Focus on the Family Magazine - October/November 2021

KIDS & TEENS / ADAPTABILITY
ADAPTABILITY / KIDS & TEENS
school
fears
School fears can look different for each
child. Here is how other parents have
helped their children:
responding well
to their fears and
anxieties
EVEN WHEN WE INVITE OUR KIDS TO TALK, they may not
be in the mood to tell us what’s bothering them. So when they do
open up, we don’t want to shut them down. In other words, how
we respond can make or break the rest of the conversation. Here
are some helpful tips to keep your child talking:
• Listen attentively, fully focused on your child. Let him see the
love on your face and your genuine interest in his words.
• Encourage eye contact. As your child is sharing, she may
look away, which may make it easier for her to talk. That’s fine.
But as you respond, encourage her to look at you. When she
can see in your eyes that you aren’t upset or disappointed, your
response can help break any shame she might be feeling.
• Embolden your child to keep sharing by reflecting what
you heard, such as “Can you tell me more about __?” and asking
questions.
• Normalize their struggles by sharing stories you’ve heard or
things you’ve read, or even by briefly sharing a similar struggle
of your own.
• Avoid judgmental facial expressions or comments. You
may not always realize what your facial expression is communicating
or how your kids are interpreting it. So focus on looking
attentive and showing interest.
• Avoid spouting quick fixes. No matter how quickly you may
want to react to something, breathe deeply and count to 10, if
you must, before you respond. There will be time for a discussion
later. For now, force yourself to listen.
INVITE GOD INTO
THE CONVERSATION
Getting our children to open up about
their anxieties and worries—and
responding well so they keep talking—is
a great start. Sometimes just the act of
airing what is bothering them in a safe
environment is enough to cause their
fears and worries to dissipate, or at least
diminish power over them.
As our kids open up to us, we also have
a beautiful opportunity to broaden their
perspectives to include God.
Once again, use questions. You’ll
remember when I asked my son, “Who
could help you?” and he came up with his
own wonderful answer: “God.” Questions
often engage our children in ways that
help them come up with the right answer.
Try questions like these to help kids
focus on how good can come out of the
challenges they face:
• Can you think of a Bible story
in which someone faced a difficult
time, but in the end God
used it for good?
• Can you remember a time
when we prayed, and God
answered our prayers?
• What do you think God might
be saying to you?
You might be surprised at your children’s
answers. •
michelle Nietert is a licensed counselor and leads
a team of counselors. She is also a speaker and
an author. Her most recent book is Loved and
Cherished: 100 devotions for girls.
DAYTIME WORRIES
TO NIGHTTIME FEARS
When our family moved across the country with our three
boys, one of our sons entered an intense season of battling
fear. Making new friends at school and joining sports
teams as the new kid left him wondering if he would be
accepted and invited or alone and misunderstood.
He started having trouble sleeping as his daytime worries
translated to nighttime fears. We looked up Scripture
verses on fear and taped them to his bedroom door and
headboard. We prayed those verses together every night.
My husband and I prayed about how to handle this fear,
and we believe the Lord gave us two tangible ideas.
First, we let the family dog sleep in his room. We were
skeptical in the beginning, but the next morning our son
reported his first peaceful night’s sleep in weeks. God
used the presence of our family dog to remind our son of
God’s constant presence and protection over him. Our son
remembered that he is never truly alone.
Second, I created a Scripture pillowcase. The first and
last thing my son saw each day was the Word of God
reminding him that God had not given him a spirit of fear
but of power, love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). It took
a few weeks, but his fears eventually disappeared. Our son
says the presence of our dog and the comfort of his head
resting on God’s Word helped him overcome his fears and
sleep in peace again.
—Renee Robinson
TEACHER FRIGHT
Both of my daughters have had unfounded fears of one or
more teachers. The best way to deal with this, we’ve found,
is to find out what those teachers liked best. Each daughter
had one week to ask the teacher what her favorite color
was, what she ate for lunch or what she did over the weekend.
At the end of the week, we bought a few small things
that the teacher liked, and the daughter delivered them to
school with a handmade card. Both of our girls gained a lot
of confidence and learned that when we get to know people
better, we find they are not as scary as they seem.
—Angela Pratt
SCHOOL-FRIEND DREAD
A girl in my daughter’s class would tell my daughter that she
could be her friend and be part of her group during recess,
but the next day, without any explanation, the girl would
tell my daughter she could not be her friend. This happened
frequently enough that my daughter felt rejected and confused,
wondering what she had done wrong. Things were so
uncertain that she began to dread school.
So on the way to school each day, I prayed with my
daughter. Then, as I prepared to drop her off, I shared the
same short motto that she now knows by heart: “Be kind.
Do your best. Remember God is with you, and Mommy
loves you.” Through this experience, I taught her that showing
kindness, rather than being liked, is what matters most;
and doing her best, rather than performing perfectly, is
what makes me most proud. Praying together daily, followed
by sharing this simple yet meaningful motto, made a
bigger difference for her than I could have imagined.
My daughter came to joyfully embrace her school days.
She courageously smiled at and spoke to this girl with
kindness. Rather than seeking this girl’s approval, my
daughter began to look for someone else who was in need
of a friend.
—Lydia Powell
FEAR OF PUBLIC SPEAKING
My oldest daughter was very nervous when it came to
speaking in public. I took the opportunity during the pandemic
to help address her fear by recording videos of all
my daughters reading books, telling stories and reciting
Bible verses. I asked them to research some educational
topics and share them in the video as if they were teaching
other kids.
I shared the videos with our close family members, and
the girls started getting a lot more comfortable speaking up.
I also saw them exhibit increased confidence when participating
in their virtual classes. When in-person learning
came back, my daughters were more at ease facing their
classmates and teachers. My oldest daughter even entered
an oratorical contest recently and took second place!
—Maria Elena Chua
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FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
OctOber / NOvember 2021
OctOber / NOvember 2021 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY 35