The Star: November 19, 2020

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The Star Thursday November 19 2020 10 • From page 9 “That’s really scary.” The woman said what happened to her - from the rape to the court process and the parole hearing - was “awful”. “It was a relief [that parole was declined], but at the same time it means it’s not over for me yet,” she said. “It just brings it all back. “Court was traumatising ... to be told that you are a liar in front of a whole room of people you don’t know is just horrendous. “The process was so awful, in some ways it was worse than the day everything happened - you’re just dragged through every minute of it over and over, second by second. The woman told Barbosa repeatedly she did not want to have sex with him. He forced himself on her and later told a jury he believed she was consenting despite saying “no”. “I was considered a ‘witness’ ... but this happened to me ... I didn’t get to have a lawyer, I couldn’t withdraw, I lost all ability to take control; he took control from me at that moment, and then everyone else took it away from me in court. “It made me feel powerless … I stood there for hours being told I did the wrong thing. The woman said the court process was gruelling and she wished she’d never had to experience it, but encouraged other victims to come forward and hold offenders to account. “It’s the right thing to do to report things,” she said. The woman now knew she had done nothing wrong. From using Tinder to meeting him, she was a consenting adult who used her common sense. “I thought it would never be me – I made really sensible decisions, it’s not like I didn’t know him before I met him in person,” she said. “I met him in a public place, I felt like I did all the right things. “It’s been a really long journey for me to accept that I didn’t do anything wrong. It was him. “It just goes to show what can Latest Canterbury news at starnews.co.nz ‘I just hope he never hurts anyone else’ happen, and that if someone wants to hurt you, they will find a way.” The woman said she was slowly rebuilding her life, confidence, power and strength. “I just try and push through. I go to therapy, I have an amazing partner who is so supportive and he’s been through a hell of a lot with me,” she said. The woman never wanted to see or hear from Barbosa again and was not sure if she would participate in future parole hearings. But she had a final message for the convicted rapist. “I just hope he never hurts anyone else,” she said. “I hope he learns from this, I hope he educates himself. “I hope he realises that what was done, it’s not okay. “That’s the hardest thing. He still doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did.” Detective Senior Sergeant Anthony Tebbutt, who leads the national police adult sexual assault team, said there was no obvious increase in offending related to dating app usage. He said while apps like Tinder and Bumble were growing in popularity, there was no direct rise in sex attacks. “We don’t keep statistics on how people meet, but dating apps are definitely more common out there with people meeting up through them,” he said. “As well as Instagram, Facebook, all of those social media apps. “But we’re certainly not seeing an increase in sexual assaults.” Tebbutt said in some ways, apps were safer than meeting people in other situations. They allowed users to control their contact with a person and find out more about the other users before they made any decision to meet them. He said safety advice around dating apps was simple. “It’s like anything, you can never be too safe,” he said. “Check the person out … let someone know where you’re meeting them, and you don’t SEXUAL HARM – DO YOU NEED HELP? If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111. If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone contact the Safe to Talk confidential crisis helpline on: • Text 4334 and they will respond. • Email support@ safetotalk.nz • Visit https://safetotalk. nz/contact-us/ for an online chat. Alternatively contact your local police station -click here for a list. If you have been abused, remember it’s not your fault. have to go back to someone’s house. “It’s common sense stuff.” Anyone who had been assaulted was encouraged to ask for help. “We want them to come forward and report to police, we want to make sure we support them as best we can,” he said. – NZ Herald
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The Star: November 19, 2020

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