GRAND Fall 2021

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Q. You jumped off a mountain in Turkey? Why?! I am not physically brave, but we were travelling with Naomi, the 16-year-old recklessly-brave daughter of the band leader of Sweet Papa Lowdown, and she challenged me to jump “to impress my grandchildren.” So I did. After a scary start (not enough wind) it was glorious. My grandchildren were not overly impressed, but they were used to my impulsivities so maybe it seemed normal. Q. What part did your grandparents play in your life? What did you learn from them? I had two grandmothers, one of whom died the week I was born but may have left me with spiritual thirst and flapper gaiety, and the other who was shrouded in the martyrdom of war casualty. Her husband, my grandfather, was a brilliant young man gassed at Ypres and left with a chronic case of TB which didn’t kill him for 40 years, all of which they spent in quarantine. My grandfathers were wonderful. The one who was an invalid had every talent imaginable, the delight in which he passed on because we broke some of the rules of his isolation. He was a phenomenal athlete (and was still allowed to golf) who had played soccer for Scotland and also represented Scotland as a singer at the Chicago World Fair. He was the Seaforth Highlander who sang for the Germans at the famous Christmas armistice. His life was a tragedy in some sense, but also a triumph over adversity because he passed on his love of art, reading, music and gamesmanship. My other grandfather, a descendent of the Trollope and Hopkins literary families gave me another sense of the importance of story and love of animals. Two lovely men. Q. What do you hope your grandchildren learn from you? I think they have learned to laugh through their tears, to do what they love, to raise beautiful kids and create beauty from whatever is in front of them, whether it is 26 notes, a lump of clay, a 2'x4' or a sidewalk begging for chalk. Q. How have you passed along traditions and skills, in particular poetry? Music? Writing? Story telling? I was thrilled recently when our granddaughter Olive was told by her lit teacher that her writing was full of surprises. That made me so happy because “surprising” means embracing risk, going for truth and beauty, no matter how elusive. The bonus was that, almost simultaneously, Joyce Carol Oates wrote the same comment about my writing when she was awarding the Carter Vanderbilt Cooper short story prize. I love that Olive is free to express her ideas. I hope I gave her permission. My husband is a, can I say, brilliant musician. He is very uptight about screwing lids on jars, which makes me insane, but totally reckless when he is playing his mandolin. I love that. He has passed on that enthusiasm to the kids, one of whom is actively playing. The problem with Sophie, who writes songs, is that she has so many enthusiasms and gifts, encouraged by her parents and grandparents, it is hard to find time for all of them. Now that she is a mother, artist, carpenter, jewelry maker, singer etc she is giving the quality time to her son. No wonder he is in tune already and actually said “Grampa” at four months. Lucky, beautiful boy. There is a stubborn dyslexic gene in my former husband’s family, which inhibited confidence in reading and writing. My kids spelled phonetically. Too bad they didn’t grow up speaking Turkish, a phonetic language. My youngest, Tristan, and I co-conspired to write Frankie Zapper and the Disappearing Teacher after a sadistic teacher sent him to the blackboard to spell onomatopoeia. They are all readers now and Olive is one who might be a writer if she chooses. Of course, they have been exposed to everything we love and they pick and choose. Q. How did you help your children— and how do you help your grandchildren—find their talents and strengths? To explore their creativity? My children have warned me not to be toooooo responsive when their kids express enthusiasm or show aptitude because that can be the kiss of death. I 8 Grand grandmag.ca
am liable to jump in the air and drown them in praise and accessories at the slightest provocation. Sage recently told me he has enough art supplies for a lifetime. Okay I get it, no more pastels. I LOVE pastels, the beautiful colours. Creative selves are happy selves. I love to see kids overcome by joy, but sometimes I have to listen and hold back. They get to choose, not me. A while back, I was with Kwagiulth artist Billy Cook and his kids while Billy finished a silver belt buckle for my husband. In his culture, kids learn by watching. I jumped in and ran around the studio he shared with his brother Rande, stealing Rande’s coloured pencils and paper. “They want to draw!” I said. Of course they did. Billy also knew they needed to watch and learn patience. William, who cried that day because he wanted a belt buckle, was told he would get a buckle when he made it himself. Now that is cultural teaching. William is becoming a beautiful artist and his dad will teach him to engrave when he is ready and has promised I can gift him the silver. I cannot wait! Grandparenting is not only your own family but all the families. I love it when grown-ups I have known all their lives still call me “Gramalinda” although one granddaughter, who will remain nameless, threatened to put her best friend’s cheeks in the toaster for calling me that. They remain best friends and I stole her line for The Empress Letters. Q. What are some of your favourite things to do and places to go with your grandchildren? That is the hardest question to answer because, at this time (during the pandemic), the only possible trips are in our heads…no high tea at Venus Sophia (sadly shut), no mucking with germy clay or cooking together, and certainly no concerts, theatre or galleries, no promised excursion to London or elsewhere for the two youngest whose turn it is to choose a destination. I like to go any place with my grandchildren from film to farm, especially the spit on the Armour farm grandmag.ca at Saltspring Island where extended family also waits for this to be over. At last. We have had birthday parades, messenger and skype this year, all sadly lacking. I paint cards and order gifts online, catching hell for air transport pollution from one zealot. July was a blessed window before Delta dawn (and yes we are writing a song about that) and we went to Butterfly World and Sea Cider Winery via Tally Ho Tours to celebrate Rick and Sophie’s birthdays. Now we are knuckling down again after a few wonderful hugs for a brutal winter. This year I hope to publish a book called Mother, the Verb, Swan Sister Treasures, which is a collection of art, writing, photography, music and filmmaking by activist women and allies. My granddaughter, Sophie Rogers Dhaul’s art is on the cover. Youth contributors include Isla Cook and Olive Rogers. We are all mothers of invention and I hope the book will be a celebration of renewed awareness of the value in matriarchy, balanced culture, the old leading the young and the young leading the old, that came out of a very dark time in our shared history. Q. What do you wish for your grandchildren? I wish them lives that are as gloriously fulfilling as the one I have had, where, as a feminist, I fought for rights they enjoy and, as a human, tried to live the beautitudes. I wish them luck in finding partners who love them and work that fulfills them. I hope they are able to give and receive with grace. I hope that they are in the majority of humans who respect other cultures and life forms and strive to protect the planet from greed. Q. What would you like your grandchildren to remember most about you? I would like them to remember that, although I was a person who talked to everyone and dressed the way I felt, sometimes to comic extremes, my intentions were good. I don’t mind if they have a retrospective laugh about everything but the day I risked my life and possibly his job wearing a unicorn mask into Capital Savings to greet my granddaughter’s then boyfriend, Sumeet. Hey, I wasn’t carrying. I would like them to remember my bread and my lettuce wrap, my frittata and curries, my chutney and trifle, but not the year I made Brussels sprout salad at Christmas. Q. Do you have any wise words or stories to share with other grandparents to help them in their role raising their grandchildren? I have the same advice I give about life in general. Be authentic. Kids and cats know the difference. Share your joy and be honest about your sorrows. Give generously. It is true there is more joy and giving, but also remember to receive with gratitude. They are treasures. Show them the ways in which expectation is the enemy of joyful creativity. The act of creation is its own reward. Show don’t tell. They learn by mimicry. Love them and then love them some more. There is never too much. Don’t be afraid to phone an adult child and leave embarrassing singing messages their friends might hear on their answering machines, “I just called to say I love you,” because those old tapes are your most valuable legacy. IMHO. Vol. IV, Ed. III 9
Page 1 and 2: Vol. IV, Ed. III grand grandmag.ca
Page 3 and 4: Contents 4 6 10 12 14 16 18 20 22 2
Page 5 and 6: Lifelong Learning Elders Assistance
Page 7: observed and experienced at home wo
Page 11 and 12: her attention. As much as I wanted
Page 13 and 14: learn while the mistakes have littl
Page 15 and 16: Tiny Beans Tiny Beans is like a dig
Page 17 and 18: westcoast families JUNE/JULY 2021 C
Page 19 and 20: during COVID, it’s a little scary
Page 21 and 22: I have always found that young chil
Page 23 and 24: MORE difficult to get to sleep. Sur
Page 25 and 26: I was right there beside them via t
Page 27: your previous year’s income and a

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