ACC E-Accord Summer 2022

Letting the Light In
Reviewed by Andrew Clark
To the human mind, there doesn’t
seem to be any rhyme or reason as
to why some people’s lives appear
relatively smooth, and why others
go from one significant life episode
to the next. The sacred interplay of
life and faith when really difficult
stuff happens can bring a torrent
of questions with no easy answers
as well as a significant challenge
to the assumptions of how life with
a faith in a loving God should play
out. Karen Lawrence’s memoir
reflecting on the journey of giving
birth to and raising a daughter
with Down Syndrome tracks the
story of a ‘close to perfect’ family
scenario being turned upside
down and their struggle with how
to make sense of it.
Letting the Light In feels like a
cathartic exploration of some
of the inner battles that arise
when something beyond the
expected occurs. Having been
present at the birth of my own
three children, I fully recognise
that it doesn’t always feel smooth
and peaceful! For Karen, that
experience is also coloured by the
strange atmosphere you sense
when you suspect that people
just aren’t telling you what they’re
really thinking. Accepting the
early diagnosis for little Martha is a
gambit of belief, unbelief and every
colour of reflection in between.
Subsequent health challenges
involving surgery for the little one
again catapults the author into
the liminal space that makes you
doubt that anything is real. This
memoir is a brave processing of
some of those feelings that rise
and fall in the heat of it.
One is always aware of the
platitudes that people (perhaps
Christians especially) roll out in the
face of suffering, loss and supposed
misfortune. Christian responses to
disability can be equally difficult to
swallow. To hear Karen’s responses
expressed on paper to those who
would comment about
how much of a blessing
it must be to have a
‘Down's child’, or that God
somehow must have extra
trust to gift such a child
to this couple, when all
along there is an internal
dialogue which feels
that it is anything but a
blessing, is an emotional
read. Karen is navigating
the broken cracks on the
shattering of her dreams
of what her family would
be like in full public view,
where every glance from
another parent triggers
more layers of pain. How
are any words going to
bring any sort of relief?
Karen is not only mother
to Martha, however. With five
older siblings, Martha’s arrival in
the family impacts more than
just Mother. The unrelenting
need to focus on Martha’s needs
leads to the struggle to ensure, as
much as one can, the wellbeing
of the other children. The older
siblings take on parenting roles
to the young ones whilst making
sense of their own worlds, the
challenges of education and
establishing themselves socially
amongst their peers. And then,
marriage. How can the relationship
navigate the scale of what they are
experiencing? This part of Karen’s
story is a poignant reminder of the
interconnectedness of a life and
the impact of one happening upon
another and gives rise to the cry of
how does it all stay together.
Karen’s journey seems to begin
with a fundamental acceptance
that this is who Martha is, and
this is the situation she is going
to have to live through. The pain
of recognising that Martha is
always going to need additional
support, and may never achieve
the goals of her siblings or peers,
comes to rest in Karen. Not easily,
but it comes home. And it is with
that realisation and modicum of
acceptance that the shift begins
in her attitude. She begins to
see how much internal work
she needs to process in order
for new possibilities to arise for
Martha. Beyond the heartache,
the progress of her daughter
through the toddler years and
the journey into schooling gives
rise to a tremendous pride in the
humblest of achievements, and
the most beautiful emergence of
the shift in Karen’s journey towards
warm acceptance that had been
such a struggle. The young Martha
beginning her cello lessons strikes
me as being a simple triumph of
human possibility and creativity.
Karen’s story is perhaps a story
that could be told in like manner
by many other parents who arrive
at similar circumstances and
are confronted with challenges
that need to be faced. But this is
not everyone’s story, it is Karen’s.
Whether in counselling, or, in my
case, the work of a pastor, the
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