ACC E-Accord Summer 2022

MY BIG QUESTIONS
I was even given homework!
Who knew! My first homework
assignment was to write down
what I wanted to get out of our
time together. Up to 16 sessions
were possible and I ended up using
them all. My goals were mindnumbingly,
well … ordinary:
• To be able to function
personally and professionally
without constantly being in
or near a state of heightened
emotional arousal or adrenaline
stimulation.
• To understand how key events
(and people?) have affected me
in the past.
• To understand the things
that trigger a physiological
and emotional response
and respond healthily and
appropriately.
• To try and make sense of what
faith/religious beliefs I still
have, to see if there is a way of
healthily engaging with them.
The last of these goals might seem
innocuous or even jarring for some,
and I didn’t speak much about
matters of God and faith. However,
it was intricately woven through
everything else I did speak about.
Practically, I had to choose a daily
mindfulness-type activity that
would, ideally, have a grounding,
calming effect on me; preferably
something connected to nature.
I almost surprised myself by opting
for daily meditations in the Celtic
Christian tradition, using Celtic
Daily Prayer published by the
Northumbria Community. This was
a throwback to something I had
done many years ago, prior to my
most traumatic experiences as a
wartime chaplain. This option met
the recommended criteria of being
something deeply rooted in nature,
and it had the added benefit of
being familiar.
NO EASY ANSWERS
The detail of what happened
is a story for another day and
another article, perhaps when
I have had more time to think
about it. As the months passed,
I slowly, imperceptibly, began to
feel calmer. It wasn’t the result
of some magic cure but the
combination of several things:
understanding what triggered
strong responses and why, the
coping strategies I learned,
finding a healthy work/ life
balance for the first time in my
life, exercising for health and
fitness rather than for the buzz,
and more.
As summer gave way to autumn
2021 my focus improved. The
scores on my weekly PTSD/ anxiety/
depression questionnaire went
down significantly over time,
though not always linearly (the
usual stresses of life and work
don’t pause during therapy but
they definitely became more
manageable). I still have to resist
the temptation to tap into my
adrenaline super-fuel if I feel low
on energy and am facing tight
deadlines or high work demands.
Embers of faith and belief remain,
though they can never be what
they once were. And that’s fine. It
is all still a work in progress – I’m
still a work in progress. But, then,
isn’t everyone?
Peter Lee
About the author
Peter Lee is a
Professor of
Applied Ethics
at the University
of Portsmouth.
His research
has spanned
the politics
and ethics of
war, the ethical, operational
and other human aspects of
UK Remotely Piloted Aircraft
Systems (drone) operations, and
the ethics of AI and autonomous
weapon systems. His two
most recent research projects
explored legal, ethical, and
moral perspectives on advanced
technology weapon systems
and, separately, moral injury in
police online child sex crime
investigators and RAF Reaper
(drone) operators. He is currently
a member of the Ministry of
Defence Artificial Intelligence
Ethics Advisory Panel, and an
Expert Adviser of the All-Party
Parliamentary Group on Drones
and Armed Conflict. From 2001-
2008 Peter served as a Royal Air
Force chaplain and he remains a
Methodist minister.
24 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org