GRAND Fall 2021

observed and experienced at home
would affect their attitude toward
women. Sometimes that led to some
infamous lectures. I admonished them
to “behave and respect” in front of
girlfriends, who were, I hope, grateful.
One of my favourite experiences was
“the Lothario one of infinite charm,”
changing a very challenging diaper
in front of an old girlfriend, as in old
friend, who said. “This is the moment
we’ve all been waiting for.” Hahahaha.
I hoped my kids would be good people
leading good lives, and so far, so good.
My kids grew up on a sheep farm
between two reserves. The benefit of
learning about an old, albeit horrifically
assaulted, culture from their friends,
the honour of being included in ceremony,
reinforced their home values.
Q. What is most important to you as a
grandparent?
Nothing much has changed. A new
child is like falling in love again. This
time, your hands aren’t so much on
the wheel, so the ride can be even
more exhilarating. Almost irresponsible
love. My worst transgression as a
grandparent is standard grandparent
behaviour—babies are to be adored
and given in to so long as it is safe. If
their parents entrust them to us, they
can just forget about their expectations.
Mine are that they have a beautiful
time. As before, I have one rule.
Be safe and be kind.
The only time I doled out discipline
was when my grandson, going
through the 10-year-old chubby stage
before he went vertical, was called
“F*****”—by a FRIEND??? As he got
in my car, he yelled back “F*****!” so I
dumped him out and suggested he and
his friend, the little horribles, could
walk home from school and make
nice. Luckily, that stage passed.
Recently, when our youngest, Isabel,
brought two girlfriends over for popsicles,
I started in on a homily about
mean girls and exclusion. “We know
that,” they replied in unison and rolled
their eyes. When I told our grandsonin-law,
Sumeet, about this reaction to
grandma wisdom he said, in his wisdom,
“You’re not 13, Linda.” True.
grandmag.ca
Just because I know everything at
my advanced age, does not give me
licence to rattle on. No one is paying
me to lecture anymore.
Q. You have said “a healthy world
depends on healthy children.” How
can we, as a community/society, help
ensure our children—and in turn our
world—stay healthy?
It starts in law, in writing like the
sermon on the Mount, the lovely beatitudes
and in other spiritual prescriptions.
The commandment should say,
Do unto others, especially babies. The
way we nourish children will determine
their world view, the way they
become custodians of nature and each
other. There is enough in this world
for everyone. No one needs excess.
We do great harm expecting children
to sacrifice childhood to compete for
excess. They need to play together and
to pass on fair play to the next generation.
That is what we owe them. To
each according to his need, the justice
of moderate need. Sadly, that needs to
be legislated because we have not yet
as a capital-driven civilisation been
able to absorb the holy laws without
twisting them into competitiveness.
Q. It has been said that you and your
partner, Rick Van Krugel, are really
adult children and that the inside of
your house looks like the inside of
your brains, very cluttered and whimsical.
How do these qualities lend
themselves to being a grandparent?
It is true. We are naughty children,
sharing a perverse sense of humour
and delight in the phenomenal world,
most of which we have brought home
to the disgust of our children, who
foresee our deaths as cleanup jobs and
delight of our grandchildren, who will
inherit the stuff. We are known as the
Honorable Cluttertons in some circles,
Rick, who must adopt and fix everything,
is far worse than me, and our
house is a veritable museum of friendships
and enthusiasms. Unfortunately
many of our friends have been artists
and they are all present on our walls
and in the air, constantly chattering,
pictures words and music all around
us, all the time.
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