Groveport Messenger - February 6th, 2022

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February 6, 2022 - GROVEPORT MESSENGER - PAGE 7
“e Royal Treatment” is boring, but sweet
If you are a fan of “Seinfeld,” chances are
you can recall the scene in which Elaine
Benes becomes entranced while watching
two tires spinning in a circle. Shot primarily
as a throw-away moment in an episode of
season eight, it has since become one of the
most memorable scenes to come out of the
beloved sitcom from the 1990s.
What made it so unforgettable was not
just the way it was sold by the legendary
comedic actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus —
though her employment of a happily lit face
with a maniacally blank stare was sheer
perfection — but because it truly captures
those rare times we become afflicted with a
severe case of mush brain.
When in the mush brain state, things we
know objectively to be ridiculous suddenly
become tolerable, entertaining even. While
the probability is high that we will look
back on this moment with embarrassment,
the present is clouded with a sensation of
delight because our rational minds have
been stymied by a swirling vortex of stupid.
Remarkably, it has been quite a long
time since I have been completely overtaken
with this affliction but I sadly have to
report that I recently came down with this
rare disease via contact with a horrible
movie called “The Royal Treatment.”
Watching this Netflix original — which is
a modern day retelling of a fairy tale — was
an interesting experience because I could
The Reel Deal
literally feel the hemispheres
of my brain
warring throughout.
The left hemisphere,
which is believed to
Dedra
Cordle
be the more analytical of the two, kept trying
to tell me that this was objectively terrible
and to find something else to watch but
my right hemisphere took control and
wouldn’t allow me to. It just shut down all
thought function and told me to watch and
take comfort in a stupid, silly little film that
will be over in 96 minutes.
And so I did, just like Elaine with the
tires. And I am so completely embarrassed
to admit that I kinda liked this atrociously
awful movie despite itself, and in spite of
part of myself.
There are many questionable decisions
in this film, most revolving around the
script, the pacing, and the vanishing
accents used throughout, but the least
questionable thing about it is the reliance
on actress Laura Marano to play the part of
the modern-day princess Isabella, or “Izzy”
for short. Though the character is modeled
after the archetype Vanessa Hudgens
made popular with her similar Netflix fairy
tale films, Marano has crafted an empathetic
and optimistic character you can’t
help but root for.
When the film begins, Izzy is a bit down
on her luck: her beauty shop has caught
fire, she had to use all of the planned travel
money to pay for the repairs, and her mother
is pressuring her to stay in this career
path though she desperately wants to do
something different with her life. With limited
funds, she feels stuck in her role as the
dutiful hairdressing daughter until one day
her luck changes thanks to a case of mistaken
identity.
When an errant voice command puts her
onto the path of the visiting Prince Thomas
of Lavania (Mena Massoud), it is squabbling
at first sight. Izzy is a no-nonsense
kind of character, one who sticks up for
those who cannot defend themselves. So,
when she witnesses Thomas’s indifference
toward his staff who verbally berate the
housekeepers, she gives him a piece of her
mind before storming out of his life — and a
chance to make $500 for a quick trim.
Since no one has ever spoken to him like
that before, Thomas is intrigued and goes
to her quaint shop to apologize. Through
light conversation — and a helping of an
Italian meal that was on hand at the salon
— the two form a tentative friendship.
Wanting to help out his new friend,
Thomas hires Izzy and her salon team to
oversee his upcoming nuptials in the fictional
sea-side country of Lavania. Though
the narrative that follows has a very predictable
trajectory (they fall in love over
the course of two weeks, princely duty
rears its traditional head), the quiet chemistry
between the two leads helps sell their
rapidly growing feelings for each other.
Though it can be bland at times to watch
them together — Izzy herself calls Thomas
“cardboard” — the secondary characters jazz
up the film to somewhat respectable levels.
They include Izzy’s colorful stylist friends
Destiny and Lola (played by Chelsie
Preston Crayford and Gracie Bentley-
Tsibuah, respectively) who are in charge of
doing classic hair and makeup for the bridal
party, Thomas’ meddling assistant Walter
(Cameron Rhodes) and Thomas’ fiancée
Lauren (Phoenix Connolly), who probably
should have been given more screen time
given how the film ends.
If you’re in the mood for something
unchallenging, sweet, simple and a bit boring,
then “The Royal Treatment” will hit the
spot for you. While it isn’t particularly creative,
nor does it add anything of value to
the romantic comedy genre, it does have its
own silly charm that will shamelessly suck
you down into a swirling vortex of shameless
and stupid fluff if given the chance.
Grade: C+
Dedra Cordle is a Messenger staff writer
and columnist.