Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

SCORPIUS: Voldemort is dead. Killed in the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry is Head of Magical Law
Enforcement. You’re Minister for Magic.
HERMIONE stops, surprised by this, she looks up with a smile.
HERMIONE: I’m Minister for Magic?
RON (wanting to join the fun): Brilliant. What do I do?
SCORPIUS: You run Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.
RON’s face drops.
RON: Okay, so, she’s Minister for Magic and I run a — joke shop?
SCORPIUS looks at RON’s hurt face.
SCORPIUS: You’re mostly focused on bringing up your kids.
RON: Great. I expect their mother is hot.
SCORPIUS (blushing): Well . . . Um . . . Depends what you think of . . . The thing is, you two sort
of have kids — together. A daughter and a son.
The two look up, astonished.
Married. In love. Everything. You were shocked the other time too. When you were Defense
Against the Dark Arts teacher and Ron was married to Padma. You’re constantly surprised by
it.
HERMIONE and RON both look at each other and then look away. And then RON looks back.
RON clears his throat repeatedly. With less conviction each time.
HERMIONE: Close your mouth when you’re looking at me, Weasley.
RON does so. Though he remains discombobulated.
And — Snape? What does Snape do in this other world?
SNAPE: I’m dead, presumably.
He looks at SCORPIUS, who tries desperately to mask the truth but can’t help himself
reflecting it. SNAPE smiles thinly.
You were a little too surprised to see me. How?
SCORPIUS: Bravely.