mettavalokanaya_international_buddhist_magazine_september_2020

Over the years I have met
several people who take great
pleasure in playing jokes on
others. Their spontaneous
pranks are usually intended to make
people laugh and be happy, but
sometimes they have a way of going
very wrong. I’ve seen them destroy
meaningful relationships – and even the
lives of some unsuspecting people. One
incident that I sadly recall happened
during my years as a Buddhist chaplain
at UCLA. I had made friends with
a group of graduate students who
roomed together in an apartment off
campus. Mahen, originally from Nepal,
was very naïve. He seldom left the
university environs except to visit my
temple. He had lived for several years
in Thailand where a man can become
a monk temporarily, and Mahen did so
for five years. As a reasult he was able
to speak Thai fluently.
Raj, from India, was witty, easy
going, and was popular with the women
as he was jovial. Tuk, from Vietnam,
was studious, neat and dedicated to
keeping the cultural traditions of his
homeland. “What do you mean ‘the real
truth’? I’m telling you the real truth.
Tuk is jealous of me and he is trying to
get Thanom.” When Mahen said these
words, I knew that it was impossible
to get through to him, so I decided to
try another tactic. “Mahen, just for the
moment please try to pay attention to
me. What I’m going to tell you is very
important. I’ve been your friend for a
long time, and I have to tell you that you
are living in a world of illusion. I know
for a fact that Thanom has a boyfriend.
In fact, she brought him to the temple
several times. Besides, she is far too old
for you. Before you think of women you
must complete your studies. With your
spiritual experience and education, I’m
sure that one day you will find exactly
the right woman for you. Please be
careful not to jump into situations
that will block your progress in life.
Take my advice and leave Thanom
alone. You need to spend your energy
concentrating on your own welfare.”
Mahen turned and ran out of the
temple without paying me his usual
respects. I really didn’t know what to
make Thailand
of him. That night I was shocked
to see Tuk, who lives next door, standing
Obsessing
The Mind….
outside the door to my office. He was
frantic, as if he’d been chased by a
ghost. “Bhante, Mahen just called,”
he exclaimed. “He’s threatening to kill
me, saying that you helped me steal his
girlfriend. I don’t know anything about
any of this. You know as well as I do that
my goal is to finish my studies. When
Thanom told me her story, and asked
me to talk to Mahen, I spoke to him and
thought that was the end of it. I don’t
want to have any part of this craziness.”
At this moment I wondered why Mahen
was acting so strangely; maybe he had
a mental problem. There was really
no other explanation for his delusional
behavior. “Tuk, I spoke to Mahen earlier
today and he ran out of the temple like
a madman without saying a word to
me. I wonder if he’s taking drugs.” “No
Bhante, he’s clean, I’m sure. I’m afraid
he’s unbelievably innocent and gullible.
I do know that Raj has been playing with
Mahen’s mind. Do you think Mahen is
that susceptible to his bad jokes?”
“Do you think Raj is being
malicious?” I asked. “Bhante, I know
that Raj derives pleasure from the
misery of others and has a very strange
sense of humor. I’ve seen him playing
cruel jokes on others, and I truly
believe he is a sadist. This whole mess
is because of Raj, and my good friend
Mahen thinks I’m his enemy.” Tuk was
really getting worked up about Raj. “Tuk,
you shouldn’t judge people like that.
No matter what Raj’s involvement is in
this unfortunate situation, whenever
love and attraction are involved,
rational behavior goes out the window.
Who knows, this type of obsessive
infatuation may happen to you one
day.” “Oh my, I surely hope not,” he said
in desperation. I continued to explain
that when a person is infatuated, he
is oblivious to the world. No parent,
priest or friend can change a man or
woman’s deeply rooted endearments.
“Tuk, the Buddha explained in one of his
suttas that nothing persists in obsessing
the mind of a person as much as the
opposite sex – for a man’s obsession is
a woman; and a woman’s obsession is
a man – the opposite sex can become a
powerful obsession. This obsession can
cause the mind and actions of either a
man or a woman to become completely
irrational.” “I’m so sorry about Mahen;
he looks like he’s really suffering. He’s
been my friend for a long time, Bhante,
and I care about him.” “Let me remind
you of a verse from the Dhammapada,
Tuk. It goes like this: ‘From passion
and desire, Sensuousness and lust,
Arise grief and fear. Free yourself from
these attachments.’ “You see Tuk, even
the Buddha states that obsession is an
influential factor in a relationship. Over
the years I have met many people in
Mahen’s predicament, and I truly hope
that he will get past this. Tuk, don’t take
these things too seriously. Go to your
room now and attend to your studies.”
Tuk bowed and paid his respects to me
and left the temple. A few months later,
I was surprised to see Raj and a couple
of his friends at the temple. “Bhante,
I heard about the problems you had
because of Mahen and me. I feel guilty
because there are certain things that
I said and did without thinking of the
consequences they could have. Forgive
me, Bhante; my jokes have resulted in
disaster for two of my friends.” “Raj, I
feel sorry for Mahen and Tuk. Your
playful nature caused quite a bit of
trouble for your friends, as well as
for the monks. You must understand
that causing trouble for others and for
yourself is an unwholesome activity.
The Buddha states, ‘If one harms
oneself or causes trouble to others, one
accumulates bad karma.’
“Think of
Positive ways”….
“In Western psychology, these
words of the Buddha might be
describing sadistic and masochistic
behavior. It seems that many people are
unaware that they might possess these
traits. Some cultures derive pleasure
in watching bullfights, cockfights,
wrestling, etc. The spectators of these
sorts of events may be unaware of their
possible sadistic inclinations. People
who enjoy inflicting physical, mental
or emotional pain to themselves would
be called masochistic. “Right now, try
to re-organize your life in a mature
manner, and take care that you watch
your speech. Be honest with yourself,
look clearly into your mind, and try to
remove your unwholesome thoughts.
Also, don’t carry around your feelings of
guilt, and from now on think of positive
ways you can help your friends. I will give
you a quote from the Dhammapada,
‘Easy to do are things that are bad and
harmful to oneself. But exceedingly
difficult is it to do that which is good and
beneficial.’
USA
Most Venerable
Aggamaha Pandita Dr.
Walpola Piyananda Thero
28 l Mettavalokanaya l September l 2020 2020 l September l Mettavalokanaya l 29