Happiful April 2021

THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH 

APRIL 2021 

£5.99 

Animal 

A wellbeing boost 

could be a belly 

scratch away 

You are more 

than enough 

FREE 

Affirmation 

cards to help 

you flourish 

A+ 

advocate 

How to support 

someone you love 

Think they 

might be 

'the one'? 

6 signs you've 

got yourself 

a keeper 

10 

steps to 

motivation 

Transform 

your mindset 

today! 

• BOSS YOUR BUDGET • CREATE CALM • SLEEP EASY • EXPERT ADVICE •

Live with 

intention 

This April issue is a pretty special one 

for us. We’re celebrating four years 

since Happiful first burst onto the 

magazine scene – that’s 48 issues, 

thousands of articles, countless 

moments of panic at last-minute 

changes, and the thrill that you can’t 

quite beat of sending another issue 

to print. 

But what I’ve realised is that month 

after month, deadlines roll around, 

the cycle repeats itself, and those 

highs and lows all start to blur 

together a little. We can sometimes 

take these ‘average days’ for granted, 

and fall into the trap of just living 

unconsciously by routine. 

I imagine it’s something so many 

readers will be familiar with. Many 

things bring comfort, joy, and 

excitement to our daily lives, and 

yet they become habitual. We run 

through those moments or actions on 

autopilot, never really stopping to be 

present, and aware of the impact they 

might be having on our wellbeing. 

But this month that all changes. From 

today, we implore you to join us in 

living intentionally. 

We may know that being around 

animals makes us happy, but let’s 

really embrace that wellbeing gift. Get 

inspired on p60 to let loose, and allow 

yourself to be playful, comforted, and 

connected to another living thing. 

Push the conversation forward on 

p46 as we explore modern-day 

masculinity, and on p50 uncover 

how we can step away from feeling 

helpless to instead proactively 

support our loved ones, by being the 

best advocate possible. 

Choosing to live with intention may 

not always be the smoothest path, 

but it will be the more rewarding 

journey. 

As the 13th-century Persian poet 

Rumi said: “Respond to every call 

that excites your spirit.” 

It’s time to take notice of the 

moments that make your day, and 

actively create more of them. 

Happy reading. 

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR 

W | happiful.com 

F | happifulhq 

T | @happifulhq 

I | @happiful_magazine

Pet power 

20 Anxiety in animals 

How to support your companions 

60 

49 Did you know? 

60 By your side 

The mental health benefits of our 

pets and how to harness them 

72 What a wonderful world 

A fresh perspective 

14 What’s an echo chamber? 

Is everyone’s opinion starting 

to sound the same? 

64 Saboteur no more 

Face up to bad habits 

68 Priyanka Chopra Jonas 

The global star on anxiety, 

vulnerability, and the tide of change 

87 Nikesh Shukla 

The author on the work that shaped 

him, and what’s still to come 

Wellbeing 

22 On track 

How mood can be affected by 

the menstrual cycle 

44 Sit back and relax 

We ask a hypnotherapist for their 

top tips for switching off 

76 Balance the books 

Essential ideas on how to take 

care of your financial wellbeing 

90 Sleep on it 

Simple steps to good sleep hygiene 

Try this at home 

25 Spot an empath 

36 Manage overthinking 

83 Overcome overwhelm 

98 Stop saying sorry... 

Culture 

8 Good news 

This month’s uplifting stories 

13 The wellbeing wrap 

55 Pager-turners 

The latest unmissable reads 

92 Things to do in April 

46 

Relationships 

46 Modern men 

We dive into masculinity in 2021 

74 Green flags 

Spot the signs that you’re on to 

something good with your relationship 

84 Love in lockdown

Feel-good food 

27 What’s the fuss about? 

How to tackle fussy eating 

80 On the pulse 

Tuck into a delicious, nutritious, 

bean-based meal 

Positive pointers 

16 All on the Board 

We meet the duo behind the viral 

London Underground boards 

30 Motivation matters 

10 questions to help you realise 

your goals and aspirations 

41 Support a food bank 

50 Use your voice 

How to speak up for others 

30 20 

14 

True stories 

37 Stephen: after burnout 

He ignored the warning signs, but 

recovery was on the horizon 

57 Bex: reaching out 

After her baby died, social media 

helped Bex find support online 

95 Katie: a place to belong 

How a love for horror helped her 

make peace with her ‘monsters’ 

68 

Expert 

* 

review 

Every issue of Happiful is 

reviewed by an accredited 

counsellor, to ensure we 

deliver the highest quality 

content while handling 

topics sensitively. 

The mind has great potential 

to determine our feelings 

in any given moment, but 

it takes time to be able to 

learn the ways in which we 

can harness this power – a 

journey that we all subscribe 

to throughout life. It starts with 

self-awareness, and in this 

month’s issue there are a host 

of tips on how to become more 

aware of the self. On p64 you 

can find insight on how we 

can connect internally, and 

retake control. It’s only natural 

that we’ll sometimes fall into 

patterns of behaviour that are 

unhelpful, we’re all human, but 

sometimes simply recognising 

small truths can be a catalyst 

for great change. 

RAV SEKHON 

BA MA MBACP (Accred) 

Rav is a counsellor 

and psychotherapist 

with more than 10 

years' experience.

Expert Panel 

Meet the team of experts who 

have come together to deliver 

information, guidance, and insight 

throughout this issue 

UTA BOELLINGER 

Dip Nut mBANT rCNHC 

Uta is a nutritional 

therapist specialising 

in fertility. 

RACHEL COFFEY 

BA MA NLP Mstr 

Rachel is a life coach, 

encouraging 

confidence. 

MAGDALENA STANEK 

MA MBACP 

Magdalena is a 

counsellor specialising 

in trauma. 

BALJIT KAMAL 

MNCS (Accred) MBACP BSc (Hons) 

Baljit is a psychotherapist 

and the founder of Well 

Space Therapy. 

SARAH THAYER 

CPP CIPD CSCT Dip Couns 

Sarah is a 

transformational 

life coach. 

KATERINA GEORGIOU 

BA MA PG Dip Reg MBACP 

Katerina is a BACP 

accredited counsellor 

and psychotherapist. 

AYESHA GISELLE 

DORNELLY 

OCN MAC CPHT 

Ayesha is a life coach 

helping clients achieve 

their goals. 

GRAEME ORR 

MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind 

Graeme is a counsellor 

working with both 

individuals and couples. 

SOPHIE PARKER 

DipCHyp HPD 

Sophie is a hypnotherapist, 

coach, and NLP master 

practitioner. 

FIONA VITEL 

CHt NLP ACHE NGH CNHC IMDHA 

Fiona is a clinical, 

medical, and dental 

hypnotherapist. 

KATHRYN KIMBLEY 

MSc 

Kathryn is a counsellor 

and director of 

HumAnima CIC. 

BIBI JAMIESON 

MA (Hons) MBACP 

Bibi is an integrative 

psychotherapeutic 

counsellor. 

LORNA RHODES 

Dip ION rBANT CNHC 

Lorna is a nutritional 

therapist, cookbook 

author, and recipe writer. 

Our team 

EDITORIAL 

Rebecca Thair | Editor 

Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer 

Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant 

Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers 

Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer 

Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer 

Grace Victory | Columnist 

Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships 

Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor 

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor 

Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor 

ART & DESIGN 

Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product 

Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead 

Rosan Magar | Illustrator 

Tamyln Izzett | Graphic Designer 

COMMUNICATIONS 

Alice Greedus | PR Manager 

alice.greedus@happiful.com 

CONTRIBUTORS 

Jenna Farmer, Katie Conibear, Sarah Thayer, 

Katie Evans, Bex Gunn, Stephen Lynch, 

Katerina Georgiou, Fiona Vitel 

SPECIAL THANKS 

Uta Boellinger, Sophie Parker, Magdalena Stanek, 

Fiona Vitel, Baljit Kamal, Kathryn Kimbley, Sarah Thayer, 

Bibi Jamieson, Ayesha Giselle Dornelly, Lorna Rhodes, 

James Wilson, Rachel Coffey, Graeme Orr 

MANAGEMENT 

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

Emma White | Director & Co-Founder 

Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

SUBSCRIPTIONS 

For new orders and back orders, visit 

shop.happiful.com, or call Newsstand on 

+44 (0)1227 277 248 or email 

subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk 

CONTACT 

Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3, 

Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL 

Email us at hello@happiful.com 

HAPPIFUL FAMILY 

Helping you find the help you need. 

Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, 

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Therapy Directory

Find help 

CRISIS SUPPORT 

If you are in crisis and are concerned for 

your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E 

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email 

them at jo@samaritans.org 

GENERAL LISTENING LINES 

SANEline 

SANEline offers support and information from 

4.30pm–10.30pm: 0300 304 7000 

Mind 

Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank 

holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk 

Switchboard 

Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 

0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt 

p30 

Head to 

happiful.com 

for more services 

and support 

Connect with a life coach 

Looking for support with your goals? Find a life coach 

to work with by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk 

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Information and support for financial difficulty 

For help with debt or financial difficulties, and for i 

nformation on the support available, visit stepchange.org 

p95 


Animal 



scratch away 

Think they 

might be 

'the one'? 


got yourself 

a keeper 

Help for self-harm 

Find support for self-harm, and for families and 

friends of those who self-harm, at harmless.org.uk 

BOSS YOUR BUDGET CREATE CALM SLEEP EASY EXPERT ADVICE 

Cover artwork 

by Rosan Magar 


£5.99 

You are more 

than enough 

FREE 

Affirmation 

cards to help 

you flourish 

A+ 

advocate 



10 

steps to 

motivation 

Transform 

your mindset 

today! 

HAPPIFUL.COM | £5.99 

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One undeniable truth is that 

finding the right help for each 

individual is a journey – what 

works for one of us will be 

different for someone else. But 

don't feel disheartened if you 

haven't found your path yet. Our 

Happiful family can help you 

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The Uplift 

BOOKS 

Personalisable 

book helps 

dual-heritage 

children feel seen 

Storybooks have incredible power. They 

can transport us to distant lands, and 

teach us lessons on the big things in life. 

For children, books are a chance to feel 

seen and heard, and to build confidence. 

But for dual-heritage children, these 

opportunities aren’t always there. 

With this in mind, parents Alexandra 

Branzan and Andrei Andreescu decided 

they were going to offer something 

different, creating A Child of Two Worlds 

– a customisable children’s book for kids 

under seven, which helps children to 

explore both parent’s heritage. 

Families are able to pick each parent’s 

home country, design themselves with 

customisable avatars, and the book is 

made to look like a passport, helping 

children to work through the different 

components of their identities. 

“We passionately believe that 

connecting children with their heritage 

early on, in a playful, simple way, is a 

crucial step to the development of their 

sense of identity,” Alexandra and Andrei 

say. “We hope this book helps parents 

communicate to their dual-heritage 

children just how special they are, and 

that it ignites little ones’ curiosity about 

the two worlds they come from.” 

There is so much joy to be found in 

honouring the things that make each 

of us unique, and A Child of Two Worlds 

is another chapter in the celebration of 

difference and the power of connections. 

For more info, head to twoworlds.co 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

CHARITY 

Sailing above and 

beyond for charity 

Ferry company Wightlink has been taking 

care of the pennies, for a good cause 

Wightlink ferry | wightlink.co.uk 

We all know the feeling of 

stumbling upon the odd forgotten 

coin, but imagine totting up £1,000 

in loose change. That’s the scenario 

Wightlink – an Isle of Wight ferry 

company – found itself in. 

At the end of 2020, Wightlink 

counted £1,000 worth of 

unclaimed coins sitting in its 

lost property office, left behind 

by passengers on board and in 

terminals. So Wightlink decided 

it would donate the total to local 

mental health charity Solent Mind. 

Speaking to Happiful, chief 

executive of Wightlink, Keith 

Greenfield, noted how vital 

mental health services are, 

highlighted by the current 

pandemic. “I know Solent Mind 

does a great deal of good work on 

the Isle of Wight. When we found 

we had £1,000 of lost property 

money to donate to a good 

cause, several of our colleagues 

suggested Solent Mind, and I 

was delighted to confirm their 

choice,” he said. 

For Keith, his main goal with 

these annual donations is to 

improve the quality of life for 

young people on the Isle of Wight 

– that’s one local ferry company 

that’s really making waves with 

their community support. 

Writing | Katie Hoare 

FAMILY 

World’s first parenting programme for men launches 

Parenting courses can do a world 

of good, and yet only one-fifth of 

people who take part in them are 

men. With this in mind, men’s 

health charity Movember have 

set out to welcome fathers into 

parenthood with the world’s first 

online parenting programme, 

aimed specifically at men. 

Aptly named ‘Family Man’, 

the course is free online and 

is designed to help parents of 

children aged between two and 

eight, covering practical skills 

to manage behaviour, and also 

tips on increasing parenting 

confidence. 

Jane Endacott, director of 

digital health, mental health, and 

suicide prevention at Movember, 

says: “Being a parent can be a 

very rewarding experience, but 

it isn’t always easy. Dealing with 

meltdowns in the supermarket, 

or a child who repeatedly ignores 

instructions, can be incredibly 

stressful. It can cause friction 

at home, and over time that can 

impact the whole family’s mental 

health and wellbeing. 

“There is a huge amount of 

research that shows parenting is 

more effective when it’s done as 

a team. We know that when all 

available parents are engaged in 

parenting decisions, it benefits 

the whole family.” 

During a time when families 

are spending a lot more time 

together, it makes sense that 

dads should have access to the 

guidance that they need to feel 

confident when supporting 

their children, and it’s another 

step in the right direction 

for an open, emotionally 

intelligent approach to roles and 

relationships. 

Search for ‘Family Man 

Movember’ to find out more. 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler 

happiful.com | April 2021 | 9

HEALTH 

Just a phase: could 

the moon affect 

menstruation? 

Full moon, half moon, total 

eclipse… No, we’re not talking Jaffa 

Cakes – we’re talking lunar cycles. 

Matching the length of an average 

menstruation cycle, the lunar cycle 

takes 29.5 days to go from new 

to full, leading many cultures to 

associate the moon with fertility. 

Until recently, the idea of the 

moon affecting humans was 

largely dismissed. But studies are 

now noting links between sleep, 

mood, and the lunar cycle – with a 

study published in Science Advances 

revealing its potential impact on 

menstrual cycles. 

Examining 22 women, for 

between five and 32 years, 

researchers found menstrual 

rhythms varied. But out of six 

subjects who kept records the 

longest, five intermittently synced 

with the moon. When combining 

the records for all participants, 

periods started in alignment with 

the full moon, new moon, and 

perigee (when the moon is closest 

to the earth) more often than 

would be expected by chance. 

With such a small sample size, 

more research is needed to 

uncover if there is truly a lunar 

link with our menstrual cycles. But 

until then, we can still explore the 

connection between our cycle and 

mood – simply head over to p22! 

Writing | Kat Nicholls 


Take 5 

Enjoy a moment for you – sit down, relax, and put 

your mind to the test with this month’s puzzling fun 

Wordsnake 

Try this variation on a classic 

wordsearch – instead of 

being in straight lines, words 

are spelled out in winding 

paths, with each next letter 

joining the previous either 

horizontally or vertically – 

no diagonals here. Start 

with the bold letter and 

complete the whole grid! 

Clue: animals of the world 

Emojinary 

Decipher the band names described in emoji form... 

How did you do? Search 

'freebies' at shop.happiful.com 

to find the answers, and more! 

P E P I A H S E M B L E 

O O W G R O R B U D O B 

L L G L B E Z I R I C E 

E F A E F F T C C L O E 

T S E G A E E K N E R C 

N L H I R P E N I E L E 

A O T R W T N G H U B P 

O N I H O I I U P F T H 

O R E C R G E R L F N A 

T T S I L A D D O A L O 

N O I O P A N L A T S H 

A W S N A C A P R E M A

Glasgow is voted 

the friendliest 

city in the world 

in a survey by 

travel firm Rough 

Guides 

A 20-year-old 

student donates 

games consoles 

to a children’s 

hospital after 

profiting from his 

GameStop shares 

Influencers can 

no longer use 

‘misleading’ 

filters on beauty 

ads, the ASA 

has ruled 

Nestlé confirms 

it is launching 

a plant-based 

version of 

a KitKat 

Paul, from the 

Chuckle Brothers, 

is selling ‘2 metre 

U’ face masks 

in a play on 

the duo’s iconic 

catchphrase 

The 

wellbeing 

wrap 

You’ve got to 

be kidding? 

Farmer Dot McCarthy, 

from Lancashire, is 

renting out goats to pop 

up on Zoom meetings! 

What started as a joke 

on her website, turned 

into a huge profit almost 

overnight, making more 

than £50K so far, and 

bringing a lot of laughs 

to people all across the 

globe throughout the 

pandemic. 

NIKE RECENTLY UNVEILED ITS 

LATEST TRAINER DESIGNED 

WITH ACCESSIBILITY IN 

MIND. WITH NO LACES OR 

VELCRO, AND WITH A ‘BI- 

STABLE HINGE’ THAT ALLOWS 

IT TO SLIDE ON EASILY, YET 

REMAIN SECURE, THE GO 

FLYEASE HANDS-FREE SHOE 

IS AN ACCESSIBILITY WIN. 

IN A WIN FOR 

INCLUSIVITY, A 

CANADIAN DAD, JAMIE, 

AND HIS TRANSGENDER 

DAUGHTER, RUBY, HAVE 

CREATED A SWIMWEAR 

LINE SPECIALLY FOR 

NON-BINARY KIDS! 

THEIR AIM IS TO 

ENSURE EVERYONE HAS 

ACCESS TO CLOTHING 

THAT MAKES THEM 

COMFORTABLE. 

ESCAPE TO THE... IGLOO? 

Do you ever just scroll through Rightmove, 

hunting for your dream home? Well, an 

estate agent recently caught a lot of 

people’s eyes with a viral post, jokingly selling a 

makeshift igloo built during the snow in February in 

the UK. Listed at £250,000, the agent found himself 

inundated with viewing requests from prospective 

buyers. But, as the saying goes, it’s all about 

location, location, location. 

One day more! 

Perhaps reflecting the chant in each of our hearts 

at the moment, a Radio 2 poll has revealed our fav 

musical songs, and in the top spot is ‘One Day More’ 

from Les Mis! Rounding out the top five are ‘Bring 

Him Home’ also from Les Mis, ‘Defying Gravity’ from 

Wicked, ‘This is Me’ from The Greatest Showman, and 

‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ from The Wizard of 

Oz – sounds like a pretty good playlist to me. 

Need a ride? 

Make 

’em laugh! 

Which British comedian tickles 

your funny bone the most? Well, 

according to science, we actually 

have the answer. Number one, 

with the most laughs per hour in 

OnBuy.com’s survey, was Jimmy 

Carr –whose witty one-liners 

definitely lend themselves 

to the metric. 

Fancy a 

takeaway? 

We Brits definitely seem to! Fresh 

Student Living says we’re on track 

to spend £11 billion on takeaways in 

2021, with searches for Deliveroo up 

67% year-on-year, while a poll by 

YouGov suggests a Chinese is the 

UK’s fav dish. Spring roll anyone? 

IN A MOVE TO RECTIFY 

INJUSTICES, A NEW SCHEME 

ENABLES EX-MILITARY 

PERSONNEL WHO WERE 

DISMISSED FROM SERVICE 

DUE TO THEIR SEXUALITY, 

TO RECLAIM THEIR LOST 

MEDALS. THE BAN ON GAY, 

LESBIAN, AND BISEXUAL 

PEOPLE SERVING IN THE 

ARMED FORCED WAS LIFTED 

IN 2000, AND TRANS PEOPLE 

WERE OPENLY ALLOWED TO 

SERVE FROM 2014, BUT THIS 

MOVE LOOKS TO CORRECT 

PAST MISTAKES, AND TO 

OPEN UP A MORE INCLUSIVE 

AND ACCEPTING FUTURE. 

Getting into the community spirit, a 

Pembrokeshire tourist transport company, 

Tuk Tuk Time, is using its fleet of vehicles to take 

pensioners to their Covid-19 vaccination appointments. 

After delivering shopping to vulnerable people during 

the first lockdown, the company wanted to help those 

in need again, safely transporting people who might 

typically rely on public transport.

What is an 

echo chamber? 

We all like to have our thoughts and opinions validated; it’s 

a part of what makes us feel connected to others. But what 

happens when we only engage with those that share our 

view of the world, and tune-out everything else? 

Writing | Becky Wright 

Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

What image does 

the term ‘echo 

chamber’, conjure 

in your mind? I 

picture a large, dark, cavernous 

space, where any noise would 

reverberate around me. But, an 

echo chamber doesn’t have to 

be a physical construct. In more 

abstract terms, echo chambers can 

happen anywhere information is 

exchanged, whether that’s online 

or in real life. 

Think of it this way: when you’re 

with your friends, although you 

may have the odd disagreement, 

generally, you share similar core 

values. When you talk about 

subjects you share the same views 

on, you bounce off each other, 

much like an echo. 

The problem is that when 

we’re surrounded by people 

who think the same as us, it can 

be easy to forget that there are 

other perspectives, and we fall 

into a trap of finding our beliefs 

are reinforced and legitimised 

– regardless of whether they’re 

actually true. But in normal dayto-day 

life, we’re always exposed to 

other people, so we still encounter 

a variety of opinions. 

The lives we lead online have 

a different set of rules. Almost 

anyone can find like-minded 

people and perspectives at the 

touch of a button; we’re drawn to 

those that have the same views as 

us, and can block those that don’t. 

So, while you might not realise it, 

you likely have an echo chamber on 

the other side of your screen... 

HOW IS AN ECHO 

CHAMBER FORMED? 

When it comes to our consumption 

of current affairs, echo chambers 

aren’t a new phenomenon. With the 

political ideations of newspapers, 

people have sought out news that 

aligns with their values, arguably, 

since printing began. 

But these days we receive our 

news more rapidly through sources 

such as Facebook, Twitter, and 

Human beings like 

to ‘be right’, and 

echo chambers give 

us an opportunity to 

connect with others 

who share our 

opinions 

Google. And these platforms work 

on algorithms, which are intended 

to cater specific information to an 

individual’s online feed. 

You ‘follow’ and engage with 

content you want to see (liking, 

commenting, and sharing), so 

more of it is presented to you. 

And, if any of the posts in your 

feed don’t align with your views, 

you ‘unfollow’ those sources. 

The result? A perfectly built echo 

chamber, where your viewpoint 

becomes narrower and narrower. 

14 | April 2021 | happiful.com

a fresh perspective 

3 tips to avoid online echo chambers 

Make a habit of checking multiple 

news sources to ensure you’re 

getting complete, objective 

information. 

Interact with people of different 

perspectives, and take care to 

discuss new ideas with facts, 

patience, and respect. 

And remember, just because you 

want something to be true, doesn’t 

make it fact. 

WHY DO WE CREATE THEM? 

“Some individuals seem to be 

drawn to echo chambers due 

to so-called ‘confirmation bias’, 

which is basically a tendency to 

seek information that confirms 

one’s beliefs or values,” explains 

counsellor Magdalena Stanek. 

“Human beings like to ‘be right’ 

and echo chambers give us an 

opportunity to connect with 

others who share our opinions.” 

It’s thought that individuals who 

participate in echo chambers 

often do so because they feel 

more confident that their 

opinions will be more readily 

accepted by others. 

Magdalena agrees. “Echo 

chambers might be popular 

among people with poor selfesteem, 

who tend to look for 

acceptance that what they 

feel and think is valid. To seek 

confirmation in such places 

seems a good option to boost 

confidence, and protect one’s 

self-worth.” 

ARE ECHO CHAMBERS 

PROBLEMATIC? 

Some critics believe that 

echo chambers can create 

misinformation. It’s often equated 

to tunnel vision; distorting a 

person’s perspective, whereby 

it’s not possible to consider 

other points of view, let alone 

acknowledge them. It’s also 

argued that we’re more likely to 

be taken in by false information – 

fake news, anyone? 

However, some studies suggest 

the effects of echo chambers are 

weaker than often assumed. And 

having a social media cleanse – 

making sure your online space 

makes you feel good about 

yourself – certainly isn’t wrong. 

But we need to remember that 

every time we unfollow something 

that differs from our point of view, 

we still need to acknowledge the 

opinion is out there, even if we 

don’t agree with it. 

Ultimately, it’s up to you whether 

you want to open up your online 

world to other opinions and views, 

but we think a little healthy debate 

is to be encouraged. 

Magdalena Stanek is a personcentred 

counsellor, specialising in 

trauma. Get in touch with 

Magdalena and discover more 

communication advice on 

counselling-directory.org.uk 


ALL ON 

THE BOARD: 

The people’s poets 

You may have passed by the boards yourself, or seen them 

going viral online, but now we talk to the duo responsible for the 

inspirational messages left on London Underground customer 

information boards, to discover the story behind their iconic verses 


It was March 2017, and 

crowds of people were 

surging into North 

Greenwich tube station for 

a Craig David concert at the 

O2 Arena. While singing some 

of his songs to themselves, two 

TFL employees working on the 

platform came up with a poem 

using well-known Craig David 

titles and lyrics. They decided to 

share it with the excited crowd, 

so they wrote it on the platform’s 

customer information board. 

The board was an instant hit – 

it made people happy and that, 

in turn, made the two poets 

happy. They began covering 

more events, before eventually 

reaching out to offer words of 

wisdom, hope, and inspiration 

on a plethora of topics. Photos 

of the boards went viral online 

– garnering millions of ‘likes’ – 

shared under the name 

All on the Board. 

The mysterious poets behind 

the emotive boards are Ian 

Redpath and Jeremy Chopra, 

who are finally stepping into 

the spotlight after four years 

of letting their work do the 

talking. In that time, they have 

given us laughs, made touching 

tributes, and offered accessible 

information on – and support 

for – serious topics. Whether 

it’s mental health, a national 

tragedy, or a celebration of 

Michelle Obama (the former First 

Lady herself adored the board 

dedicated to her and her story), 

it seems the pair’s repertoire has 

no bounds. And so, I ask them, 

when reflecting on everything 

they’ve achieved so far, have they 

reached a point where it’s started 

to sink in yet? 


positive pointers 

Photography | Max Rose-Fyne 

The Underground poems of Ian 

Redpath (left) and Jeremy Chopra 

have been published in a new book 

Having words 

“It doesn’t always seem real. Or 

it almost feels like you’re talking 

about someone else,” Jeremy tells 

me – fresh off a night-shift when 

we catch up. “I’m thinking: ‘Oh, 

yes, Ian did really, really good 

with that. Wow. I’m so chuffed for 

him.’ And he’s probably thinking 

the same about me – actually, I 

don’t know, are you?” 

“No, not really mate, to be 

honest,” Ian chimes in, laughing. 

“No, of course. But you know 

what, we’ve got that much 

material, and then we look 

through it it’s like: ‘Oh, do you 

remember that time Michelle 

Obama shared her board?’ It’s still 

a very pinch-yourself moment, 

you know?” 

I can only imagine. 

Along the right lines 

Of course, it was only in 

November 2020 that Ian and 

Jeremy officially stepped into 

the spotlight – removing the 

face-covering masks they wore 

when writing on the boards up 

until this point (while donning 

the appropriate facewear for 

If it was making the 

concertgoers happier, then 

maybe we can make those 

lonely people on their tube 

journeys stop and see that 

they’re not alone 

the current era). Before this, 

they were known as N1 and 

E1 (standing for ‘no one’ and 

‘everyone’), and going public 

wasn’t an easy choice. 

“People who knew who we were 

said: ‘Don’t do it, because you’ll 

just get surrounded by people.’” 

Jeremy explains. “But, we were 

like: it’s time to do it now, really.” 

And so, they did. >>> 


Mental Health 

PANIC ATTACKS CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE, 

THEY SIMPLY COME FROM OUT OF THE BLUE; 

FROM LAYING IN BED TO WATCHING A MOVIE, 

OR STANDING IN A QUEUE. 

UNLESS SOMEONE HAS EXPERIENCED THEM, 

THEY REALLY WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND; 

HOW DEVASTATING AND FRUSTRATING THEY CAN BE, 

AND LIFE CAN SEEM SO OUT OF HAND. 

THEY MAKE YOU FEEL PARANOID AND SOUL DESTROYED, 

WITH UNWANTED TRIPS TO A&E; 

A CRACK IN THE PAVEMENT BECOMES A CAVERNOUS VOID, 

AND THE LIGHT IS HARD TO SEE. 

FIGHT OR FLIGHT CAN CAUSE A FRIGHT, 

WHEN YOUR MIND PREPARES YOUR BODY FOR ACTION; 

BUT, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER FOR DEFEATING THEM, 

WITH EXERCISE, RELAXATION AND DISTRACTION. 

TREAT A PANIC ATTACK LIKE AN UNINVITED GUEST, 

OR SEE IT AS AN IRRITATING FRIEND; 

IT CAUSES DISCOMFORT AND IS REALLY ANNOYING, 

BUT, IT CAN’T HURT YOU AND SOON IT WILL END. 

171 

We’re just writing 

about how we feel 

06_ATOB_MENTAL HEALTH.indd 171 10/11/2020 08:50 

“I’ve had one person want a 

selfie with me,” Jeremy reflects. 

“I’ve had two,” Ian says. “I’ve 

had someone at work, and then 

my neighbour recognised me 

from TV. I was rushing for the 

train, he goes, ‘Ian, Ian.’ I was 

like, ‘Yes?’ He said, ‘I saw you 

on TV.’ I was like, ‘Oh, good. 

I’ll chat to you later.’ He goes, 

‘Ian, Ian. What were you doing 

on TV?’ And then I missed my 

train.” 

Above board 

It’s evident that their work 

has always had very clear 

intentions – to spread messages 

and to get people thinking, and 

talking – effortlessly tapping into 

the pulse of the capital, and the 

nation. And so, as the pair see it, 

when they began to take on more 

serious topics with their board, 

the transition was only natural. 

“We were doing the concerts, 

and people were getting excited, 

and we realised how many 

people we were reaching,” 

says Ian. “We thought, if it 

was making the concertgoers 

happier, then maybe we can 

make those lonely people on 

their tube journeys stop and see 

that they’re not alone.” 

Ian explains that they began 

writing about their own 

experiences and conditions, 

putting the poems out into the 

world, and seeing if anyone felt 

the same way. Very quickly, it 

became clear that they did. 

“People were saying, how 

did you get this spot on about 

anxiety attacks, or depression, or 

post-traumatic stress disorder? 

We were like: ‘We’re just writing 

about how we feel.’” 

In their book, both Ian and 

Jeremy lay bare their experiences 

– Ian covering anxiety and PTSD, 

Jeremy speaking to depression 

and an eating disorder. This 

kind of candour is powerful in 

any circumstances, but the fact 

they’re two men adds another 

dimension to the move. 



When reflecting on this, both 

Jeremy and Ian say they’ve always 

been sensitive, but the fact that 

they’ve lost friends to suicide – as 

well as talked people out of suicide 

while working at the station – 

means that they see first-hand the 

power of their words, awareness, 

and compassion. 

Considering a moment that 

became clear, Jeremy tells me 

about a message they received 

recently from someone who 

explained how their poem ‘Don’t 

Give Up’ had saved their life. 

“It was incredible to read that, 

because it just confirmed to us 

that we’d done the right thing,” 

Jeremy reflects. 

Write this way 

As Jeremy sees it, it’s the 

simplicity with which they make 

their points that opens up mental 

health topics, but their poetic 

medium is something they’re also 

keen to unlock. 

“We’re not polished speakers or 

anything, we just say things as we 

do usually,” he says. “Poetry has 

become quite closed off to a lot of 

people. We’ve simplified it, and 

made it a bit more bouncy, in the 

way that people usually talk in the 

streets, or just to their neighbours. 

We used that way of talking, and 

people get it.” 

On the flip side, the creative 

process is also cathartic for 

them, and they note how 

expressing themselves has 

had a positive effect on their 

own wellbeing. For Ian, this 

is particularly relevant when 

considering how he deals with 

anxiety attacks. 

“They can last about 27 minutes, 

but if I can stop and think, ‘I’ll 

try to rhyme this word with that 

word, and that word with that 

word,’ I can work myself out of it.” 

“For me, it’s also like you’re 

searching for a solution for 

things,” adds Jeremy. “Even if it’s 

not whatever you’re feeling, you 

feel like you’re accomplishing 

something.” 

We’re about to wrap up our 

call, so I ask the pair a difficult 

question. Do they have a 

favourite board? 

“That’s cruel,” Ian scolds. 

“Imagine they’re children and 

you’re picking your favourite!” 

“In our book, there is an 

exclusive poem in the ‘In It 

Together’ chapter – which is 

about the pandemic – and it’s a 

poem that my daughter wrote,” 

says Jeremy. “So if we had to 

choose between children, in 

terms of the poems, I’m going 

to pick that one, because it was 

written by my actual child.” 

A sign of the times 

Since All on the Board began 

in 2017, we have faced many 

hardships. In 2021, after an 

incredibly difficult year, words 

of comfort and hope, like those 

the duo specialise in, couldn’t 

be more important. So often, it’s 

the simplest actions that speak 

the loudest, and join us together, 

instilling the optimism and unity 

that we need to carry on. Now, 

more than ever, Ian and Jeremy are 

just the ticket. 

“We’ve been wearing masks for the 

last three years, so we thought we’d 

take those masks off, and then put 

on the other masks that everyone 

is supposed to be wearing. So, it’s 

a little bit of a statement without 

being a statement,” says Ian. 

“That’s us though, isn’t it?” 

Adds Jeremy. 

Ian nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.” 

‘All On the Board: Inspirational 

Quotes From The TFL Underground 

Duo’ is out now (Yellow Kite, £14.99). 


How to support a pet with 

separation anxiety 

Animals can experience anxiety the same way that humans can, 

and seeing them in distress can be heartbreaking. With the 

help of a clinical animal behaviourist, we explore how 

we can better support our companions 


Illustration | Becky Johnston 

Many of us will 

be familiar 

with anxiety or 

depression, but 

did you know that our furry 

friends can experience this, too? 

According to research by Rover. 

com, one in 10 dogs are living 

with a mental health problem – 

equating to nearly one million 

dogs in the UK. And it’s not only 

affecting man’s best friend – cats, 

rabbits, birds, and all other kinds 

of pets can experience mental 

health problems, too. 

Characterised by agitated, and 

sometimes destructive, behaviour 

in your absence, separation 

anxiety can sometimes be 

debilitating for our pets. And, 

following lockdown, where many 

of us have been spending a lot 

more time with our companions, 

it could be on the rise. 

Here, clinical animal 

behaviourist Heather Thomas, 

head of behaviour at pet care app 

Joii, shares tips for supporting 

a pet that is experiencing 

separation anxiety. 

Create a safe haven 

“To ensure our pets are happy 

at home, we need to make sure 

they are comfortable with being 

left alone,” says Heather. As she 

advises, there are a number of 

ways that you can create a safe 

space for your pet, including 

making sure they have a 

comfortable place to relax. 

“Make the safe haven a place 

your pet wants to be – drop treats 

there and have toys available for 

them, too. Pheromone sprays can 

also help to relax them – 

this is something you 

should plug in near 

the space.” 

Beyond that, 

Heather also points 

out that certain genres 

of music – reggae and 

classical – have been 

found to be particularly 

soothing to animals, and so it could 

be worth leaving music on low 

when you leave the house. 

Teach them to settle 

It’s something that can be 

often overlooked but, as 

Heather notes, just as 

humans can be taught 

how to relax by using 

yoga and mindfulness 

techniques, so can our 

animals – and it might 

be key to helping them 

work through anxiety. 

It’s worth speaking to 

your vet about specific 

tips for your animal, 

but there are also 

some general things 

you can look out for in 

cats and dogs. 

20 | March 2021 | happiful.com

pet power 

Signs of separation 

anxiety in dogs: 

• Destructive behaviour 

• Howling or barking 

• Toileting 

• Trembling or pacing 

• Excessive salivation 

• Self-mutilation 

• Repetitive behaviour 

• Vomiting 

“A ‘settle’ is them laying down, 

but in such a way that it promotes 

relaxation,” Heather explains. 

“Often, it’s when they’re on their 

side with their hips popped over a 

little. Any time you happen to see 

your pet laying down like this, give 

them a treat.” 

Make alone time appealing 

There are certain ways that you 

can gradually help your pet 

come to see a bit of alone time 

as a good thing. “For example, 

if your pet follows you to the 

toilet, pop some treats outside the 

bathroom door before you go in,” 

Heather advises. “This gives them 

exposure to being alone for a 

short period of time, and creates 

positive associations by giving 

them a treat.” 

For dogs, you can also try filling 

a toy with treats, and leaving it 

in a room where you don’t spend 

much time – Heather notes 

how this can encourage them to 

investigate, and enjoy keeping 

themselves occupied. For cats, 

she recommends popping a 

heat-pad in a space away from 

you, to help them build a positive 

association with being in a 

different room. 

Do it gradually 

Systematic desensitisation is 

another technique that is also 

used in humans – gradually 

exposing ourselves to a fear to 

aid in overcoming phobias – and 

it can be used to help pets feel 

comfortable with being alone. 

“The concept is essentially 

leaving your pet for snippets of 

time, then gradually building up 

to longer periods,” Heather says. 

This is a particularly good tip 

for those who are worried about 

how their animals will react if 

they go back to a workplace after 

lockdown. If you can, try to leave 

your animal alone, increasing 

your time out of the house as the 

Signs of separation 

anxiety in cats: 

• Toileting 

• Being aggressive 

• Hiding 

• Under or over-grooming 

• Sleeping a lot 

• Being on high alert 

days go by. With time, this could be 

the key to helping your pet feel calm, 

safe, and happy. 

If you’re worried about your pet’s 

behaviour, speak to a vet, or visit 

rspca.org.uk for more information. 


Keeping 

on 

track 

Most of us could be more in-tune with our mind and body, but for 

those who menstruate, having a clear understanding of your monthly 

cycle is particularly important. Whether it’s knowing when PMS is 

around the corner, or pinpointing the days when you’re likely to be 

most productive, tracking your cycle and mood can be truly beneficial… 

Writing | Jenna Farmer 

We all know that 

premenstrual 

syndrome (PMS) is 

common the week 

before your period, with 5–8% 

of people struggling with severe 

PMS that impacts their lives. But 

have you ever thought about how 

it changes throughout your cycle? 

There are several stages that 

make up your menstrual cycle, 

which usually lasts between 21 

and 40 days, and learning more 

about this, and the hormones 

involved, can be really useful in 

managing symptoms and feeling 

more connected to your body. 

Understanding your cycle 

It begins with your period, 

and the first day of bleeding is 

classed as day one of your cycle. 

At this time, your oestrogen 

levels are at rock bottom, so it’s 

understandable to feel irritable 

and moody. Oestrogen helps 

modify the effects of our feelgood 

endorphins and boosts 

serotonin, so we can feel teary 

and emotional when our levels 

drop as our periods start. As 

your period goes on, you might 

notice fatigue kick in, too; 

this can be due to the drop in 

hormones but also due to your 

iron levels, which may dip with 

your monthly bleed. 

Some are lucky enough that this 

part of the cycle only lasts a few 

days, but others might notice it 

goes on up for up to eight days. 

But, once it’s stopped, we head to 

the second part of the cycle. 

Ever have days where you feel 

like you can take on the world? 

Chances are you’re in the second 

week of your cycle. Here, your 

oestrogen is on the up, which 

means your feel-good hormones 

probably are, too. While it varies 

for everyone, you might notice 

feelings of calm and excitement. 


wellbeing 

As you reach the middle of the 

cycle, ovulation usually happens. 

This is when you hit the peak 

oestrogen levels, so your moods 

may continue to be positive, with 

studies showing women are more 

sexually active in the days leading 

up to ovulation. Body temperature 

rises slightly when ovulating too, 

so you might feel warmer. 

Just after ovulation, our 

progesterone levels start to rise. 

This hormone is responsible for 

helping our body make the stress 

hormone cortisol, so you might 

notice moodiness begin to kick in, 

along with feeling bloated. 

“Studies of women with IBS 

have shown that symptoms tend 

to be worse during the luteal 

phase, just after ovulation,” 

explains dietitian, and director 

of CityDietitians, Sophie Medlin. 

“The bowel contains receptors 

for the hormones oestrogen and 

progesterone, telling us that the 

bowel is designed to sense and 

react to them – and the luteal 

phase is when they peak.” 

Assuming you haven’t fallen 

pregnant, the last part of your 

cycle is the week before your 

period, and it’s 

here when both 

your oestrogen and 

progesterone levels 

drop in anticipation. 

This sudden dip 

can cause the mood 

swings we associate 

with PMS, but this 

isn’t something 

that everyone will 

experience. 

Why tracking your 

menstrual cycle can help 

Although we know the science 

behind our monthly cycle, 

naturally we’re all a little different. 

“Lots of factors can have 

an impact on our hormones, 

including: sleep, the foods we 

eat, especially getting enough 

fibre and the nutrients which are 

building blocks for hormones; 

and, of course, stress,” registered 

nutritionist Uta Boellinger 

explains. “When we are stressed, 

our body produces stress 

hormones including cortisol. 

These take priority over other 

hormones. So it’s a really good 

idea to track your cycle to make 

Oestrogen helps modify 

the effects of our feel-good 

endorphins and boosts 

serotonin, so we can feel teary 

and emotional when our levels 

drop as our periods start 

sure you notice any changes 

that can indicate hormonal 

imbalance.” 

Some of this is out of our control, 

but getting to know your cycle can 

be really helpful in pinpointing 

these highs and lows. It has a 

practical purpose, too; you can 

schedule in projects during the 

times in your cycle when you 

know you’re more clear-headed 

and productive, and arrange that 

pampering evening for the time 

you know you might feel low. 

Top tips for tracking 

your monthly cycle 

• Get appy: A simple app can help 

you track your cycle, and receive 

notifications at different points in 

the month. >>> 


“I really like the Flo app,” explains 

Uta Boellinger. “Not only can you 

track your cycle, but also a whole 

host of symptoms.” 

Clue is another good option for 

this, while Frendo is an app for 

those with endometriosis who 

want to track their periods. 

• Consider journaling: For more 

lengthy reflections, perhaps try 

a wellness journal that can allow 

you to deep dive into things such 

as sleep, diet, and symptoms. This 

can be particularly useful if you 

need to visit your GP to chat about 

your periods. 

• Grab a thermometer: Your 

temperature rises around 

ovulation, so using a thermometer 

is an alternative way to pinpoint 

different parts of your cycle. Some 

women do this alongside other 

checks – such as monitoring their 

cervical fluid – and it’s called the 

fertility awareness method. 

“The fertility awareness 

method is the most precise way 

of charting your hormones,” 

explains Natasha Richardson, 

medical herbalist and founder of 

Forage Botanicals, which makes 

natural products for period 

problems like PMS and pain. “It 

allows you to chart your moods 

and any other symptoms you 

have alongside it, and is probably 

the most scientific and wellresearched 

form of tracking for 

cycle and mood.” 

Eat to support your cycle 

The start of your cycle: During 

your period week, iron-rich 

foods such as leafy greens and 

lean meat, can help with feelings 

of fatigue. Lots of us crave sweet 

things during this time, and 

while it’s fine to indulge, you 

might find upping your protein 

intake can be more helpful. 

The middle of your cycle: 

Uta Boellinger suggests eating 

ground flaxseeds during the first 

two weeks of your cycle, when 

oestrogen is lower. 

“Seeds can help naturally 

increase your oestrogen, while 

also providing fiber to support 

healthy oestrogen metabolism,” 

she adds. 

The end of your cycle: While 

you don’t want to overhaul your 

whole diet this week, some 

studies have found a higher 

intake of fruit and vegetables 

seem to help with PMS 

symptoms. Herbalist Louise 

Westra suggests that herbal teas 

can be helpful at this time. 

“Rose petal tea can be incredibly 

nurturing and uplifting,” Louise 

says. “If someone tends to suffer 

from a lower mood as part of the 

PMS picture. Fennel tea can be 

good for abdominal type bloating, 

too.” 

Whether you grab a notebook, or 

prefer to use an app, getting started 

with menstrual tracking is simple 

to do, so why not give it a go? 

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist 

who specialises in perinatal mental 

health and gut health. She has 

Crohn’s disease, and blogs about her 

journey at abalancedbelly.co.uk 

Uta Boellinger is a registered 

nutritional therapist specialising in 

fertility, pregnancy, and hormonal 

balance. Director of Cannelle 

Nutrition in Brighton, Uta has just 

finished her debut book on teenage 

nutrition. To get in touch with Uta and 

for more nutrition information, visit 

nutritionist-resource.org.uk 


try this at home 

Are you an empath? 

12 signs to watch out for 

Listening and 

communication are 

strong skills of yours 

People regularly turn 

to you for advice 

and support 

You’re particularly 

sensitive to others’ 

emotions 

You understand 

and connect deeply 

with others 

You may find yourself 

frequently fatigued, 

drained by the emotions 

Others view you 

as incredibly 

trustworthy 

Others feel calmer 

in your presence 

Public spaces can 

feel overwhelming 

You can be quite sensitive 

to the environment 

around you 

Your mood can change 

quite rapidly, from real 

highs to lows 

You often unintentionally 

mirror the emotions 

of people and things 

around you 

You have a strong 

desire to help 

people in need 


“ 

MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS 

Hope is a small rebellion 

Photography | Feeh Costa

feel-good food 

Overcome fussy 

eating habits 

with hypnosis 

Our mind is an incredible thing. While we may not understand all 

of its secrets, by utilising the power of storytelling and suggestion, 

we can change the narrative around our food habits... 

Writing | Ellen Hoggard 

While I’ve always 

been a lover of new 

foods, finding joy 

in exploring new 

flavours, textures, and cuisines, 

I can clearly remember my two 

brothers not experiencing food 

in the same way. As a child, I 

couldn’t understand why they 

would fight against our family 

meals and eat only their favoured 

foods – in this case, Marmite on 

toast or chicken nuggets. Despite 

my parents’ best efforts, they 

often had to accept the failed 

argument and return to the table 

with the usual selection. After 

all, the most important thing 

was ensuring we were fed, and 

following a full day of work, why 

would they use the little energy 

they had left on a battle they 

couldn’t win? 

WHAT IS FUSSY EATING? 

Fussy eating (also known 

as picky eating or selective 

eating) is incredibly common 

in young children, especially 

between the ages of three and 

six. It’s characterised by an 

unwillingness to eat unfamiliar 

foods, try new foods, as well as 

having strong food preferences. 

Often, children will grow out 

of it as their tastes change and 

they become more inquisitive. 

However, there are cases where 

this behaviour continues into 

adulthood. It’s here that it can 

become more of a problem, as 

relationships develop and social 

events circulate around food, the 

person may feel embarrassed 

by their limited palette. Teens 

and young adults may also start 

to notice problems with their 

health developing. >>> 


This could include: tiredness, 

lacklustre skin and hair, and 

difficulty exerting themselves 

physically. 

While two common causes 

of fussy eating include parents 

having a limited diet, or a 

traumatic event that has 

resulted in a fear or hatred of 

certain types of food, reasons 

behind this behaviour can 

vary. If you’re a parent and 

your child is showing signs of 

picky eating, firstly know that 

they may well grow out of it 

on their own. Be patient and 

know that you’re doing all you 

can. But if it does appear to be 

becoming a problem, there are 

steps you can take to work with 

your child to introduce new 

foods and textures. Likewise, if 

you’re a young person or adult 

experiencing these behaviours, 

there is help available to you. 

Hypnotherapy, in particular, is 

an approach that can be effective 

in helping you to overcome fussy 

eating, and introduce you to the 

joys and health benefits a varied 

diet can bring. 

FINDING THE JOY IN FOOD 

“In most cases, children aren’t 

born fussy eaters, so hypnotherapy 

can help to understand why they 

are saying no to certain foods, 

and yes to others,” explains 

cognitive hypnotherapist Sophie 

Parker. “Being a parent to a child 

with fussy eating habits is not a 

reflection of how good a parent 

you are. I am a foodie, so when my 

daughter was weaning, I earnestly 

introduced her to a range of foods. 

She ate what I ate from six months 

old, but despite my efforts, my 

daughter can still sometimes be 

picky about what she will eat.” 

Hypnotherapy can be an 

effective approach for those 

who have anxieties or fears 

around food. With the support 

of a hypnotherapist, you can 

learn to quiet the mind and 

address negative behaviours at 

a subconscious level, using the 

power of suggestion. Sessions 

will often focus on lowering the 

anxiety around trying new foods, 

as well as providing you with the 

tools to practise self-hypnosis 

and mindfulness techniques 

throughout your journey. 

“A hypnotherapist can uncover 

events and experiences that have 

led to the dislike, or unwillingness 

to try, certain types of foods. With 

children, this will be through 

storytelling and engaging their 

imagination to reframe their 

experience with food.” 

As well as hypnotherapy, 

cognitive behavioural therapy and 

solution-focused therapy can be 

useful to understand what triggers 

anxiety around food, and identify 

what changes need to be made. 

What your child is 

exhibiting is perfectly 

normal. Fussy eating is 

quite often about control 

and independence, and 

it will pass 


IF YOU’RE WORRIED 

ABOUT YOUR CHILD 

More often than not, fussy 

eating in young children is 

a phase. If you believe it’s a 

behaviour that isn’t going to go 

away and/or they’re expressing 

frustration in the behaviour 

themselves, you may benefit 

from seeking support from either 

a hypnotherapist, a nutritional 

therapist, and/or a medical 

professional. 

“It’s important for parents not 

to blame themselves for their 

children’s fussy eating habits. It’s 

considered normal for children 

to be picky about what they eat, 

or be ‘neophobic’ and avoid new 

or unfamiliar foods,” says Sophie. 

“Fussy eating is quite often about 

control and independence, and 

it will pass. The fact is, most 

children become less fussy as 

they grow older. 

“Food neophobia is thought to 

be an evolutionary adaptation 

that helps to prevent the 

ingestion of potentially harmful 

foods until children learn what 

is safe to eat. Framing fussy 

eating within this context can 

help you to see things from your 

child’s perspective. Ultimately, 

fussy eating habits come down to 

control and consistency, which 

explains why some children may 

favour more foods like pasta and 

bread, which in their minds, are 

tried and tested in terms of look, 

texture, and taste. 

“The key to overcoming fussy 

eating habits is exposure to a 

variety of foods and starting 

small,” Sophie says. “It can take 

children up to 15 tries before they 

form a preference for something, 

so consistency is key. When you 

want to introduce something 

new, make sure it’s not their main 

meal, and involve them.” 

Sophie suggests turning it into 

a game, as emotions of surprise 

and delight can make eating 

a fun experience. “It takes the 

pressure off, by focusing on the 

activity, rather than eating itself, 

especially if you’re worried about 

them going hungry, as you’re still 

serving them tried and tested 

favourites.” 

For parents of picky eaters, 

know that you’re doing the 

best you can. Mealtimes can be 

stressful for both you and your 

child, but you’re not alone in 

this. Speak to your friends, seek 

out fellow parents and support 

groups, and share experiences 

and tips. The chances are, your 

child will start trying new foods 

on their own. 

And if not, help is available. 

Hypnotherapy can be a 

successful therapy for adults and 

children alike, helping them gain 

a better understanding of what 

these behaviours are, why they 

came about, how to overcome 

them and enjoy all the joys food 

and mealtimes can bring. 

Sophie Parker is a cognitive 

hypnotherapist, coach, and NLP 

master practitioner. She is the 

founder of London-based mind 

health and wellbeing practice 

The Inner. To find out more and 

get in touch with her, visit 

hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk 


10Writing | Kat Nicholls 

coaching questions 

to stay motivated 

and achieve 

your goals 

When we begin a new challenge, 

we’re often full of excitement. But, 

understandably, that energy can 

dwindle, especially when we hit 

roadblocks. But with these 10 powerful 

coaching questions in your back pocket, 

you can get yourself back on track in no time... 

Now and then we all need 

a gentle push to stay 

positive and motivated. 

There’s absolutely 

nothing wrong with feeling low 

in energy and uninterested in our 

goals occasionally, but when this 

becomes a default state of mind, 

it’s time to take action. 

Here we’re sharing 10 powerful 

questions used by coaches to 

encourage their clients to feel 

more positive, more motivated, 

and excited about their goals 

again. So, dig out your favourite 

notebook and pen, stick the kettle 

on, and note down your answers 

to the following... 

1. When do 

you feel 

happiest in 

your daily 

routine? 

It’s easy to think happiness only 

arrives during big life events or 

special occasions but, in reality, 

it’s peppered throughout our days 

in small doses. It takes a keen eye 

to recognise it but, when you do, 

you can savour the moment and 

truly enjoy it. 

Think about your current 

daily routine and when you 

feel happiest. Is it during your 

morning coffee? At lunch when 

you get out for a walk in nature? 

Or perhaps it’s in the evening 

when you cosy up with a loved 

one? Whenever it is, consider 

how you can really savour this 

moment, or introduce more 

times like this into your day. 

2. What were 

your three 

most positive 

moments in 

the past week/ 

month/year? 

Our brains have a negativity bias, 

which means they hold on to 

negative experiences more easily 

than positive ones. The impact of 

this is that we need to be really 


intentional about remembering 

the lighter moments in life. 

Take some time to think 

about three positive things that 

happened in the past week, 

month, and year. Reflecting on 

these moments offers a new 

perspective, and can shift you 

into a more optimistic mindset. 

3. Why is it 

important 

for you to 

accomplish 

your goal? 

If you have a goal you’re 

struggling with right now, 

come back to the basics and 

ask yourself why it’s important 

to you. What will change if you 

accomplish this particular goal? 

What won’t change if you don’t? 

Reiterating the importance of 

what you’re working towards 

can give you a renewed energy 

around the goal, and inspire you 

to keep going. 

4. How will achieving your goal 

support others around you? 

If you’re still struggling with motivation, look at your 

goal in a different way. We often think about the ways 

our goals will change our own lives, but have you ever 

thought about how they will change other people’s lives? 

For example, if your goal is to meditate more to help manage stress, 

think about how those around you will benefit from you being less 

stressed. Sometimes taking the focus away from ourselves in this way 

can help us to feel more committed to our goals. 

5. How can you motivate yourself? 

Motivation is an inside job – you really need to tune-in 

to what excites you, drives you, and lean into that. Think 

about what’s propelled you into action in the past, to see 

how you can recreate that inspiration in the future. Is it 

about setting yourself deadlines for milestones you want 

to achieve, or having calendar reminders on your phone? Is it about 

being held accountable, by sharing your goals with friends or family, 

or even a life coach? Once you know what fires you up most, you can 

utilise this in times when your motivation seems to dwindle. >>> 


BONUS TIPS 

• Go green - this colour has been found 

to boost motivation and spark creativity. 

Take a walk outside to soak up some 

natural inspiration! 

• Treat yourself - decide on a little reward 

for achieving certain milestones, or even just 

for a small win. This could be a special hot 

drink, a break to listen to a new podcast, or 

a phone call with a friend. 

• Tackle the tough stuff - avoid procrastination 

by starting with the tasks that might be more 

challenging. You’ll get momentum, and once 

you tick these off your list, it can give you 

confidence to keep going. 



6. What are 

some steps 

you can take 

towards your 

goal? What will 

you do first? 

Taking action 

is what makes a goal a reality. 

Hopefully, you’re feeling more 

positive and committed to your 

goal, so now is the time to think 

about how you’ll achieve it. What 

small steps will help you get 

there? What is one thing you can 

do today to bring you closer to 

achieving your goal? Remember, 

small steps lead to big changes in 

the long run. 

7. What 

potential 

barriers are 

there to you 

achieving 

your goal, and what will you 

do if these barriers come up? 

It’s important to be realistic when 

it comes to goals. As much as we 

would love to believe everything 

in your life will line up perfectly 

and you’ll have no problem 

at all achieving your goals, 

sometimes… life happens. A 

bump in the road might come up, 

and something unexpected might 

derail you. 

While you can’t prepare for all 

eventualities, taking some time 

to think about potential barriers 

and, crucially, how you’ll handle 

them if they do appear, can help. 

You’ll be more able to problem 

solve as hurdles arise, and help 

yourself stay on track. 

Remind yourself 

of your resilience, 

and move forward 

knowing you have 

the strength to pick 

yourself back up 

For more insight 

and support with your 

motivation and goals visit 

lifecoach-directory.org.uk 

8. Who can you ask to help 

you along the way? 

Remember, it is OK to ask for help. In fact, having 

the right support system around you can be crucial 

to your happiness – we were never meant to do this 

alone. Think about who you have in your life who could support you, and 

consider whether or not you would benefit from hiring a professional, 

such as a coach. This is someone who can listen, support, and help guide 

you on your path, without judgement. 

9. How can you best support yourself right now? 

As well as considering your external support, it’s helpful to 

think about how you can support yourself. Take a holistic 

approach here, and think about how you’re looking after 

yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Self-care, 

while you work on your goal, is essential for avoiding 

burnout. Ensure you build this into your day-to-day routine, in whatever 

form it looks like for you. 

10. What past experiences can 

you draw on to help? 

Reflecting on past experiences and successes is an 

easy technique that can help you build confidence. 

Think about the times in your life where you’ve been 

challenged, and how you came through the other side. Remind yourself 

of your resilience, and move forward knowing you have the strength to 

pick yourself back up should you need to. 


f 

l 

o 

u 

r 

i 

s 

h 

Take time for you 

From boosting confidence to 

reducing stress, take proactive steps 

to create the life you deserve. Each 

of these cards features an emotive 

affirmation, along with four 

activities to help you on your 

self-development journey.

You do not just wake 

up and become the 

butterfly. Growth 

is a process 

Rupi Kaur 

These inspiring 

affirmation activity 

cards are available 

exclusively in our print 

edition! Purchase 

yours today 

My tension is 

melting away 


1 

Don’t overthink it 

If you struggle with spiralling thoughts that cause you endless stress, 

here are some essential ideas to keep overthinking under control 

Step back and assess. Gain 

some self-awareness – things 

aren’t always as they seem. 

2 

3 

4 5 

Change your mindset. 

Flip that automatic 

negative thinking, and 

instead focus on what 

could go right. 

Distract yourself. Have 

some fun, and take your 

mind off it. When you 

return to the problem with 

fresh eyes, it might not 

appear so immense. 

Share the love. Doing 

something nice for 

someone else can remind 

you it’s not so bad, and 

stop the spiral. 

One step at a time. If 

the challenge or task 

seems insurmountable, 

break things down into 

manageable chunks. 

6 

7 

8 

Pause and reflect. Take 

time to think about how 

far you’ve come and what 

you’ve achieved. You’ve 

risen to challenges before, 

and you will again. 

A little kindness goes a 

long way. We’re looking for 

progress, not perfection, 

so show yourself some 

compassion. 

Talk it out. Just saying those 

thoughts out loud can make 

them much less scary, so speak 

to someone you trust, and 

never be afraid to ask for help!

true story 

How I rebuilt 

my life after burnout 

Stephen worked hard and played hard — ignoring the 

warning signs that his mind and body were sending. Then 

one day, it all became too much… 

Writing | Stephen Lynch 

For as long as I can remember, I’ve 

struggled to switch-off. 

Since leaving university, two-day 

weekends of relaxation, rest, and 

energising play have been few and far between. 

In 2019 in particular, I’d get up far too early on a 

Sunday morning, with a diary full of things to do, 

but short on fun. This would be the time in the 

week when my mind and body would try telling 

me loudly that I needed to stop – having built up a 

relentless habit of working at weekends. 

My first job after graduating was six days 

per week. But even when I broke into the 9–5, 

Monday-to-Friday world, I still liked to train at the 

gym for long hours on Saturdays and Sundays. My 

girlfriend at the time couldn’t understand it, and 

rightly resented that I felt time spent with her was 

keeping me from doing other things. 

I’ve lost several relationships now due to my 

inability to switch-off and relax. Being present 

during rest and play is equally as important as 

being engaged at work. 

At weekends, I would always carry my backpack 

with me – heavy with my laptop, gym gear, journal, 

the latest self-help book I was reading, and those 

all-important smartphone chargers. My laptop 

even went with me to a friend’s wedding in Malta. 

I had a junior role working on a general election 

campaign in the UK – but somehow thought I was 

important and indispensable enough to check my 

emails regularly during the trip. 

My ‘always-on’ working mentality was most 

clearly revealed through my ‘perfect Saturday’ 

routine. I’d begin the day with high intensity 

interval training (HIIT), boxing training, 

spinning (or some combination of these!). Then 

I’d take the release of happy endorphins, and the 

other neurotransmitters of dopamine, serotonin, 

and oxytocin into working on passion projects 

for a few hours. 

By early evening it would be time for public 

speaking class — the highlight of most of my 

weeks — with some socialising afterwards. 

Some weeks I would have arranged a date — 

capitalising on my peak mood, and assuaging 

any feelings of loneliness or emptiness for a few 

more hours. 

This routine ticked all the boxes for me, as it 

combined all of my loves and passions: public 

speaking (particularly improvised speeches); 

socialising with like-minded people with shared 

interests; intense, challenging, but enjoyable 

exercise; and above all, being productive – 

‘getting stuff done’. 

In hindsight I was throwing myself into 

‘busyness’ for the sake of it – subconsciously 

distracting myself to avoid confronting the real 

issues within.>>> 


Stephen Lynch is the co-author of 

‘Eject the Autopilot: Choosing 

Self-Mastery over Safety’ 

I was throwing myself into 

‘busyness’ for the sake of it — 

subconsciously distracting myself 

to avoid confronting the real 

issues within 

Despite a few years of absent mindedness and 

blank, forgetful moments when asked what 

I’d been up to, the moment I realised I’d burnt 

myself out was in December 2019. 

The morning before, I’d woken to my usual 5am 

alarm and immediately felt a strong urge to get 

straight back into bed and sleep an hour or two 

longer. This was a very rare feeling for me. 

The next morning, my body and mind were 

telling me to go the long way to work, to stop off 

at the playground and jump on the swings for a 

while, to linger over a proper breakfast at a hotel 

near me. In hindsight, they were trying to delay 

me from reaching the office. 

Reaching my central London workplace a 

couple of hours later – full of breakfast and 

caffeine – I knew something was wrong as soon 

as I booted up my laptop and sat down to write a 

communications plan for a client. On a normal 

day, I could draft one of these standing on my 

head. But this morning I could barely type a 

sentence. I was looking at the laptop, the page 

of my journal, and around the office, when it 

dawned on me that I was overcome with stress, 

anxiety, and dullness in the brain. 

I felt dead inside. I’d pushed myself too far, for 

too long. The well was dry, there was no water 

left to pour, my cup was empty. 

This was my realisation that the way I was 

working wasn’t working for me. 

I spent the next five days doing as little as 

possible – but regretfully accepted three media 

appearance requests. The ability to prioritise 

your own health and wellbeing is often the 

ability to simply say no. 

One month before my burnout, I’d booked a 

one-way flight to Africa for January 2020. One of 

the questions I began asking in the days leading 

up to the flight was: how have I got to this point, 

where taking myself away to a vast, unfamiliar 

continent, with no return flight booked, was 

something I decided was a sensible, logical, and 

rational thing to do in my life? 


true story 

Out in Zanzibar, I noticed what a better mood 

I was in when I’d slept well – sometimes with a 

gratuitous afternoon nap – and not spent hours 

staring at screens or commuting. 

The signs I’d previously ignored included the 

relationships I’d walked away from, when I felt 

they were contradicting my ambitious goals and 

my flawed means of trying to achieve them. 

I’d long glossed over my forgetfulness and 

absentmindedness. Anxiety and stress had 

slowly built-up to a point where I’d hardly 

realised they were regular fixtures in my life. 

I’d overlooked my Sunday fatigue, and general 

listlessness throughout the week. My increasing 

isolation since becoming self-employed I’d 

chalked down as a necessary sacrifice. 

My main lesson was that I couldn’t live or 

work at 100 miles-an-hour for long. Burning the 

OUR EXPERT SAYS 

Many of us will resonate with Stephen’s story. We 

will certainly have felt the stress of having too 

many demands vying for our attention. 

For Stephen, it was a full on burnout that 

instigated change. Fortunately, he achieved 

this by looking at life differently, managing his 

workload, and noticing how having fun is just as 

important to our mental health as having space. 

candle at both ends was no longer sustainable. 

I have learnt to be much more strategic about 

what work I take on, and how I approach each 

day. I allow plenty of time for exercise, rest, and 

the odd inane TV show or film to allow my mind 

to switch off. I also make more time for friends, 

and talk to them about anything and everything 

– except work. 

Scheduling fun activities that are enjoyable 

for their own sake, is a major part of recovery. 

A walk, reading a book, or playing a game, are 

simple antidotes to burnout-induced anxiety. 

The coronavirus lockdowns are a challenge 

for us all, but have presented me with a chance 

to live at a slower pace – more consciously and 

deliberately. With time, I have come to see my 

burnout as a wonderful opportunity to choose a 

better way of living. 

Particularly during such a challenging 

time, it’s essential we recognise when work 

or family demands are causing 

undue stress. Remember, there’s 

always help out there, and a 

different to approach life. 

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr | Life coach 


“ 

There is always light, if only 

we’re brave enough to see it. If 

only we’re brave enough to be it 

AMANDA GORMAN 

40 | April 2021 | happiful.com 

Photography | Wahyu Setiawan


FOOD BANKS: 

What, 

where, 

and why? 

Demand for food banks is on the rise in the UK. Whether 

you’re looking for support yourself, or you want to help out, 

we’ve gathered together everything you need to know 


According to the 

Trussell Trust, in the 

first six months of 

the pandemic, nearly 

2,600 food parcels were given to 

children every single day – and 

between 1 April and 30 September 

2020, 1.2 million people in crisis 

received emergency food parcels. 

These figures are just a snapshot 

of the bigger picture, but they tell 

a story of a nation struggling to 

adequately care for those who are 

most vulnerable. 

Poverty goes beyond hunger – it 

consumes your life, and impacts 

your mental health. One-quarter 

of adults in the poorest fifth of the 

population live with anxiety and 

depression and, on the flip side, 

those who are struggling with their 

mental health are more likely to be 

affected by income loss – making 

poverty and mental health a vicious, 

relentless cycle. 

No one should have to depend 

on charity in order to access food, 

and the responsibility to work 

towards a hunger-free nation 

lies with the government. But 

since March 2020, volunteers 

and public figures, such as 

footballer Marcus Rashford, have 

continued to work tirelessly to 

support those in crisis – fuelled 

by compassion, lived-experience, 

and a drive to make a difference. 

Whether you feel empowered 

to support food banks, or you are 

in need of help yourself, here, we 

break down everything you need 

to know. >>> 


WHY DO PEOPLE NEED FOOD BANKS? 

There isn’t a simple answer, as people can 

find themselves in poverty for a myriad of 

reasons – including job loss, the breakdown 

of relationships, illness, and delays to benefits. 

That said, in areas where Universal Credit has 

been fully rolled out, food banks have 

seen an average of a 30% increase 

in demand. There is a five-week 

wait for people moving on to 

UC, which charities see as a 

contributing factor – and 

it’s being challenged by the 

Trussell Trust’s campaign: 

Five Weeks Too Long. 

ACCESSING A FOOD BANK 

Where should I go? 

The Trussell Trust is the UK’s 

biggest network of food banks, 

and you can head to trusselltrust. 

org/get-help to find a food bank 

near you. Additionally, if you are 

in a financial crisis and live in 

England or Wales, you can call 

their free helpline on: 

0808 208 2138. 

Places of worship also often 

run their own food banks, and 

there may be small independent 

organisations in your area, which 

you should be able to find by 

searching online, or watching 

out for flyers or details in local 

newspapers. 

Each food bank may function 

slightly differently, so it’s 

important to check what their 

procedure is, but many work with 

a referral agency, who will give 

you a voucher, which you can then 

exchange for a minimum of three 

days’ worth of emergency food. A 

food parcel will then be created 

for you, taking into account 

how many people you need to 

support, their ages, and any 

dietary requirements. 

What do I need to know? 

Visiting a food bank is as much 

about picking up the supplies that 

you need, as it is about reaching 

out for support beyond that. The 

volunteers who you meet are also 

there to listen to you, to help you 

to discover additional resources, 

and map the steps you can take to 

move forward. 

In the first six 

months of the 

pandemic, nearly 2,600 

food parcels were given 

to children every day 

Something that is often 

forgotten about life in poverty 

is how isolating it can be, and 

a report by the Child Poverty 

Action Group found that those 

who used food banks often 

described the experience as 

‘embarrassing’. Shame is a 

difficult emotion to deal with, 

but it’s worth remembering that 

food banks are non-judgemental 

spaces, where the volunteers 

are there with a listening ear, 

and they can also signpost 

community groups, links with 

other charities, and support for 

emotional wellbeing. 



HUNGER FREE FUTURE 

The Hunger Free Future is a campaign by the 

Trussell Trust to end hunger and destitution in 

the UK, for good. To learn more, and to add 

your voice to the movement, head to 

trusselltrust.org/hunger-free-future 

JO’S STORY 

Personal tragedy led Jo to 

spiral into depression and, 

soon after, she lost her job 

during the global pandemic. 

She managed to find casual 

work here and there but, after 

paying off debts, her income 

from Universal Credit came 

to just £250 a month – all she 

had to pay for all her living 

expenses. On the brink of 

homelessness, Jo realised that 

she needed help, but reaching 

out to a food bank wasn’t easy, 

and it took courage for her to 

take that first step. 

Yet when she did, she was 

immediately supported – given 

a choice of what food she 

wanted, as well as additional 

household products. With this 

care behind her, Jo was able to 

address other areas of her life, 

and was put in touch with Beam 

– a platform that crowdfunds 

new career opportunities for 

homeless people. 

Although reaching out 

wasn’t easy, reflecting on 

the experience, Jo sees how 

it restored her confidence in 

people during what was a 

difficult and isolating time. 

SUPPORTING A FOOD BANK 

Where should I go? 

You may have spotted food bank 

collection boxes in supermarkets 

– they’re usually behind the 

checkout area, and this is a really 

convenient way to donate. Simply 

add a couple of spare items into 

your trolley as you’re doing your 

usual shop, and then drop them 

in the box on your way out. 

You can also look into donating 

directly to a local organisation 

– many have donation times 

where you can drop off items, so 

it’s worth checking in with them 

to see if there are certain days 

you can donate on, or if they 

have any additional or specific 

requirements or requests. 

You can also donate money 

to food banks, either one-off 

donations or set up a monthly 

payment. This money helps them 

to run their services and, in the 

case of the Trussell Trust, also 

goes towards campaigns to help 

end food poverty for good. 

What do I need to know? 

Food banks don’t just supply 

food, and there’s a host of other 

household items that you can also 

donate, including: 

• Toiletries: deodorant, toilet 

paper, soap, shampoo, dental 

hygiene products 

• Cleaning supplies: washing up 

liquid, disinfectants, laundry 

detergent 

• Feminine hygiene products 

• Baby items: nappies, wipes, 

baby food 

Other ways that you can 

help could be through 

volunteering your time, or 

putting on a fundraising event 

to donate money to your local 

organisation. It’s also important 

to keep the conversation going, 

stay up-to-date with the state 

of things, and look out for 

opportunities to get involved 

in long-term campaigns and 

movements. 

When faced with a problem as 

big as the one food poverty has 

become in the UK, it’s easy to 

feel overwhelmed and hopeless. 

But in difficult times like these, 

it’s good to reflect on the things 

that we do have control over, 

and which we can help with. 

Big or small, in donations or 

in fundraising, there are ways 

that we can all get involved in 

supporting the people who need 

it most. 


Ask the experts 

Hypnotherapist Fiona Vitel answers 

your questions on switching off 

Read more about Fiona Vitel on 

hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk 

Q 

I’m feeling 

stressed a lot 

these days, and 

I’m finding it hard to 

cope. Is this something 

hypnotherapy could 

help me with? 

AStress and anxiety can 

feel overwhelmingly 

hard to cope with during 

challenging times. That’s why 

so many people seek help, and 

hypnotherapy is one of the 

fastest and most effective ways 

of regaining a sense of balance. 

The ‘fight-or-flight’ response is 

identified, which enables the root 

cause to be understood, and 

then this is contrasted with the 

physical and emotional changes 

of the relaxation response. 

Healing images, positive 

suggestions, and other concepts, 

are offered to the subconscious 

to act upon, rather than allowing 

the limiting beliefs, that create 

fear and discord, be the 

driving force. Hypnotherapy 

helps to strengthen right 

thinking by overriding negative 

conditioning. The subconscious 

is, after all, the servant and 

the master! It can’t tell the 

difference between what is 

real or unreal, and therefore 

gives us a great opportunity to 

programme something new 

and true. Coping skills are 

increased, making way for lifechanging 

self-management. 

Q 

Falling asleep 

is hard at the 

moment as 

my mind is constantly 

whirring. Do you have 

any advice to help me 

drift off? 

A 

As 

well as good nutrition and 

regular exercise, deep and 

rejuvenating sleep is incredibly 

important. During times like these, 

it can be easy to slip into the 

habit of snoozing during the day, 

and arising late in the morning. 

When there is mind chatter 

going on, then it’s time to take 

action to silence it. 

The ‘monkey mind’, as it’s 

frequently called, brings on 

doubt, fear, distraction, and 

even depression. I address this 

more fully in my hypnotherapy 

sessions, but there are some 

ways you can address it by 

shifting your focus to reading, 

listening to soothing music, doing 

breathwork, and meditation. A 

warm lavender-scented bath 

works wonders, as does a 

herbal tea or warm, milky drink 

before bedtime. Make sure the 

temperature of your bedroom 

is comfortable. And finally, stop 

using devices like TV, phones, 

and tablets at least an hour 

before sleep time – head to p90 

for more sleep tips. 

Hypnotherapy Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

wellbeing 

TOP TIPS FOR THOSE STRUGGLING TO SWITCH OFF 

1. Move away from your 

computer, phone, or whatever 

activity it is that’s taking all of 

your attention, and take a short 

walk outside or simply move to 

a window and watch the world 

go by for a while. A different 

sensory experience helps to make 

a change to how you process 

emotions, and will hopefully have 

benefits such as relaxation. 

2. Practise meditation and 

deep-breathing techniques. 

3. Use self-hypnosis to calm the 

autonomic nervous system, and 

use picture imagery to transport 

yourself to other realms – be it 

nature, or whatever your fabulous 

imagination can conjure. 

Immerse yourself while listening 

to relaxation music. 

Q 

With everything 

that’s happening 

right now, I’m 

struggling to relax. 

Do you have any 

suggestions to help me 

switch off? 

AFor most of us, we never 

even considered we would 

have to deal with long periods 

of isolation, which is outside 

of our control – or so we think. 

Perhaps we don’t have control 

over a pandemic, but we do have 

control within our own sphere of 

influence. Our mind and breath 

are the best places to start. 

Switch off all devices, make 

yourself comfortable by either 

sitting up straight or lying 

down, and take your focus 

to your breathing. Breathe in 

and out to a ratio of 4:6, while 

repeating words such as ‘calm’, 

‘relax’, or ‘peace’. Do this until 

your breathing feels even and 

rhythmic, and the body/mind has 

responded to your command. 

Listening to soothing music, 

doodling, using colouring-in 

books, going for a walk, doing 

gentle yoga, or sleeping, can all 

help you to relax. Remember 

– you get to choose how you 

respond. You have more control 

than you think! 


Exploring 

modern 

masculinity 

Founder of The Book of Man, journalist Martin Robinson, 

has delved deep into the chaos of modern masculinity, 

and has emerged with plenty of insight to share... 

Writing | Lucy Donoughue 

I 

can honestly say that I was 

nervous to speak to Martin 

Robinson about his new book, 

You Are Not the Man You Are 

Supposed to Be. I’ve met him three 

times before, and Martin has never 

been anything other than kind and 

warm; he’s intelligent, thoughtful 

and has a 25-year career in 

journalism that I’m in awe of, but 

that’s not why I was trepidatious. 

I was nervous because, among 

other topics, we were going to talk 

about the time I made him cry. 

It was back in 2019, when I was 

new to hosting Happiful’s podcast, 

and I still remember holding my 

breath as Martin’s voice cracked, 

and I desperately fought against 

every instinct to say something 

soothing, funny, or just awkward. 

“You asked me a question about 

what I’d say to my teenage self, 

and I said: ‘Get your haircut, buy 

some better clothes, and it’ll 

be alright,’ and at that point I 

started crying. Properly crying,” 

Martin recalls while smiling at 

me over Zoom. “It was quite an 

honest moment, but it was really 

embarrassing. 

“In the aftermath though, it was 

pretty important for me. I went 

out on the street, and called my 

girlfriend saying something like, 

‘I can’t believe I was on a podcast 

crying…’ Then I went into a pub, 

had a pie and a pint, got myself 

together, and I just thought, what 

am I doing? I’m such a bloke! I 

got a bit upset, and went straight 

to a pub.” 

When Martin started to think 

about the shape of his new book, 

that day came back into his mind. 

“It really showed me that I’ve still 

got loads of issues I’m not dealing 

with. I’d started The Book of Man, 

and was showing an interest in 

men’s mental health, but why? 

Why was I really interested?” 

To answer this question, he 

decided that his book would 

be part self-exploration, part 

documenting others’ experiences 

and relationships with 

masculinity and mental health. 

His journey began back in the 

North of England, visiting Andy’s 

Man Club, a now nationwide, 

free, men’s support group, set up 

by mental health advocate Luke 

Ambler after his brother-in-law, 

Andy, died by suicide. 

“I attended as a regular person 

would, from the viewpoint of 

what could this do for me?” 

Martin explains. “Andy’s Man 

Club is kind of group therapy; 

you sit around with other blokes 

and it’s no frills. A rugby ball gets 

passed around and you talk – or 

you don’t.” 

The concept of speaking about 

his challenges in front of a group 

of strangers felt alien to Martin 

at first, but he soon realised his 

concerns were unfounded. “I 

couldn’t believe how warm they 

all were. It was brilliant, and I 

just thought, there really is more 

to men than meets the eye. Once 

you make men comfortable in a 

space where you say ‘We’re not 

going to take the piss out of you,’ 

it all comes out.” 


elationships 

Photography | Ed Miles 

Men and boys 

are as fragile as 

anyone else –and 

shouldn’t we 

stop pretending 

otherwise? 

From there on in, he examined 

a lot of the clichés around 

perceptions of masculinity, as 

well as the fact that men and boys 

are as fragile as anyone else – and 

shouldn’t we stop pretending 

otherwise? 

“There’s a certain strand in 

masculinity where men are in 

denial of that fragility,” he says. “I 

started unpicking that, and where 

that urge to deny what’s really 

going on comes from.” 

But questioning what 

masculinity means now, doesn’t 

come without a backlash, as 

Martin explains. “There’s often 

a resistance to men talking in 

this way, but I keep returning 

to the idea that this is simply 

about self-questioning. Trying 

to understand that is a really 

healthy process.” 

Beyond the personal, Martin 

delves into issues around class, 

poverty, and politics. He’s keen 

to impress that environmental 

factors also have a role to play. 

“Statistically, you are more 

likely to have a mental health 

problem, including addiction, if 

you live in an impoverished area,” 

he shares. “People can often 

blame themselves, and think 

it’s something that they have to 

untangle on their own. But it’s not 

your fault, and it’s important to 

acknowledge that. 

“Getting more men to look at 

tricky issues is the starting point, 

because I think we can clam-up. 

That’s partly because masculinity 

and mental health is such a big 

issue to get your head around.” 

But that’s why the work Martin, 

and many others, is doing is so 

important – pushing for the next 

chapter on modern masculinity. 

And with his honest selfreflection, 

challenging the status 

quo, and asking for change, 

Martin really is writing the book 

on this. 

Martin Robinson is the editor, 

CEO and founder of thebookofman. 

com, a site working towards a new 

concept of masculinity. ‘You Are Not 

the Man You Are Supposed to Be: Into 

the Chaos of Modern Masculinity’ is 

out now (Bloomsbury, £20). 


“ 

I have learned you are never 

too small to make a diff erence 

GRETA THUNBERG 

Photography | Caique Silva

pet power 

Did you know? 

10 facts about animals that feel 

like a warm hug for your soul 

1 

Flamingos can only eat 

when their heads are 

upside-down – they’re 

also naturally white! It’s 

their diet of shrimps and 

algae that turns them pink. 

7Wombats poo is 

cube-shaped. 

8 

Sea otters hold paws 

while they sleep, so 

they don’t drift apart 

with the current. 

4 

Much like lobsters, 

seahorses mate for 

life – but they also, 

sweetly, hold each other’s 

tails when they travel! 

5Dogs’ nose prints 

are as unique as our 

fingerprints, and can 

be used to identify them. 

2 

Baby elephants like 

to suck their trunks, 

just like human 

babies sucking their 

thumbs for comfort. 

3 

When squirrels fall 

or jump, they land 

in what seems to 

closely resemble 

a ‘superhero pose’. 

6 

Cows 

can sleep 

standing up, but 

apparently only dream 

when they’re lying down. 

9Parrots will 

selflessly help out 

other parrots, with 

studies showing they’ll 

voluntarily help others get 

food rewards, even if they 

don’t know the other bird. 

national 

animal of 

Scotland is 

10The 

the unicorn. 


How to 

advocate 

for someone 

with mental 

illness 

Living with 

mental 

health 

problems 

comes with many 

challenges. It’s 

often overwhelming 

and emotionally 

draining – and when 

you’re struggling the most, making 

decisions, accessing support, and 

articulating thoughts and feelings 

can feel near impossible. This is 

where an advocate can come in to 

lend a hand. 

One common emotion that can 

arise for someone with mental 

illness is frustration, particularly 

when they feel they aren’t being 

listened to. As someone with 

bipolar disorder, I know from 

my own experience that it can be 

hard to have my opinion heard, 

When a loved one is struggling, we can 

sometimes feel helpless as we try to work 

out how best to support them. But with 

these simple steps, you can really be 

there for them in their time of need 

Writing | Katie Conibear 

and to be taken seriously. This is 

why having a family member or 

close friend act as an advocate for 

you can be a big help. 

An advocate supports a loved 

one, helps them express their 

views, and can stand up for their 

rights. Psychotherapist Baljit 

Kamal says: “Being an advocate 

for your loved one who is going 

through mental illnesses may 

mean that you are easing their 

nervousness, and bringing 

clarity for them. It may include 

assisting them to 

receive the medical 

attention and 

care they deserve, 

and ensuring 

that their voice is 

heard, especially 

if they have been 

afraid to speak 

up for themselves.” It really 

is an often vital role to play in 

helping someone overcome the 

challenges that can come with 

the mental health system. 

The key thing to distinguish 

here though, is that being 

an advocate does not mean 

pressuring someone into a 

decision. You’re there to help 

your loved one to make informed 

decisions, and support them in 

whatever they decide is right for 

them. Listening to someone’s 



concerns, opinions, and fears is 

hugely impactful. 

“The most helpful thing a 

loved one can do when they are 

advocating for someone with 

a mental illness, is to be fully 

present and listen, without 

judgement,” Baljit Kamal 

explains. “Active listening is when 

you have your full focus on what 

someone is saying, while making 

a conscious effort to hear not only 

the words being expressed, but 

also the complete message being 

communicated through nonverbal 

aspects of communication, 

too. This may include putting 

yourself in their shoes, which can 

be calming, reassuring, and even 

healing, during moments of crisis 

for your loved one.” 

The following five steps can 

help improve your listening 

skills, and ensure you’re giving 

them the best support possible: 

1. Think carefully about 

your body language 

Make eye contact, but not 

constantly. Try not to fold your 

arms, cross your legs, look away 

or at your phone – basically 

anything that signals to them that 

you’re not paying them your full 

attention. 

2. Give them space to talk 

Try not to interrupt or give them 

unsolicited advice, as this could 

shut them down and abruptly 

end the chat. Instead, reflect 

back what they’ve told you by 

paraphrasing and putting it in 

your own words to ensure you’ve 

understood, and show them that 

you’re listening. 

3. Stay in the moment 

Try not to daydream, or listen to 

your inner voice, while they’re 

speaking. This can also help you 

to watch out for what isn’t said, as 

much as what is. You’ll be more able 

to pick up on their tone of voice, 

facial expressions, and whether their 

body language is hinting at a hidden 

meaning behind their words. 

4. Pause and reflect 

When they’ve finished speaking, 

take a moment before answering. 

Reflect on what they’ve said now, 

rather than preparing an answer 

while they were talking. If you need 

any clarification, try to ask open 

ended questions that encourage 

them to explain things in more 

detail – avoid closed ‘yes’ or ‘no’ 

questions, as this can shut down the 

conversation. >>> 


Being an advocate for your loved 

one may include assisting them to 

receive the medical attention and 

care they deserve, and ensuring 

that their voice is heard 

5. Be patient 

Try not to change the direction of 

the conversation abruptly. What 

they’re telling you is obviously 

important to them, so listen 

patiently, even if you feel other 

issues are more pressing to discuss. 

Allow them to take their time, be 

open to what they’re saying, and do 

your best not to judge. 

Beyond being there when they 

need to talk, you can step up to 

give more practical support, too: 

1. Research their rights 

People with mental health 

conditions are often vulnerable, 

may have low self-esteem, 

and can have difficulty being 

decisive. This makes it more 

likely that they can be a victim 

of discrimination. It also means 

they are less likely to challenge 

discrimination, or feel capable 

of standing up for their rights. 

As an advocate, you can help 

with this – whether it’s looking at 

their rights at work, to housing, 

being a patient in hospital, or 

discrimination in everyday life. 



The most helpful thing a 

loved one can do is to be 

fully present and listen, 

without judgement 

Charities such as Mind have 

extensive information about 

mental health and rights, with 

links to other organisations that 

can offer support. Research their 

rights together, and discuss if 

they want to pursue anything. 

2. Additional support 

Look into whether there is any 

additional support they may 

be entitled to. This includes 

benefits such as Universal 

Credit, Employment and Support 

Allowance, and Personal 

Independence Payment. As an 

advocate, you can make phone 

calls on their behalf, attend 

appointments such as a Work 

Capability Assessment (WCA), 

and help them to appeal a benefit 

claim that has been turned down. 

3. Attend appointments 

As an advocate, you can attend 

appointments and help your 

loved one to explain what’s 

wrong, especially if they’re in 

distress or are struggling to 

articulate how they feel. And 

there are several key things you 

can do to help here : 

• Talk about the appointment 

beforehand. Discuss what they 

want to get across, and what 

needs to be covered. Consider 

what could potentially be asked 

of them, and how they would 

want to respond. 

• Plan your journey to the 

appointment, and research 

the setting together, to avoid 

additional anxiety on the day. 

• Be careful not to talk for, 

or over, the person you are 

advocating for, and don’t 

assume you know what the 

best decision is for them, 

unless they have discussed 

it with you beforehand. 

Give them space to express 

themselves when they feel 

capable, and support them in 

asking their own questions. 

• Take some notes with you 

to ensure all the points you 

discussed together are covered 

during the appointment. 

• You can also jot down the 

important points from the 

conversation while you’re 

there. This is important so that 

you can both look back over 

the meeting to see what was 

discussed, agreed on, and any 

actions you’ll need to take. 

• If the person you’re advocating 

for is having a difficult time 

concentrating, or taking in new 

information, you can be there to 

help explain their options. 

• Make sure to keep them safe. 

This might include taking 

regular breaks, and giving them 

emotional support to answer 

difficult or potentially upsetting 

questions. If you believe 

answering might cause them 

distress, you can ask if they 

would like you to respond on 

their behalf. 

Being an advocate for someone 

is a big responsibility, and it can 

feel daunting. But know that 

being there for them in their 

time of need, whether it’s simply 

by allowing them to voice their 

feelings, or taking a few tasks off 

their plate, can really make the 

world of difference. 

Katie Conibear is a writer who blogs 

at stumblingmind.com. Her first 

book, ‘Living at the Speed of Light’, 

about bipolar disorder, is out now. 

Baljit Kamal is a psychotherapist 

in private practice, and the 

founder of Well Space Therapy. 

You can get in touch with 

Baljit and find out more at 

counselling-directory.org.uk 


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culture 

Happiful reads... 

Whether you’re looking for a comforting novel full of pet 

therapy, or a colourful collection of affirmations, we share 

four reads you won’t want to miss this month 

Writing | Chelsea Graham 

From Wilma Rudolph to 

Ida B Wells, this small 

but powerful book of 

quotes is a celebration 

of some incredible women of 

colour, whose words will inspire 

you to love yourself a little 

more. Beautifully illustrated, 

this refreshingly colourful 

book makes for the perfect 

accompaniment to daily self- 

love affirmations, and looks 

wonderful on your bookshelf! 

As a certified holistic and 

wellness coach, Sunny Fungcap 

compiles a collection of 

encouraging and motivational 

statements from those who 

worked hard to achieve 

greatness. The icons featured in 

this book will help to remind you 

that you can achieve amazing 

She Believed She 

Could So She Did 

by Sunny 

Fungcap 

Out now 

things when you let confidence 

take over, and express yourself in 

a way that is true to you! 

Must reads 

The Sad Ghost 

Club by Lize 

Meddings 

Out now 

Based on the 

online community 

of the same name, 

this young adult 

graphic novel delves into feelings 

of depression and anxiety in an 

accessible and relatable way. 

When we feel low, it’s easy to 

believe we’re invisible, and that 

we’re the only ones who feel this 

way. As a comforting story of 

belonging, The Sad Ghost Club 

advocates that we are never alone. 

Dog Days 

by Ericka Waller 

Out now 

When we stop to 

think about life, 

we start noticing 

how much has 

changed without 

us ever paying any attention. 

George, Dan, and Lizzie, each 

wrapped up in their own lives 

and happy being alone, quite 

literally cross paths. With dogs 

leading them along, they 

learn that looking around and 

making connections isn’t so 

bad after all. 

Living at the 

Speed of Light 

by Katie Conibear 

Out now 

Blogger and 

contributing writer 

at Happiful, Katie 

Conibear was 

diagnosed with bipolar disorder 

in 2012. Having shared her 

experiences online to a growing 

international audience, Katie has 

now written a no-nonsense guide 

to living with bipolar, including 

frank explanations of symptoms, as 

well as practical advice for facing 

the stigma of mental illness. 


“ 

Animals are such agreeable 

friends – they ask no questions, 

they pass no criticisms 

GEORGE ELIOT 


Photography | Chewy

true story 

Breaking the silence 

over miscarriage 

When Bex lost her baby during lockdown, she couldn’t be physically 

comforted in her grief by her friends and family. So, she used social 

media to help and encourage women like her to openly discuss 

a subject that has been taboo for far too long 

Writing | Bex Gunn 

Instead of writing this article, I should be on 

Instagram posting a grainy, black and white 

ultrasound image showing a tiny human, along 

with some witty banter telling the world I’m 

expecting a baby. 

But when I went for my 12-week scan, instead 

of seeing a little baby full of excited, flashing 

heartbeats, I saw a shape; a still, white shape. 

And then I heard the words that have engraved 

themselves into my brain: “Have you had any pain 

or bleeding, Rebecca?” 

I was told that there was no heartbeat and that 

my baby had died two weeks earlier. 

The aftermath — the messy impersonal, 

coronavirus-led aftermath — was horrendous. 

There were masks and screens and staring eyes 

and gloves — and no Rob. My husband had not 

been allowed to accompany me to the scan; 

coronavirus cruelly robbing us of contact when 

we both needed it the most. 

And then there were the decisions. Should I let 

nature take its course, go home, and wait to start 

bleeding? Or should I take the pills that bring 

on the miscarriage? Or do I opt for a surgical 

removal? The questions and language barriers 

between the medics and me were only made 

harder by masks. 

And then, after the longest time, Rob arrived, 

and the nurses made an allowance as these were 

‘exceptional circumstances’. They let him in, and 

finally there was comfort in touch, and relief, 

more pain, but shared pain, the explanations, and 

the begging of the nurses: “Are you sure? Could 

you have made a mistake? Maybe it’s just too early 

for a heartbeat?” 

What followed was nearly a week of drugs, 

scans, questions, and procedures. There was so 

much confusion between doctors about what the 

‘safe thing’ was to do during the pandemic, but 

eventually, five days later, after the drugs I was 

given to bring on the process had failed three 

times, I had emergency surgery to remove an 

incomplete miscarriage. 

The hurt of losing a baby is inescapable and 

unbearable. I’ve never known anything like it. It 

scorches you from the heart outwards and then, 

when the initial burn fades, it’s replaced by a 

deep, dark, ache. 

I did everything right. I gave up drinking well 

before we conceived, I took folic acid, I didn’t 

eat rare meat, soft cheese, tuna, or egg yolks. 

I exercised, but not too strenuously. I selfisolated 

to be safe from the virus, and I was 100% 

diligent… and it still happened. It wasn’t my fault. 

Baby loss is never anyone’s fault. 

Although ‘missed miscarriages’ are not as 

common, one in four pregnancies end in 

miscarriage, and it’s out of anyone’s control. >>> 


You never really hear about it, though. It’s 

painful to read about, and easier to pretend it 

doesn’t happen, because miscarriage is brutal 

and harsh, and no one ever knows what to say. 

The baby hasn’t yet seen the world, so the loss 

is almost brushed aside as ‘less than a baby’. 

But what is totally underestimated is the impact 

that the baby has already made on the world of 

the mother. We shared our bodies, we planned 

the birth, we chose names, guessed birth dates, 

times, and weights. 

We’re all still stuck in this place where we 

think it’s only acceptable to show the shiny, 

aesthetically pleasing side of ourselves. 

Miscarriage is dark, and it is ugly. Yet reaching 

out and talking to friends who I knew had 

experienced this aching despair, has been 

the only thing that’s brought me anything 

approaching comfort: knowing I’m not alone. 

In the absence of face-to-face comfort and 

physical contact with my friends and family, I 

began to write. I shared my story on a public 

Facebook page, and within hours it had gone 

viral. I received more than 2,000 messages of 

support, of love, of solidarity. 

So, I made a space for women, ‘One in Four – 

Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Group’, 

and overnight found myself with more than 1,000 

new friends. All hurting, all desperately wanting 

to be heard, to be given a platform to grieve 

together, without shame or judgement. To be 

able to talk openly about a subject that has been 

‘taboo’ for far too long. 

(Left) Bex and her husband, Rob 

We’re all still stuck in this 

place where we think it’s only 

acceptable to show the shiny, 

aesthetically pleasing side of 

ourselves. Miscarriage is dark, 

and it is ugly 

Without exception, these women said: “I wish 

it was more acceptable to talk about miscarriage, 

I wish we could normalise it so it isn’t such an 

isolating experience.” 

And what about our partners? Rob has had to 

watch on helplessly. He couldn’t be present for 

the scans and conversations, and to hear the 

options, yet he has lost a child, too. The physical 

pain and emptiness isn’t the same, but the grief is 

all still there. 

Losing a baby is new, fresh, and raw for us, but 

we’ve experienced previous trauma in our lives, 

enough to know that healing lies in sharing and 

kindness. Despite the fact that this is way out of 

my comfort zone, I’m talking about it because it 

only takes one person to speak out to help, and I 

want to give help. 

Wedding photography | Micaela Karina, Portraits | Nadia Meli 


true story 

Bex has teamed up with a friend to create the 

multi-award nominated podcast and community ‘The 

Worst Girl Gang Ever’. They can be found on Instagram, 

Facebook, and Apple podcasts, and are working 

hard towards breaking the misplaced silence that has 

surrounding topics such as miscarriage for so long. 

The last few weeks have been challenging 

to say the least. As a wedding photographer, 

Covid-19 has put paid to my work, while Rob is 

out every day working as a tree surgeon. This 

space has given my imagination unlimited 

boundaries, along with limitless possibilities. 

I’ve put things in place to prevent myself from 

visiting dark places in my mind. The social 

media support group has been invaluable, along 

with exercise, reading, and writing. 

Experiencing this grief during lockdown has 

felt very lonely at times. Being unable to hug, 

touch, hold and be held by my closest friends in 

a time of extreme grief, has felt alien and wrong. 

It added a new depth to the sadness of losing 

our baby. It showed me how important human 


Bex’s heartbreaking story emanates strength 

as she allows herself to connect with the pain 

– as difficult as that may be. She speaks with 

authenticity and openness, shining a light on 

a taboo topic. It’s impossible to be prepared 

for this kind of grief, and the process of 

loss must be experienced for the pain to be 

The hurt of losing a baby is 

inescapable and unbearable 

contact is, something I’d taken for granted all 

of my life. I realised that when you experience 

trauma, you look for it; that contact, that 

connection, that comfort in touch. 

But lockdown has also given us the space and 

time we needed to come to terms with what 

has happened, to cry without inhibition or time 

restraints, to lock ourselves away and begin the 

healing process, and to continue to love each 

other in the quiet peace of a world that has been 

put on pause. 

less present over time. Bex courageously 

connects with people online, and in doing 

so is able to continue her process 

of healing, while admirably 

helping others. 

Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) 

Counsellor and psychotherapist 


Animal magic: 

the life-enhancing 

power of pets 

From pooches to parakeets, koi to cats, our 

animals can have a profound effect on our 

mental wellbeing. But why is that, and are 

there things we can do to deepen 

the connection even further? 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

They’re in our homes, 

our hearts, and our 

passwords – and it really 

goes without saying that 

pets play a huge role in enriching 

our lives. In the UK, 12 million 

(44% of) households own pets, 

with an estimated 51 million pets 

owned in total. Cats and dogs top 

the charts as the most popular 

companions – no surprises there 

– but beloved pets come in all 

shapes and sizes, sharing our lives 

and staying by our side through 

all the highs and lows. 

It’s something many of us will 

be familiar with, but in their 2019 

review animal charity the Blue 

Cross highlighted seven areas of 

wellbeing that pets can support. 


pet power 

Plant power 

Not everyone is able to have a pet, 

whether that’s due to allergies, 

living arrangements, or economics. 

That said, there are other ways that 

you can benefit from the wellbeing 

boost that comes with caring for a 

living thing, and it may be time to 

put those green fingers to work. 

A study published in the Journal of 

Physiological Anthropology looked 

at the effect that a transplanting 

task (repotting or putting a plant 

in a bed) had on a subject’s 

emotional wellbeing. The results 

found that the task left the subjects 

feeling soothed and comforted, 

and they also saw a decrease in 

blood pressure. Sounds pretty 

familiar, right? 

Indoor plants are all the rage 

at the moment, and there’s a 

variety for every kind of space – 

no matter how small. If you have 

outdoor space, this adds another 

dimension to the experience and, 

as many of us already know, time 

outdoors often leaves us feeling 

invigorated and refreshed. Plants 

also offer us the opportunity to 

get creative, as we can plan out 

arrangements, and train our 

specimens to our heart’s desires. 

Those points were: love and 

company; motivation and 

purpose; trust; a distraction 

from symptoms; increased 

social interaction; exercise; and 

humour. In a survey, it also found 

that 43% of respondents felt that 

their pets were crucial in keeping 

their ‘mental health in check’. 

But precisely what is it about 

pets that is so beneficial for our 

wellbeing? With help from an 

expert, and those who have their 

own stories to tell, we dive in to 

the core of these relationships. 

The joy of play 

Research has consistently 

found links between time spent 

with animals and a decrease in 

stress, anxiety, and even blood 

pressure. They act as companions 

– warding off both isolation and 

loneliness – they help establish a 

routine, get us out of the house, 

provide responsibility, and are 

something to nurture and love. 

But, as Kathryn Kimbley – a 

counsellor specialising in animal 

assisted therapy – sees it, one of 

the most important things when 

considering the mental health 

benefits is our pets’ ability to help 

us rediscover the joy of play. 

“If we are depressed, anxious, 

stressed, or worse, then it’s nigh 

on impossible to play – it goes 

against every instinct,” Kathryn 

explains. “If we are able to ‘switch 

off’ and play, this means that 

our brains are not in that state of 

heightened arousal. 

“We know that when we interact 

with animals certain good 

hormones are released. We also 

know that other more negative 

effects of stress hormones, 

such as cortisol, can also be 

reduced through interaction 

with animals.” 

Did you have a pet as a child? 

Can you conjure up memories of 

playtime together? Or perhaps 

you didn’t have a pet back then, 

but you can remember the 

thrill of adventures and play? 

Nurturing our inner child can 

be hugely supportive, and the 

silliness of animals is bound to 

bring those old habits back to 

the surface. But if you ever need 

more evidence of this link, and 

there isn’t a friendly animal to 

hand, Kathryn recommends 

heading to social media. 

“Evidence of the positive impact 

of the human-animal bond is all 

the more so now, thanks to social 

media,” she says. >>> 


“Cute cat videos fill platforms like 

YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, 

and we have to ask ourselves why 

it makes us feel good? Whether 

we’re watching wild animals 

playing or dogs goofing in the 

snow, in many ways such footage 

has been the saving grace for lots 

of us during lockdown and the 

global pandemic.” 

While there’s no true 

replacement for the real thing, 

animal videos aren’t to be 

snubbed, as a study from the 

University of Leeds found that 

participant’s stress levels were 

significantly reduced after 

watching half an hour of animal 

videos. ‘Surprised kitty’, anyone? 

All creatures great and small 

Off the screen, it’s true that 

help comes in many forms, as 

Jade Hopkins found out when 

she adopted a baby tortoise, 

called Dell, at the beginning of 

lockdown in 2020. 

“Just like many other families, 

lockdown hit us pretty hard,” 

Jade says. “Having a tortoise join 

our family, just when we were 

all starting to struggle, has really 

helped us.” 

With her family, Jade researched 

safe and healthy foods for Dell to 

eat, and together they ventured 

outside on long walks, to forage 

for suitable weeds and flowers. 

“Dell really has improved our 

mental health, and not just by 

being a little cutie!” she adds. 

On the other side of the 

spectrum, Amanda Gaughran 

found a huge amount of 

comfort in her Blue Cross 

rescue horse, Jasmine, 

following the death of her 

daughter, Genna. 

Amanda’s mental health 

was deteriorating, which 

led her to spend some 

time in hospital while 

she recovered. 

“Caring for 

Jasmine gave 

me a purpose,” 

Amanda says. “We 

rescued each other 

in our times of need. 

I think she was sent 

to help me. It proves 

what great healers 

horses can be.” 

Through our most trying times, 

animals are non-judgemental 

companions, loving us 

unconditionally, helping us to 

reclaim structure, and challenging 

us in new ways. And while 

Amanda and Jade’s pets may look 

very different, their emotional 

impact is felt just the same. 

Working animals 

Outside of the home, animals are 

supporting our mental health in 

innovative ways. Animal assisted 

therapy (AAT) is a therapeutic 

model that uses animals to help 

people with both physical and 

mental health conditions. Exactly 

what those interactions are, or 

which animals are involved, will 

entirely depend on the individual 

and their needs – but studies 

have found AAT to be particularly 

helpful for decreasing anxiety, 

depression, and isolation, while 

increasing motivation, feelings 

of being socially supported, and 

even decreasing the perception 

of pain. 

“Dogs, cats, rats, rabbits, or 

more exotic creatures such as 

degu, geckos, or even fish, can be 

hugely beneficial for us,” explains 

counsellor Kathryn. 

“Whether this is training them, 

caring for them, playing with 

them, grooming, or exercising 

them, it all contributes towards 

a beneficial human-companion 

animal relationship, which in 

turn can be therapeutic.” 

Outside of therapy, this is 

something that anyone with a 


pet power 

Research has 

consistently 

found links between 

time spent with 

animals and a decrease 

in stress, anxiety, and 

even blood pressure 

Jade and Dell 

Amanda and Jasmine 

pet can engage in, and Kathryn 

suggests spending time aligning 

your breathing with your pet 

while taking slow, purposeful, 

relaxing strokes or brushes. She 

also points to animal massage, 

such as ‘TTOUCH’ (a simple 

technique using light, clockwise 

circular motions with your 

fingers), which can be beneficial 

for both your pet and yourself. 

“Working on small projects 

linked to our companion animals 

can be immensely enjoyable, as 

well as helpful,” Kathryn adds. 

“Starting a blog, social media 

profile, or journaling about our 

pets’ antics, and milestones can 

be a great way to not only track 

their development, growth, and 

learning, but may be a welcome 

escape if we are struggling 

with low mood, depression, or 

anxiety.” 

By your side 

If you’re a pet owner yourself, 

it’s likely that you’ve already 

discovered many of the benefits 

we’ve explored here, and maybe 

even have your own story to 

tell about the ways that your 

pet has enhanced your life, 

or been there for you during 

challenging times – particularly 

during the past year. So just 

imagine the wellbeing benefits 

that you could unlock by being 

intentional about the supportive 

relationship you have with your 

companion. 

On difficult days, when you 

need a friend, or on new 

adventures that lead you off-trail 

and down a path of discovery, 

give a nod to the animals by your 

side, and savour their unique 

ability to touch lives. 

Kathryn Kimbley is a counsellor and 

director of HumAnima CIC, a social 

enterprise offering counselling, 

Animal Assisted Therapy (AAT), and 

training in AAT. Find out more by 

visiting counselling-directory.org.uk 


How to make friends with your 

inner saboteur 

Do you find that certain habits and behaviours get in 

the way of achieving your goals? This could be your 

inner saboteur at play, and it’s time to take a stand 

Writing | Sarah Thayer 


Our inner saboteur is the 

part of us that routinely 

sabotages our desires, 

good intentions, and the plans we 

make for success or a better life. 

We may not immediately 

recognise this part of ourselves – 

or even know it’s there – but we 

can spot the repeating patterns 

of ‘failure’ we experience when 

we keep on trying to achieve the 

things that we want. 

Here, we’re taking you through 

how to point out, and cut out, 

self-sabotaging behaviour, so that 

you can begin to realise your full 

potential. 

1. Recognise your 

inner saboteur 

You really want to go to bed early, 

but you binge on another box set. 

You want to start saving money, 

but you end up paying for your 

friend again when you promised 

you’d stop doing that. You find a 

job you’d love to do, but you keep 

putting off the application until 

it’s too late. You want to harness 

a closer relationship with your 

partner, but you continue to 

argue over the same things. 

Sound familiar? All these 

scenarios could be your inner 

saboteur at work, trying to 

maintain your current identity, 



keeping you away from 

something new and improved. It 

could well come from a place of 

fear – perhaps about the future 

and what that could bring – or low 

self-esteem. Whatever it may be, 

recognising it is the first step to 

tackling it. 

2. Get to know it 

In order to start working with 

your own saboteur, list the 

circumstances in which it 

appears. How does it sneakily try 

to outmanoeuvre your positive 

attempts for change? What do 

you end up doing instead? When, 

in particular, does it ruin your 

dreams and intentions? Are there 

some patterns you can find? 

Next, check-in with yourself. 

Consider whether you really do 

want the change, or if your inner 

saboteur is actually trying to 

tell you something. Sometimes 

we want something because 

we think we should want it, or 

because someone else thinks 

it’s a good idea for us, and we’re 

stuck in people-pleasing mode. 

Ask yourself why you want this 

change. Then, what will it give 

you? And what will not making 

the change mean to your life? 

3. Accept that it’s just 

trying to do its job 

Once you’ve recognised your 

saboteur character, and know 

that you definitely want to 

change, find out what it’s trying to 

protect you from. Think of your 

inner saboteur as having a job to 

do: to protect us from something 

our current identity perceives as 

dangerous or frightening. 

Change can feel scary. Certain 

behaviours could be telling you 

that you’re feeling vulnerable – 

perhaps to criticism, failure, or 

rejection. Of course, that doesn’t 

make self-sabotaging actions 

any less frustrating, but it does 

prompt you to consider whether 

there’s another layer to what 

you’re going through. 

4. Build a new connection 

By building new bridges, and 

even making friends with your 

inner saboteur, you can stop 

playing into its hands time and 

time again. 

Once you’ve taken the time 

to understand it, next time it 

stirs – perhaps, for example, 

manifesting as silence in 

an important meeting you’d 

promised you would speak 

up in – how about catching it 

on arrival, greeting it warmly, 

thanking it for protecting you all 

these years, then gently saying to 

it that you’d really like things to 

change from now on? 

When we’re kinder to that part 

of ourselves, and sit with our 

fears, we allow space for a new 

and more nourishing relationship 

with our saboteur to take place. 

5. Nurture that relationship 

Just as we know that ongoing 

kindness, listening, and doing 

our best to understand others in 

our relationships yields positive 

results, it also works for our 

inner saboteurs, too. 

So many of us find it easy to 

react angrily towards ourselves 

when we think we’ve ‘failed’ 

again in our attempts to change. 

However, inner saboteur parts 

don’t respond well to bullying. 

They just want to be understood. 

So, when we can nurture that 

part of ourselves, to feel seen, 

heard, accepted, and understood, 

it’s much easier for the change, 

and the transformation we seek, 

to follow automatically. 

Sarah Thayer is a transformational 

coach helping high-achieving 

individuals and organisations to slow 

down, transform past patterns, and to 

live more authentically. Find out more 

by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk 


l 

c 

r 

e 

f 

e 

t 

Take time for you 

A moment of stillness amidst the 

chaos of the day is a chance for you 

to nourish your inner self. Each of 

these cards features an affirmation, 

along with four reflective activities 

to help you focus that mirror on your 

own self and needs.

We don’t see things 

as they are, we see 

things as we are 

Anaïs Nin 

These inspiring 

affirmation activity 

cards are available 

exclusively in our print 

edition! Purchase 

yours today 

I accept my 

emotions, 

and allow them 

to be, without 

judgement 


Priyanka 

Chopra 

Jonas: 

As yet 

unfinished 

She’s the multi-award winning, multi-talented, 

actress, producer, singer, and all-round global 

superstar. But, here, we draw back the curtain 

to speak candidly about anxiety, vulnerability, 

and the unstoppable force of change... 




She doesn’t know whether 

it was a bug, something 

she ate, or anxiety, 

but one night – when 

Priyanka Chopra Jonas was just 

eight years old, having recently 

started at boarding school – she 

vomited in her bed. Not wanting to 

disturb the peace, she lay next to 

the puddle until, late at night when 

everyone was asleep, she crept out 

to wash the sheets. She hung them 

up to dry, slept on an unmade bed, 

and then remade her bed with 

damp sheets early in the morning, 

before anyone woke up. 

It’s a startlingly intimate 

snapshot of the now globally 

famous, endlessly glamorous 

star, and receiver of countless 

accolades – including Miss 

World in 2000, a spot on Time 

magazine’s 2016 list of most 

influential people, two National 

Film Awards, two People’s Choice 

Awards, six IIFA awards, eight 

Screen Awards, and the Mother 

Teresa Memorial Award for Social 

Justice, to name only a selection 

– but it’s one of many that she 

chose to share in her memoir, 

Unfinished. As we chat over Zoom 

I wonder, is pulling back the 

curtain intimidating? Priyanka 

laughs in response. 

“I was bored with what I was 

reading when I wasn’t open,” she 

says, candidly. “Eventually, I think 

it was very healing for me. I’ve 

been dinner table conversation 

for the public for a very long time, 

but then the pandemic happened 

and I think, like everyone, I was 

feeling overwhelmed, so when I 

started writing, it just poured out 

of me, and I didn’t stop myself.” 

Although she still doesn’t know 

what it was that caused her upset 

stomach that night when she 

was eight, anxiety is something 

that Priyanka does have some 

experience with. 

If I talk to 

someone – 

friends, family, 

therapists – about 

what I’m feeling, it 

takes 

away the power 

“I think all of us do, don’t we?” 

She ponders. “We internalise 

feelings, and that’s what turns 

into anxiety. But, over time, 

what I learned is that if I talk 

to someone – friends, family, 

therapists – about what I’m 

feeling, it takes away the power of 

the anxiety.” 

As she reflects on her 

experiences, Priyanka’s tone is 

calm, even, and thoughtful. 

“I feel it has a lot more control 

over me when I’m alone – when 

I choose to incubate or when 

I choose to deal with what I’m 

feeling myself, because I’m self- 

sufficient, self-reliant; I’m strong, 

I’m tough,” she says playfully, with 

a blend of irony. “When I do that, 

it’s my pride that fans the flame of 

anxiety. 

“I’ve realised that I don’t want to 

be solitary in my sorrow,” Priyanka 

declares. “Sadness is seductive. 

It feels like a warm blanket. But 

that eventually starts eating away 

at your spirit, and changes who 

you are. You become a liability 

to yourself, you can’t get out of 

your own way. I’ve had anxiety, of 

course, but now I have the tools in 

my toolbox to deal with it better 

than I did as a kid.” 

Her main tool is conversation, 

speaking to people she trusts 

about the things that are going 

on inside. But it wasn’t until she 

reached her 30s that she was able 

to really articulate what she was 

going through. As Priyanka talks 

me through the things she does 

for self-care (“A couple of hours’ 

chit-chat, being able to have a 

laugh, talk about silly things – 

and do silly things!”), I’m picking 

up on a vibrant, loving, and 

supportive social life. 

But it hasn’t always been that 

way. While she gushes about the 

nurturing backing of her parents, 

when she was a young teenager, 

Priyanka moved to America and 

experienced racially charged 

bullying while at school – to the 

point where she had to return 

to India – and she notes similar 

experiences as an adult. >>> 


Though it was to a lesser extent, 

Priyanka recognised the patterns 

when she went back to America 

to start doing work as an actor. 

“I blamed myself for a very long 

time, and then I reached a point 

where I realised it wasn’t my 

fault, and there was nothing that 

I did or that is wrong with me,” 

Priyanka says. 

A 2014 study by King’s College 

London found that the mental 

health effects of childhood 

bullying are still evident up to 40 

years later – but, for Priyanka, 

this is a point on character. “I 

think everything really boils 

down to creating a strong 

relationship with yourself, and 

then if someone treats you badly, 

or you don’t get the job, or you’re 

having a really shitty day, it 

doesn’t matter.” 

It’s relevant for all of us, but 

it’s clear to see how resilience is 

a vital instrument for a woman 

in Priyanka’s vocation. In her 

memoir, she recalls a moment, 

early on in her career, where 

she met with a producer who 

instructed her to stand up, spin 

around, and then listed all the 

things she would need to change 

about her body before she was 

able to become a successful actor 

– even recommending a surgeon 

who could make it happen. 

It’s a striking, disempowering 

scene but, when I query how one 

even begins to build resilience to 

that kind of encounter, Priyanka 

Priyanka sings with with her 

father, an army doctor, at a 

New Year party 

With her mother and uncle in 

1998 in the United States 

Priyanka winning Miss India 

World in January 2000 

is quick to note how this single 

instance is merely a product of a 

much bigger problem. 

“Women deal with critique of 

their physical self on an everyday 

basis – not just by a singular 

person, but by society. We are 

constantly told how we could 

be better. That’s what builds 

resilience. It’s not one person 

who has had a tough conversation 

with you, it’s the narrative that we 

all live with,” Priyanka explains. 

“I could have very easily fallen to 

those insecurities, I just don’t like 

surgery. I had self-esteem issues, 

of course I did, but I don’t think 

you can make one person the 

villain of it, it’s a larger narrative.” 

I float the idea of ‘body 

neutrality’ with Priyanka – 

the idea of creating a neutral 

relationship with your body, 

moving away from negativity, 

while acknowledging that ‘selflove’ 

isn’t achievable all of the 

time – an approach that feels 

more forgiving when faced 

with the forces that Priyanka 

describes. 

“That’s a great way of 

articulating that, and it’s exactly 

what I mean,” Priyanka says. 

“Your body is forever changing, 

your face forever changes – 

everyone, men and women 

alike. We’ve got to wake up in the 

morning and be like, ‘Well, hi, 

you’re here!’ And be able to be 

OK with the changes, because 

the changes will come. 



Dancing with children in Soweto, 

South Africa, as part of her work 

as a UNICEF Goodwill ambassador 

On set in New York during the 

second season of ‘Quantico’ 

Priyanka presenting at 

the 2016 Emmys 

All photography featured in ‘Unfinished’ by Priyanka Chopra Jonas 

“Change is the most constant 

thing in life, and it’s futile to 

chase consistent happiness, 

consistent success, or consistent 

anything, because it’ll always 

come and go,” she continues. 

“I feel like confidence is not 

something you need all the 

time. Confidence should be your 

greatest tool. You put it in your 

backpack, and it comes out when 

you need it. When you don’t need 

it, it’s OK to be vulnerable, and 

it’s OK to feel all the feelings, and 

it’s OK to be sad and tell yourself 

that: ‘I don’t need to be confident. 

I need to strip myself of the 

burden of being confident, and 

be vulnerable,’ and allow yourself 

to grieve, fail, and feel. 

“When you walk out of that 

door after you’ve felt everything, 

that’s when you pick up your 

I need to strip myself of 

the burden of being confident, 

and be vulnerable 

confidence and show the world 

what you’re going to do.” 

Our time is up and, as I click 

‘leave meeting’ on our Zoom call, 

I’m left reflecting on that idea 

of ‘change’. It’s now been a year 

since lockdown in the UK began 

and it often feels as though time 

has stood still, or that our lives 

have been on hold. That said, 

in this period, many of us – not 

unlike Priyanka – have been 

reflecting on the things that have 

made us who we are today, and 

the things that bring us comfort, 

promise, and joy. And there’s 

something to be said for the hope 

to be found in that fact that our 

stories are, as yet, unfinished. 

‘Unfinished’ by Priyanka Chopra 

Jonas is published by 

Michael Joseph. 


What a wonderful world… 

Here’s a monthly dose of positivity, with a reminder of all the good 

things going on around us – and this time it’s an animal special! 

Writing | Rebecca Thair 

NEED A HERO 

A FURRY FRIEND GOES A LONG WAY 

They might not be the first 

thing you think of, but rats 

are performing some pretty 

heroic actions thanks 

to non-profit APOPO. 

The organisation trains 

African giant pouched rats 

as ‘HeroRATS’, that can 

sniff out landmines and 

tuberculosis, to save lives. 

Did you know that adult 

cats only ‘meow’ at 

humans? While kittens 

meow to communicate 

with their mothers to 

signal when they’re 

cold, or hungry, as they 

age cats stop this 

trait with each 

other and 

only meow 

at people! 

HELLLOOO 

HOOMAAAAN! 

UK charity Pets As Therapy 

has more than 6,000 

volunteers visiting places 

across the country to 

support people’s health 

and wellbeing. Taking their 

temperament-checked pets 

to hospitals, hospices, care 

homes, and special needs 

schools, the programme 

provides companionship 

and support for many people 

in need. But one special 

project in particular stands 

out; Read2Dogs helps young 

people develop confidence 

and self-esteem, practising 

reading and public speaking 

THE DONKEY SANCTUARY 

An incredible organisation 

in Belfast is not only 

rescuing donkeys, but 

providing essential 

therapeutic services 

for vulnerable 

people in need, too! 

The Donkey Sanctuary 

Belfast recognised the 

emotional intelligence of 

these lovely creatures, and 

has been offering donkey- 

with four-legged, nonjudgemental 

friends, and has 

been particularly beneficial 

for those with ADHD, or who 

are on the autism spectrum. 

assisted therapy for more 

than 40 years. Initially, the 

programme centred on 

children with additional 

needs, but has since expanded 

to support adults and children 

with a range of emotional, 

psychological, and cognitive 

needs, by helping with key 

life skills such as managing 

emotions, empathy, and 

building self-esteem. 


CALL IT A COMEBACK 

Great news for some special 

species that were previously 

considered endangered, but 

in recent years have really 

flourished… 

• Back in 1977, sea 

otters were put on the 

endangered species 

list due to oil spills. But, 

thankfully, today their 

numbers exceed 100,000. 

• White rhinos are still very 

much in danger, but the 

outlook is positive since 

their numbers have grown 

from under 100 in 1985, to 

more than 20,000 now! 

A new study has found that bottlenose 

dolphins have personality traits much like 

humans! The research published in the 

Journal of Comparative Psychology 

revealed four personality traits: 

high openness (creativity or 

curiosity), low agreeableness 

(your own happiness as priority), 

high extraversion (sociability), and 

directedness (conscientiousness and 

low neuroticism). 

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT 

pet power 

• New Zealand loves it’s five 

kiwi species, but one in 

particular that’s struggled 

historically has been the 

Okarito kiwi, which had as 

few as 150 left in the 1990s. 

Thanks to conservation 

efforts though, these 

small, flightless birds have 

officially been declared no 

longer endangered, with 

400–500 in the wild. 

• North American beavers 

used to be abundant, but 

their numbers shrank to 

100,000 in 1900. But now, 

due to initiatives in the US 

and Canada, it’s believed 

that there’s somewhere 

between 10 and 15 million 

of these natural builders. 

• As of 2016, giant 

pandas officially went 

from ‘endangered’ to 

‘vulnerable’, so the future 

is looking more hopeful. In 

the decade between 2004 

and 2014, giant pandas in 

the wild increased by 17%! 

Man’s best friend might be a 

dog, but there are plenty of 

creatures providing comfort 

to those in need. Here are just 

a few of the more surprising 

emotional support animals… 

• Jimmy, an 8-month-old 

kangaroo was kicked out of 

a McDonald’s in Wisconsin 

in 2015. 

• Parrots for Patriots is an 

organisation based in 

Washington that provides 

these amazing talkative 

birds as emotional support 

companions for veterans. 

• Teenager Megan Curran in the 

states has a bearded dragon, 

Chief, who provides relief for 

her anxiety. 

• Daniel Turducken Stinkerbutt, 

an emotional support duck, 

went viral after a flight in North 

Carolina, where he was pictured 

wearing a Captain America 

nappy and little red shoes! 

• American low-cost airline JetBlue 

has banned numerous animals 

– including snakes, reptiles, 

and ferrets – but ones that are 

allowed to keep roaming the 

skies are miniature horses. 

While we know nature is good for us, a recent 

study published in the Proceedings of the Royal 

Society B journal, has found that the sound 

of birdsong, even if it’s simply a recording, 

can be a big boost to our wellbeing, 

partly thanks to the perception of 

biodiversity – that feeling of being 

surrounded by nature. 


6 relationship 

green flags 

You may be aware of relationship red flags – 

warning signs to avoid – but what about the 

things that give you the signal that you’ve 

got a good thing going on? 



Controlling 

behaviour, 

breaking 

boundaries, 

and not respecting your 

needs – we’re all familiar 

with some of the major red 

flags to watch out for in 

relationships. But what 

about the things 

that can indicate 

your relationship 

is healthy, 

productive, and 

secure? 

Here, with help 

from relationship 

counsellor Bibi 

Jamieson, we 

explore the green 

flags that are 

letting you know 

that you’re on to 

something good. 

1. YOU FEEL SAFE 

“Being accepted, just the way 

you are, means you feel safe to 

be physically and emotionally 

intimate,” says Bibi. “You can 

be authentic, revealing all parts 

of your body and personality, 

without feeling judged.” 

Feeling physically safe might be 

about both respecting boundaries 

and controlling body language, 

and this should be something 

you can pick up on quite quickly. 

Feeling emotionally safe may 

take a little longer – particularly 

if you have been hurt in the past 

– but as you develop as a couple, 

you should begin to create a 

space where you can be truly 

vulnerable with each other. 

2. CONFLICT STRENGTHENS 

YOUR RELATIONSHIP 

“Conflict doesn’t scare you, 

because you are secure in your 

relationship,” Bibi explains. 

“When you do have an argument, 

there is no intent to hurt one 

another, you repair quickly, and 

feel closer afterwards.”

elationships 

Being able to express your feelings 

and work through everyday conflict, 

without fear of being abandoned – 

or of that conflict escalating to an 

unmanageable level – means that 

you are able to consciously create 

a safe place to explore your fears, 

frustrations, and desires, all the 

while learning lessons about each 

other that you can take forward. 

3. YOUR SUCCESS 

MAKES THEM HAPPY 

There’s a difference between 

growing together, and being in 

competition with each other – and 

that differentiation is key to a 

lasting, productive relationship. 

Does your partner bring out the 

best in you, and vice versa? Do you 

share in each other’s achievements, 

and celebrate each success equally? 

“You root for each other and 

support each other’s growth 

and happiness,” says Bibi. 

“There is no competition or 

resentment, and although 

you have influence over 

each other’s decisions, you 

don’t hinder each other’s 

growth – when they win, 

you win.” 

When there is 

attunement, you 

feel each other’s 

needs deeply 

4. YOU ARE ATTUNED 

TO EACH OTHER’S NEEDS 

“You can express what you need, 

and they will meet those needs 

as best they can – or, even better, 

they respond to your unvoiced 

needs before you ask,” Bibi says. 

“When there is attunement, you 

feel each other’s needs deeply.” 

This is another green flag 

that may come with time but, 

even in the early stages of a 

relationship, you should be able 

to notice whether your partner 

is taking the time to listen to and 

understand your needs. 

5. YOU’RE GENUINELY HAPPY IN 

EACH OTHER’S COMPANY 

“You enjoy each other’s presence, 

and have a sense of humour 

about both of your quirks,” 

says Bibi. 

Ease, happiness, and 

joy are all things that 

you will be able to pick up on 

yourself, simply by reflecting 

on your mood and desires 

when you’re with your partner 

– but Bibi adds that this is also 

something that others will be 

able to notice about you. Do 

your loved ones, the people 

who care for and know you the 

best, pick up on the effect that 

you have on one another? 

6. YOU FEEL FREE 

“There is freedom in love,” 

says Bibi. “You give freely 

of yourself, you don’t feel 

restrained or trapped, you do 

things for each other because 

you want to – not because you 

have to.” 

Nothing about the 

relationship feels forced, 

everything comes naturally, 

and you’re moving at a pace 

that feels good to both of you. 

You don’t feel a pressure to be 

anything but yourself, and you 

are free to continue the rest of 

your life as you did before the 

relationship, only your partner 

is now by your side, supporting 

you as you go. 

Bibi Jamieson is an integrative 

psychotherapeutic counsellor and 

couples therapist. She also volunteers 

at mental health charity Headstrong, 

and as a couples pre-marital guide 

at HTB church. Find out more by 

visiting counselling-directory.org.uk 


How to build 

healthy 

finance 

habits 

Money worries regularly fall in the top 10 causes of stress 

for UK adults, so let’s take a look at how to balance 

your budget, and take back control 


Money is often a 

taboo subject, 

something we 

daren’t discuss in 

social settings, and can even feel 

a great deal of shame about. At 

times, we might find ourselves 

living pay cheque to pay cheque, 

dipping into our savings, or even 

checking in at the bank of mum 

and dad. I know I’ve been in that 

queue once or twice. 

Knowing exactly where our 

money is coming from each 

month might not always be a 

given, and if the past year has 

taught me anything, it’s that 

understanding my finances can 

help me feel more in control, 

and a rainy day fund is actually 

essential. Often, our finances 

underpin how we measure 

our safety, security, and even 

happiness to an extent. 

“Most of us want a better life 

and desire more security. Having 

healthy finances can help you 

acquire both,” says life coach 

Ayesha Giselle Dornelly, who’s 

qualified in personal finance 

management. “To become 

better in your finances requires 

discipline, good money habits, 

and a solid structure.” 

So to take back control, let’s look 

at four key steps Ayesha Giselle 

suggests to help build better 

finance habits, whatever budget 

you’re working with. 

1Determine your current 

financial situation 

This means understanding 

your total monthly income, your 

outgoings, and a forecast of your 

financial future. You can’t tackle 

your finances without a clear 

picture of every penny, so in this 


wellbeing 

instance, facing reality is key. I 

know this is difficult – the phrase 

“I just don’t know where my 

money is going,” was no stranger 

to my younger self – so take a 

deep breath, and be brave. 

“Firstly, figure out how much 

you make on a monthly basis,” 

says Ayesha Giselle. “This 

should cover all sources 

of income, regardless of 

the size. Next, make a 

list of your expenses. Be 

precise, and list down 

everything, no matter 

how small. Take your time 

with this, using your last three 

months to work out your averages. 

Sorting expenses into categories 

can help, so you can see exactly 

where your money is going. 

“No matter how frustrating 

and long-winded this is, it’s 

one of the most crucial steps in 

understanding your financial 

situation, and can make or break 

your budgeting plan.” 

Once you have a clear idea 

of your spending, be honest 

with yourself and remove any 

expenses that you don’t really 

need, and note where you could 

reduce spending. 

The final step is determining 

what your financial future 

looks like. “How would it look 

if you don’t create a budget and 

continue spending – how will 

this affect your family, your life, 

what would happen if you had a 

financial emergency?” >>> 

Embracing financial 

discipline will help 

bring back control 


Make sure the money you 

allocate makes sense, keep 

your total expenses lower 

than your income, and keep 

your priorities in order 

Ayesha Giselle says. “Being aware 

of your financial situation gives 

you the power to improve your 

circumstances – when you know 

where you are, you will be able to 

assess what you need to do to get 

to where you want to be.” 

2Allocate your money 

before you get paid 

It’s often hard to hear this, 

particularly if you spend a lot of 

time in your overdraft, and feel 

like your monthly wage packet is 

already spent before it reaches 

your account. But embracing 

financial discipline will help 

bring back control. 

“Firstly, separate your money 

into different categories: 

income, bills (essential and 

necessary payments), pocket 

money (entertainment, gym, 

all unnecessary spending), 

emergency (for emergency only), 

savings, and business,” says 

Ayesha Giselle. “Make sure the 

money you allocate makes sense, 

keep your total expenses lower 

than your income, and keep your 

priorities in order.” 

Ayesha Giselle also suggests 

the following priority: bills, 

emergency, pocket money, 

savings, and business. “Open 

an account for each of these 

categories, and set up automation 

from your income account to 

your other accounts.” 

In this case, discipline is key 

to your success, and you should 

only use the money in each 

account for its intended purpose. 

Be strict with yourself, what 

really constitutes an emergency? 

It can be tough to watch your 

emergency fund build up when 

your pocket money dwindles 

within a few days, but try to 

determine a real emergency, for 

example the difficulties that 2020 

brought. It makes the emergency 

fund far less tempting when we 

have a real life example to put 

things into perspective. 

3Differentiate between 

true need and desire 

Again this step is about 

discipline, and getting clarity 

on what the words ‘want’ and 

‘need’ actually mean. If you 

can’t differentiate between the 

two, use this: want is something 

I desire, need is for personal 

survival, health, and shelter. 

“If you need it, get it. If you want 

it, ask yourself ‘Why?’ Your ‘why’ 

may turn out to be based on an 

unmet need – if this is the case, 

try to meet those needs with a 

healthy alternative that doesn’t 

break the budget,” Ayesha Giselle 

explains. “You could be spending 

because you’re lonely, so what 

other ways can you meet your 

need for connection? Pick up the 

phone, meet a friend for a walk, 

or join a community on Meetup 

to connect with others. 

“If this doesn’t feed your 

craving, and you still find that 

you really want this thing, try 

asking yourself if you can afford 

it three times over. If you can, 

and it doesn’t affect your budget, 

then get it (you do deserve a treat 

once in a while).” 


wellbeing 

4How to manage joint 

financial commitments 

When it comes to joint 

commitments, money can 

really be a third party in your 

relationship. 

Ayesha Giselle says it’s all about 

honesty. “Create a safe space for 

both of you to express your needs 

and your worries. Discuss your 

strengths and weaknesses when 

it comes to money management. 

Get clear on what your current 

financial situation is, then 

discuss your short, medium, and 

long-term goals.” 

It’s key at this point that 

you and your partner agree 

on future financial ideals. 

“Collectively work together 

to create a plan to help 

you achieve those goals,” 

Ayesha Giselle says. “You’re 

a team, so be supportive and 

encourage each other to take 

accountability.” 

Money is a complicated 

business. So whether you’re 

splashing the cash or feeling the 

pinch, budgeting can bring a 

sense of stability, particularly in 

the current sea of uncertainty. 

Ayesha Giselle’s top 

three saving tips 

1. A simple, stress-free approach 

to saving is automating things 

by using apps that round up 

change and save it without you 

noticing. Try apps like Acorns 

or Qapital. 

2. Automate your allocated 

monthly saving fund from your 

income account. By doing this 

you’re less likely to forget, and 

the bank will save your money 

before you accidentally spend it. 

3. Make it difficult to access your 

savings, by opening an ISA or 

savings account which requires 

you to write in advance to 

access the money. This will deter 

you from taking the money out 

unless you really need it. 

Ayesha Giselle Dornelly is a life and 

accountability coach working with 

change-seekers. Find out more by 

visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk 


Three-bean 

dream 

This three-bean chilli is budget-friendly, 

and anything but basic 


I 

know what you’re thinking; a 

three-bean chilli doesn’t sound 

like anything new, but let me 

stop you there. Often the token 

vegetarian dish on the menu, 

I’m calling time on this chilli’s 

‘boring’ rep. 

This delicious bean mix is the 

ideal starting point for any chilli 

recipe, packed full of protein 

and fibre. And from your base, 

you can get creative and mix 

things up with a lighter take on 

the classic rice side dish, and 

have some fun with different 

ingredients by baking your own 

tortilla chips. 

You can get the whole family 

involved with this hearty and 

healthy recipe, or make a big 

batch and freeze it for those 

evenings when simplicity is the 

only thing on the menu! Plus 

this dish can cost as little as £12, 

including the sides, so it’s budgetfriendly, 

too. Enjoy! 

Three-bean chilli 

with cauliflower rice and 

baked tortilla chips 

Serves 4 

Ingredients 

For the chilli 

• 1 tsp olive oil 

• 1 red onion, chopped 

• 2 cloves garlic, thinly chopped 

• 1 carrot, thinly chopped 

• 400g (can) cherry tomatoes 

• 1 red pepper, deseeded and 

finely sliced 

• 1 tsp chilli powder 

• ½ tsp cayenne pepper 

• 1 tsp dried oregano 

• 400g (can) pinto beans, drained 

and rinsed 

• 400g (can) kidney beans, 

drained and rinsed 

• 400g (can) baked beans 

• 2 handfuls kale 

If you are a meat eater, substitute 

the pinto and baked beans for 500g 

lean turkey mince. 

For the rice 

• 1 whole head of cauliflower 

• 1 tsp olive oil 

• 2 spring onions, thinly sliced 

• Handful of fresh coriander, 

roughly shredded 

For the tortilla chips 

• 1 pack wholemeal medium 

tortilla wraps (approx 6) 

• 1 tbsp olive oil 

• 2 tsp paprika 


feel-good food 

Find a 

nutritionist on 

our Happiful 

app 

Nachos more your thing? 

Omit the cauliflower rice, 

load up your tortilla chips 

with the chilli, finishing it off 

with a dollop of homemade 

guacamole. 

For the guac, simply mash 

one ripe avocado with a fork, 

drizzle in some olive oil, and 

mix through a light sprinkling 

of sea salt and chilli flakes. 

Method 

For the tortilla chips 

1. Preheat the oven to 

180 o C/160 o C fan/gas 4. 

2. Place the tortilla wraps on top 

of one another, and cut them 

into 8 pieces. 

3. Place the pieces into a bowl 

and drizzle with olive oil. 

Sprinkle on some paprika and 

toss to coat. 

4. Place the tortilla chips on a 

lined baking tray, leaving a fair 

gap between each chip. 

5. Bake for 8 minutes, turn and 

repeat. Remove from the oven 

when the tortillas are crispy 

and golden brown. Set aside. 

For the rice 

1. While the tortilla chips 

are baking, prepare the 

cauliflower by removing all 

greenery, and washing it 

thoroughly. 

2. Pat it dry with a kitchen towel, 

and cut into small chunks 

if using a food processor. If 

using a traditional grater, cut 

the cauliflower chunks into 

medium pieces. 

3. Grate or blitz the cauliflower 

until it mimics rice. Set aside. 

For the chilli 

1. Heat the olive oil in a large 

pan over a medium heat. Add 

the onions, garlic and carrots, 

and sauté for 5 minutes, or 

until soft. 

2. Add the cherry tomatoes and 

red pepper to the pan. Stir 

through the herbs and spices. 

3. Add the beans and kale, 

gently stir until thoroughly 

combined, and reduce to 

simmer for 10 minutes. 

4. Meanwhile, finish the rice. In 

a medium frying pan, heat the 

olive oil over a medium heat. 

5. Add the cauliflower and 

spring onion, and sauté for 

approximately 8 minutes. 

6. Plate up the chilli and rice 

with a sprinkling of fresh 

coriander. Pop the tortilla 

chips on the side, and tuck in! 

OUR EXPERT SAYS… 

A dish full of beans is a great 

way to increase soluble fibre 

in the diet, especially when 

many people fall short of the 

recommended average intake 

of 30g per day for adults – this 

bean mixture alone has 13g per 

portion! Fibre helps to keep you 

regular, and feeds our good gut 

bacteria. A high fibre diet also 

helps with blood sugar balance, 

reducing the risk of type 2 

diabetes and heart disease. 

As a plant-based dish, the 

beans also provide protein, 

and are considered a healthy 

source of carbohydrates. 

Making cauliflower rice is a 

great substitute for traditional 

rice, adding more veggies to the 

meal, and contains compounds 

that may help to prevent cancer. 

These compounds support liver 

function, by clearing toxins and 

used hormones from the body. 

Lorna Rhodes is a registered 

nutritional therapist, author, 

and recipe writer specialising 

in womens’ health, including 

digestive problems and menopause. 

She has a special interest in 

supporting breast cancer patients. 


I am. I have 

THE HAPPIFUL PODCAST 

SHAHROO IZADI SKIN MARTIN GRACE ROBINSON VICTORY 

Photography: Skin | Marco Ovando, Martin | Ed Miles, Rosie | Matt Lever, Nikesh | Jon Aitken 

ROSIE MEGAN GREENCRABBE 

NIKESH SHUKLA FIONA LAMB 

• Listen • Share • Subscribe • 

Listen to conversations with Skin, Martin Robinson, Rosie Green, 

Nikesh Shukla, and many others, who share their passions, and 

reveal the moments that shaped them 



Feeling overwhelmed? 

Try this 

There’s a lot going on right now, so it’s not surprising 

many of us are getting overwhelmed more easily. 

The next time this feeling creeps up on you, try the 

following techniques to reclaim your peace of mind 

Writing | Kat Nicholls 

Look up and breathe 

Go outside, or head to your nearest 

window, and look up. See the 

clouds, the birds flying by, and 

remind yourself how big and 

beautiful this world is. As you look, 

breathe in for the count of four, 

pause, then exhale for the count of 

four. This can help to give you some 

perspective, while calming both 

your body and mind. 

Have a brain dump 

Grab a pen and note down every 

to-do item swimming around 

your head. Group them together 

according to themes (such as work 

or life admin) – our brains love 

patterns, and doing this can help 

us see the big picture. 

Now, it’s time to prioritise. As 

much as we wish we could, we 

simply cannot do it all. The next 

tip can help you prioritise things. 

Use the 4Ds technique 

A time management hack 

designed to help you focus on 

what’s important to you, the 4Ds 

technique asks you to look at your 

list and decide what to delete, 

delegate, defer, and do. 

Delete – what can you simply 

remove from your list? Is there a 

‘should’ on there that doesn’t need 

to be done, or doesn’t add value? 

Delegate – is there a task on your 

list you could ask of someone else? 

It can be easy for us to think we 

have to do it all, but by delegating, 

you may help someone else feel 

needed, and encourage them to 

develop new skills. 

Defer – what can wait until another 

time? If it isn’t urgent, but you’d still 

like to do it, defer it and let it go 

from your current list. 

Do – what can you start now? 

Some people like to begin with 

small tasks to feel accomplished, 

and start the momentum. Others 

might tackle the tricky stuff to 

stop it weighing you down – do 

what works for you! 

Drop a ball 

Many of us are juggling multiple 

balls at once, and sometimes 

it’s not possible to keep them all 

up in the air. Is there an area of 

life where you can drop the ball 

temporarily? Could you order a 

pre-made birthday cake instead of 

baking one from scratch? Could 

you take a rain check on the 

weekly family Zoom call? 

As author Nora Roberts said: 

“The key to juggling is to know 

that some of the balls you have in 

the air are made of plastic, and 

some are made of glass.” 

Recognising the balls that are 

essential to keep hold of, versus 

the ones that can survive being 

dropped now and then, will give 

you some breathing room. 

Learn more about coaching and how 

it could support you to make room in 

your life for what you truly want at 

lifecoach-directory.org.uk 


Ask the experts 

Counsellor and psychotherapist Katerina Georgiou 

answers your questions on lockdown love 

Read more about Katerina Georgiou 

on counselling-directory.org.uk 

EMOTIONAL LABOUR 

Q 

My husband and 

I are working 

from home, but 

I’m also homeschooling 

our two kids, and taking 

care of the house – it 

feels like I’m responsible 

for everything. What 

should I do? 

AWith all of that on your 

plate, it’s understandable 

you feel that way. I can hear a 

number of conflicting demands 

on you, in your various identities 

MENTAL HEALTH 

Q 

The past year 

has been really 

challenging 

for my mental health. 

I’m finding everything 

really tough at the 

moment, but how do I 

communicate that to my 

partner? 

as a mother, an employee, and 

a partner. I can imagine you’re 

operating in each of these roles 

with strong messages inside of 

you of what being the best in 

each of those roles requires (e.g. 

being punctual for work, always 

emotionally available for your kids, 

and loving as a partner). Notice 

what you’re telling yourself, and ask 

if these are others’ requirements of 

you, or requirements you’re putting 

on yourself? 

I also don’t hear you factoring in 

time for yourself. If you can, rather 

than trying to ‘take away’ things 

AYou’re right that this is 

tough. It can be easy for 

people to want to try to fix things 

when we tell them how we feel, 

and while they may mean well, 

this can add fuel to a fire, or 

stop us from voicing our feelings 

for fear it won’t be heard. So 

it can be useful to begin with 

an opening statement such as 

from your day, try to ‘add’ things 

that are purely for yourself. So, if 

you’re cooking dinner, make that 

dinner and light your favourite 

candle; if you’re meeting a 

deadline, meet it and then sing 

along to your favourite song. 

If you can, ask your partner 

to make you a cuppa or run 

your bath while you’re doing 

something else, try these if you 

think they’ll work. This won’t 

reduce the emotional labour 

as such, but it will increase the 

space for yourself to help you 

manage these tasks. 

“I’m not looking for advice or a 

solution, I just want to tell you 

what I’m feeling,” and check 

what capacity they have to hear 

you. Also pay attention to what 

you might need in any given 

moment – is it a hug, some 

space, help with a task? If you 

have access to this knowledge, 

it’s helpful to ask for it. 

Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

elationships 

DATING 

Q 

I’m on dating 

apps, but I’m 

struggling 

with making a virtual 

or socially distanced 

connection – it’s such 

a different experience. 

Have you got any advice 

on how to approach this? 

A 

You’re right that dating in this 

context isn’t ideal – it can feel 

everything from unsatisfying, to 

horribly demoralising. If you had 

hopes of finding love, starting a family 

or – frankly – even having sex, then 

this year will have felt like all of that 

has had to be put on hold. That can 

feel like a loss akin to grief, or give 

way to feelings of panic. 

Firstly, know you’re not alone in 

that experience. Secondly, consider 

moving online conversations to the 

phone, or sending WhatsApp voice 

notes. While this still doesn’t replace 

meeting face-to-face, hearing 

someone’s voice, and them hearing 

yours, can allow for nuance, and 

even a bit of flirtation. Dating apps 

can also be exhausting, scrolling 

and matching only to be met with 

the same kinds of conversations over 

and over. So why not experiment 

with something different? If you 

usually always respond to people 

who get in touch with you, try 

contacting them first. Likewise, if 

you’re the first to message all the 

time, perhaps only respond to those 

who contact you. 


“ 

Happiness comes from being who 

you actually are instead of who you 

think you are supposed to be 

SHONDA RHIMES 

Photography | Ronny Sison


Putting it 

on the page 

Author Nikesh Shukla reveals how his writing career 

has shaped him as a person, and why he’s sharing 

his most vulnerable self through his words... 

Writing | Lucy Donoughue 

When Nikesh 

Shukla is 

asked to 

introduce 

himself 

on Happiful’s podcast ‘I 

am. I have’, he pauses for a 

moment. “I always feel weird 

answering these questions, 

because my natural instinct 

is to undercut everything 

and say: ‘I’m just one of those 

guys, you know…’” 

But Nikesh is far from ‘just’ 

anything. He tells me that he’s 

a writer, a dad, and probably 

best known for editing The 

Good Immigrant – a critically 

acclaimed collection of 

essays. His latest offering 

is the beautiful, poignant, 

and deeply personal read 

Brown Baby: A Memoir of Race, 

Family and Home. 

Nikesh has spent the majority of 

his adult life writing, continually 

developing new ways of reaching 

audiences and sharing stories. 

It’s clear that he’s passionate 

about his craft and helping 

emerging writers, paying forward 

the support he’s received, and 

speaking up about the mental 

health impact of being a writer 

of colour, something that’s so 

rarely addressed in the industry, 

or beyond. 

From mentoring to mental 

health, and what makes for 

the best writing, here Nikesh 

shares the insight he’s gained, 

the choices he’s made, and the 

challenges he’s encountered in 

his career and life to date... 

The importance of 

paying it forward 

Part of the reason I am where I 

am, is because at the moments 

in my early career when I was 

ready to give up, and I’d lost all 

capacity for persistence, I had 

the right people intervene. I’m 

really lucky to have had amazing 

mentors at those points in my life. 

I had so many people get me to 

where I needed to be mentally and 

spiritually. My mentors gave me so 

much time and space, and I would 

be nowhere without them. 

I can’t ever pay them back, I can 

only ever pay it forward, because 

that’s just what you do. When you’re 

from a marginalised community, 

your elders pass on skills and 

support to you, and then you pass 

them on to the next generation. >>> 


I now do that. I’ve helped 

writers to set up magazines, 

find literary agents, and edit 

their work, and I’ve helped them 

to understand what happens 

to you mentally when you 

get published, or win a prize 

because no one ever tells you 

that. I’m not expecting anything 

back from them. What I do 

expect is that when they are in 

the same position, they’ll pay it 

forward, too. 

As a writer, I’m 

communicating from 

the heart. I throw 

myself into my books 

and it takes a piece of 

me every single time 

Photography | Jon Aitken


The mental health impact of 

being a writer of colour 

As a writer of colour, people will 

constantly challenge where you 

are in your career, and accuse 

you of being there because of 

‘positive discrimination’, or 

because everyone is so ‘woke’ at 

the moment. Or they’ll question 

why you take up certain spaces, 

and that will mess with your 

head. Your own community will 

tear you apart because when 

you’re the one writer who gets 

through, they expect you to be 

representative of everyone, and 

that is impossible. 

For me specifically, the thing 

that I didn’t even consider 

as a job was being a public 

intellectual about race and 

immigration. I’m a comedy and 

fiction writer, that’s where I 

started out, and then The Good 

Immigrant led me down this 

weird cul de sac where I was 

asked to go on the news and talk 

about Nigel Farage! 

My tweets were mentioned in 

the papers, MPs were reporting 

me to the Equality and Human 

Rights Commission, and editors 

were snarking behind my back 

saying the only reason I was 

doing any of this ‘race chat’ was 

to further my own career. 

So you’re constantly made to 

feel like you don’t deserve any of 

it. The sad truth was that I didn’t 

want to be speaking on any of 

those platforms in the first place. 

I just wanted to be writing my 

dumb jokes, and books about men 

trying to be better at their lives, 

that’s all I wanted to do when I 

started out, and now here I am. 

In the two years that I was 

touring The Good Immigrant, I had 

a new kid, I was being trolled on 

the internet, and was being sent 

death threats to my house, my 

inbox, and on social media. All of 

this because I just wanted better 

representation in books. With all 

of that vitriol, you start to think: 

‘What’s the point? Why am I 

doing all this stuff?’ and you start 

to feel alone. 

No one tells you about any of 

this when you start out, so I’ve 

decided to be honest about it. 

The value in being vulnerable 

I’ve been having a lot of therapy 

recently to address a couple 

of things I talk about in Brown 

Baby, such as binge-eating and 

depression, and it’s all rooted 

to a feeling of worthlessness 

that I have. I’m still trying to 

understand where that comes 

from, and I’m working through 

the murky waters of it. 

When I feel stressed, worthless, 

or anxious, I reach out for 

comfort. Now my mum isn’t 

around, and because I can’t lie on 

the sofa with her, split a bag of 

crisps and watch Frasier – which 

would be my happy place – I 

just reach for the bag of crisps 

instead. The thing about it is 

one bag is not enough, the act 

of eating is what’s sustaining the 

feeling. The immediate response 

afterwards is to feel shame, and 

that’s why I think: “If I keep 

eating, I’ll be OK.” 

Putting the binge-eating into 

the book was my way of carving 

out a space, because I’m happy to 

be vulnerable and open with my 

friends, and I really want that to be 

reflected in my writing. I shared 

it in the hope that other men 

can start to have these open and 

transparent conversations, too. 

The big questions about parenting 

My new book is about the stuff 

that keeps me up at night, such as 

raising my kids to be proud of their 

heritage, but also mindful that the 

world is very racist, and how I – as 

a father – raise my daughters, but 

don’t take up space in their life that 

perpetuates the patriarchy. Also 

how I might talk to them about my 

own mental health. 

The best writing bleeds 

on the page 

I remember when I May Destroy You 

first came out, Michaela Coel talked 

about bleeding for your art, and 

putting your soul on the page, and 

her words just really resonated with 

me. As a writer, I’m communicating 

from the heart. I throw myself into 

my books, and it takes a piece of 

me every single time. I think that’s 

really important. 

‘Brown Baby: A Memoir of Race, 

Family and Home’ by Nikesh Shukla 

is out now (bluebird books for life, 

£16.99). Listen to Nikesh’s episode of 

‘I am. I have’ on iTunes, Spotify, and 

other podcasting platforms. 


5 steps for healthy 

sleep hygiene 

If sleep constantly evades you, it could be time to 

address your sleep hygiene – and we don’t 

mean washing your bedding more often... 


Do you find you often 

answer “How are 

you?” with “I feel 

exhausted”? You 

wouldn’t be alone, 

but the good news is there is 

something you can do to address 

this energy imbalance. 

Sleep hygiene is about building a 

suitable environment and healthy 

habits for restorative sleep, it’s 

highly beneficial to your mental 

and physical health, cognitive 

functioning, and overall quality 

of life. It also sets the tone for our 

circadian rhythm – known as the 

body-clock or sleep-wake cycle – 

which is a 24-hour natural process 

that’s highly dependent on the 

clues your sleep hygiene sends to 

signal it’s bedtime. 

For many, sleep may be hard to 

come by. So, with help from sleep 

behaviourist James Wilson, AKA 

The Sleep Geek, we share five 

steps to better sleep hygiene. 

1. Use natural light 

to set your body clock 

As James explains, light plays an 

important role in sleep, and you 

can use it to your advantage. 

“Getting light exposure early in 

the morning helps to reset the 

body’s rhythm, as the light clearly 

says to the body: ‘Now is the time 

to be awake.’ This, in turn, helps it 

feel sleepy at the same time every 

day. A light box can be a useful 

substitute if the weather does not 

allow us to get out into the great 

outdoors as much.” 

Additionally, embrace the 

darkness. Two hours before bed, 

dim the lights. Your circadian 

rhythm is at its most sensitive at 

this time, and informs your brain 

that it’s time to wind down. 


wellbeing 

Getting light exposure early in the morning helps 

reset the body’s natural rhythm, as the light exposure 

clearly says to the body: ‘Now is the time to be awake’ 

2. Set the temperature 

The ideal room temperature for 

sleep is 18 o C, and a bedroom that 

is too warm or too cold could 

be disturbing your circadian 

rhythm, as the body naturally 

expects a dip in temperature 

at nighttime. 

Aside from room temperature, 

James says it’s important to 

address the temperature between 

the sheets, which can also impact 

sleep quality. He recommends 

avoiding foam mattresses, and 

opting for natural materials for 

bedding, such as alpaca fleece, 

wool, silk, and bamboo. 

Alpaca wool is particularly 

effective due to its hollow nature, 

so has the ability to keep you 

cool in the summer, and warm in 

the winter. Other natural fibres, 

like cotton and linen, can also 

help regulate sleep, as they have 

sweat-wicking properties. 

3. Use your bed for 

two purposes only 

Do you pull your laptop into bed, 

or reach for your phone when 

you’ve barely opened your eyes? 

These unhealthy habits can 

actually affect both your quality 

of sleep, and your relationship. 

If you can, limit your bedroom 

activities to sleep and sex. When 

you associate your bed with 

sleeping, or spending time under 

the sheets with your partner (or 

yourself), you’ll establish a clear 

mental association between your 

bed and sleep. Your brain will 

slowly start to register that when 

you climb into bed, it only means 

one of two things. 

4. Limit your lie-ins 

As tough as this may sound, 

elongated lie-ins can be 

detrimental to sleep quality. The 

body prepares itself to wake up 

approximately an hour before 

you open your eyes, so if you 

often lie-in for hours at the 

weekend, it can disrupt your 

circadian rhythm. 

If you do want to stay in bed for 

an extra hour now and then, find 

a snuggly position, but try to stay 

awake, and don’t exceed an hour. 

5. Wash away the day 

Switching up your shower 

routine, so that you enjoy a 

cleansing wash an hour or so 

before bed, can have a number of 

different impacts on the quality 

of your sleep. The physical act of 

cleaning yourself can symbolise 

washing away the day, cleansing 

both your body and mind. You 

could even add essential oils to 

the mix, lavender, jasmine, and 

bergamot are known to induce 

feelings of calm. After a warm 

wash, body temperature tends to 

drop – which again helps prepare 

the body to expect sleep. 

James Wilson, known as The Sleep 

Geek, is one of the UK’s leading sleep 

behaviour experts, helping people 

nationwide to solve their sleep 

issues. Visit beingwellfamily.com 

for more information. 


HAPPIFUL TOP 10 

April 

Spring into action by learning something new this April. Focus on 

your wellbeing, and find happiness in unexpected places… 

1 

3PUT ON A SHOW 

Yoga 

Yoga can be a really great way to switch off your mind, while 

keeping your body engaged. Why not find a willing family member 

and teach your own yoga class? Brush up on your technique with a 

few YouTube videos, and then try to replicate the poses well enough to 

teach others. Even if the technique isn’t spot on, you’ll all have a laugh 

trying! (For inspiration, visit Yoga with Adriene on YouTube) 

PAGE-TURNERS 

Beginners: The Joy and 

Transformative Power of 

Lifelong Learning 

by Tom Vanderbilt 

When was the last time you 

learned a new skill? Perhaps 

you taught yourself to plait hair, 

or finally mastered the art of 

wall panelling. An exploration 

of our brain plasticity and how 

we learn, Beginners challenges 

the idea that learning new skills 

is something only children can 

do, and will have you juggling 

all of your new skills in no time. 

(Atlantic Books, £16.99) 

4 

LEND US 

YOUR EARS 

‘Different minds’ 

Since losing his 

brother and father in 2013, 

broadcaster John Offord has been 

on a mission to raise awareness 

about mental health issues, 

and has since begun hosting 

the ‘Different Minds’ podcast. 

Chatting to everyone from Chris 

Packham to Christopher Eccleston 

about the ways our brains can 

work, and how they deal with 

mental struggles, the podcast 

offers a wonderful insight into 

the human mind. 

(Listen to the podcast on 

iTunes and Spotify) 

2 

OUT AND ABOUT 

Frisbee fun 

Sometimes the simple things possess the most joy. 

Why not gather up some family members from your 

household for a game of frisbee out in the local park? Once you’ve 

mastered the technique, and have the frisbee moving through the 

air, try throwing it into the distance and running to catch it. A great, 

family-friendly way to get the heart pumping! (Learn about more 

frisbee games at catchthespirit.co.uk) 

5PLUGGED-IN 

The Good News 

Movement 

If you constantly 

find yourself endlessly scrolling 

through Instagram, then 

perhaps it’s time to consider 

whether the accounts you 

follow are bringing you joy? The 

Good News Movement seeks to 

share only uplifting, sweet, and 

positive news. This is an account 

you won’t feel bad for getting 

distracted by. (Follow 

@goodnews_movement) 


Book cover | amazon.co.uk, Adriene | Instagram: @adrienelouise, ECOHOLIC Mother Reusables Thermal bottle | motherreusables.com 

6 

9 

TECH TIP-OFFS 

Duolingo 

Learning a new language can be a 

great way to exercise your brain, but is often 

misunderstood as a huge endeavour. Duolingo 

gives you the choice of 35+ languages you can 

learn in small intervals, at any time. Using short 

exercises, and practice conversations, the app 

can help you progress in any language, from 

Russian to Japanese! (Download from the App 

Store and Google Play) 

7 

SQUARE EYES 

It’s a Sin 

Reknowned for his 

groundbreaking masterpiece Queer 

as Folk, screenwriter Russell T 

Davies OBE is back with a flawlessly 

executed five-part exploration of 

the Aids crisis. Following five friends 

living in London during the 1980s, 

It’s a Sin tells a compelling story of 

intense love, terror, and uncertainty, 

in a way that is equally emotional, 

raw, and funny. (Catch up on All 4) 

THE CONVERSATION 

IBS Awareness Month 

Irritable bowel syndrome is a common, 

but often misunderstood, condition 

thought to affect 7–10% of the population. 

As a nation, we shy away from talking about gut 

health, as if it is something to be ashamed of, but IBS 

Awareness Month aims to get people talking about the 

daily reality of living with the condition, so that people 

can get the support they need. (1 April–30 April, find out 

more at aboutIBS.org) 

8 

TREAT YOURSELF 

As the days get lighter, and spring arrives, there’s nothing better than a long walk 

with a drink in hand. Reduce plastic waste, and keep your drink warm (or ice cold!), 

with an Mother Reusables thermal bottle. For every luxury bottle that is sold, a tree is 

planted, and all shipping is completely carbon neutral, so you can treat yourself and the 

environment, too! (£32, shop online at motherreusables.com) 

ECOHOLIC Mother Reusables thermal bottle 

10 

GET GOING 

Zumba Fitness 

If you’re in need of 

a sweaty exercise 

session to get your endorphins flowing, 

Zumba will do just that. A high intensity 

workout to the beat of catchy songs, 

online Zumba fitness can get the whole 

family dancing around the room. With 

classes held almost every night, you’ll 

always find a time that suits you. 

(Class prices start at £4, visit 

zumbafitnesslondon.co.uk) 

WIN! 

Win an ECOHOLIC thermal bottle from Mother Reusables 

For your chance to win, simply email competitions@happiful.com with your answer to 

the following question: 

Flat white, americano, and caffè latte are all types of which hot drink? 

a) Coffee b) Tea c) Hot chocolate 

*Competition closes 22 April. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck! 


“ 

Never give up, for that is just the 

place and time the tide will turn 

HARRIET BEECHER STOWE 


Photography | Gift Habeshaw

true story 

My monsters and me: how a love of 

horror helped me face my demons 

Katie spent much of her life feeling as though she didn’t fit anywhere. Years 

of bullying, loneliness, and anxiety eventually led her to self-harm and 

suicide attempts. However, it was in the dark world of monsters and horror 

that she found comfort, an understanding of herself, and a place to belong 

Writing | Katie Evans 

Have you found that place where you 

feel you truly belong? That sense of 

warmth, joy, and relief? Well for me, it 

was Halloween. As a therapist, I feel I 

should be talking about something more spiritual 

or tranquil, but it was, and still is, Halloween. 

You might ask why this corny event should 

mean so much to a 35-year-old woman from 

Liverpool, but the reason is quite simple. 

Halloween is a place for the misfits to belong. 

I have always felt like a misfit, either because 

I hated the way I looked, or because as an only 

child I didn’t develop the best social skills. I 

struggled to make friends, and was painfully 

shy. Everybody else seemed to manage in the 

world, but for me it felt like a nightmare. I was 

lonely and sad, and by the time I was in my midteens 

the depression and desire to die seemed 

inescapable. 

I had a pretty normal upbringing. I lived with 

my parents in a quiet area on the outskirts of 

Liverpool. I was close to my grandparents, had 

some friends, and enjoyed trips away and playing 

outside. I attended a small primary school and 

started to do pretty well, despite my shyness. It 

was towards the end of primary school that the 

bullying started, a theme that would stay with 

me, in different forms, until my 20s. In high 

school it only got worse. 

I was a lanky teenager who hit puberty late. I 

had bad skin, needed glasses in class, and at one 

point had a head brace to rectify my overbite. I 

looked in the mirror and hated who I was. I tried 

everything to fix my looks, and I fantasised about 

being somebody – anybody – else. In reality, I was 

an average looking girl, but in my head, I was a 

monster. 

I didn’t have the tools to control any of this, or to 

manage the huge feelings that I was experiencing. 

So much was building up inside me, and the 

medication that was supposed to help only seemed 

to make things worse. When I was around 15, I 

began self-harming. I don’t think it was a cry for 

help, because I didn’t want anyone to see. But I 

knew that I needed something. I wanted the pain 

to go away, I needed to find relief of some kind. 

I clearly remember sitting in the garden with my 

parents on a sunny day, and telling them that my 

life felt like a prison sentence, and I wanted to be 

free. It was not long after that I took an overdose; I 

still feel tremendous guilt about that day. 

My later teens saw me start to discover and 

embrace counterculture. I had one big passion 

that had been with me since childhood; monsters. 

The first picture of me from Halloween is at 

around 18 months old, clinging to a mask and 

smiling. From then on, I threw myself fully into 

everything spooky. >>> 


You can find out more by following Katie’s 

Instagram @mentalhealth_monsters 

I could escape into my fantasy world of 

colourful creatures and exciting characters, 

forget about the world around me, and 

completely lose myself. As life became more 

difficult, horror stayed with me. I began to 

watch films, read Stephen King, and my own 

image became darker. Things that scared other 

people felt like comfort to me. However, the 

truth was that the real world left me terrified. 

When I look back at my life, it amazes me just 

how much of it I have spent afraid. Anxiety felt 

like my normal state and I couldn’t shake it. I 

was scared of people, scared of failing, scared 

of judgement, scared of everything; and, 

honestly, I did not make things easy for myself. 

Becoming a goth in Liverpool in the early 

2000s meant developing a whole new skillset 

– the main one being how to run fast in 

incredibly impractical footwear. I was a 

moving target for abuse of every kind, and 

even had men of my dad’s age spit in my face. 

But at the same time, I found people who were 

equally as hated as I was. Others who felt alone, 

different, and often sad. Others who struggled 

with mental health, who didn’t fit, and who 

found safety in the darker things in life. I had a 

community for the first time, and while I still 

struggled, I didn’t feel so alone. 

When I did have time to myself, I embraced 

my fantasy worlds. In these spaces, I would be 

a vampire, a werewolf, or a witch. Monsters 

were powerful and exciting – they could take 

Anxiety felt like my normal state 

and I couldn’t shake it. I was scared 

of people, scared of failing, scared 

of judgement, scared of everything 

on the world that judged them, and make it 

understand their pain. I never saw monsters 

as bad things; they were just different, and the 

world couldn’t understand them. Frankenstein’s 

monster, or Beast from Beauty and the Beast, 

were seen as ugly and freakish, but I thought 

they were beautiful, and they often just wanted 

to be left alone. I could relate strongly. 

That’s the thing with monsters and horror, they 

have always had strong messages within them 

and have always reflected the psychological. 

Creatures who are made to feel unwanted or 


true story 

feared, are often the victims of ‘normal’ society. 

They have emotions, like rage, that take over them 

until they cannot control it; they hide themselves 

away, search for companions, they long for peace. 

All of these themes fitted the way I saw the 

world; after all, I had my own demons to work 

with. Much like my creepy counterparts, I started 

to find that I could use my difference as power. 

I could take what I thought were my weaknesses 

and my weirdness, and turn them into my 

strengths. This all came together when I was 

training to be a therapist. 

I was lucky that the teacher on my counselling 

course also embraced difference, and encouraged 

me not to lose mine. I saw that my demons 

now created an empathy in me for those who 

struggled. Once I had developed my private 


Growing up, Katie had support from friends and 

family, but still struggled, and found bullying 

throughout school to be emotionally damaging. 

Katie’s life felt out of control, and she selfharmed 

and had suicidal thoughts. Feeling like 

an outsider, she was drawn to horror fiction, and 

connected with the monsters who provoked fear, 

and yet in reality were incredibly vulnerable. 

Identifying with these characters allowed 

practice, I did not hide my own identity, and 

I still don’t. I have tattoos, I have hair that 

changes all the time, and my clothes still reflect 

my goth/punk roots. I am proud of this, and 

I know that it still fits with my therapy style, 

which is professional and warm. 

I have been able to help so many others 

connect with their own identities, and be 

proud of who they are, by showing my own 

flawed self. I’m not sad or lonely any more. I 

have a wonderful partner, who embraces my 

weirdness, and I am able to exist in a world that 

feels right for me, without having to escape. 

Monsters are still my friends, and I am 

now working on a book project that uses 

characters from classic spooky stories to help 

us understand mental health. It isn’t dark or 

scary, but colourful, positive, and full of life. 

My monsters took me from the darkness and 

helped me feel comfortable in myself: they 

helped me feel human. 

her to find the strength to move past the 

persecution she felt, showing us the 

power of valuing our own identity. Katie 

trained as a counsellor, and uses 

her empathic understanding 

to help others to face and 

embrace their own demons. 

Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) | Counsellor 



Stop saying sorry for… 

Using Just Eat 

(again) instead 

of making a 

home-cooked 

dinner. 

Being too 

drained to go for 

that after-work 

run you swore 

you’d go on. 

Taking four days 

to text back, at a 

minimum. 

Needing a 

moment to 

yourself now 

and then. 

Feeling proud 

of yourself, 

and wanting 

to share that. 

Prioritising 

your own 

growth and 

needs. 

Being human. 

You’re doing the 

best you can – 

and that’s more 

than enough. 

Your house not 

looking like a 

showhome 24/7.

“ 

All endings are also beginnings. 

We just don't know it at the time 

MITCH ALBOM

THE UK’S POSITIVE 

MENTAL HEALTH APP 

DAILY INSPIRATION | THERAPY & SUPPORT | YOUR MAGAZINE 

The Happiful App 

Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes: Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, 

Nutritionist Resource and Therapy Directory. Helping you find the help you need.

Happiful April 2021

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