, which is 

considered one of the natural 

remedies for endometriosis. 

A hot bath helps reduce pain 

and cramping by relaxing the 

muscles in your pelvic area, which 

can be aided further by adding 

magnesium salts, Epsom salts, or 

magnesium oil. You can also add 

eight to 10 drops of lavender or 

rosemary oil. 

Sonal is a nutritional therapist and director of Synergy Nutrition. 

She specialises in sports nutrition, hormonal imbalances, and 

vegan diets. To find out more, visit synergynutrition.co.uk 



Photography | Svetlana Pochatun 

Photography | Max Andrey 

64 • happiful • December 2018 

“ 

If you are positive, 

you’ll see opportunities 

instead of obstacles 

– WIDAD AKRAWI

...and breathe 

Discover more 

about calming 

breathing techniques, 

and mindfulness for 

anxiety and stress at 

therapy-directory.org.uk 

Feeling stressed or 

anxious? Mindful breathing 

could be the answer 

We all experience 

stress and anxiety 

from time to 

time, yet for 

some, the feelings can seem 

overwhelming. If you find 

yourself stuck and unable 

to escape the cycle of stress 

and anxiety, there are simple 

tricks you can try to feel more 

connected and present in the 

moment. 

Therapy Directory member, 

Reiki master and energy healer, 

Julia Trickett, shares her advice. 

“Your body has its welldocumented 

fight or flight 

response. So how can you reduce 

stress? Pretending to blow up a 

balloon is one method. It helps 

to empty your lungs as breathing 

tends to get shallower when you 

are anxious.” 

Try 

Take a slow, deep breath in 

through your nose. 

Hold your breath for two or 

three seconds. 

Exhale slowly through your 

mouth. 

Pause for five seconds. 

Repeat. 

Therapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

SUMMER 

READS 

Whether you’re jetting off to sunnier shores, or planning a short staycation, 

summer is the perfect time for a little reading and relaxation 

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford 

For a bookworm, I 

was never a fan of 

summer reading 

lists. Filled with 

dusty old books with 

heavy-handed morals, I always 

preferred exploring my local 

library to see what new hidden 

gems I could uncover. 

With more and more books, 

across a wider range of genres, 

being published than ever 

before, literally thousands of 

new titles are expected to hit the 

shelves and digital platforms this 

summer. We share nine of our 

most-anticipated reads to help 

you (and your loved ones) get in 

the mood, feel inspired, and to 

make this summer your hottest 

reading season yet. 

MOTIVATING YOUNG MINDS 

You Can Change the World! 

By Margaret Rooke (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £12.99) 

In a world often caught up with 

celebs, shopping, and social 

media, best-selling author 

Margaret Rooke highlights the 

inspiring stories of 50 teens 

from around the world. Sharing 

their experiences as volunteers, 

campaigners, social entrepreneurs, 

and more, these teens have helped 

change and improve the lives of 

others. From upcycling clothes 

for the homeless, to founding 

football teams for children with 

disabilities, help teens discover the 

power they hold when they have a 

goal worth fighting for. 


GETTING BACK TO NATURE 

Go Wild: Find Freedom and Adventure in the Great Outdoors 

By Chris Naylor (Summersdale, £16.99) 

Our modern lives see us shut 

away inside, hunched over 

screens for hours on end. When 

was the last time you got outside 

and just spent time enjoying 

nature? It’s never too late to 

rediscover the joy of the great 

outdoors. Check out activities 

and ideas for adventures in 

forests, woodlands, mountains, 

by the seaside, and more. Find 

inspiration to help you escape the 

everyday pace, find adventure, 

and go wild. 

FANS OF BLACK MIRROR 

Heartstream 

By Tom Pollock (Walker Books, £7.99) 

Delve into the world of 

influencers, social media, 

and obsession. How much 

of ourselves should we be 

sharing online? Amy, an online 

influencer, has broadcast every 

moment of her mother’s terminal 

illness. With the Heartstream 

app, her followers are able to 

experience every emotion Amy 

goes through. But on the day 

of her mother’s funeral, Amy 

discovers a stranger rigged with 

explosives in her kitchen... 

LEARNING ABOUT DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES 

Camouflage: The Hidden Lives of Autistic Women 

By Dr Sarah Bargiela (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £12.99) 

Camouflage is a graphic novel with 

a difference. Autistic women and 

girls are often misrepresented or 

overlooked. Thanks to Dr Sarah 

Bargiela, readers can gain a unique 

insight into the lives and different 

perspectives of these women. 

Using real-life case studies and 

charming illustrations, discover 

what everyday life can be like 

for women on the spectrum. 

From understanding metaphors 

and masking behaviours, to 

communication, social pressures, 

and managing relationships. A 

fantastic, easy-to-digest book for 

anyone hoping to understand 

how we can create a safer, more 

accommodating environment for 

women on the spectrum. 


MISCHIEVOUS MIDDLE-GRADERS 

Cookie and the Most Annoying Boy in the World 

By Konnie Huq (Piccadilly Press, £10.99) Out 8 August 

A quirky, geeky girl from a 

Bangladeshi family, Cookie feels 

like she never quite fits in. When 

her best friend moves away, Cookie 

sets her heart on getting a cute 

kitten to help fill the void. But the 

most annoying boy she’s ever met 

buys her dream kitten, and soon 

she discovers he’s not only in her 

year at school, but is moving in 

next door. 

Things aren’t all bad – if Cookie 

can just keep her cool, she may 

stand a chance of getting on her 

favourite TV show. All she has to 

do first is win her school science 

competition. 

Combining anarchic humour 

and a little sneaky STEM learning, 

Cookie and the Most Annoying Boy in 

the World is the latest must-read for 

kids aged eight to 12. 

Why Mummy Doesn’t Give A ****! is the perfect 

book to tide you through the long summer 

holidays while school is out 

A CHEEKY LAUGH AND LETTING OFF STEAM 

Why Mummy Doesn’t Give A ****! 

By Gill Sims (HarperCollins, £12.99) 

From the Sunday Times number 

one best-selling author Gill Sims, 

comes the latest laugh-out-loud 

novel for mums everywhere. 

Mummy (Ellen) wonders how 

many more ‘phases’ she’s going 

to have to deal with before her 

children become civilised, 

functioning members of society. 

Now teens, instead of pestering 

her about who would win in a fight 

– a dragon badger or a ninja horse 

– they spend hours Snapchatting, 

communicating in grunts, and 

stropping around their tiny cottage 

(when not demanding Ellen acts as 

their all-hours taxi service). 

The country life she’s been 

dreaming of isn’t turning out quite 

as planned, but at least they can all 

agree on one thing: Barry the rescue 

Wolfdog may be the ugliest dog in 

the world, but he’s also the loveliest. 

The third hilarious part in the 

parenting blogger, author and 

illustrator’s Why Mummy series, Why 

Mummy Doesn’t Give A ****! is the 

perfect book to tide you through the 

long summer holidays while school 

is out.

INSPIRING DISCUSSIONS 

After the End 

By Clare Mackintosh (Sphere, £12.99) 

A heart-breaking, page-turning 

novel from Sunday Times bestselling 

author Clare Mackintosh. 

Max and Pip are the strongest, 

most unshakable couple – until 

their son gets sick. 

As doctors put the question of his 

survival into their hands, for the 

first time, they can’t agree. Each 

wants a different future for 

their son. But what if they could 

have both? 

Explore love, marriage, 

parenthood, and the road not 

taken, in this unforgettable and 

emotional novel. 

DISCOVERING INNER PEACE 

The Little Book of Meditations 

By Gilly Pickup (Summersdale, £5.99) 

Have you ever wanted to try 

meditation, but weren’t sure 

where to start? Learn about the 

different types of meditation, 

discover how it can improve 

your sense of wellbeing, and get 

help to connect with the world 

around you. Offering guidance 

and practical advice, discover 

simple ways you can incorporate 

meditation into your daily routine 

to help reduce anxiety, increase 

positivity, and help you appreciate 

each moment. 

REFLECTION AND TRANQUILLITY 

Pause: 100 moments of calm 

By Summersdale (£6.99) 

It can be easy to get caught up 

in the fast pace and day-to-day 

stresses of life. Taking time out 

for yourself, and finding ways 

to press pause, can be vital in 

reintroducing moments of calm 

to your routine. Combining 

mindfulness techniques, self-care 

ideas, with simple ways you can 

relax, this pocket-sized guide helps 

you to find moments of peace, 

calm, and reflection. 

WIN! 

We're giving away three book bundles to keep you entertained this summer. For your chance to win, drop 

us an email at competitions@happiful.com by 18 August, with your answer to the following question: 

What is J.K. Rowling’s full first name? Good luck! 

Open to UK residents only.

Getting through 

separation and divorce 

If your marriage is on the rocks, there’s 

plenty of legal and financial advice 

out there. But the emotional impact of 

a split – the anger, sadness, grief, 

confusion, and loneliness – needs to 

be tackled, too 

Writing | Lindsay George

An estimated 42% of 

marriages in the UK 

now end in divorce, 

with about half of 

these expected to 

occur in the first 10 

years of marriage. Alongside this, 

around 62% of women initiate 

divorce – it's said that they notice 

the problems sooner. Yet men 

remarry more quickly, as they are 

usually confronted with greater 

emotional adjustment issues. 

That said, 31% of all second 

marriages will also fail. 

These are truly sobering 

statistics, yet divorce rates are 

slowing down, year on year. So 

why is this? Divorce is not only a 

financial stress but emotionally 

damaging, and not a decision 

taken lightly. 

While the legal and financial 

processes associated with 

divorce are not necessarily easy 

to navigate, thankfully there are 

systems in place to help guide you 

through each stage. 

In contrast, the emotional 

journey of separation and divorce 

is all too often neglected. The 

impact on your mental health and 

wellbeing can feel overwhelming, 

as you attempt to adjust and adapt 

to changes that you may feel you 

have little control over. 

PARTING WAYS 

Once the decision to separate 

has been made, often the impact 

ripples out further throughout 

the lives of those involved. The 

stresses and strains can be felt by 

family and friends, which may in 

turn create additional pressure 

on your day-to-day relationships. 

It comes as no surprise, then, to 

learn that divorce is listed as the 

second most stressful life event, 

after the death of a loved one. 

Much of my work as a 

psychotherapist and counsellor 

is spent helping clients work 

through emotional issues in 

their relationships. When a 

person finally makes the difficult 

decision to separate, or divorce 

a partner, I am often asked how 

long the actual process will take 

for them to recover. Statistics 

show that it can take up to two 

years to get over a divorce or 

separation. However, we are all 

different, so for some this can 

take considerably longer. 

The significant changes that 

take place in your life during this 

period can often feel chaotic, 

traumatic, and filled with 

contradictory 

emotions. The 

Giving yourself time 

and space to 

understand what 

went wrong is an 

important step 

towards recovery 

process can at 

times feel much 

harder to adjust 

to than initially 

imagined. 

Some days 

you may feel 

hopeful, and 

even relieved, 

to be out of it, 

especially if your marriage or 

relationship has been difficult for 

a long time. Other days you may 

feel angry, sad, lonely, confused 

or anxious. These are all normal 

emotions and it is especially 

important that you take extra care 

of yourself during this time. 

MOVING FORWARD 

Prioritising your own needs is 

vital, particularly if anyone is 

dependent on you. As difficult 

as this can be when you 

have so many overwhelming 

responsibilities, it is important 

to remind yourself that it will be 

harder to look after your children 

or pets, or other family members, 

if you don’t look after yourself to 

begin with. 

An important step towards 

recovery, will also be in giving 

yourself time and space to 

understand what went wrong, as 

is focusing on what you need to 

do to help you let go of the past. 

Looking forward to the future will 

help stop you feeling stuck, and 

more in control. 

That said, with the end of any 

relationship, it is natural that your 

self-esteem and self-confidence 

will feel at an all time low. When 

you experience hurt, it is normal 

to want to lash out and blame one 

another, which will cause more 

resentment and upset. It is all 

too easy to get 

trapped in a cycle 

of blame and 

fault-finding. 

However once 

you’ve agreed 

to separate, it 

might be more 

helpful to focus 

on what the 

relationship was 

lacking for both 

of you. While the answers may be 

upsetting, a better understanding 

of what these are will allow you 

both to move on. 

The following tips may help you 

to get through this difficult time, 

and face the future with more 

hope. 

1 Keep the lines of 

communication open 

Talking to your friends and 

family could help stop you from 

feeling isolated; it will also help 

to keep things in perspective. It 

is natural to feel that you are the 

only one with problems and that 

you are burdening others with 

yours. >>>

Learning to reach out and share 

your heartaches and worries 

will not only help you feel more 

supported, but will allow them to 

feel more connected and closer to 

you during this difficult time. 

2 Let yourself grieve 

It is normal to feel shock and 

disbelief when your relationship 

comes to an end. Endings can 

evoke a sense of loss in the life 

that we once knew, and the life 

we hoped for. The process of grief 

will play out differently for each 

of us and is said to have several 

stages. These include denial, 

anger, bargaining, depression, 

and finally acceptance. While you 

may enter each of these stages 

at any given time, it is important 

to remind yourself that these 

are neither neat nor linear. You 

may require some help to work 

through any one of these stages if 

you feel you are getting stuck. 

3 Dealing with anger 

Anger is often the stage that many 

people get stuck at. Holding on 

to your anger not only slows 

down your ability to move on, but 

retains an emotional connection 

with your ex. It may be useful 

to recognise that anger is an 

externalised version of sadness. 

Learning to let go and making 

time to de-stress will benefit not 

only you, but also those around 

you. Learning to relax is essential 

in helping you maintain your 

health and wellbeing. 

4 Feeling more in control 

You may feel demoralised and 

start to lack confidence. Setting 

yourself small, achievable goals 

will not only boost your selfesteem, 

but will help you feel 

more in charge and self-reliant. 

Completing even minor tasks can 

feel like huge wins, which will help 

you overcome self-doubt and give 

you a sense of moving forward. 

5 Healthy body, healthy mind 

While it is tempting to reach for 

high fat, high sugar, comfort 

foods, unfortunately they won’t 

provide you with the nourishment 

that you need to manage 

additional stress. 

I bet you didn’t know that 50% of 

dopamine and 90% of serotonin 

– those neuro-transmitting feel 

good chemicals – are actually 

produced in your gut! Therefore 

eating foods that are high in 

omega 3, such as oily fish, nuts 

and seeds, adding a variety of 

fresh fruit and vegetables to 

your diet, alongside a probiotic 

drink or yogurt four to five times 

per week, will not only promote 

better gut health, but will make 

you feel better, too. 

Setting yourself 

small, achievable 

goals will not only 

boost your selfesteem, 

but will 

help you feel 

more in charge 

and self-reliant 

Exercise also produces 

endorphins that make you feel 

good about yourself and will 

improve your resilience levels, 

which in turn help you to manage 

stress. 

6 Professional help 

The process of divorce and 

separation can often make you 

feel trapped, as daily life may feel 

like it’s getting harder. Talking 

to a professional counsellor 

will help provide you with the 

necessary support to work 

through and understand your 

feelings, so that you will be able 

to manage situations with a better 

sense of self-awareness and 

control. 

Whether you’ve chosen, or 

perhaps feel forced, to make 

this huge change in your life, the 

process is never easy. Looking 

after yourself and getting the right 

support will help you get your life 

back together again so that you 

can move forward with a clearer 

sense of direction and a chance to 

find happiness and a fresh start in 

the future. 

Lindsay George is an integrative 

counsellor and trained nurse, who 

works with adults, couples, families, 

and young people. She specialises in 

areas including depression, eating 

disorders, and relationships. Visit 

lindsaygeorge.co.uk 


REALTALK 

Life coach and broadcaster Anna Williamson shares the life lessons and perspectives on 

love, friendship, and being a bit silly from time to time, that help keep her on track 

Writing | Lucy Donoughue 

Multi-faceted’ ‘ 

is a 

descriptor that 

seems to have 

been created for 

Anna Williamson; 

she is a woman 

of many talents – and many, 

many jobs. She’s a mind coach, 

podcaster, TV presenter, radio 

show host, author, columnist, and 

the list goes on... Alongside this, 

she’s an ambassador for Mind, The 

Prince’s Trust, and Childline, and 

is incredibly devoted to raising 

awareness of mental health. 

Anna speaks candidly about 

the mental illness she has faced 

herself, including crippling 

anxiety disorder earlier in her 

TV career. She’s also shared her 

experiences around the arrival of 

her son Enzo, explaining how the 

trauma of his birth, and the postnatal 

depression that followed, 

impacted her, and her relationship 

with her partner. 

Her open book approach to 

life’s events and the working 

of our minds, without a hint of 

airbrushing, is a breath of fresh air 

in the entertainment industry. 

Right now, Anna is putting this 

talent for straight-talking to great 

use. She’s in the middle of filming 

a new series of E4’s Celebs Go 

Dating (her second so far), and 

continues to produce the twiceweekly 

frank, funny, and very 

often naughty, ‘Loose Lips’ podcast 

with Luisa Zissman – and she’s 

feeling grateful about both projects 

for very different reasons. 

“Working on Celebs Go Dating 

really is my dream job,” she says 

enthusiastically. “I’m working 

with people who want to make 

changes; they aspire to love or 

a relationship, and they want 

to work on themselves. From a 

personal and psychological point 

of view, that’s really interesting.” 

Working with her colleague, Paul 

Brunswick, Anna helps to guide 

the celebrities through a new 

approach to dating, and she insists 

that the process has given her 

much to think about too. >>> 


people. What we love about the 

podcast is that it shows that it’s OK 

to disagree; you can stay friends, 

you don’t have to segregate 

yourself, or shun people because 

you don’t both think the same way. 

“There’s loads of stuff Luisa 

says that I don’t agree with, and 

she talks about me ‘banging on 

about mental health’ – a subject I 

think she struggles to get her head 

around. But we respect each other 

enough to agree to disagree, and at 

the end of it have a good old laugh 

– and that’s what its about.” 

Embracing this playful side is 

important to Anna. “I think in this 

day and age we lose sight of the 

Photography | Ruth Rose 

It’s taught me that 

everyone deserves 

love. And if people 

are willing to be 

open and show their 

vulnerable side, 

they feel better, and 

become happier 

individuals too 

“It’s taught me that everyone 

deserves love,” she explains. “And 

if people are willing to be open 

and show their vulnerable side, 

they feel better, and become 

happier individuals too. And it’s 

going to be another really eventful 

series,” she teases. 

And as for ‘Loose Lips’, what does 

that bring her? 

“Recording ‘Loose Lips’ is a huge 

release!” she says laughing. 

Anna and co-host Luisa Zissman 

met when Anna was the ‘psych’ 

expert on Big Brother’s Bit On The 

Side, and have been firm friends 

ever since. Their friendship is 

one of the factors that makes the 

podcast such a huge hit; it comes 

through so clearly in their chat. 

“We’re just two girls, having 

a good natter and a catch up, 

taking the mick out of each other,” 

Anna explains when asked about 

their pod’s appeal. “It’s no-holdsbarred, 

and we speak openly and 

honestly.” 

It’s not always sweetness and 

light though – and that’s OK by 

Anna too. “We’re very different 

benefit of being a bit silly; we’re all 

too consumed with trying to look 

good on Instagram, and filtering 

the cr*p out of ourselves.” 

Whatever platform she’s on, 

Anna commits to being her 

authentic self – and this is what 

makes her so successful. She 

has a brilliant ability to inject a 

large dollop of reality into every 

conversation she’s part of, along 

with a lot of belly laughs. 

Being real is a value that Anna 

holds dear, and one acquired from 

personal experience. “I’ve been 


through some hard stuff,’ she says 

plainly. “I’ve suffered with really 

bad mental health, and life has 

thrown some really challenging 

times at me – as it has with a lot of 

people.” 

“I’ve learned through these 

experiences – in therapy and then 

through professional training 

– that being authentic and true 

to yourself is actually the key to 

wellness and happiness. 

“So many of us feel we have to 

fit into a mould, people-please, 

or be something that we’re not 

sometimes, and I learned the hard 

way that I am who I am, and I 

don’t need to pretend I’m anyone 

I’m not.” 

So, in addition to keeping it real, 

how does Anna keep it all going? 

From the outside, she seems to be 

spinning a lot of plates... 

“There is a certain amount of 

juggling that goes on – but also, 

becoming a parent gives you so 

much perspective. You realise that 

you’re keeping a little person alive, 

and that their needs are more 

important than anything else. 

“I’ve become really disciplined 

since becoming a mum,” she adds. 

“Whereas before I could burn the 

candle at both ends, say yes to 

things that perhaps I shouldn’t, and 

I was teetering on people-pleasing. 

“All of that has gone, because I 

have a little boy who needs to go to 

bed at 7pm, or be picked up from 

nursery – so it’s really important 

for me to have a disciplined 

routine day-to-day.” 

However, Anna is aware that to 

stay well and mentally healthy, 

she also needs to make time 

for herself. “I plan ‘days of no 

obligation’,” she explains. “They 

are quite few and far between, but 

they are for me to do whatever I 

want to; whether that’s watching 

a box set, seeing a friend, or 

going for a massage. I treat those 

days like they are a doctor’s 

appointment, because they’re 

essential for my health.” 

Anna is also emphatic about the 

need to keep learning, and she 

continues to be deeply interested 

in mental health, psychology, 

and learning more about human 

interactions. She reads widely, and 

tunes into other people’s thinking 

on these subjects, as part of her 

own professional and personal 

development. 

Anna has therapy, too – in the 

form of supervision for her career 

and for herself, and she continues 

to be an advocate for the positive 

impact counselling and coaching 

can have. 

“I really feel that everyone should 

have someone to offload to, and 

therapy is such an important 

and cathartic thing to do,” she 

shares. “I would say to anyone 

reading this, please don’t wait until 

something is wrong. 

“To have someone, a counsellor 

or coach, to sit down and talk 

to, especially if you’re busy and 

you wear a lot of hats – parent 

hat, work hat, relationship hat 

– having someone that you can 

work everything through with, 

and prioritise your own happiness 

and wellbeing in that time, is 

extremely beneficial.” 

She pauses. “As well as carving 

out that bit of time for yourself 

and having a good old gossip 

with a girlfriend,” she laughs. 

“The power of that should not be 

underestimated.” 

Anna Willamson is a mind coach, 

TV presenter, podcast host, author, 

and a celebrity dating agent on E4’s 

‘Celebs Go Dating’. Follow Anna on 

Instagram @annawilliamsonofficial 

To find a therapist or life coach near 

you, visit counselling-directory.org.uk 

or lifecoach-directory.org.uk 


6 ways to help 

your relationship 

thrive through illness 

The language of love is never simple, but for those with long-term illnesses there 

can be even more aspects to decipher. Love's labour's are not lost, though – with 

these tips you'll soon be fluent, and communication can flourish 

Writing | Anna Gaunt 

All relationships come 

with challenges, and 

some we can all relate 

to – the debate over 

who’s cooking dinner, 

taking the bins out, and who left 

their towel on the bathroom floor. 

But illness can bring with it a whole 

host of other relationship tests. 

With more than 15 million 

of us living with a long-term 

health condition in the UK, it 

can add another element to your 

relationship. From mental illnesses 

such as depression and anxiety, to 

physical illnesses such as arthritis, 

for those who are diagnosed, it can 

be scary and unsettling. 

Some might be afraid of how their 

partner will respond, and support 

them. It can also be difficult for the 

partner, who might not know how 

best to help. 

But while there may be tricky 

things to navigate, like any 

relationship, it can still thrive with 

a bit of attention and care. 

If you are worried about how your 

long-term health condition might 

affect your relationship, here are 

some ideas to help it thrive. 

1 COMMUNICATE WITH 

EACH OTHER 

It might sound obvious and key 

to all relationships, but honest 

communication is vital when you 

or your partner are struggling 

with an illness. Both physical 

and mental illnesses can be 

complex for somebody who isn’t 

experiencing them to understand. 

It can also be easy to make 

assumptions about how the other 

person is feeling. For instance, if 

you’re unable to do your share of 

the housework due to illness, you 

may assume that your partner is 

annoyed about it. If your partner 

is not talking to you because they 

are busy with the housework, 

they may accidentally portray 

that they are annoyed. Make time 

to honestly communicate how 

you are both feeling to help avoid 

misunderstandings. 

2 EMPATHISE WITH EACH OTHER 

Receiving a diagnosis of a longterm 

health condition can be really 

hard. From feeling ill and being 

in pain, to feeling overwhelmed 

by appointments and treatments, 

and guilty for being unable to 

do the things that you used to. 

It is important that a partner 

recognises how difficult it can be 

to have an illness. However, it is 

also important to acknowledge 

how difficult it can be for a partner. 

Seeing their loved one suffering 

and being unable to help, while 

taking on the mammoth load of life 

errands for the both of you, can be 

hard, too. Trying to see things from 

one another’s perspective can help 

you to understand and support 

each other. 

3 ALLOW YOURSELF TO 

RECEIVE SUPPORT 

As somebody with a long-term 

health condition, it can be difficult 

to accept support. You don’t want 

to lose your independence or be 

seen as weak. You don’t want to 

admit defeat. But pushing yourself 

beyond your limits, because you’re 

too proud to accept help, can be 

damaging to your health. Refusing 

your partner’s care and support 

can also make them feel helpless. 

They may not be able to cure you, 

but they can cook your dinner!

4 FIND JOY IN THE 

LITTLE THINGS 

Spending quality time together 

is important, but if illness is 

preventing you from going on 

dates, don’t fret. Joy can be found 

in the little things, like laughing 

about that time you fell over in 

You will see that 

you’re deserving of 

love. You’re more 

than just a person 

with an illness 

Tesco, making bubble beards in the 

bath, or reading together. Having 

someone to do nothing with can be 

better than having someone to do 

‘something’ with. 

5 DREAM TOGETHER 

A lot of long-term health 

conditions fluctuate with periods of 

heightened symptoms, followed by 

periods of remission. When your 

illness is kicking you down, dream 

of what you’ll do when you’re 

feeling better. It can be 

as simple as making 

pancakes at the 

weekend, or as 

wild as 

imagining yourselves on a private 

jet to the Maldives. Dreaming can 

be the escapism you need when 

struggling with the daily realities of 

an illness. 

6 LOVE YOURSELF FIRST 

It’s a cliché that you can’t love 

anybody else until you love 

yourself, but self-love can help 

your relationship to thrive. 

Illnesses can contribute to a 

lack of confidence for numerous 

reasons, including side-effects 

of medication. But if you 

love yourself, you’ll see 

why your partner loves 

you, and be less likely 

to question why 

they would choose 

the challenges your 

illness can bring. 

You will see that 

you’re deserving of 

love. You’re more than 

just a person with an 

illness.

You deserve support. 

You deserve a moment 

of peace in your mind

Breaking free 

from my obsessive 

compulsive 

thoughts 

The reality of living with OCD isn’t 

a penchant for tidiness and order, 

it’s a debilitating condition where 

intrusive thoughts can terrorise 

your daily world 

Writing | Suz Yasemin Selçuk 

If you’ve ever suffered with 

obsessive compulsive disorder 

(OCD) and intrusive thoughts, 

chances are you’ve come across 

someone who has falsely 

diagnosed themselves with it. Not in a 

health anxiety way; someone who is ‘so 

OCD’ because they like a clean house, or 

are super-organised. But that’s where it 

ends. Somebody who’s decided it’s a fun 

word to describe someone’s silly, slightly 

annoying personality traits. 

When you live with OCD (and I say 

‘live’ because it never leaves you, like an 

uninvited, overpowering housemate, 

who doesn’t pay rent), you understand it 

isn’t a passing thought, or feeling. It’s a 

constant intruder in your mind, affecting 

your day from the moment you wake, to 

the minute you close your eyes at night. >>>

Suz [right] and her cousin 

Serra as children 

“My friend Dee helped me out 

of a really dark place” 

I’ve struggled with OCD 

since I was eight, and 

launched my blog in late 

2017 to raise awareness. 

There’s something about 

OCD that makes it seem 

more taboo than some 

other mental illnesses. For 

me, it’s because amongst 

everything else going on 

in my mind, this is the 

thing that makes me feel 

the most crazy. 

With OCD, we 

experience intrusive 

and mainly irrational 

thoughts. A lot of the 

time, we know they are 

irrational. But they still 

terrify us and consume us. 

According to studies, it 

takes most sufferers 18 

years to seek help. This hit 

home for me, as from the 

age of eight until I was 21, 

I stayed silent. 

My experience started 

in 1998 after a semitraumatic 

event at school 

– I wasn’t in immediate 

danger, but it deeply 

affected me and how ‘safe’ 

I saw the world. 

I developed a fear of 

breaking things, and was 

plagued with thoughts 

that I was going to upset 

someone I loved. I would 

touch a door and panic 

that I had scratched it. 

I’d build up the worry 

inside until I broke 

down, distraught and 

inconsolable. 

This first stage of OCD 

lasted a couple of months, 

and then manifested into 

different things over the 

next 10 years. OCD has a 

way of strengthening its 

power the longer you are 

silent. Like a monster, it 

changes form so that it can 

rear its ugly head when 

you least expect it. 

When I was nine, my 

obsessive compulsive 

thoughts shifted into 

fears that something bad 

was going to happen to 

someone I loved. The 

ironic thing about OCD is 

that it brings your worst 

fears to the surface, in the 

format that you want them 

to happen. Many intrusive 

thoughts appear as ‘-insert 

name- is going to die’. 

So, guess what your next 

thought is? ‘You thought it, 

so now if it does happen, 

it’s your fault.’ 

When I had intrusive 

thoughts, I’d have to 

perform an ‘action’ to 

protect the person. I’d 

touch the wall a certain 

number of times, or say a 

sentence in my head for 10 

minutes. Before bed, I had 

a ritual – recite the names 

of every person I cared 

about. If I missed anyone, 

I’d have to start again, in 

case something horrible 

happened to them. 

Over the years, obsessive 

compulsive thoughts 

manifested into phobias 

and health anxiety. 

When I started college 

in 2007, my health anxiety 

triggers ranged from using 

a new beauty product 

and panicking about a 

fatal reaction, to having 

an undiagnosed (usually 

terminal) illness. The 

panic attacks took over 

my life – the feeling of 

my throat closing up and 

not being able to breathe 

made me too scared to 

sleep in case I never woke 

up again. 

At uni, I even developed 

a toilet anxiety where I 

couldn’t go anywhere I 

hadn’t been before in case 

there wasn’t a loo. This 

added to the feelings of 

shame, making it harder 

to ask for help. I just 

couldn’t do normal things 

people my age were doing. 

After I finished university 

in 2012, the rituals, and 

constant state of panic 

had gotten too much to 

bear. I isolated myself out 


For anyone struggling, 

remember OCD thrives on your 

silence. It forces you to feel guilt, 

shame and embarrassment 

about what’s going on 

Suz blogs to raise awareness of OCD at crazycreativecool.com 

of fear that something 

bad would happen while 

outside. But even at home, 

I would panic and end up 

hysterical if someone was 

late coming home. 

I never really talked 

to anyone about it, and 

my mind desperately 

needed an outlet. 

In 2014, I developed 

dermatillomania – a 

form of self-harm which 

involves the ritual of 

picking at your skin to 

generate feelings of relief 

from anxiety. 

The skin picking gave 

me another excuse not to 

leave the house, because I 

felt so disgusted in myself. 

My self-esteem was so low, 

I couldn’t find the joy in 

anything. I was convinced 

this was all my life would 

be, and then began to not 

feel anything. 

After reading an 

article on depression, 

I understood what the 

numbness meant. I’d spent 

years feeling trapped by 

my mind, but I suddenly 

had a stronger thought. I 

deserved to get better. 

In 2016, I found a 

therapist I connected 

with, started cognitive 

behavioural therapy (CBT) 

and began to feel hopeful. 

We practised exposure 

exercises, and I would be 

in tears, convinced there 

was no way I could do 

it. Each session I came 

back with news of my 

accomplishments – baby 

steps in battling my 

intrusive thoughts. 

Counselling genuinely 

changed my life. It helped 

me to be aware of my 

thoughts and not let them 

define or control me. 

For anyone struggling, 

remember OCD thrives 

on your silence. It forces 

you to feel guilt, shame 

and embarrassment about 

what’s going on. It controls 

and isolates you. I was 

constantly searching for 

someone else who was 

going through something 

similar. I didn’t find 

anyone for years – so 

many of us feel isolated 


For Suz, her OCD made the world around her feel 

unsafe and anxious. Ultimately, anxiety and self-harm 

overwhelmed her and she withdrew from life. Like many 

people, it took her years to ask for help, but in starting 

therapy, taking the difficult road did she began to release 

her from the grip of her obsessive compulsive 

thoughts. Through therapy, and learning not to 

be silenced by her experiences, Suz was able to 

reclaim her life. 

Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP 

Reg Ind counsellor 

with OCD, and the irony is 

just that: so many of us. 

The most important 

thing to destroy the power 

OCD was holding over me 

was talking to someone. 

Help and support is out 

there, but you have to 

believe you are worthy 

of reaching out for it. 

You deserve support. 

You deserve a moment of 

peace in your mind. 


Is mental health on your company agenda? 

We believe mental health first aid training should be given equal importance to physical 

first aid training in every workplace. If you would like to become a mental health first aider 

at work, Happiful can train you, and we've created this email template to help you explain 

the benefits to your boss 

Dear , 

I'd like to become a mental health first aider for 

and I'm hoping you can help. 

Here are some of the reasons why 

will benefit from offering Mental Health First Aid training to our 

employees: 

1. Build staff confidence to have open conversations around mental 

health and break the stigma in the office and in society. 

2. Encourage people to access early support when needed. Early 

intervention means faster recovery. 

3. Empower people with a long term mental health issue or disability to 

thrive in work, and ensure that we are compliant with legislation in 

the Equality Act 2010. 

4. Promote a mentally healthy environment, and allow people to thrive 

and become more productive. 

5. Embed a long-term, positive culture across the whole organisation, 

where our employees recognise their mental and physical health are 

supported as equal parts of the whole person. 

6. Proudly share that mental health is on our company agenda and 

improve retention as a result of a reduction in staff stress levels. 

Happiful offers two-day mental health first aid training courses for 

individuals across the country for £235 + VAT per person, and they 

can also offer bespoke courses on-site at our workplace if we have a 

minimum of eight attendees. 

Yours sincerely, 

 

Did you know that stress, 

anxiety, and depression 

are the biggest causes of 

sickness absence in our 

society? 

Mental ill-health is 

currently responsible for 

91 million working days 

lost each year. The cost 

to UK employers is £34.9 

billion each year.* 

Happiful has partnered 

with Simpila Healthy 

Solutions to offer 

internationally recognised 

courses and training 

events in the UK. 

Each course is delivered 

by an accredited Mental 

Health First Aid England 

instructor and is delivered 

in a safe, evidence-based 

programme. 

Proudly working with 

*Source: MHFA England 

SIMPILA 

Healthy Solutions 

To register your company’s interest or to book an 

individual place, visit training.happiful.com or 

drop us an email at training@happiful.com

Hospice Biographers: 

Keeping the 

story alive 

In the depths of grief, and in the years that follow the 

death of a loved one, a familiar voice can offer the world 

of comfort. Hospice Biographers is the charity that 

grants terminally ill patients the chance to have their life 

stories professionally recorded. But the benefits of their 

work expand far and wide... 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler 

When someone 

we love 

passes away, 

a million 

things may 

be running through our minds 

as we try to come to terms with 

the hole they left in our lives. 

But what if you could tune in 

to hear your loved one’s voice 

telling their story in their own 

words, and guiding you through 

their legacy? 

Barbara Altounyan was in her 

late 20s, and about to become 

a reporter for the BBC, when 

her family got the news that her 

dad didn’t have long left to live. 

Instinctively, Barbara borrowed 

a tape recorder, and set about 

recording her dad’s life story as 

a way to preserve his memory 

and celebrate his life. 

Sadly, Barbara’s dad passed 

away just a few weeks after they 

finished, but the experience 

inspired her to volunteer as an 

audio biographer at a nearby 

hospice. From here, she went on 

to found Hospice Biographers: 

the charity that records people’s 

life stories as they enter its final 

chapter. 

They want to 

feel that, after 

they die, they 

have something 

permanent for those 

that they know 

BUILDING A LEGACY 

Each year, hospices around the 

UK support more than 200,000 

people with terminal or lifelimiting 

illnesses. For those 

who approach the Hospice 

Biographers, there is comfort 

and purpose to be found in the 

offer of a recording session. 

“They’re looking for a number 

of things,” Barbara says. “It may >>>

e catharsis; they’re looking for a 

way of expelling their frustrations. 

Or they’re looking for a way that 

they can put past events straight. 

“The most important one, 

though, is legacy,” she explains. 

“They want to feel that, after 

they die, they have something 

permanent for those that they 

know.” 

Many of us will be able to relate 

to the power of the stories that are 

passed down through generations, 

from grandparents, parents, and 

elders in our communities. Those 

stories simultaneously help us 

build a portrait of their lives – 

something we can celebrate and 

honour – and preserve their 

memory and spirit through the 

lessons they teach us, and the 

visions that we may share. 

And there’s an important 

reason why Hospice Biographers 

record audio only, with Barbara 

explaining that the format 

empowers people to tell their 

stories in their own voice, allowing 

them to be judged – not by their 

appearance or their ability to write 

a story – but as a person, and a 

human being. 

CAPTURING CHARACTERS 

Of course, for the family and 

friends of those who have 

recorded their stories with 

Hospice Biographers, the gift of 

those recordings is priceless. 

“I’ve been chased down 

corridors,” says Barbara. “People 

come barging into my little 

makeshift audio studio at my 

hospice, and give me these huge 

bear hugs. They burst into tears. 

Oh gosh, they love it.” 

When she reflects on the people 

she has worked with over the 

years, there’s one woman in 

particular who stands out in 

Barbara’s memory. 

Suzanne Wallace was 

a superintendent in the 

Metropolitan Police before she 

was diagnosed with terminal 

breast cancer. She turned to 

Hospice Biographers to record her 

story of a life lived to its fullest. 

But Barbara’s role in Suzanne’s 

story didn’t end when the audio 

stopped recording. Before she 

died, Suzanne and her family 

asked Barbara to give a eulogy at 

her funeral. 

In a packed church of more than 

300 people, Barbara guided the 

congregation through Suzanne’s 

incredible life, using clips from 

the recordings they had done 

together. 

“People cried and people laughed 

because there was so much of 

Suzanne’s character,” Barbara 

reflects. “They laughed because it 

was so her.” 


I’ve been a journalist forever, and I’ve seen 

all sorts of wars – and God knows what – in 

the world, but entering into a hospice, as I 

did for the first time, was a hell of a shock 

Find out more about Hospice 

Biographers by visiting 

thehospicebiographers.com 

For Barbara and all those 

involved in Hospice Biographers, 

these are the moments that they’re 

working towards; they’re found in 

the quirks of character that can 

become buried under the burden 

of terminal illness, but that are 

brought back to life through the 

recordings. 

THE ART OF STORYTELLING 

But moments like this couldn’t 

be captured without the skill 

and sensitivity of the people 

who volunteer for Hospice 

Biographers, and it isn’t an easy 

thing to do. Volunteers have to 

resolve themselves to the gravity 

of what they are doing, and – as 

Barbara explains – be comfortable 

working in a unique environment. 

“I’ve been a journalist forever, 

and I’ve seen all sorts of wars 

– and God knows what – in the 

world, but entering into a hospice 

for the first time was a hell of 

a shock,” says Barbara. “The 

sensibilities, rules, and regulations 

are just very, very different.” 

In anticipation of this, Hospice 

Biographers pass on a job 

description to hospices, which 

is then shared among those 

already volunteering there, and 

all candidates are required to take 

part in a two-day training course 

prior to starting the interviews. 

“We do things on the art 

of listening, chronological 

interviewing techniques, use of 

audio equipment, downloading 

on USB, and safeguarding,” 

Barbara explains. “It can be quite 

emotionally draining; it’s very 

challenging.” 

Together, the volunteers and the 

people they are working with craft 

a recording that will be treasured 

for generations to come. 

But Barbara doesn’t want to stop 

at hospices. Identifying that there 

are those on the fringes of society 

who miss out on hospice care, 

she plans to expand the service to 

include people in prisons, those 

who are homeless, and people 

in the travelling community. The 

vision being to offer everyone in 

our society the same opportunity 

to build a legacy. 

Reflecting on this choice, 

Barbara’s reasoning is simple: “We 

just think it’s the right thing to do.” 

THE FINAL CHAPTERS 

In the end, our lives become 

a series of stories, broken into 

chapters as we grow. From the 

school stories that remind us of 

our budding hopes and dreams, 

through the thrilling highs of 

adulthood – and the quiet lulls too 

– each experience makes us who 

we are, and who we are touches 

the people around us in ways that 

trickle down the generations. 

What Barbara and everyone else 

involved in the charity are doing 

with Hospice Biographers is giving 

us the chance to capture these 

stories in a physical way, to hold 

on to the voices and the memories 

of the people that we love, and to 

keep them alive in a way that only 

storytelling can do. 


Walk on the wild side 

After years battling drink and drug addiction, walking saved 

Jonathan Hoban’s life. Here the psychotherapist and former 

musician explains how nature can help us find answers to our 

problems – and true happiness. The great outdoors, indeed… 

Writing | Gemma Calvert

‘In nature, we find the silence to hear 

our true thoughts and, in doing so, 

start to consider ourselves again’ 

“ Look deep into 

nature, and then 

you will understand 

everything better.” 

From Albert Einstein’s 

words of wisdom, to Buddha 

urging his disciples to meditate in 

the jungle to reach a higher state 

of consciousness, the restorative 

effects of nature have long been 

understood. 

For centuries, millions have 

reaped physical and emotional 

rewards from being in the great 

outdoors – including former 

rock musician turned therapist 

Jonathan Hoban, who says being 

outside “guided and nurtured” him 

through recovery from substance 

abuse and grief. 

Since retraining in 

psychotherapy 20 years ago, 

Jonathan has devised Walking 

Therapy, which merges walking 

in nature with counselling. Be 

it strolling along a meandering 

riverbank, power walking through 

a dense pine forest, or sitting 

quietly in a postage stamp patch 

of parkland, he swears by the 

emotional healing power of 

outside spaces. 

“It’s not only about that low 

aerobic exercise, but when we 

walk in nature, our brain releases 

oxytocin, which is very meditative. 

And putting time for a walk in the 

diary – making time for yourself – 

is important because when we’re 

busy, we never make time for 

ourselves,” explains Jonathan. 

Away from their phones, 

computers, and the stresses of 

work and daily life, Jonathan’s 

clients discover the mental 

space to unravel problems that 

would otherwise stay buried, 

and connect to what he calls 

their “instinctive, wilder side”, or 

“primal energies”. 

“You might not want to do a 

job anymore but push down 

those feelings, and suppress 

that intuition, because you’re 

frightened of what you need to 

do with your life,” says Jonathan, 

adding that we’re in the midst of 

an “epidemic of stress, anxiety and 

depression”. 

A nation of over-workers, 

many of us are awash with stress 

hormone cortisol, which peaks 

when we’re frazzled. Inevitably, 

we lose our sense of personal 

boundaries, which is why we work 

through our lunch breaks, agree 

to overtime, or take work home at 

weekends – all of which damage 

personal relationships. Walking, 

though, has the power to rectify 

this imbalance. 

“The worst torment in the 

world is not being abandoned 

by someone else – it’s when you 

abandon yourself. But in nature, 

we find the silence to hear our true 

thoughts and, in doing so, start 

to consider ourselves again,” says 

Jonathan. 

In his book, Walk With Your Wolf: 

Unlock your intuition, confidence 

and power, which he wrote for 

people who want to become better 

connected to themselves but 

can’t afford counselling, Jonathan 

recommends keeping a walking 

diary. By jotting down one-word 

feelings before, during, and after 

each walk, we can be inwardly 

honest about our feelings, and 

discover what we need to lead a 

balanced and happy life. 

“The first boundary is with 

yourself and that commitment of 

‘I’m going to do this for me’,” says 

Jonathan, adding that technologyfree 

walking is another step in the 

right direction. 

“People want to feel loved 

and important, so are always 

wondering: ‘Is there another >>>

For that moment 

in my life, I had 

a purpose. I was 

moving forward 

and had control 

email?’ Our esteem is so based 

around what’s happening on our 

phones, it keeps our eyes looking 

down instead of up. Our eyes need 

to be up in order to connect with 

something – or someone – else.” 

Walking in nature, says Jonathan, 

helps us find solutions to problems. 

“When you walk, endorphins get 

released in the brain and you can 

start being more solutions-focused 

and strategically-focused,” he says. 

“So is it about taking a fourday 

week, quitting your job 

to do something different, or 

committing to take more breaks 

during the working day? The 

brain can work for 40 minutes 

maximum and it then needs a 

20-minute break, otherwise it 

will not work effectively. I’ve got 

more people to take more breaks 

throughout their day, and their 

efficiency and productivity has 

gone up by about 60–70%.” 

Jonathan would have done 

anything for such insight 23 years 

ago when he was in the grip of his 

addictions – dependent on cocaine 

and alcohol, blotting his pain after 

losing his mum to colon cancer 

when he was 17. 

His problems started earlier, at 

13 – “a little bit of gin here and 

there” – to cope with being bullied 

at school. 

“The world didn’t feel safe. I 

was bullied from the age of 10, 

and when mum died, the loss I 

felt was indescribable. I was so 

angry because I thought she’d 

endure anything. People say ‘talk 

about your feelings’ but when the 

pain is that deep, you can’t put it 

into words. I was drinking, doing 

cocaine, and smoking marijuana, 

and then, at 22, when I was trying 

to get clean, my brother died.” 

The trauma of losing his brother 

triggered an escalation of drug 

use to catastrophic levels until 

“a light switched on” inside 

Jonathan. Realising he would die 

if he did not seek professional 

help, he entered rehab, arranged 

counselling, and got sober. 

Then in the weeks and months 

that followed, he began walking 

every day on Wimbledon 

Common or Richmond Park, 

MY LIFE-TRANSFORMING WALKS 

The Lake, Wimbledon Park 

This was the first place I started 

walking, when I was in the thick 

of it. There was something about 

watching ducks just being ducks 

that made me think: ‘It’s going 

to be OK.’ I realised I could make 

my journey as complicated as I 

wanted, or as simple as a duck 

following another duck. The big 

message from that moment was 

that life is for living. 

Wimbledon pond, around 

the Common, to the 

windmill and back 

When you’re in drug addiction, 

you’re disconnected with 

everything, and it’s the scariest 

thing – so one day I began 

naming the trees on my walk. 

They were like people I passed 

each day, so it was a way of 

reintroducing relationships, 

and widening the scope to 

realise there was more to life 

than just what was happening 

to me right then. 

Wimbledon Golf Club 

Since my dad died four years 

ago, I’ve felt great comfort 

returning to the walk I did with 

my family as a child. I feel my 

mum, brother, and dad are 

walking beside me. Sometimes 

we need physical space to 

tap into our past, and that’s 

why walks are so important, 

especially if you’ve done them 

with someone who’s passed. 

It’ll jog your memory about 

things you’ve been through, 

and conversations you’ve had. 

There’s great wisdom, comfort, 

and direction there, and it 

reminds us who we are. 


a process that gave him the 

“strength to rebuild his life” 

and finally helped him conquer 

depression and anxiety. 

“My addictions gave me a sense 

of control, because I could choose 

when and where I decided to 

smash myself apart. It gave me a 

sense of autonomy when I’d lost 

my mum and brother, even though 

I was completely out of control, 

with no autonomy. But when I 

took a walk, that too gave me a 

sense of autonomy,” he says. “For 

that moment in my life, I had a 

purpose. I was moving forward 

and had control.” 

Five years ago, Jonathan moved 

from south-west London, where 

he developed Walking Therapy, to 

the Isle of Wight, where he lives 

with his wife and two daughters, 

and runs residential retreats for 

burned-out city workers. More 

often than not, on day three, he 

witnesses a flood of emotions as 

clients relax and the adrenaline 

wears off, exposing their true 

feelings. 

“We always look at drugs like 

alcohol but never consider the 

drugs that we create in ourselves, 

in our minds, with adrenaline 

being the main one,” says 

Jonathan, who believes walking 

and finding the mental space to 

confront difficult emotions can 

treat anxiety and depression long 

before they take hold. 

“If you think about anger being 

an energy, if you push that energy 

into a boiler, it will explode or 

implode. If it implodes, you 

get depression, but before it 

explodes, an alarm goes off – 

that’s anxiety. You’ve got to deal 

with the pressure that’s building 

up in the boiler beforehand,” he 

explains. 

FIND YOUR TEMPO 

Fast: “When you’re depressed, 

it’s fine to walk slowly, but I’ve 

found that when I’ve really 

walked, the blood begins racing 

around the body, which gets the 

endorphins going. The act of 

walking can help us channel out 

unwanted or negative feelings.” 

Slow: “Get rid of all the anger 

you’ve pent up over the day 

by ambling during your lunch 

break. Ambling is about slowing 

it down. Come out of the office 

and watch other people run 

around while you walk slowly. 

This is a great way to manage 

your adrenal glands and calm 

them down, which guards 

against burnout. The more we 

amble, the more we’re present 

and connected with everything 

around us because life isn’t 

flying past us.” 

My clients inspire me 

every single day. The 

power of what they’re 

able to achieve 

fascinates me 

As a psychotherapist, Jonathan 

feels privileged to be able to help 

others, using nature as a healer – 

a gift he luckily stumbled across 

before it was too late. 

“My clients inspire me every 

single day,” he smiles. “The power 

of what they’re able to achieve 

fascinates me, which is why if 

someone says, ‘I’m depressed, I’ll 

never get over it,’ I never carry that 

disbelief. ‘It will work,’ I say. ‘But 

you’ve got to put the work in.’” 

‘Walk With Your Wolf: Unlock your 

intuition, confidence and power’, by 

Jonathan Hoban (Yellow Kite, £14.99). 

Visit jonathanhoban.com for more. 


Mental health 

matters 

Former fire dancer Sophie Lee has moulded 

a movement online, asking people to re-think 

what it means to be beautiful, and driving a 

call for acceptance. Here, she shares the things 

she turns to during hard times, and the people 

who inspire her to keep moving forward 

Mental health matters to me 

because… mental health affects 

every aspect of a person’s life. 

It’s important to be happy and 

confident on the inside, as other 

people’s opinions and actions can 

have a huge effect on us when we’re 

not stable with ourselves. 

When I need support I… speak to 

my close friends around me, and 

try to get a better understanding of 

my situation, as sometimes I can 

overthink a lot of problems. 

When I need some self-care, I… 

take time out to be alone. I 

sometimes forget that I need this, 

but then I recharge and revitalise, 

and I’m back to my energised self. 

The books I turn to time and again 

are… The Secret by Rhonda Byrne is 

like my Bible! I read it when I need 

advice, or any words of wisdom. 

People I find inspiring online are… 

Munroe Bergdorf, Katie Piper, 

and Steven Bartlett. They’re all 

very inspirational, and have a lot 

of motivational content that I can 

relate to. 

Three things I would say to someone 

experiencing mental ill-health are… 

be patient. Take your time. Life is 

not a race, everything is happening 

just at the right time. 

Trust yourself. We often forget 

that we are in control of the way 

we feel, we can allow or not 

allow situations to control our 

emotions. Be strong. 

Let it go. When we live with hate 

in our hearts, the only person 

suffering is ourselves. Release the 

anger and you will be much happier 

with whatever comes along in life. 

Sophie was left with severe burns after 

things went drastically wrong during 

one of her performances 

The moment I felt most proud of 

myself is… when I get messages 

from people around the world 

who have found inspiration in 

my story. It took a lot to put my 

insecurities aside and share the 

good and bad parts of my journey. 

But it’s all been worth it, as I’m 

proud that I could help to change 

people’s lives. 

For more from Sophie, follow her on 

Instagram: @sophirelee

Photography | Svetlana Pochatun 

Photography | Eduardo Dutra 

“ 

Learn how to be happy with 

what you have while you 

pursue all that you want 

– JIM ROHN

We’ve helped more than 

1 Million 

people connect with a therapist 

using Counselling Directory 

You are not alone 

counselling-directory.org.uk

Happiful August 2019

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