V19 N4

Let me take you back to 1981. I was a
freshman at a Catholic high school
in Philadelphia. Our English teacher
tells us to choose a topic for a public
presentation. The topic I selected
was “History of American Slang.” What can
I say? I had recently gotten a new book, The
Dictionary of American Slang, and I thought the
topic would be interesting. Yes, I was that
nerd who bought dictionaries with my paper
route money. That and Little Debbies. Don’t
judge me.
Surprisingly, the teacher — a priest no
less — agreed. It was my day to present. The
speech was complete with a tasteful string of
modest cuss words built up to one well-placed
F-bomb. My classmates cringed and looked
back at the teacher. He was not amused.
“Oh, Mr. Sims… Mr. Sims!” he began
loudly. “No no! See young Martin sitting right
in front of you? He’s offended by such words.
I did not know you were presenting on this.” I
responded, “I told you my presentation was
about slang words.” His face got even more
The Movie Column
By arts columnist Tom Sims
red. “No, this will not do,” he said. “You are to
present next week, about… hmmm… about
the metamorphosis of a butterfly.” True story.
Fast forward to the beginning of 2021.
Netflix introduces a new show called History
of Swear Words, hosted tongue-in-cheek by
Nicolas Cage. Forty years after I was censored
by my English teacher, I am vindicated!
There’s only one season of the show so far,
and it has six episodes. Each episode focuses
on a distinct curse word. Oh, do you want to
know what they are? Wait, I’m not falling for
that trap! Suffice it to say they were all in my
speech which, if permitted, would have likely
gotten me an A plus!
The show brings in various perspectives
on swearwords. History of them for certain,
but also current use and analysis from comedians,
actors and bonafide language historians.
If you’re not easily offended, it is pure
entertainment. Well... maybe not so pure.
As Kurt Vonnegut said as a fictional
narrator in his book, Hocus Pocus, “Profanity
and obscenity entitle people who don’t want
unpleasant information to close their ears and
eyes to you.” Or as I have loosely translated,
“Cursing gives some people a reason not to
listen to you.” The truth is, I have struggled
with profanity my entire life. I can have a potty
mouth. My goal is to use these words carefully
and without malice.
Incidentally, I got an 80 on the “effing”
butterfly speech — that teacher was out to
get me!
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March 4, 2021 EXIT ZERO Page 29