ACC E-Accord Summer 2022

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3) Building a greener lived environment that supports social contact. 4) Supporting children and young people with interventions in education settings; and 5) Ensuring that everyone has access to digital communication technology, and the skills to use it, and respecting preferences for nondigital forms of communication. I wonder, though: What is our response is, as counsellors and pastoral carers, to the loneliness that the people we work with may be experiencing? Firstly, it may be for us to actually appreciate the potential for loneliness and its impact and a whole variety of circumstances and issues, not just the stereotypical ones. (I may be the exception, but it is not something that many clients have actually named.) Secondly, to help break down the stigma of loneliness. It is thought that ‘admitting’ to loneliness may actually now carry more stigma than talking about a mental health issue. Thirdly, there are many practical steps and strategies we can encourage people to adopt and build into their lives. This article is not going to detail them, but they can be found in the Loneliness and Mental Health Report UK at: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ our-work/research Finally and perhaps most importantly, we can consider within our work the importance of appropriate, meaningful relationships that many people are missing. Timothy Keller, a Christian pastor and theologian wrote this: ‘To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretence, Humbles us out of our self-righteousness, And fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us’ (9). ‘Being fully known and truly loved’, or what we may know as the ‘unconditional positive regard’ is the basis of counselling and pastoral care relationships, and may be the most important aspect in reducing loneliness. The Christian faith is all about relationships and they have always been seen by God as vital to human existence. In Genesis 2:18 God says ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’. Our work may sometimes be, to be that ‘suitable helper’ and also to help those we work with to find ways of bringing into their lives the suitable helpers they need. References 1 MIND website. 2 Weiss R. The experience of emotional and social isolation. 1973. 3 van Tilburg T. Social, emotional, and existential loneliness: a test of the multidimensional concept. The Gerontologist. 2021 Oct; 61(7): 335–44. 4 Loneliness and Mental Health UK, published by the Mental Health Foundation. May 2022. 5 Beller J, Wagner A. Disentangling loneliness: differential effects of subjective loneliness, network quality, network size, and living alone on physical, mental, and cognitive health. Journal of Aging and Health. 2018 Apr; 30 (4):521–39. 6 Jaspal R, Breakwell GM. Socio-economic inequalities in social network, loneliness and mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. 2022 Feb 1; 68(1):155–65. 7 Lee SL, Pearce E, Ajnakina O, Johnson S, Lewis G, Mann F, et al. The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: a 12-year populationbased cohort study. The Lancet Psychiatry. 2021 Jan 1; 8(1):48–57. 8 Mental Health Foundation Website 9 The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. Timothy Keller. Sue Monckton-Rickett About the author Sue Monckton-Rickett is Chair of ACC. 34 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org
feature Sandwiches, smiles and sanity Modern issues in counselling and pastoral care by Mick Fleming Losing someone comes with a lot of complexity. You might find yourself grappling with many challenges alongside your grief, from administration to wills and probate. The last thing you need, therefore, is for the cost of a funeral to be part of that daunting list, but the reality is that financial hardship is making access to funerals more difficult for people than ever before, creating and imposing a raft of challenging psychological burdens for those whose mental health might not (for other reasons) be in great shape to begin with. Such burdens represent what I believe will become a modern societal dilemma that will only escalate, and to which Christian counsellors and pastoral workers are called to respond. We live in a society where many people quite simply can’t afford to die. The increased cost of living and escalation in funeral costs means that families are sometimes left unable to pay for their loved ones to have ceremonies, which can have a massive impact on their mental health. This represents a particularly distressing element of pastoral care in 2022. Fortunately, there are grants available for people who can’t afford a funeral. However, the money is paid out only after the funeral has taken place. Undertakers will not take on the organisation of a funeral without being paid first, which leaves many people in an extremely challenging financial situation, and although these grants are helpful, they also have limitations. Only people who claim certain benefits are entitled to them, and those who claim a state pension aren’t allowed them. This option reduces end of life dignity, disrupts the essential mourning process, and leaves little space for proper grieving. The psychological impact upon those who are already struggling with life in general can be truly devastating and long-lasting. Those who can’t afford a funeral are left only with the option of a state function where no formal service is held, and the body of their loved one is quietly cremated without any sense of a fitting farewell. Such a bleak process leaves little space for proper grieving. At Church on the Street (COTS), we work hard to ensure the poor don’t have to suffer this humiliating indignity and psychological (spiritual) trauma. Even if a bereaved individual has the money to pay for a funeral, I personally, as the celebrant, won’t charge to conduct the service, simply because I believe we must give people the space they need to grieve without the stress of financial implications looming in the background. Everyone deserves an opportunity to properly grieve and mourn their loved ones. Yet, for as many funeral services as we take, people are suffering because of an unjust society that doesn’t serve our communities as they need it to. Funerals should be accessible to all, in that they represent what should be a normal opportunity for paying one’s respects as an integral component of the grieving process. FUNERALS, FAITH AND FOOD Whether it be a funeral, or an enquiry about faith, for example, or a request for a hot meal, our underlying philosophy here at COTS is that there is (or should be) a place for everyone. We take the rest from there. www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022 35
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