Thrive_Autumn 2019 digital issue

thrive-magazine.ca
thrive / 9
IF WE CAN FIRST RESTORE THEIR RELATIONSHIP
WITH THEMSELVES, ALLOWING THEM TO
IDENTIFY AS BELOVED
SONS OF GOD, FROM THERE
OTHER RELATIONSHIPS ARE RESTORED AND
BEHAVIOURS BEGIN TO CHANGE.
times people will try to change the symptoms (behaviours)
without tracing it back to the root. We need to deal with the
heart of the matter before we can break people free from the
behaviours that accompany it. Everything drives back to the
questions, “Where does my identity lie? Am I resting in my
identity given by God?” I try to change relationships, not behaviour—relationships
with others, with self, and with God.
Romans 13:8-10 tells us that every single sin is a lack of love
and hurts a relationship; therefore, every change God asks of us
will be a relational change. If we can first restore their relationship
with themselves, allowing them to identify as beloved
sons of God, from there other relationships are restored and
behaviours begin to change. I’m so passionate about this topic
that I wrote a book (in Spanish) about what relational theology
looks like, called Connected.
What are the most common barriers you face when mentoring in
this way?
Many times the men that I mentor are resistant to getting as
emotionally close to me as necessary. Without honesty and
vulnerability, the relationship can’t achieve what it needs to
in order to see meaningful character refinement. It’s also very
hard for people to look at their own pain and unresolved issues.
They may have been hurt in the past and feel reluctant to
let someone new get close to them. Another drawback is the
time-consuming nature of working in one-on-one meetings: it
means that I have to pull back on programming to spend time
with each individual. It also requires a lot of spiritual and emotional
investment, as we tackle many difficult issues, and there
is an element of moving into unknown territory—there are no
guaranteed outcomes!
How have you seen God at work?
Seeing God transform people when they understand their
true identity as children of the Most High is easily the most
rewarding transformation. In John 17:23, Jesus asks God that
“the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as
you loved me.” When we can grasp that fact, we’re on our way
to embracing our God-given identity. I have also seen God deal
with not only guilt, but shame, which is more identity-based
than guilt, as it distorts a person’s perception of themselves.
When shame is lifted, people experience freedom to move into
areas of ministry that they were afraid of previously. I have
seen many pastors finally become vulnerable, and many who
overcome sexual addictions by embracing their identity as
children of God.
MY IDENTITY LIE?
IDENTITY GIVEN BY GOD?”