Inspiring Women Magazine May 2021

FEATURE
The Many Losses We’re Grieving
Uma Girish, member of AIWC Düsseldorf, asks how we can live more
intentionally now that we have a second chance.
Lena (35) loved her morning routine in the prepandemic
era. It had a rhythm to it: choosing her
outfit for the day, putting on make-up and
matching her accessories with her outfit. Planting
a soft kiss on her sleeping kids’ chubby cheeks,
she’d ease into her Audi, coffee thermos in hand,
and relish the solitude of her 45-minute commute.
Today: she heads to a Zoom meeting in a corner
of the guest bedroom outfitted in a smart blouse
and stained track bottoms. Her husband and
kids are all in her space, needing, wanting, asking.
All boundaries between work and home have
blurred for her.
Maria (65) lives all alone in her apartment in
London. Her husband died of cancer in February
2020, right before the world locked down.
Grieving her beloved partner in a social vacuum
has deepened her sorrow and left her in despair.
Regular support avenues like a grief group, or
coffee and comforting conversation with a friend,
have been taken away. She feels as if she’s
drowning in the ocean of grief with no horizon
in sight.
Dee (56) mourns that she didn’t get to say
goodbye to her brother who died from the virus.
The only goodbye she got was on FaceTime, with
him struggling to breathe and unable to articulate
his final message. “I love you, Danny,” she said
over and over again, her words choked by the
sorrow that clogged her throat. To this day, it
haunts her that her family didn’t get to give him
the memorial service he deserved.
Losses Big And Small
The COVID-19 grief pile-up we’re dealing with is
heart-breaking. There are the macro losses like
loss of jobs, homes, and loved ones. Then there
are the micro losses which are no less real.
Hardwired to connect, we’re grieving the loss of
human contact. We pray in community. We watch
sports as a community. We enjoy musical
performances and shows in community. There’s
something about a shared experience that
enriches our experience of it. The social isolation
imposed by the pandemic has challenged our
mental health in many ways.
Unable to meet friends and family, we’ve missed
birthdays and anniversaries. Tech-challenged
grandparents are distraught, having to digitally
navigate a relationship with brand-new
grandchildren in the family.
Working from home has taken away the
connection channel of watercooler conversation.
The absence of the buffer zone between work and
home–the daily commute–has meant that work
leaks into the home and responsibilities of the
home seep into our work space and schedules.
The disappearance of simple pleasures we’ve
mostly taken for granted -- a trip to the library,
catch-up coffee with a girlfriend, an impromptu
mani-pedi at the neighborhood salon, and a
quick glass of Chardonnay with a colleague
before heading home–have left us feeling bereft
and alone.
Perhaps one of the biggest griefs parents are
faced with is their children being deprived of peer
learning and playground fun. Instead, kids are
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