Sep 2019 - Lowveld

Text: MELLISSA BUSHBY
Just hearing the word leaves a sense of distaste and often anger, especially if you
are a parent who has had a kid suffer at the hands of a bully.
For the child themselves, it creates a sense of fear, worthlessness and insecurity.
Children who are bullied never forget, and often the mental anguish can
last into adulthood. Tests have shown that bullying can in some cases alter
the physical structure of a kid’s brain, and the long-term repercussions include
depression, poor academic performance, low self-esteem and increased risk for
suicide. Mental as well as physical health, relationships and economic status are
all affected.
Bullying usually takes place over a period of time and can be physical, emotional
or verbal, or all three. Sometimes the bully has a few hangers-on who encourage
and support him, usually out of fear of reprisal, ridicule or intimidation,
There are different ways in which
bullying manifests itself
• Name-calling • Hitting, pinching, kicking, pushing and shoving
• Intimidation tactics and threats • Telling lies to get someone
into trouble • Taking things, for example, lunch or lunch money
• Damaging things • Stealing • Turning friends away from you by
spreading rumours.
Warning signs of a child who is being picked
on or bullied
• Comes home with unexplained scratches, bruises, torn clothing
or damaged things • A lack of interest in going to school or
school outings, or activities that may include other children,
especially if they favoured these activities in the past • Lack of
interest in schoolwork • Is unhappy to go to school and seems
always to be ill, complaining of frequent headaches, stomach
ailments or similar • Becomes withdrawn, sad and disheartened
• Becomes irritable or moody and starts to become a bully
themselves, possibly with younger siblings • Lack of motivation
• Sleep issues • Suicidal tendencies.
GRABBING
THE BULLY
BY THE
HORNS
or of becoming the next victim.
Often a child who bullies is acting in
retaliation, and is bullied by a parent,
older sibling or even peers, possibly
at a previous school. If, for example, a
parent bullies a child, it gives them a
sense of power and authority over that
child, which in turn the child passes on
to their chosen target.
The important thing to do if
you are being bullied is to tell
someone, whether a teacher,
parent, family member or friend.
This can be difficult, especially if
the protagonist has threatened to
harm you if you “spill the beans”,
but it is often the only way to
make it stop.
How you, as a parent, can help
• Speak to the school and your child’s teacher, make sure they understand
the situation and are prepared to deal with it
• Assure your kid that it is not their fault and that you will investigate
it immediately
• Stay calm and also remember that your child may feel embarrassed
as well as frightened
• Sometimes it is a much older child or even adult who is doing
the bullying
• Find out exactly what happened, who, when and where, and how
often, and keep a record of that as well as your interaction with the
school (if applicable, sometimes a bully is at church, aftercare or may
even be a friend’s older sibling)
• Get your child to open up and talk about it, make sure he or she
understands that bullies thrive on control, hurt and intimidation
• Stress to your kid that it will be sorted out
• Make sure your child understands that it is normal to feel frightened,
angry or intimidated and that there is nothing to be ashamed of
• As tempting as it is, try not to confront the bully’s parents, this often
drives people into defence mode and does not achieve anything other
than antagonism, especially when the child in question is being bullied
at home
• Retaliation, also tempting, is not the answer either, as it against the
rules and can backfire, making it worse
• Always encourage your child to be assertive, but not aggressive
• Make it clear that bullying is never, ever acceptable, on any level.
It is crucial that parents and teachers
remain vigilant and deal with any
issues firmly and immediately,
before the situation becomes
unmanageable or dangerous.
Children should always be allowed
to feel safe and confident at school.
What schools should do
• If you notice something out of the ordinary, address the
matter immediately
• Make sure parents are always informed; whether their child is being
bullied or is the bully, it is important to speak to them and work
together to resolve the issue before it escalates
• Increase adult supervision during break times, at toilets and in
the schoolyard
• Make anti-bully laws part of the school’s code of conduct
• Have an information box where kids can report things anonymously
• Offer counselling to deal with anger issues and aggressive behaviours
• Emphasise the importance of respect, privacy and empathy
• Always make sure that there are a few teachers with an
open-door policy
• Make it clear as a school that you do not accept any form of bullying
• Remember that it is not only children who bully other children, it could
be a teacher or adult in this role.
RM-UP432236N