ACC E-Accord Summer 2022

Issue no. 115 Summer 2022
Light and shade
Nuance, gradation and degree

Accord contact:
Stephen Poxon
email: accord@acc-uk.org
contents Issue
no. 115 Summer 2022
ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN
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Editorial
Stephen Poxon
Play and tell
Heather Barton
3
4-6
Paper Talk 8-9
Book review - Gender, Identity & Faith
Kathy Spooner
Book review - The Dark Womb
Karen Symonds
Suffering and silence
Karen O'Donnell
Cultivating counselling
Clemy Gilmore
9
10
11-13
13-15
Keeping counselling records and disclosure requests 16-17
Kathy Spooner
ACC News 17-18
Brightening lives
Lesley King-Lewis
Spotlight on the NHS
Sue Monckton-Rickett
Adrenaline and avoidance
Peter Lee
Sharing from Shapinsay - wellbeing walks 25
Black men don't do therapy: Discuss
Leroy Harley
A scent of water
Penelope Swithinbank
Letting the Light In - Book review
Andrew Clark
A comment on content - open letter to the Editor
Hazel Skeet
Loneliness
Sue Monckton-Rickett
Sandwiches, smiles and sanity
Mick Fleming
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In Touch 37-39
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editorial
Editorial
by Stephen Poxon
Shadowlands
You will of course have your own
personal equivalent, but allow me,
please, to reminisce about a prayerchorus
that I reckon I must have
sung at least 50 times in worship
services and prayer meetings, over
the years. Sadly (in my opinion), it
seems to have fallen out of favour
in modern days, and I regret not
having heard it used for too long a
while, but the lyrics, nevertheless,
still manage to speak to me in their
gentle and reassuring way:
‘Standing somewhere in the
shadows you'll find Jesus,
He's the only one who cares and
understands.
Standing somewhere in the
shadows you will find Him,
And you'll know Him by the nail
prints in his hands’.
I hold a great deal of affection for
that chorus, not least because it
clearly outlines what I personally
regard as an encouraging and
healthy contrast between certainty
and doubt. I find that helpful.
I enjoy the fact that both are
included. That gives me room to
breathe.
The certainty is found in my belief
in the love of a Saviour whose
hands were printed crimson by
rusty, second-hand nails, all for
my sake, while the doubt factor
is outlined in the references to
shadows. In other words, my
salvation is assured, but my
innermost shadowlands are
permitted, when I can’t quite see,
or even envisage, my way forward
(or even sideways). God, I believe,
‘cares and understands’ that
matters of faith and humanity are
normally littered with moments
(periods) of hesitancy, confusion,
fear and indecision. The good news
is, question marks are permitted.
We are invited to trust and obey,
yet we are also allowed to walk or
linger in the shadows, sometimes,
while we query and ask and seek
and search and wait.
With that in mind, there is a book
on my shelves that I really do
need to get around to reading,
one of these days: Doubts and
Loves, by Richard Holloway,
who was once the Bishop of
Edinburgh and Primus of the
Scottish Episcopal Church. I
bought it, not only because it was
as cheap as chips in a secondhand
bookshop, but because the
title immediately appealed to me
and, fundamentally, to my need
for permission to admit to some
doubts and uncertainties from
time to time. I particularly like a
quote that appeared within the
blurb surrounding the book’s
original release:
‘Just when we think all the
ladders between heaven and
earth have fallen down we
discover that our own heart,
after all, has been the source
of our greatest insights. That’s
where all ladders start’.
There it is, you see: space to feel
(and even to actually believe) that
‘all the ladders between heaven
and earth have fallen down’. Space,
that is, to concede that life isn’t,
after all, clear-cut. There are rarely
straight lines along life’s pathway.
Truth is, there are, instead, any
number of shades of emotional,
physical and spiritual experience
that bless and beset us each.
Perhaps we know that, deep down,
but are reluctant (or even afraid)
to confess it, lest we appear weak
or somewhat lacking in (Christian)
credibility. Darkness, though, is
as prevalent as light, and honesty
compels us to accept the presence
of both as part and parcel of our
pilgrimage as complex holistic
beings. The denial of either is
distinctly unhealthy and lacking in
authenticity.
So, whether your ladders are
standing upright just now, or have
fallen down for one reason or
another, or are just beginning to
slide, I pray as I type that the Christ
of the shadows will whisper to you
as you read this issue’s content,
with words that reassure, guide,
advise and uphold.
Go gently. As
Martin Rinkart
put it in his
ancient hymn,
may God
‘guide us when
perplexed’.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022 3

How desperately some children
need us to listen to them, and
to try to understand what they
say, and how easy it is to be too
busy to listen. Inside each child
there is a story that needs to be
told – a story that no one has yet
had time to listen to. It is through
expressing himself that the child
gets to know himself and sorts
out his confusions, and develops
his own self-image, and sense of
himself in relation to someone
else who will stop to listen.¹
As Mark (not his real name)
entered the room he looked
around warily. I beckoned him
towards me and he cautiously
made his way towards the chair
and sat down. I smiled at him
and his eyes narrowed as he
regarded me suspiciously. That
look suggested to me that here
was a story that needed to be
told. Although he had been
referred for aggressive behaviour
at home I suspected that other
issues were beneath this outward
manifestation. It was important
that Mark told his story. Whether
verbally or through play, expressing
his emotions would be an essential
part of therapy.
Play is the language of children.
They are connected by the very
act of play to worlds beyond their
conscious thoughts and physical
space. Through play their needs
can be communicated and
problems solved. Their fears can be
soothed and relationships made.
Events are re-enacted through
both play and story. Through these,
hope, healing and comfort are
brought about within a therapeutic
environment.²
In my work as a counsellor and
play therapist I have worked with
many children who have told
me their stories through the act
of playing. Often few words are
needed as they work through
issues that are prominent in their
hearts and minds.
Mark was nine years old when I
first began sessions with him. He
lived with his mother and father,
twin sister and older sister. He
Play and tell
Storytelling through play: A case study
was referred by his mother due to
problems of being bullied at school
and his tendency to be angry and
aggressive at home. His mother
hoped that counselling and play
therapy would help to bring about
a change in his behaviour so that
he would be less aggressive at
home and have more confidence
in himself at school.
In our first session I told Mark
that he could choose whatever
was in the room to play with. He
cautiously approached the large
box of Lego. I watched him while
he built towers which became
a disaster scene as he knocked
them down. Emergency vehicles
went to the rescue and ploughed
through the rubble. He didn’t
talk very much, but remained
intent on building and rebuilding
the scene. As I observed him I
wondered about the significance
of his actions and the story that he
needed to share.
The second session proceeded in
a similar way. This time, however,
by Heather Barton
as he built towers with Lego, Mark
began to talk, guardedly at first
and then more openly, about his
family. It became apparent that
there was domestic abuse within
the family and Dad’s alcohol
consumption was the main cause.
Dad could be violent at times,
when he had been drinking. Mark
told me that he often locked
himself in the bathroom when his
mother and father were arguing
because the sound of the raised
voices frightened him. When he
knew they had finished arguing he
found it difficult to come out of the
bathroom and face the rest of the
family.
At the end of this session Mark said
that he felt a lot lighter. He seemed
relieved of some of the heaviness
of not being able to talk about his
problems to anyone. I was later
able to speak for a while with
Mark’s mum and piece together
some of the family’s story. The
parents were struggling with their
marriage and at the same time his
father was in therapy for alcohol
4 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
misuse, although this had not been
disclosed at the time of referral.
Children who have experienced
and witnessed domestic abuse
often have low self-esteem
and self-awareness. They also
have fewer skills in emotional
expression and managing
emotions in stressful situations.
Their interpersonal problemsolving
skills are often poor and
they may be unable to bring
hopefulness and optimism to
situations.³ Children in families
where domestic abuse takes
place are at risk of developing
problems with shame, low selfesteem,
depression, suicidal
ideation, anxiety and dissociation.⁴
In our early sessions Mark was
helped to overcome some of these
difficulties by being allowed to
express his emotions and deal with
his thoughts and feelings. This
helped to build his confidence and
self-esteem.
In a later session Mark began to
talk about his experiences of being
bullied at school over the last two
years. His problems started when
he had been put in a different class
to his twin sister, Mary (not her real
name). When he and Mary were
together, even if sitting separately
in class and having different
friends, they gained a great deal
of strength from just knowing
the other one was around. When
they were put in different classes
Mark was the one who suffered
most and he became vulnerable
to those who were looking for an
easy target to bully. The trauma of
domestic abuse within the family
home had made him nervous and
anxious, which placed him in a very
vulnerable position and open to
being bullied.
While he talked about his
experiences, Mark built a castle
out of clay and made characters
that fought together and were
angry with each other. The fighting
between characters continued
and the anger escalated until he
smashed it all down and rolled the
clay into one big ball, thumping it
and muttering under his breath. As
I gently asked what was going on
for him he began to cry and talked
about his peers who were unkind
to him.
In another session Mark arrived
with a big smile on his face. He
began by telling me that his dad
was trying very hard not to drink
which had made things much
easier at home. Despite this, he
said that he still had times when
he felt very angry. I wanted to
help him explore this and we
talked about how he feels when
he becomes angry. He drew a
volcano on a piece of paper and
said this was what it was like when
he became angry. He explained
how he erupts into a big explosion
when it all gets too much for him.
Mark then moved over to the sand
tray and found figures to represent
his family. He lined them up at
the end of the tray saying that
they wanted to race. He started
to move the figures one at a
time. As they raced up the tray he
began to place obstacles that they
had to overcome. As the figures
continued racing they dealt with
the obstacles one at a time and
then arrived at the finishing post
together. It was a powerful piece of
work which I felt very moved by.
Afterwards I reflected on what an
incredible tool the sand tray is and
how powerful some sessions can
be. Sand play may not be rational
to the client or therapist when it is
being created, but it can change
the awareness of both.⁵ It provides
a safe place for the expression
and playing out of repressed
and aggressive needs. This can
indicate that there are also levels of
consciousness at which the client
is working to be taken into account
and traumatic events in the life of
the client that they may or may not
be aware of.⁶
In the next session Mark told me
he wanted to understand more
about his anger. He asked very
mature questions about how he
could learn to control his anger
and we explored this for a while. He
then went to play with the Play-
Doh making aliens and monsters
that fought for a while and then
made friends. It was an enjoyable
session that left me with a good
feeling that things were improving
for Mark. He appeared to be less
tense and angry, and I believed
he had already benefited from
the sessions. I later heard from his
mum that he was much less angry
and aggressive at home.
In our final session we talked
together about some of the things
that had changed for him since
we started. I asked him if he would
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
5

like to draw something of how he
felt now. Drawings allow stories
to be told that express feelings
and emotions. They can be a very
powerful way to help the client
work towards wholeness and
emotional healing. Drawings can
mediate between the unconscious
and conscious, thus acting as a
bridge between the inner world
and outer reality, giving form
to what seems inexpressible or
unspeakable.⁷ Although specific
interpretation should not be
carried out by the therapist,
observation allows understanding
of how clients view their world.
Relationship between objects, for
example, can be seen as well as
how the energy of the picture gives
the appearance of being fast and
chaotic, or slow and harmonious.⁸
Mark began by drawing a tree with
a thick, strong trunk and leaves. I
asked him if the tree had a name
and he said that it was called ‘The
Bushy Tree’. He said that the roots
ran along under the ground just
beneath the surface. I asked him
if he would like to add anything
else to his picture and he drew lots
of leaves both on the tree and on
the ground. He said that the more
leaves the tree had, the older it was
and the older it was, the wiser it
was, which I found very interesting.
He then added the sun and a blue
sky and flowers growing by the
tree.
Much can be learned about the
client from the way they draw a
tree. The outline and detail of the
tree, as well as the shape of the
tree, can give clues to the client’s
emotional state.⁹ I understood
Mark’s drawing of a tree with a
thick strong trunk and many leaves
to be a sign that he was currently
feeling fairly strong and stable.
In supervision I reflected on the
changes I had seen take place for
Mark. Despite being nervous and
wary in the beginning, Mark was
a very friendly and likeable child.
He was also anxious to please and
get things right. I felt that we had
developed a strong relationship.
I enjoyed working with him as
he began to understand more
about himself. He became much
more confident, mature in his
attitude and accepting of himself.
Through play he had been able
to tell his story, and through this
had found healing and had gained
confidence in himself.
References
1. Kanter, J. (2004, p.19). Face to
Face With Children. The Life
and Work of Clare Winnicott.
London: Karnac.
2. Mills, J.C. & Crowley, R.J. (2014).
Therapeutic metaphors for
children and the child within.
Hove: Routledge.
3. Coholic, D. (2010). Arts
Activities for Children and
Young People in Need.
London: Jessica Kingsley.
4. Sanderson, C. (2008).
Counselling Survivors of
Domestic Abuse. London:
Jessica Kingsley.
5. Turner, B. (2005). The
Handbook of Sandplay
Therapy. California: Temenos.
6. Weinrib, E, L. ((2004). The
Sandplay Therapy Process.
Images of the Self. California:
Temenos.
7. Case, C. & Dalley, T. (2006). The
Handbook of Art Therapy 2nd
edn. East Sussex: Routledge.
8. Robbins, A. (1994). A Multi-
Modal Approach to Creative
Art Therapy. London: Jessica
Kingsley.
9. Volz, S. (2022). How to
interpret tree drawings.
Available at: www.ehow.com.
Accessed 20/4/2022.
Heather Barton
About the author
Dr Heather
Barton is
a qualified
Counsellor, Play
Therapist, Coach,
Supervisor and
Trainer in private
practice. She
has completed a Professional
Doctorate in Counselling and
Psychotherapy Studies at
Chester University. She has a
BA in Integrative Counselling,
and MAs in Play Therapy and
Relational Counselling and
Psychotherapy.
6 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

ACC National
Conference 2022
22 - 25 October
The Hayes Conference Centre
We are excited that the bookings for our National Conference 2022 are now
open! The theme of the conference is drawn from Galatians 3:28 “There is
neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and
female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (NIV) As an ecumenical body, we
want The to Hayes celebrate Conference the diversity Centre amongst our membership and in the field of
counselling and ministry of pastoral care; equally we want to celebrate the
Alfreton, Derbyshire, DE55 1AU
unity we have in Christ. We trust the conference will be a vehicle for it.
We have training streams for both counsellors and pastoral carers to choose
from, including domestic abuse, couple therapy skills, sex & porn addiction,
EMDR, holistic CBT, spiritual direction, neurodiversity, disability, cultural
diversity and inclusion, and many more!
You can come and stay for all 4 days or just 2 days; or you can come as a
day delegate. We would love to see you in October!
Visit ACC’s website for more details.
Please note the early bird deadline is 30 June 2022.

A brief glimpse at some of the
issues surrounding mental health
and well-being as featured in the
press
‘If you look at an eating
disorder as an addiction, it is
not something that is cured
overnight. I think I swapped my
addiction, and work is where
a lot of that focus goes now. It
is more acceptable, possibly
healthier, but it is something I
have to manage. I have to lean
into asking for help and not
thinking of myself as a machine.’
Irish television presenter
Angela Scanlon, writing in
The Big Issue.
News Feature
paper
talk
‘Hospital admissions for people
with eating disorders have
jumped 84 per cent in five
years. And since the Covid crisis
began there has been a ‘stark’
rise in boys and young men
being treated, said the Royal
College of Psychiatrists. Anorexia
and bulimia ‘have devastating
consequences and don’t
discriminate’, added Dr Dasha
Nicholls, chair of new medical
guidelines for eating disorders.’
Metro.
‘A black mental health patient
who died from a heroin
overdose in hospital was
examined just once in 14
hours despite an order saying
he should be constantly
checked, an inquest has found.
Rullson Warner, 45, from
north London died . . . after
consuming illicit drugs while
a detained mental health
patient at St Ann’s Hospital
in Tottenham, north London.
An inquest at North London
Coroner’s Court identified
serious failures including a lack
of medical observations, and the
failure of hospital staff to provide
crucial, timely CPR when he
went into cardiac arrest.’
Independent.
‘We are running a social
enterprise in our school,
focussing on mental health
and we’ve decided to make a
website as well as two board
games, to make people laugh,
make them happy and to learn
about relaxation. We have
designed the games and had
them made. We decided to set
up this social enterprise because
mental health issues are
affecting young people and we
want to do our bit to help people
before things get really bad.’
‘For some pupils, school can be
a daunting place, particularly in
busy setting like the canteen at
lunchtime. The group’s business
idea was to set up a safe space
(‘The Sweet Room’) where
pupils could come and enjoy
their lunch in a quiet room. For
a small donation, pupils could
attend and the team provided
them with sweets, board games
and a film to watch.’
Inverbrothock Primary School,
Arbroath, and Kelso High
School, respectively, both
featured in The Big Issue.
The Big Issue
‘St Albans Cathedral [was]
illuminated turquoise to mark this
year’s Mental Health Awareness
Week. The initiative is also to
show support for local mental
health charity It’s OK To Say, which
uses this colour, and encourage
people to take a walk around
the cathedral and consider their
own mental health and whether
they need any support . . . Canon
Chancellor of the cathedral, the
Revd Dr Kevin Walton said: “The
cathedral is delighted to show its
support for the charity It’s OK To
Say by highlighting our building
blue. There are times when any
of us might be carrying within
us a burden which is unseen or
unspoken, so it is good to highlight
the reality of mental health.”’
The Herts Advertiser.
‘Women who hug a partner
before a stressful event lower
their anxiety – but there is no
evidence it works for men,
a study at Ruhr University,
Germany, found. More tests will
see if platonic hugs also lower
stress.’
Metro.
8 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

ook review
‘Defence Secretary Ben Wallace
told a coroner there is a new
policy of managing vulnerable
personnel after the suicide of [an
elite commando, a PTS sufferer]
who was found dead at home.
Special Forces are mounting an
operation to end mental illness
stigma and stop suicides . . . Mr
Wallace wrote to the inquest
coroner saying the Special
Boat Service is now actively
trying to remove mental health
stigma and has a new policy of
managing vulnerable personnel.
And he said a Defence Suicide
Register is being planned as part
of a suicide defence strategy. He
wrote: “I recognise there is more
work to be done within the SBS
and across the Special Forces.
Men in general have been
shown to delay seeking help
due to lack of insight, stigma
and fear that disclosure of their
personal circumstances will be
seen as a sign of weakness and/
or have an adverse effect on
their career.”’
Daily Mirror.
Paper Talk is an initiative that
will appear in accord from
now on, offering an informative
glance at topics relating to
mental health that have caught
the attention of the press. Paper
Talk will also cast an eye over
some innovative projects and
programmes that are emerging
as individuals and organisations
seek to respond to relevant
issues. As this feature evolves,
it will develop into something
more focussed, with each
edition of accord highlighting
a specific category of mental
health concern in this way. It’ll
be encouraging – and inspiring!
– to learn of ideas that are
shaping up as people decide
they would like to do something
to help.
GENDER, IDENTITY & FAITH
Reviewed by Kathy Spooner
Gender, Identity and Faith. Clinical
Postures, Tools and Case Studies
for Client-Centered Care. Mark A.
Yarhouse & Julia A. Sadusky. 2022
Intervarsity Press.
Published recently in the U.K. in
paperback, this is a very helpful
textbook designed to assist
counsellors working with religious
clients experiencing issues with
gender identity and their families.
Both Yarhouse and Sadusky are
clinical psychologists, based in the
U.S., with extensive experience
of counselling religious clients
with issues of sexual and gender
identity. Mike Yarhouse is Professor
of Psychology at Wheaton College,
and has also been leading research
relating to the LGBTQ+ Christians
and ‘mixed orientation’ marriages.
In keeping with the principles
underlying the Memorandum of
Understanding on Conversion
Therapy in the U.K., the authors
are keen to emphasise that there
should be no pre-set or fixed
outcome for clients exploring
their gender identity, and that
conversion therapy in the context
of gender as well as sexuality is
ineffective and often experienced
as psychologically and spiritually
harmful.
Counsellors who have undertaken
specialist training in this area,
should find the case studies
and worksheets particularly
valuable for working with clients
(adults, children and families)
at the intersection of Christian
faith and gender identity issues.
The worksheets are designed
to help clients reflect on their
feelings and experience, how
they are/have been influenced
(particularly within their Christian
communities) and how to journey
safely and at their own pace in
considering choices for their future.
Overall the tone is supportive,
non-directive, gentle and deeply
respectful of the client and their
gender identity.
The intended focus of the book
is on the intersection of faith
and gender identity – however,
one overall criticism is that this
leaves other influencing factors
explicitly out of scope of the
clinical work. It is likely that clients
will experience shame through
their internalisation of wider
societal attitudes and prejudice
in relation to issues of gender
identity and transgenderism.
Similarly, culture and ethnicity
bring varying degrees of hospitality
to questions of gender identity
and therefore shame is not only
as a consequence of religious and
family attitudes.
Whilst arguably too restrained
and careful for some, this book
is nonetheless worth a read and
could be a really helpful text for
those already working in the area
of gender identity with Christian
clients.
Kathy Spooner is CEO of ACC.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
9

ook review
The Dark Womb
Reviewed by Karen Symonds
In The Dark Womb, Karen
O’Donnell follows the theme of
trauma and draws on her own
personal experiences of pregnancy
loss and her subsequent struggles
with the teachings and responses
from the church she belonged to
at the time.
Although the subject dominating
the book is that of miscarriage
and ectopic pregnancy (due to
that being an integral part of
her own personal history), Karen
acknowledges that trauma of all
kinds can be reviewed through
the same theological thinking and
‘lens’, which she implies is not what
is usually the norm in churches in
our (her) Western culture.
Her study ‘often focuses on trauma,
in a feminist and constructive
mode of theology that is open
to interdisciplinary approaches
to theological questions’. With a
deluge of writers searching for the
truth of God’s providence towards
his people amidst the unfairness
of life’s traumas and challenges,
the book explores not only
feminist theology but O’Donnell’s
research into black, liberation
and apophatic theologies and
more. Thus, theological concerns
are examined thoroughly and
fairly. This treatment of relevant
theology is fitting, although, as
a theologian and an academic,
Karen writes in a fluently learned
style that may not be for everyone,
perhaps especially some of those
caught in the middle of traumatic
events or people experiencing
the immediate aftermath of
miscarriage or loss.
However, her frustrations with a
theology that speaks of miracles
granted to those who pray hard
enough and who then appear
to be ‘rewarded’ is strongly and
refreshingly aired. Though she
acknowledges that some of the
caring prayers and visits of which
she was the beneficiary were
initially helpful, she also speaks
for many when she states that
(Christian) platitudes often don’t
provide the peace and assurance
that those who offer them hope
to impart. In fact, they can even,
sometimes, albeit inadvertently,
introduce harm and hurt to
vulnerable people.
This message of this book is helpful
for those who, like Karen, were
never presented with a child at
the end of the pregnancy rainbow,
as it validifies the feelings they
share. Such findings are poignantly
described as the theology of
hopelessness.
When Karen O’Donnell first
mentions hopelessness, it hits
hard against the usual Christian
message of hope in Christ.
However, in the unpacking of
her theology and reasoning, one
comes to understand that she does
indeed find comfort from Christ
himself within the recognition of
the stark fact that, for her, all hope
of being a mother has gone, failed
to materialise, yet in the midst of
such pain, she realises that Jesus
Christ is still her God and that he
still loves her.
Instead of the traditional picture of
a God who offers miracles to some
and leaves others without (on
purpose), or who sends trials and
traumas to test and strengthen his
people, Karen paints an alternative
picture of a loving God who stands
beside; not dishing out struggles
or answers but holding on to those
who are either ‘receiving’ or ‘losing’
due to the nature of our sinful,
fallen world. He is in control, but he
is limited in his operations by the
very gift of freewill he has given
to humanity, which patently has a
knock-on effect within that world.
Karen describes how she
personally feels particularly
affiliated to the Holy Trinity and
the message of Easter Saturday, as
she believes her body to be a grave
(inhabited, though temporarily, by
a corpse). During the time Jesus
was physically in his tomb, the
Trinity was alive but nevertheless
partook of and included
death, just as a miscarrying
woman’s body is alive but carries
death within. The theological
(and pastoral) difficulty arises,
though, when, due to unsuccessful
pregnancies, that woman doesn’t
get to experience the resurrection
joy of Easter Sunday and new life
within her.
The devotions and prayers at the
end of this book are helpful and
could be used by those who have
lived through trauma (of various
kinds), or indeed as content for a
memorial service for those who
have suffered pregnancy loss.
The Dark Womb provides a great
depth of understanding of the
author’s pain and her relationship
with God. It also offers a welcome
abundance of research material
on the topic of pregnancy-related
trauma.
The Dark Womb
Re-Conceiving Theology through
Reproductive Loss by Karen
O’Donnell.
SCM Press, 2022.
ISBN 9780334060932
Captain Karen Symonds, MA, RM,
RGM, is a Salvation Army officer
with a background in nursing
and midwifery, taking on lead
bereavement care for those who
had experienced stillbirth and
miscarriage. Karen herself has
experienced miscarriage.
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Suffering and silence . . .
The dark womb
by Karen O’Donnell
My own pregnancy losses –
miscarriages and ectopic
pregnancies – have haunted my
theological thinking for the best
part of 15 years now. At the time I
experienced these losses, I was an
active member of a charismatic
evangelical church that I had
been part of since I became a
Christian in my teens. My repeated
pregnancy loss defied the theologic
of this church who believed
that God had a specific plan for
my life, who believed in the power
of intercessory prayer, and who
believed, ultimately, that I just
needed to ‘have more faith’ and
I would be a mother. This was
not the case and I found myself
at a theological loss for words. I
am not unique. Around 20 per
cent of all known pregnancies
end in reproductive loss (and
the number is probably much
higher). For me, these losses were a
traumatic experience and required
a reconstruction of myself in the
aftermath. This is not necessarily
the case for everyone, but many
people do find the experience of
pregnancy loss devastating.
Researching this issue, I went
looking into historical, cultural,
medical, and theological sources
to get some background on how
people thought about reproductive
loss in the past. What I found was
a deafening silence. Pregnancy
loss is largely absent from historical
source material. It is culturally
taboo, centring, as it does, on
foetuses, blood, and corpses – all
elements that are taboo and
must be ritually controlled. There
is very little research into why
miscarriages take place and
hardly any treatment offered.
And in theological works, there
was almost no mention of
the experience. The only text I
found, pre-20th century, was
Martin Luther’s Comfort for the
Miscarrying Woman. There are a
few other theological works in the
later part of the 20th century and
into the 21st, but many of these
were sentimental, or very short,
or particularly focused on prayer
alone.
These experiences raised
profound theological questions
and questions about the shape
and form of my theology, so I
was bemused by the theological
silence around this issue. But
this deafening silence confirmed
to me that I needed to do
some theological work around
reproductive loss – that it was
sorely needed.
In my book The Dark Womb I take
on a series of theological concepts
and doctrines and explore what
these look like when we engage
with them from the starting point
of the miscarrying body. I won’t
outline all of these reimaginings
here (you can buy the book!) but I’ll
just highlight a couple of key ideas
from this work.
REIMAGINING PROVIDENCE
AND PRAYER
Turning first to a doctrine of
Providence and the practice of
intercessory prayer: I consider
these two together because they
are fundamentally linked. If you
want to understand what your
doctrine of Providence is, then
consider what you are willing to
pray out loud for someone else.
Historically, the doctrine of
Providence has taught that
the way things are is the way
God intends them to be, and
that whatever befalls us in life
in specifically sent by God for
some purpose, even though
that purpose may elude our
comprehension.
This is obviously difficult when
it comes to pregnancy loss
because there is something very
challenging about believing that
God has a divine plan for your life
(and the power to make that plan a
reality) if a pregnancy was only ever
going to result in pregnancy loss.
I engaged with feminist, process,
black, and liberation theologies
to reimagine the doctrine of
Providence away from divine
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plans and control and toward
a sense of personal agency in
relational dynamic with the divine.
Rather than focusing on God as
King with power to make things
happen, instead, Providence
can be seen as human beings
working in partnership with God
to effect change. Babies, then,
are not gifts from God but rather
results of biological processes.
If a miscarriage is not a result of
God’s divine hand then neither is a
healthy live birth.
What then should we pray for
those who are experiencing, or
have experienced, miscarriage?
We should pray that they know
God’s love, that they might know
God’s comforting presence with
them, and that they might know
how to grieve and be angry. We
should pray that our communities
might learn how to support
people having these experiences
better. We should pray that
such experiences do not destroy
people’s faith in God but rather
give them space to reimagine
their faith and come to know God
afresh.
REIMAGINING HOPE
Reproductive loss is mis-carried
hope. When a pregnant person
miscarries, they miscarry not only a
pregnancy but also the multitude
of hopes bound up in that
pregnancy. In the church context
I was in when I experienced these
losses, the hope Christians have
in Jesus was translated into a
specific hope for a successful
future pregnancy. Indeed, this
‘hope’ that Christians have is often
declared in response to difficult
and challenging circumstances.
I wanted to unpick the nature of
this hope and to consider what
a reimagining of hope from the
perspective of the miscarrying
person might look like.
In Scripture, hope is virtue – it is
to be cultivated alongside faith
and love. But Scriptural hope
has a distinctively eschatological
orientation. It finds its fulness
only in eternity. Various scholars,
including Moltmann and David
Elliot (Hope and Christian Ethics)
pick up these themes, and for
Elliot particularly, this hope is one
that is ‘supremely confident and
triumphal’. It has assured certainty.
I argue that this kind of hope acts
as a denial of real-life experience.
It is focused on brushing aside
experience in favour of Scripture
or lines from worship songs.
And it relies on a traditional
understanding of Providence.
We can be assured of our
eschatological hope in Christ but
that does not necessarily translate
into victory in every circumstance.
Real life disrupts hope.
In order to reimagine hope, I
turn to the Mystical Theology
of Dionysius and explore the
paradoxes of apophaticism.
Reimagining hope might mean,
therefore, finding a way of holding
eschatological hope in tension
with present hopelessness. Hope
becomes therefore not futureorientated
but rather present
practice. In this practice of hope,
we can hold affirmation and
negation together. Hope is not
based on confident expectation
but rather is grounded in
uncertainty, risk, and danger.
The possibility of hope is then
present-oriented and grounded
in ethical action. This kind of
present-hope requires a sense
of hopelessness that rejects the
triumphalism of the cross. It is
instead, a praxis of resistance and a
solidarity of remaining with those
who are hopeless and sharing in
their hopelessness. This sense of
hopelessness might embolden us
as it allows us to confront realities
and pushes us into ethical action:
it is accompanied by an ethical
imperative toward justice and
mercy in the present.
HOW, THEN, SHOULD WE PRAY?
In the final section of The Dark
Womb, I reflect on the relationship
between theology and spirituality.
Having reimagined various
theological doctrines, I wanted
to put them into dialogue with
spiritual practices. I position
miscarriage as an incompleted
rite of passage that may require
ritual intervention to help move
the person who has miscarried on
from the experience of pregnancy
loss. I include, therefore, rituals,
prayers, and practices that may be
useful for the person experiencing
pregnancy loss, and the
community around them. I wanted
to offer some theological language
that might be beneficial both to
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feature
those who have these experiences
and to those who care for them.
CONCLUSION
My aim in this research was really
to write the kind of theological
book I wished I had been able to
read when experiencing my own
pregnancy losses.
Cultivating counselling …
Planting counselling centres
by Clemy Gilmore
I was acutely aware of the
challenges these experiences
posed to theology, but as I delved
into my research around this
theme, I discovered the theological
potential of the miscarrying body.
These bodies, these human,
grounded, embodied experiences,
are sites of theological discourse.
And if we engage with these
sites, we are able to reimagine
theological doctrine in fresh and
interesting ways that do justice
to experiences, and add rich
dimensions to our relationship
with God.
Dr. Karen O'Donnell
About the author
Dr O’Donnell
is a feminist,
ecumenical,
practical
theologian whose
interdisciplinary
research interests
span theology,
spirituality, and pedagogy. Her
most recent publications are
in the field of trauma theology
where she has been particularly
focused on feminist and
intersectional approaches to
trauma theology.
Karen O’Donnell’s book is
reviewed on page 10. Should
you wish to comment on the
trauma theology aspect of
counselling and pastoral care,
you are warmly invited to
do so.
Planting counselling centres
is a lot easier than planting
churches. I can say this with
certainty, having been a part of
both situations. Over the years,
and there have been many, I’ve
had the privilege of planting five
professional counselling services
in partnership with churches
and counsellors from different
backgrounds and denominations.
Each context was unique in the
way it worked out, but each used
the same resources that, through
God-given direction, I was able to
develop and share.
This partnership with churches
and Christian counsellors in
planting counselling services
has produced much good fruit
for local communities, and has
even been a help to local doctors’
surgeries struggling to keep up
with the ongoing demand for
mental health services.
The vision for Restore Counselling
Network, the organisation I set
up in 2018 to formalise what I
had already been doing for years,
is to see affordable, safe and
sustainable counselling services
set up across the country by
enabling and resourcing churches
and Christian counsellors with the
expertise needed, and industrystandard
documentation and
related training. This was (is) no
small vision; in fact, it feels too big
at times. However, in partnership,
much can be accomplished.
Churches are perfectly placed to
provide for their communities in
this way, and may feel a call to
action but don’t know where to
start or how to respond.
Providing for those suffering with
their mental health is challenging
for all sorts of reasons, even
more so now as we move into
post-pandemic life where the
sheer enormity of the need can
sometimes feel overwhelming.
This is especially true for many
of those who would normally
provide support in the mental
health arena, as they themselves
are suffering the same. It can
often feel too big an issue for
churches to contemplate doing
more than providing essential
routine, standard pastoral care
or a listening ear. With the NHS
mental health services at near
breaking point and the flood
of people who need help, not
being able to do more can
feel frustrating. That’s where I
believe that, together, we could
step into the breach. We can
play our part in the healing
of our nation through setting
up affordable counselling
services. Likewise, by creating
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13

partnerships between qualified
counsellors and churches, who
are so good at creating healing
environments, we can make such
a vision a reality.
PRIVILEGE AND POSSIBILITIES
However ambitious this may
sound, in God’s hands this is
possible, and I have seen it
myself as I have worked to make
it happen in various locations.
Restore Counselling Network is
God’s mission and I have been
both humbled and privileged by
the invitation to partner with God
in his plan.
God knew what was coming
in terms of the pandemic, and
that we would be dealing with
the current difficulties. My
responsibility has been simply to
respond to this call, to trust despite
the challenges of such a mission,
and to keep on knocking, seeking,
and asking. To start to build an ark,
as it were, when there is no sign
of rain, takes resolve. Setting up
Restore Counselling Network was
not too dissimilar.
Now, in 2022, we are better
able to see the urgent need in
the burgeoning mental health
predicament (the rains that have
arrived, so to speak). Many can,
therefore, quite understandably,
feel daunted by the prospect of
setting up a counselling service
in the current climate. There are
so many regulations, pitfalls, and
unknowns.
I want to encourage you,
however, and say that it is
possible. In collaboration with
God and one another, all things
are possible.
COLLABORATION IN
COMMUNITY
This, I believe, is not a time for
doing our own thing, but a time for
working together in ways we never
imagined we could. And so, yes,
together we can plant affordable
counselling services across this
nation and serve God and country
for better mental health and
healing for all.
You may at this point be asking
yourself how or where to begin
setting up such a provision in
your community. Whether you
are a church representative or a
social enterprise leader, a qualified
counsellor, or a trustee, it all starts
with a simple conversation. We
follow this up with an exploration
of context, vision, and call. It is
an unhurried, prayerful journey
guided by a bespoke and
collaborative consultancy process
that I have developed over the
years.
Our model is proven, financially
viable, simple, realistic, and
achievable. We can resource
you with a robust strategy,
the right documentation, and
ongoing support for establishing
a sustainable and professional
practice.
Broadly speaking, there are three
phases involved in setting up a
new counselling agency:
PHASE ONE: PLANNING
Planning your new counselling
service is the most important
aspect of setting up. Having
good foundations in any project
is essential to its success and
long-term sustainability. For us,
this means building with prayer,
the right people, a good business
model, secure funding sources and
professional resources. We work
with church leaders, trustees and
qualified counsellors to ensure the
vision is sustained and kept at the
forefront of the plan, and that the
service you offer your community
is professional.
PHASE TWO: IMPLEMENTATION
Putting your plans into action and
opening your doors to the public
can feel daunting at first. We are
here to support you to do that. Our
model is proven, with a number
of counselling services set up and
running successfully for many
years now. These can be set up
as a separate charity/organisation
or as part of a church’s existing
outreach into their community.
We work ecumenically with any
denomination to enable the work
to be professional and to meet
industry standards.
PHASE THREE: SUPPORT
Keeping the ball rolling takes
energy and motivation, especially
when dealing with initial teething
problems. We offer post-setup
support to ensure that what
you started will keep going and
will keep on producing good
results. We want your service to
be effective and we will be there
for you as you tackle the growth
of your new set-up and help it
to develop its full potential. We
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feature
offer organisational reviews and
a network of counselling leaders
offering peer-to-peer support, who
meet regularly to discuss issues
and encourage one another as well
as to pray together. We see this as
essential to sustainable practice.
COUNTING THE COST(S)
Of course, there is a cost. Setting
up any ministry/social enterprise
or charity from scratch will take
time, energy, volunteers, and
finance. Our fees cover a pack
of some thirty industry standard
documents, so there is no need
to reinvent the wheel in terms of
relevant documentation. Included
in our packages is our time in the
form of personalised and bespoke
one-to-one sessions, unique
resources, and focused training.
Furthermore, we make available
our years of experience and
invaluable expertise, having set
up several successful counselling
agencies in a variety of settings.
If and when you hire us, you will
have at your disposal the business
skills and acumen that you will
need in order to enable your vision
for a self-sustaining professionallyresourced
counselling service to
become a reality. The programme
we offer for setting up is flexible
and timings can be negotiated
as we go along. Crucially, it is a
collaborative process.
FEEDBACK AND FOLLOW-UP
A trustee of a counselling service
we helped to set up in Bradford, for
a CWR training hub, described our
process as follows:
‘I found that approaching Restore
Counselling Network was very easy.
Our questions were dealt with in
a professional manner and were
answered very knowledgeably.
The document pack contained
everything that we would need.
And through our initial face-toface
training event their use was
explained to a high standard’.
We are here for you. Our vision is
to help you make your vision one
that reaches out with affordable
counselling in your community;
an achievable reality. The need
for mental health provision has
never been greater. Doctors’
surgeries are struggling to respond
to the sheer numbers of those
who need help. There are people
in our communities who don’t
know where to turn for help. Your
church could be an answer to their
silent hopes and prayers. Yes, it
takes courage to answer this call,
and it takes time, effort, people,
and resources. That is why we
exist. Together we can enable one
another to make a difference for
the mental health of our nation at
a crucial time in our history.
Contacting Clemy and the
counselling network
If you feel God is leading you
towards this kind of involvement,
or if your church would like
to know more via an initial
conversation, please feel free to
contact me personally with either a
telephone call or an email:
07851 759 998
clemy@restorecounsellingnetwork.
co.uk
Likewise, please see our website
for more information: www.
restorecounsellingnetwork.co.uk
Clemy Gilmore
About the author
Clemy is a
qualified and
experienced
counsellor and
counselling
supervisor. She
is also a qualified
trainer/tutor,
with extensive experience in
coaching and mentoring. She
has many years of experience
as Chair of Trustees for
counselling boards and in
senior organisational leadership.
Her specialisms include
Conflict Resolution, Change
Management, Leadership,
Volunteer Management,
Project Management and
Organisational Development.
Clemy’s vision is to empower
individuals as well as
organisations to bring out
the best in themselves and to
realise their potential, vision, and
dreams.
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15

Keeping counselling records and disclosure requests
by Kathy Spooner, on behalf of the ACC Team
We are noticing that many
more counsellors are coming
to us with questions regarding
requests for access to, or
disclosure of, counselling notes.
The experience is often stressful
and sometimes highlights issues
with the whole process of notetaking
in counselling practice.
We therefore thought it might be
helpful to revisit the practice of
record keeping and share some
observations about the challenges
highlighted by such requests.
WHAT ARE COUNSELLING
RECORDS?
For the purposes of this article,
counselling records are identified
as notes taken of a counselling
session with a client/couple or
family. There are other records
relating to the working with clients
which include, for example, the
signed contract, client referral
information and notes taken in
any assessment session. There
is also correspondence, emails,
text messages and notes taken
of between-session phone calls.
Everything held by a counsellor
and/or counselling agency that
includes a personal identifier
(initials, code etc) may be
requested by a subject access
and/or a disclosure request, but
in the majority of cases it is the
sessional notes only that are
requested by clients or their legal
representatives.
WHY KEEP COUNSELLING
RECORDS?
There is a broad consensus
in the relevant literature that
keeping records demonstrates
professional rigour, care and
accountability. Although not a legal
requirement, the judiciary have
an expectation that counsellors
and psychotherapists will keep
appropriate notes of therapy.
Additionally, keeping records helps
organise thoughts, acts as an aide
memoire, facilitates the tracking of
changes in the client process, and
in these and other ways supports
a counsellor. Most accredited
registers, including ACC, have,
as an ethics and practice
requirement, the obligation to
keep counselling records unless
there is a documented and
compelling reason not to do so.
WHAT CONSTITUTES GOOD
PRACTICE IN RECORD KEEPING?
Ethical codes often refer to the
keeping of appropriate notes.
However, ideas about what
is appropriate vary according
to macro factors, for example:
setting (employment, agency,
private practice); client groups
(family, couples, children) and
counselling approaches. They are
also influenced by what is taught
in differing training organisations,
favoured by colleagues and what
factors represent a good fit with
personal style and preference.
Most authorities agree that records
should be factual, adequate
and relevant and must also
comply with data protection
legislation. What we have noticed
is that members’ practice varies
widely. For some, the preference
is to record very brief notes of
sessions. For others, there may be
more detailed structured notes
following a template model (see
box), while some prefer sessional
notes in a more lengthy, free form
including anything produced in
(or brought into) a session by the
client, such as drawings or photos
of sand trays etc. Records can
be kept only by consent, so it is
imperative that clients are fully
informed about your intention
to retain information relevant to
their therapy, together with your
commitment to data security and
confidentiality, how long you are
going to keep the records for and
why, and their right to access the
information held.
Key points when keeping
counselling records (This list is
not exhaustive, but it represents
the major issues that have arisen
at ACC and elsewhere relating to
record keeping):
• When there is more than one
client, make sure that all parties
sign an agreement that the
records you keep are accessible
to both or either, gaining a
commitment that if either party
requests a copy of the record
they should respect the privacy
of the other and not share the
notes more widely than with
another therapist and/or their
legal representative.
• Write everything knowing that
your client, their representatives
and/or legal teams could read
the notes. Except in very rare
and special circumstances, you
are obliged to give clients their
counselling records as they
have been written.
• Develop proficient record
keeping, so that notes are
accurate, timely and sufficient.
• Ensure that you record
significant factors that
could help the client in any
subsequent court proceedings.
For example, note down
anything that a client tells
you (alleges) about adverse
events involving a third party
e.g. an industrial accident, a
sexual assault or an incident of
domestic abuse.
• Ensure that you record
significant factors that would
help to protect you, were you
subject to professional scrutiny.
Note down any discussions
where there is some concern
for a client, for example about
significant risk to wellbeing
(self-harm/suicidal ideation).
Note down the rationale for
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News & Diary
your actions that cause distress
to a client, for example referral
to another service, unwelcome/
unwanted endings. Note down
any information that could lead
you to make a disclosure e.g. to
a safeguarding authority. And
finally, note down the rationale
and consent for specific
interventions especially in
relation to use of religious and
spiritual interventions (Please
see the Churchill Framework).
• Consider ensuring that process
notes (more extensive reflective
notes that the therapist makes
about their own responses
to the client and the client’s
situation) are kept without
any code that links the notes
with the client. These then will
not constitute personal data
and do not, therefore, need
to be disclosed. Ensure that
everything that is subjective,
speculative, and/or relative to
unconscious processes are
contained within these process
notes and are not in the
counselling records.
• Where possible, avoid using
names of their parties, e.g.
family, friends and colleagues,
in the notes. It may be helpful
to record the names separately,
adding them, for example,
to the information on family/
background captured at initial
referral/assessment.
Counselling Record
Template Example
• Date, Time, Location, Client
Code, session number.
• Client’s reported symptoms/
emotions and concerns.
• Exploration and Discussion
points (what was added/
suggested based on client’s
concerns and symptoms).
• Therapeutic interventions/
activities (any specific
activities in session)
.•
Next Steps (suggestions for
client to consider/do prior to
next session).
ACC News:
A question of Image . . .
New IT system
We are pleased to announce that
we have entered into a contract
with Image+ to develop our
new website and membership
system. Image+ have developed
our current system and know
us and our systems well. We are
looking forward to the benefits
that a new website will bring,
and plan for it to be a more
contemporary and accessible
front end that showcases
our work and the work of our
members.
Pastoral Care: Support for Uganda
Gathoni Hamilton Foster, a
trustee of ACC, recently invited
Pastors Stephine Opie and
Christophe, from Uganda, to her
Prayer Centre in Kenya.
The purpose of the trip was
to build a relationship and
assist them in the purchase of
equipment to aid the provision
of pastoral care training in
Uganda. The funds to support
the purchase of a laptop and
projectors came as a gift from
ACC members and ACC as a
result of our Christmas appeal.
Counselling News:
Serving the servers . . .
NHS support
We are delighted that NHS
England & NHS Improvement
have indicated that they are
intending to continue to support
the specialist counselling
service we have been providing
to frontline staff during the
Membership matters . . .
New membership categories
The new system will make it
easier to expand our membership
to include Christian coaches and
spiritual directors. This has been
a strategic plan for some time so
that members of the public have
a ‘one stop shop’ when they are
looking for trained, competent
and safe practitioners across
a range of psychological and
spiritually therapeutic services.
As a small team it may take some
time to fully implement these
plans, but we are hopeful that
we will be in a position to launch
the new membership streams in
2023.
COVID-19 pandemic. The new
funding will support a wider
group of NHS staff who work
in patient-facing roles. This is a
remarkable affirmation of the
value the NHS places on ACC and
the counsellors providing the
service. Importantly, it signifies
the recognition of religious faith
and spirituality as being a valid
choice that should be provided
to clients when they seek
counselling.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
17

Spreading the word . . .
ACC out and about
In the last quarter ACC has been
invited to participate in several
radio broadcasts, including:
Trans World Radio interviews
relating to:
• The Archbishop of Canterbury
talking about his own mental
health issues.
• The increase in anti-anxiety
drug prescriptions.
A BBC Radio Suffolk interview,
talking about bereavement and
specifically baby loss, following
the death of the footballer
Cristiano Ronaldo’s twin son.
Heart’s Lament
Members of the ACC team
attended as exhibitors at the
Churches Together Conference in
Swanwick and the Christians in
Government Conference (CIG) in
Westminster, where we were able
to share with delegates about
the work of ACC. Kathy Spooner
was also a panel member and
she and Wien Fung (ACC board
member) were speakers at the
CIG Conference.
ACC Chair Sue Monckton-
Rickett was invited to run a
workshop for the On-Line Events
day conference ‘Emergency
Summit Contributing to Global
Peace & Justice’ from which all
profits were donated to support
relief work in Ukraine. Kathy
Spooner was a speaker at a
Christian Professionals Network
Conference.
What’s on where
ACC events
The following courses are
being delivered by ACC affiliate
organisations in the coming
months, and full details can be
found on the ACC website:
https://www.acc-uk.org/
professional-development/
events.html
• Manna House Counselling
Service, Northampton: Level
2 Introduction to Christian
Counselling, starting summer
and autumn 2022.
• Heart & Mind – London:
Certificate in Counselling
Skills & Theory: CPCAB
Level 3. Saturdays, starting
in October 2022. Diploma
in Integrative Therapeutic
Counselling – CPCAB Level
5. Fridays, starting in
September 2022.
A prayer that can be used by counsellors and those receiving counsel
alike. This prayer can also be used as a hymn, set to the hymn tune
‘Troyte’ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyqHgKSiE80)
Lord, when the waves around me roll,
Lord, when I fear for mind and soul,
Lord, my deep emptiness, make whole;
My all-in-all.
Lord, when my hopes before me die,
Lord, when I’ve lost the will to try,
Lord, hear my prayer, though prayer-less, I;
My all-in-all.
Lord, when I faith and trust disown,
Lord, when my tears are spilt alone,
Lord, grant compassion from your Throne;
My all-in-all.
Lord, when my way is cold and bleak,
Lord, when I’m slow to hear you speak,
Lord, let me rest in love’s mystique;
My all-in-all.
Looking ahead
Future forums
ACC are planning to host some
online forums for members
to discuss elements of good
practice.
If you have any suggestions
of topics or particular interest,
please do let us know at office@
acc-uk.org
Registration reminder
ICO requirement
A reminder to anyone who
stores any personal data about
clients that you need to be
registered with the Information
Commissioner’s Office (ICO):
https://ico.org.uk/
© Stephen Poxon
18 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
Brightening lives!
Benefact Trust, making a positive difference to
people’s mental health
by Lesley King-Lewis
LAUNCHING BRIGHTER LIVES
You hardly need me to tell you
that the effects of the pandemic
have had a huge impact on
people’s mental health. What was
already a big problem across our
communities has become even
more concerning, with support
services stretched like never before.
It’s this post-pandemic landscape,
and our ongoing commitment
to addressing some of our most
difficult and problematic social
issues, that has led us to creating
our latest thematic grants
programme: Brighter Lives.
Brighter Lives is focused on
helping Christian organisations to
respond to the long-term impact
of Covid-19 on people’s mental
health, through greater training,
resources and support.
THE PROGRAMME AND THE
PROJECTS
The Brighter Lives programme
covers three main project areas:
• Supporting existing or
emerging specialist services
provided by churches and
Christian charities for people
struggling with mental health
issues. Our focus is on the most
vulnerable who may struggle to
access support elsewhere. For
example, counselling or similar
therapeutic services, which
could be delivered in-person,
online or by phone.
• Enabling Christian
organisations to train, equip
and resource other churches
and Christian charities to
provide: Enhanced mental
health awareness and/or mental
health first aid, and appropriate
mental health and wellbeing
support groups and services.
• Programmes to support the
personal mental health and
wellbeing of clergy and other
church leaders/workers who
may be suffering, particularly
post-pandemic.
(Services provided should
demonstrate reach/impact across a
local area, regionally or nationally.)
FUNDING TO FACILITATE
CHANGE
Our funding is for the people
who are making the difference.
Churches and Christian charities
can apply for funding through our
website (where there’s also plenty
of guidance available to help
groups make their application as
detailed and effective as possible).
We live in challenging and
difficult times, and Benefact
Trust is more committed than
ever to making a positive and
transformative impact on society.
The real difference, though,
is made by the people who
provide the services and support
– the churches, charities and
volunteers. Brighter Lives will
increase training and resources to
help support the most vulnerable
people in our communities.
GOING FOR IT
Guidance on how to apply for
funding
Could your church or charity (and
the people you support) benefit
from our Brighter Lives funding? If
so, here’s where you’ll find all the
information and guidance you
need to apply:
https://benefacttrust.co.uk/
which-grant-is-for-me/
brighter-lives/
We would be delighted to hear
from you, but we encourage you
to carefully read and consider the
expert advice provided within our
Advice and Resources Hub, as
follows:
https://benefacttrust.co.uk/
advice-and-resources/
To apply for a grant under Brighter
Lives, you will need to complete
an online application form. You
will also need to upload a budget
using the template that can be
found on our website. It is of course
in your own interests to read the
FAQs stated before applying, so
that eligibility can be checked.
Anyone wishing to make general
enquiries about the programme
should feel free to email Benefact
Trust at: info@benefacttrust.co.uk
Lesley King-Lewis
About the author
Lesley King-
Lewis is Trust
Director
for www.
benefacttrust.
co.uk and
provided this
article with the
cooperation of
Alice Morris,
Communications Officer.
STOP PRESS!
We are delighted to announce
that ACC has been awarded a
grant of £30,000 from Brighter
Lives, which will be used to
fund some of the training and
support programmes we are
planning.
This is received with much
gratitude to the Benefact Trust.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
19

Spotlight on the NHS
by Sue Monckton-Rickett
The end of April 2020 feels a long
time ago now, but that was when
ACC launched a counselling
service in response to Covid-19, so
it felt right to mark this second
anniversary by providing an
update on the service, sharing
some of the data that was
compiled for an Evaluation Report
to the NHS, thanking everyone
who has worked on the facility and
informing you of the counselling
service, going forward.
IN THE BEGINNING
Where it began and how it
developed
Incredibly, the original service was
launched within a month of the
first lockdown, with just over 200
counsellors, some supervisors, two
service co-ordinators and seven
case managers all volunteering
their time, with support from
the ACC team giving additional
hours. The initial service was for
anyone working in the NHS and
paramedics who were directly
impacted by Covid-19, residential
care home staff, and anyone who
had been bereaved during the
pandemic. This original service
ran for nine months and in that
time, somewhat amazingly, 259
clients (126 NHS staff, 126 bereaved
and 7 care home) were provided
with a total of 1,850 sessions of
counselling.
ACC felt that after nine months,
this totally voluntary service could
not continue, but the NHS valued
it so much that they offered to
provide funding, enabling us
to pay those working on the
scheme. So, in February 2021,
we launched a new scheme just
for NHS staff working in hospital
settings, and paramedics who
were, or had been, working with
Covid-19 patients. To date, another
100 clients have been provided
with counselling, equating to
approximately another 700
counselling sessions.
RECIPIENTS AND
BENEFICIARIES
Whom has it served?
At the end of March 2022, the NHS
asked ACC to provide an Evaluation
Report for both services. Listed
below is some of the information
that was included in the report
regarding the demographics of the
clients, their role(s) and the issues
they were presenting:
• Age: As might be expected
with a working population, they
were all within the age range
22-65, but the largest group
within that demographic was
at the younger end, with 46% of
clients aged between 22 and 35.
• Ethnicity: Clients identified
as 52% White British and
16% BAME, whilst 23% did
not specify ethnicity and the
remainder were split across a
range of other groups.
• Faith: Unsurprisingly, 65% of
clients identified as Christian
(with many specifically asking
to see a Christian counsellor),
23% did not specify, whilst
9% stated that they had ‘no
religion’. There were a few
Muslim clients and some
describing themselves as
atheists. These statistics
highlighted the value some
clients placed on seeing a
counsellor who is a Christian,
but also indicated that the
counsellor being a Christian is
not necessarily seen as a barrier
for people of other faiths or
none.
• Role: The criteria narrowed
when the second scheme
started, going from initially
being open to any NHS staff to
only staff working in a hospital
setting and paramedics, with
the caveat that they had to have
worked with Covid-19 patients.
This meant that the breadth
of the roles of the clients also
narrowed. However, by far the
largest group in both schemes
was nurses (35%), followed by
doctors (16%) and then those
working as physiotherapists
and occupational therapists.
The service was, however, used
by people in a wide variety
of other roles too, including
chaplains, administrative staff,
pharmacists, counsellors,
radiologists, dieticians,
speech therapists, etc., which
highlighted that the pressure
of the pandemic was felt across
the whole spectrum of NHS
personnel.
• Presenting issues: All clients
were asked to briefly describe
what issues they wanted to
bring into counselling, with
many identifying more than
one. Not surprisingly, 91% of
clients identified work stress/
trauma as being an issue,
24% identified personal
bereavement, 34% identified
family issues, and 14% faith
issues. This highlighted the
fact that people were either
having to deal with the
pressure of the pandemic in
the middle of other, ongoing,
life events and issues, or the
pressure of the pandemic
was perhaps contributing
to other circumstances, i.e.
existing family issues. The way
in which faith was challenged
was also a factor. The fact
that some clients specifically
20 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
identified faith as something
they wished to discuss again
highlighted the value of having
counsellors who brought a level
of understanding to counselling
appointments, and who were
comfortable working with
faith being an intrinsic part of
the well-being of a client. The
fact that 24% of clients listed
personal bereavement as an
issue featured as a poignant
reminder that there were not
two distinct groups of people in
the pandemic i.e. ‘the bereaved/
sick’ and ‘those that cared’, but
that groups overlapped, with
many people having to care for
the sick and the dying whilst
also having to deal with or even
‘put on hold’ their own grief.
MEETING A NEED
What was its value?
The service clearly met a need for
easy-to-access counselling for NHS
staff throughout the pandemic,
and was valued and appreciated by
the clients. All clients were invited
to provide feedback and to rate
the service on a scale of one to ten
(ten being the highest score). The
average score was 9.8, an amazing
achievement. Many clients also
provided encouragingly positive
feedback about what the service
had meant to them. For example:
• The service was offered in
a timely manner and was
extremely valuable, helping me
to get through the pandemic.
It allowed me to process past
issues and worries as well as
to focus and reflect on how
the Covid crisis was affecting
me. Having a faith counsellor
was also very important and
allowed me to discuss issues
like belief and trust in God.
• My counsellor was spot-on
for me – walked me through
a difficult journey through
these last few months. She
was professional, kind, gently
challenging, and empathetic.
I would totally recommend her
and also ACC. It was (and is) an
amazing offer and I hope more
of my NHS colleagues continue
to take up this offer!
• Honestly, I have had the best
experience with the scheme.
I am so grateful for this
service and scheme. Have
recommended to many of
my friends and colleagues! I
am also so glad to have been
able to access faith-based
counselling, and this has
been a really important and
valuable aspect of my work.
Thank you so much for offering
the scheme, it has been a
wonderful thing in my life this
year!
• I was in a dark hole, my
counsellor with a lot of kindness
led me to the light. She helped
me to understand my journey
and to look at different paths I
could take.
The service has clearly benefitted
many individuals but in doing so
has been part of the support that
has enabled them to continue to
work, or return to work, and so
contribute to the vital service of the
NHS throughout the pandemic.
Many of those who provided
counselling and managed the
scheme also felt it a privilege to use
their skills, training and experience
to actively support the NHS in this
way. The service started with ACC
asking ‘how do we respond?’ and
‘what can we do?’ This service
provided a very valuable response.
ACC also acknowledges that it
has benefitted from providing
this service. As one of the smaller
holders of a PSA Accredited
Register, we have often felt
unknown by the NHS or seen as
not being equivalent to other
bodies, but we feel that this
service has enabled us to show our
professionalism and commitment
to the provision of safe and quality
counselling.
WHAT LESSONS HAVE BEEN
LEARNT?
Firstly, what an amazing group
of people our members, staff and
supporters are – to have stepped in
and volunteered at the start of the
pandemic, when personally and
professionally they too were facing
challenges. Thank you to everyone
involved.
Secondly, ACC now has a tried,
tested and established system
for setting up and running such a
scheme, which could be used in
other settings in the future.
Thirdly, from the feedback received
and the requests made to have a
counsellor who was a Christian,
clients clearly want to be able
to include their faith within the
counselling process and to have
a counsellor willing to do so, who
understands the importance of it
to the individual’s well-being, and
to explore both the positive impact
it can have and the potential issues
it can create. Faith and spirituality
historically have been marginalized
experiences in mental health and
well-being, but we can see that this
is changing. Perhaps this service
has been part of the change
process.
This last point brings us to the
future. In ACC News we have
reported that the NHS are
intending to continue to support
the specialist counselling service
for staff in patient-facing roles,
with the intention of specifically
recognising the importance of
faith and spirituality.
A tribute to everyone who has
been involved . . .
Finally, as someone who has been
a volunteer in the management
of the scheme from the start, I
would like to say that it has been
a privilege to work with everyone,
to feel that we have served our
community in this way, and to
have represented ACC with the
NHS. Thank you all.
Sue Monckton-Rickett is Chair of
ACC.
A full copy of the report is available
on the ACC website.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
21

Adrenaline and
avoidance …
my adrenaline level through the
roof, but not in a recognisable way.
I just knew if I went ahead there
was a good chance I would burst
into tears – never a good look in
a professional environment – or
lose my temper at the slightest
thing (an even worse look in a
professional environment).
Everybody’s ‘straw’ will be different;
the one that breaks the camel’s
back, that is. Or in my case, the one
that forced me to acknowledge
I needed to ask for help. In
retrospect, it wasn’t a sudden,
catastrophic event that hit me out
of nowhere. The signs had been
appearing for a long time but
whatever coping mechanisms I
had been using wouldn’t work on
this day. So, I contacted my line
manager and asked to be referred
to the occupational health team.
Yea, though I walk through the
valley of dark shadows
by Peter Lee
THE PROBLEM MIGHT NOT BE
THE PROBLEM
The immediate problem was
the subject matter I had been
immersed in – over two different
research projects – for much of
the year. One project explored
legal, ethical and moral aspects of
advanced weapon technologies
and the ways in which they
could – or could not – be used
to kill people. The other project
investigated mental trauma and
moral injury in two groups: military
Reaper drone operators and police
online child sex crime investigators.
The signs were unmistakable:
heart pounding, pulse racing,
a slight trembling of the hands
and an edgy, sick feeling in my
stomach.
In the past I had sought out this
sensation like an addict chasing
the next fix. Perhaps not like an
addict but as an addict: a true
adrenaline junkie. Adrenaline had
always been my friend, my energy,
my courage, my superpower. In the
past it has enabled me to jump off
cliffs for fun, to approach a huge
weight in the gym knowing I could
lift it, and it has emboldened me
as I have spoken to audiences of
hundreds or thousands.
On this day, though, it was
different. My adrenaline was
out of control and – confusingly,
scarily – I wasn’t doing any of my
‘normal’ activities that would
release it.
It was a routine work morning near
the end of 2020. I was staring at my
computer screen and planning an
online presentation for a research
project I had completed with three
colleagues. The very thought of
leading the event was sending
However, no matter how gutwrenching
the material I had
been working with, the immediate
problem wasn’t the ‘real’ problem.
It had merely brought back –
reawakened – long supressed fear,
anxiety and guilt linked to my
involvement as a hospital chaplain
in the 2003 Iraq War. Worse, it
brought back feelings of shame,
doubt and confusion about faith,
ministry, God and church; feelings
that were so powerful, I hadn’t
practiced pastorally as a Methodist
minister since I left the RAF
Chaplains Branch in 2008, clearly
unwell at the time, for an
academic career.
22 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
If you don’t think about a
problem it isn’t there, right? My
avoidance of the problematic
issues had worked fairly well
for many years, right until the
moment it didn’t.
THERAPY: THE FIRST STEPS
In the four months after I asked for
help I was referred to a specialist
NHS organisation, I underwent
an initial assessment for anxiety
and depression, I had undertaken
an additional PTSD assessment,
gone on a waiting list for three
months, and now here I was,
walking into a modern office
building to start therapy for PTSD,
anxiety and depression. It felt like
an out-of-body experience; surely
that couldn’t be me, with all those
labels attached? After all, I knew
military personnel and fellow
veterans who had earned those
labels in bomb blasts and under
gunfire. I was – am – a fraud by
comparison.
Questions swirled in my mind.
How the hell did I get to this?
How can I get out of this? How
did I go from being the person on
that side of the desk providing
help (as a military chaplain in the
past) to being the person on this
side of the desk, being helped?
Actually, there was no desk
between us but it was a useful
metaphor.
Even more distractingly,
philosophical questions would
break through and further disrupt
my attempts to focus. Things like:
• Am I seeking to understand
some essential, pre-existing
subjectivity, or is this therapy
an act of creative selfsubjectivation?
(Yes, I actually
think about stuff like that for a
living.)
• Does my self-reflectivity have a
reality of its own, or is it made
real in relation to the questions
from my therapist?
• Is such reality merely selfdelusion?
(Yes, I know how
pretentious it sounds.)
The most uncomfortable, fleeting
moment was when I felt I was
almost looking at myself and my
therapist from the outside and was
profoundly struck by how much
it looked like an act of confession.
The discomfort was rooted in my
profound avoidance of matters of
God, faith and church for so long.
All of these random thoughts had
one thing in common: they kept
me from thinking and talking
about the thing: the fact my mind
and body were out of sync and
not working with the precision,
capacity, endurance and focus I
had always taken for granted.
SENSING SHAME
Ultra-wary, the first questions felt
like an interrogation: ‘How are
you?’ ‘What do you want to achieve
from therapy?’
‘What is it to you?’
‘I have no idea!’
(That’s what I didn’t say to my very
understanding ‘inquisitor’!)
Soon, though, I relaxed, and my
thoughts fell out in a chaotic
jumble of words, which she sifted
through and helped me to clarify
and organise, which in itself is
pretty embarrassing for someone
who has written books and had
never used written notes to deliver
80-minute lectures.
It was the shame that hit me the
hardest when I finally admitted to
myself – and to my therapist – that
I wasn’t okay. I don’t know why
because, in retrospect, it had been
obvious for years. Maybe it was a
release of some form of pressure
that had been building unnoticed,
or at least unacknowledged, over
all that time.
It wasn’t, however, all negative, as
a certain liberation accompanied
the shame.
I didn’t know what had such a
tight hold on me that I needed
to be freed from it. I didn’t know
how ‘it’ took hold in the first
place. And I certainly didn’t know
how to loosen its grip. The idea
my freedom could be achieved
through talking – Cognitive
Behavioural Therapy in my case –
was still laughable. Everyone who
has ever met me will acknowledge
my freakish talkativeness! If talking
is a cure then I must be borderline
immortal! Whatever doubts I had
about the process, though, were
continually allayed by the cheerful,
calm person sitting before me.
Also, my intellectual curiosity was
as strong as my desire just to feel
better, to feel like ‘me’ again – or at
least a version of ‘me’ I could
live with.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
23

MY BIG QUESTIONS
I was even given homework!
Who knew! My first homework
assignment was to write down
what I wanted to get out of our
time together. Up to 16 sessions
were possible and I ended up using
them all. My goals were mindnumbingly,
well … ordinary:
• To be able to function
personally and professionally
without constantly being in
or near a state of heightened
emotional arousal or adrenaline
stimulation.
• To understand how key events
(and people?) have affected me
in the past.
• To understand the things
that trigger a physiological
and emotional response
and respond healthily and
appropriately.
• To try and make sense of what
faith/religious beliefs I still
have, to see if there is a way of
healthily engaging with them.
The last of these goals might seem
innocuous or even jarring for some,
and I didn’t speak much about
matters of God and faith. However,
it was intricately woven through
everything else I did speak about.
Practically, I had to choose a daily
mindfulness-type activity that
would, ideally, have a grounding,
calming effect on me; preferably
something connected to nature.
I almost surprised myself by opting
for daily meditations in the Celtic
Christian tradition, using Celtic
Daily Prayer published by the
Northumbria Community. This was
a throwback to something I had
done many years ago, prior to my
most traumatic experiences as a
wartime chaplain. This option met
the recommended criteria of being
something deeply rooted in nature,
and it had the added benefit of
being familiar.
NO EASY ANSWERS
The detail of what happened
is a story for another day and
another article, perhaps when
I have had more time to think
about it. As the months passed,
I slowly, imperceptibly, began to
feel calmer. It wasn’t the result
of some magic cure but the
combination of several things:
understanding what triggered
strong responses and why, the
coping strategies I learned,
finding a healthy work/ life
balance for the first time in my
life, exercising for health and
fitness rather than for the buzz,
and more.
As summer gave way to autumn
2021 my focus improved. The
scores on my weekly PTSD/ anxiety/
depression questionnaire went
down significantly over time,
though not always linearly (the
usual stresses of life and work
don’t pause during therapy but
they definitely became more
manageable). I still have to resist
the temptation to tap into my
adrenaline super-fuel if I feel low
on energy and am facing tight
deadlines or high work demands.
Embers of faith and belief remain,
though they can never be what
they once were. And that’s fine. It
is all still a work in progress – I’m
still a work in progress. But, then,
isn’t everyone?
Peter Lee
About the author
Peter Lee is a
Professor of
Applied Ethics
at the University
of Portsmouth.
His research
has spanned
the politics
and ethics of
war, the ethical, operational
and other human aspects of
UK Remotely Piloted Aircraft
Systems (drone) operations, and
the ethics of AI and autonomous
weapon systems. His two
most recent research projects
explored legal, ethical, and
moral perspectives on advanced
technology weapon systems
and, separately, moral injury in
police online child sex crime
investigators and RAF Reaper
(drone) operators. He is currently
a member of the Ministry of
Defence Artificial Intelligence
Ethics Advisory Panel, and an
Expert Adviser of the All-Party
Parliamentary Group on Drones
and Armed Conflict. From 2001-
2008 Peter served as a Royal Air
Force chaplain and he remains a
Methodist minister.
24 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
Sharing from Shapinsay . . .
Wellbeing walks
The Salvation Army’s Major
Richard Gaudion (accord,
spring 2022) shared with us
some of the ways in which his
denomination is offering the
provision of counselling services.
Our focus now shifts from The
Salvation Army to the Church of
Scotland, and an excellent pastoral
initiative taking place in Orkney.
Please do feel free to write in with
news of any projects or initiatives
your denomination or fellowship is
pursuing (or currently exploring),
in the realms of counselling and/
or pastoral care. All too often,
somewhat like Elijah in 1 Kings
18:22, we can feel as though we are
operating in isolation, whereas the
reality is, that is probably not the
case at all.
Let us therefore encourage one
another. Let us also learn from
each other. In such ways, as ideas
are shared, so too is inspiration.
Essentially, those in need of
counselling and pastoral support
are enabled to avail themselves
of a range of resources that
grows ever wider. Furthermore,
schemes such as this one can
serve as helpful ‘barriers’ or
‘buffers’ to the onset of mental
health problems, on the basis
that prevention is better than
cure.
Shapinsay Kirk in Orkney has
launched a new wellbeing project
aimed at encouraging people to
take a leisurely stroll around the
island. The kirk has produced a
booklet called Shapinsay Reflective
Routes, to help both residents and
visitors have a meander round the
island whilst thinking mindfully
about their lives.
Boasting ‘just far enough away’
as its slogan, Shapinsay is just 25
minutes by ferry from the Orkney
capital, Kirkwall. Because of this,
the congregation believes it is an
ideal place to take a step back.
It is hoped that the resource
will help folks with their mental,
spiritual, emotional, and
physical health, adding an extra
dimension to a physical walk
through the beautiful, peaceful
surroundings.
The A6 booklet outlining routes
is available locally and online, the
photos and illustrations having
been contributed by members
of the community and gathered
by the kirk. Shapinsay’s local
MSP, Liam McArthur, describes
the booklet as inspirational and
thoughtful, commenting that
Shapinsay’s ‘low lying landscape is
ideal for inviting walks to increase
wellbeing and reduce stress’.
Shapinsay Reflective Routes can
be purchased online at:
https://www.orcadian.co.uk/
shop/guidebooks-and-orkneymaps/1319-shapinsay-reflectiveroutes.html
This feature first appeared in the
April 2022 edition of Life and Work,
the magazine of the Church of
Scotland, and is reproduced here
with kind permission.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
25

Black men
don’t do
therapy:
Discuss
by Leroy Harley
That was the theme of ACC’s
Open Forum held on 31st March
2022. Ever since I commenced
my studies, I have been interested
in the relative lack of black men
participating in counselling
courses. Since beginning to
practice myself, I am now similarly
intrigued by the lack of black men
who choose to see a counsellor.
My aim nowadays is to rectify that
lack by encouraging black men
into counselling, on both sides of
the couch.
HOLDING BACK BECAUSE
YOU’RE BLACK
My personal experience leads me
to think that black men shy away
from therapy for several reasons. I
suggest these are:
• They don’t tend to see anybody
like them on either side of the
couch.
• There is something of a
social stigma within the
black community regarding
counselling/therapy.
• On counselling courses, race
typically does not seem to be
taken into consideration in any
meaningful way.
• Black men are taught to be
strong, and are expected to be
strong.
• In some instances, black men
simply do not know where to go
for help.
• There remains a feeling of not
belonging in this country, as a
black man.
On a course I attended, for
example, some of my white
colleagues said they should not
be the ones to raise the topic
of the scarcity of black men in
counselling as it was not affecting
them. Whilst this reluctance might
not represent the majority of white
counsellors, it does, nevertheless,
represent a sad attitude wherever
it might be found. If any such
attitude is ever present in the
actual counselling room, then it
stands to reason that counsellors
are patently not dealing with the
whole person.
Likewise, we spoke about
the power dynamics that
are sometimes in place in a
counselling room. The added
power play that can arise is of a
white person who is perceived
to have all the power and a black
person who is seen/perceived as
‘less than’. These unfortunate
power dynamics need to be talked
about, whenever they occur in
counselling rooms and in training
courses.
LET ME TELL YOU LEROY’S
STORY . . .
When, as a young boy, I was
abused, I literally had no
idea where to go for help.
Consequently, I held on to my pain
for about 30 years, and when I
26 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
eventually told someone about the
abuse, I confided in a white man.
It was not the best experience as
he did not understand me or my
culture. I felt there was a lack of
cultural connection, hence my
disappointment. I then held on
to the pain for another few years,
partly because my story was so
embarrassing that I felt it would
be easier to keep it to myself.
Unfortunately, doing so resulted in
a lot of internal emotional pain. It
was for this reason that I got into
counselling.
I felt I had to become the change
I wanted to see. Most counsellors
are white women, so finding
a black man to help another
black man was near impossible.
Furthermore, as a black man
conditioned by my culture not to
show weakness, I felt the weight
of the expectation that I should
simply take my experience on the
chin and move on. Sadly, though,
moving on is not easy. I didn’t
know what to do with my pent-up
pain and anger. This intensified
the feeling of not belonging, in
that even my emotional responses
are differently conditioned and
expressed, compared to those with
whom I share much of my life and
time. (Negative portrayals of black
men on television, for example,
have done little, historically, to
alleviate this stereotype.)
REFLECTING ON RACISM
Hosting the ACC Open Forum was
a good and safe experience. Those
in attendance wanted to learn and
shared their experiences, which
further enhanced the discussion.
There was a particular discussion
with regards to racism; namely the
definition of racism. Sadly, we did
not have the time to fully engage
with that topic. We will, however,
be having a forum to discuss what
racism means to people. This is
important because some people
believe that all people can be racist
whereas some don’t accept that
generalisation. My sense is we will
need a lot longer than an hour and
a half for that particular dialogue!
The atmosphere during the
discussion was such that people
felt at ease raising questions they
had been holding onto for some
time. Those in attendance were
willing to share their experiences
and learn from each other. I think
since the murder of George Floyd
it has become easier to talk about
race, which is a good thing, and
I am therefore hoping this is not
the end of the interaction and
that people take away lessons
from the forum that they can
use in their everyday lives, and,
most importantly, perhaps, in the
counselling room. I would like to
see race better represented on
counselling courses.
Leroy Harley wrote this reflection
on behalf of Ethnic Tapestry
(ACCEnT)
ACCEnT was formed in July 2020
as a response to the murder of
George Floyd. We are a group
of counsellors and pastoral care
practitioners who wanted to make
a difference to the Association of
Christian Counsellors (ACC) and
the wider community. It is our
passion to see progressive change
regarding diversity and inclusion
to address racism. If ACCEnT can
contribute to that lasting change
in the world of counselling and
beyond then efforts will not be
in vain, and our objectives will be
achieved. We are a group of people
dedicated to ensuring that our
voice is heard at the table, and that
God is glorified.
If you would like to learn more
about or join ACCEnT please
contact us via email at:
accent@acc-uk.org
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Website: www.kairos-centre.com
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
27

There is hope for a tree when it is
cut down.
It will sprout again . . . merely a
scent of water will make it sprout
and grow again.
(Job 14:7-11 GWT)
watched as the car swept my
I mother away, tumbling and
tossing her frail 90-year-old body,
careering out of control down the
road. The horrendous accident,
as that car caught up both her
and me in its path, left me totally
devastated and suffering deeply
from Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD).
Unable to read anything, not even
the Bible, I nevertheless wanted
a spiritual daily reading, one
that might speak into my deep
depression; something short,
approachable, and which would
meet me in my grief. My husband’s
mental breakdown a couple of
years later added to my depression.
A few years afterwards, out of those
times of trauma and loss, I began
to blog little daily devotionals for
times of bereavement; and I also
took even more notice of how grief
affected those I accompany in
Spiritual Direction.
From my own experience of grief
and from walking alongside
others who grieve, I know how
difficult and complex that
pathway can be. It follows no set
pattern; it ebbs and flows. A tear
can become a waterfall.
I also discovered that reading
and concentrating can be
become a burden, a chore, an
impossibility. My directees and I
needed something brief, easily
digested, yet understanding of our
situation, when Bible reading or
prayer becomes difficult, and even
onerous. The onslaught of grief can
sometimes cause a trauma that
renders the bereaved unable to
focus.
Eventually, a book was born out
of my own personal experiences
of such trauma, and the grief
of those I accompany. ‘Scent of
A scent of water
by Penelope Swithinbank
Water: words of comfort in times
of grief’ is a small hardback with
devotional readings, gorgeous
photos (courtesy of Canon Debbie
Dewes), poems, reflections and
quotes. The book has various
sections, including 26 weeks
of brief verses, thoughts and
prayers, with different themes, so
that readers can dip in and out.
Additionally, there is a section for
special days like, for example, the
first Christmas without a loved
one; the first birthday, the first
anniversary.
During Direction, it’s been helpful
to take a verse or a thought from
the book to talk through, as a way
into the grief, helping to explore
where God is at work and where
he is walking in and through this
grief with us. For those for whom
even a few words are too much,
the beautiful photography can be
an aid to reflection through Visio
Lectio. Sitting with a grieving
client, as they gaze at a photo and
invite the Holy Spirit to speak into
their grief, is often a profoundly
moving experience as God moves
alongside them or they become
aware of his presence.
Of course, there are also times
when nothing seems to help those
times of grief’s deep sorrow and
suffering. One client in particular,
in the early days of my own grief,
aroused my own sorrow again.
‘I miss her every day’, ‘M’ sobbed.
‘I can’t get used to not having my
mother around; I still cry a lot and
feel depressed’. My heart seemed
to miss a beat. As her Spiritual
Director, I knew I wanted to walk
with ‘M’ in and through her grief.
However, I felt lost in my own
remembrances of a mother dying. I
prayed one of those ‘arrow’ prayers
asking for help, for strength, even
just for composure.
To be and to share …
As my own tears flowed, I sensed
an answer to my prayer was to
be with ‘M’ in her grief and to
share it, not to ‘pretend’ I didn’t
feel anything; in other words, to
live out the biblical injunction
to ‘weep with those who weep’
(Romans 12:15).
We wept together, acknowledging
our individual griefs and
recognising that tears are indeed
one way of coping. I prayed for
us, that we’d each know God’s
strength and peace, as we gave
thanks for the memories of happy
times with those we’d lost, of being
grateful for having had them in our
lives. And I was then able to help
‘M’ with a daily looking back over
28 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
the past 24 hours. I suggested that
last thing at night, for the next few
weeks, she should ask herself a
question: ‘What am I thankful for
today?’
This could include small things
such a ray of sunshine, the smell of
fresh coffee, a friend’s smile. Just
three or four little things for which
to thank God. This train of thought
could then develop into further
questions, such as, for example,
‘Where did I sense God’s presence
today?’ ‘Where have I known true
joy today?’
This represents of course, the
first part of The Examen of
Conscience, an ancient way of
praying that helps us to detect
God’s work in our lives. It was
first suggested by Ignatius of
Loyola, and has been described
as a ‘rummaging around’ for God,
something like going through
an untidy drawer, looking for
something you know is there, but
for which you have to rummage.
While the traditional name is
The Examen of Conscience,
which sounds as though you’re
just looking for moral failures,
the word ‘conscience’ originally
probably had a deeper meaning
of ‘consciousness’; of being alive
and acknowledging it mindfully.
Likewise, being grateful for the
many gifts and blessings of the
past 24 hours.
I encouraged ‘M’ to jot down
her ‘gratitudes’, so that she truly
noticed, and would be reminded
of, God’s daily gifts. Who doesn’t
like getting gifts! But how often
do we give thanks for God’s gifts
each day when we’re mired in
deep grief? And we now know
that scientists have shown how
an attitude of thankfulness, of
noticing the small blessings, can
change neural pathways and
actually promote better feelings of
well-being. It was certainly one of
the things that was most helpful
personally as I began working
with a therapist/counsellor who
accompanied me on my journey
of recovery. Alongside the thanks
were a couple of other things that I
discovered were beneficial: walking
in the countryside and reading
the books I had enjoyed as a child.
The former was exercise, fresh air,
noticing the beauty of creation, as
Frances Shapiro recommended
with the creation of EMDR. The
latter was familiar, comforting, and
easier than any other reading I
could attempt.
‘M’ is a runner; but her grief had
stopped her in her tracks! Now,
alongside the gratitude list, she
began running again, just short
outings, initially, but it was better
than not getting out at all. The
very beginning of thankfulness
helped her to feel a little more in
“Where have
I known true joy
today?
control of her feelings and attitude,
and that in turn enabled her to
pick up other helpful, restorative
experiences again. While different
things help different people, in
my experience of my own grief
and that of others, gratitude
and exercise are good ways
of beginning the healing and
recovery process. My own small
contribution to that process, of
having written down words that
might help to heal, is offered with
the hope and prayer that it might
prove to be a blessing to someone
else grappling with the anguish of
bereavement.
Penelope Swithinbank
About the author
Reverend
Penelope
Swithinbank is
an experienced
pilgrimage/
retreat leader,
conference
speaker and
spiritual
counsellor. Her
most special memory in ministry
is of opening the US Senate in
prayer and being guest chaplain
there for a day. She is an avid
walker and spends a lot of her
time stomping in the hills and
valleys near her home outside
Bath. She is a wife, mother and
grandmother and says of her
six grandchildren that they are
so wonderful she should have
had them first! Penelope’s
books, including Scent of
Water, are available to order
from bookshops, via Amazon,
and on her website: www.
penelopeswithinbank.com
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
29

Letting the Light In
Reviewed by Andrew Clark
To the human mind, there doesn’t
seem to be any rhyme or reason as
to why some people’s lives appear
relatively smooth, and why others
go from one significant life episode
to the next. The sacred interplay of
life and faith when really difficult
stuff happens can bring a torrent
of questions with no easy answers
as well as a significant challenge
to the assumptions of how life with
a faith in a loving God should play
out. Karen Lawrence’s memoir
reflecting on the journey of giving
birth to and raising a daughter
with Down Syndrome tracks the
story of a ‘close to perfect’ family
scenario being turned upside
down and their struggle with how
to make sense of it.
Letting the Light In feels like a
cathartic exploration of some
of the inner battles that arise
when something beyond the
expected occurs. Having been
present at the birth of my own
three children, I fully recognise
that it doesn’t always feel smooth
and peaceful! For Karen, that
experience is also coloured by the
strange atmosphere you sense
when you suspect that people
just aren’t telling you what they’re
really thinking. Accepting the
early diagnosis for little Martha is a
gambit of belief, unbelief and every
colour of reflection in between.
Subsequent health challenges
involving surgery for the little one
again catapults the author into
the liminal space that makes you
doubt that anything is real. This
memoir is a brave processing of
some of those feelings that rise
and fall in the heat of it.
One is always aware of the
platitudes that people (perhaps
Christians especially) roll out in the
face of suffering, loss and supposed
misfortune. Christian responses to
disability can be equally difficult to
swallow. To hear Karen’s responses
expressed on paper to those who
would comment about
how much of a blessing
it must be to have a
‘Down's child’, or that God
somehow must have extra
trust to gift such a child
to this couple, when all
along there is an internal
dialogue which feels
that it is anything but a
blessing, is an emotional
read. Karen is navigating
the broken cracks on the
shattering of her dreams
of what her family would
be like in full public view,
where every glance from
another parent triggers
more layers of pain. How
are any words going to
bring any sort of relief?
Karen is not only mother
to Martha, however. With five
older siblings, Martha’s arrival in
the family impacts more than
just Mother. The unrelenting
need to focus on Martha’s needs
leads to the struggle to ensure, as
much as one can, the wellbeing
of the other children. The older
siblings take on parenting roles
to the young ones whilst making
sense of their own worlds, the
challenges of education and
establishing themselves socially
amongst their peers. And then,
marriage. How can the relationship
navigate the scale of what they are
experiencing? This part of Karen’s
story is a poignant reminder of the
interconnectedness of a life and
the impact of one happening upon
another and gives rise to the cry of
how does it all stay together.
Karen’s journey seems to begin
with a fundamental acceptance
that this is who Martha is, and
this is the situation she is going
to have to live through. The pain
of recognising that Martha is
always going to need additional
support, and may never achieve
the goals of her siblings or peers,
comes to rest in Karen. Not easily,
but it comes home. And it is with
that realisation and modicum of
acceptance that the shift begins
in her attitude. She begins to
see how much internal work
she needs to process in order
for new possibilities to arise for
Martha. Beyond the heartache,
the progress of her daughter
through the toddler years and
the journey into schooling gives
rise to a tremendous pride in the
humblest of achievements, and
the most beautiful emergence of
the shift in Karen’s journey towards
warm acceptance that had been
such a struggle. The young Martha
beginning her cello lessons strikes
me as being a simple triumph of
human possibility and creativity.
Karen’s story is perhaps a story
that could be told in like manner
by many other parents who arrive
at similar circumstances and
are confronted with challenges
that need to be faced. But this is
not everyone’s story, it is Karen’s.
Whether in counselling, or, in my
case, the work of a pastor, the
30 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

ook review
strong lesson of this memoir is to
recognise that every person facing
a challenge faces it with a unique
individuality. There were certainly
thoughts, questions and emotions
which Karen communicated that
I’ve heard from others, and in that
way this book will feel familiar
to many who are engaged in
supporting people. However, I was
challenged to stick with Karen’s
experience as it came uniquely
to her life. Reading became an
arrival onto the holy ground
created by Karen, by Martha, and
by this ‘regular’ Christian family.
It took me beyond what I might
stereotypically expect people to
say, feel or express, to the real heart
of someone broken enough and
brave enough to tell the story for
herself and for others. That is how
the light gets in.
Reverend Andrew Clark is a Baptist
minister serving in Hertfordshire.
He is married with three children
an ‘enjoys copious amounts of
therapeutic knitting’.
Letting the Light In:
How a Baby with Down
Syndrome Changed My Life
by Karen Lawrence
Available in Kindle and
paperback on Amazon
Amazon Standard Identification
Number B09HMV8T31
A comment on content . . .
An open letter to the Editor from Hazel Skeet
You have invited readers to
comment upon the content
of accord and I would like to
begin by saying that I appreciate
your editorials. You offer us your
personable self and for me it feels
as though you are opening the
accord door and saying ‘Welcome’.
I am encouraged to turn the pages
and to read on.
In response to the wider question
around content, I am heartened
by accord’s willingness to include
articles that deal with more
troubling issues or experiences.
Unfortunately, my research
has not enabled me to find an
article written some time ago by
a student (or newly qualified?)
contributor who talked about
her difficulties as she began her
counselling practice. She described
the journey of self-awareness that
had been necessary to enable
her to relate to her clients more
helpfully. I wish I had written to
commend her at the time because
it is so easy to think that everyone
else in the counselling world
is enjoying amazing, in-depth
sessions with grateful clients
but, of course, counselling is not
always like that! It will have cost
courage for that contributor to be
so honest.
I was also heartened that Christian
Ilodibe (issue 112, autumn 2021)
was given space to describe his
dissatisfaction with the audit
process and that he found ACC
willing to hear his grievances and
to tackle them ‘one after the other’.
Thanks are owed to Christian for
taking the trouble to share a story
that it is vital for us to hear – his
concern that he was the victim of
stereotyping and assumptions, and
that it ‘hurt to the core’ when he
felt his integrity was in question.
In a recent edition of accord
(issue 113, winter 2021) Fiona Spicer
shared her story about the LBGTQ+
issues that have shaken her family
life and her church community.
Her openness in the face of such
personal pain commands respect
and I suspect that her experience
resonates with many of us who
grieve as we hear of individuals and
church communities torn apart by
this issue.
We know of Christians who believe
that any active expression or
acceptance of LGBTQ+ sexuality
must result in a bar to church
membership that is on equal
terms with heterosexual members.
Beliefs are held with the utmost
sincerity and in other areas of life
we might know these members
to be outstanding examples of
Christian love and service. How
can we hope to square this circle
when we also know about the
extreme pain of those who have
suffered because of their LGBTQ+
sexual identity; sometimes through
years of lonely silence, sometimes
through the terrible ostracisation
that follows disclosure? LGBTQ+
identifying individuals long to
participate fully in the life of their
chosen church community but
for many the best they may be
offered is a restricted participation.
At worst, they might face outright
condemnation and exclusion.
I do not have an answer; the chasm
feels too wide to cross and I am
driven to prayer.
However I would like to conclude
by being grateful that ACC have
made it clear to members that the
Association is a signatory to the
Memorandum of Understanding.
We are bound by clear ethics and
guidelines so that as counsellors
we will never, ever, attempt to
challenge, coerce, or encourage
a person to change their sexual
identity. Instead we carry an
immense privilege – to listen,
to love, and to hold our clients
with profound respect, believing
in them and trusting them as
they endeavour to find their own
authentic way through these
painful and murky waters.
May we all grow big and open
hearts, known by our love for one
another.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
31

Loneliness
by Sue Monckton-Rickett
This was the theme of Mental
Health Awareness Week (9th to
15th May) this year.
I wonder what images the word
‘loneliness’ conjures up in your
mind? The elderly or housebound
person, perhaps, sitting at the
window, or the homeless person
huddled in a doorway? We often
equate loneliness with aloneness,
but they are not necessarily the
same thing. Some people may
choose to be alone and live happily
without much contact with other
people, while others may find this
a desperately lonely experience.
We probably all acknowledge the
truth of the statement ‘you can
feel lonely in a crowd full of people,
but quite peaceful and content
when alone’, but when we think
about loneliness we may still veer
towards certain stereotypes. And
stereotypes matter because they
create a stigma about loneliness
and they also reduce our ability
to be aware of the potential for
loneliness.
SO WHAT IS LONELINESS?
Loneliness has been described
as ‘the feeling we get when our
need for rewarding social contact
and relationships is not met’ (1).
It is that sense of an unmet need
for meaningful relationships that
is vital and therefore how many
people you know or live or meet
with is actually quite irrelevant.
We may be in many relationships,
but still feel lonely because there
is a mismatch between the
relationships we need and the
ones we are in.
Loneliness and social isolation
are often talked about in the
same context but they are not
the same thing, nor does one
(i.e. social isolation) necessarily
lead to the other (i.e. loneliness).
Social isolation is an objective
lack of social contacts, which
can be measured by the number
of relationships a person has.
Someone who is socially isolated
isn’t necessarily lonely, nor is a
lonely person necessarily socially
isolated.
Loneliness is sometimes described
in three ways:
1. Emotional loneliness – the
absence or loss of a significant
other, such as a partner or close
friend, with whom you have a
meaningful relationship (2).
2. Social loneliness – the lack of a
wider social network that can
provide a sense of belonging
and community (2).
3. Existential loneliness – a sense
of feeling disconnected from
others, and as though life is
empty and lacks meaning (3).
We can see how these may co-exist
and can all have a very deep and
significant impact.
HOW COMMON IS LONELINESS?
Measurements by the Office for
Nations Statistics in 2016/2017
showed that one in twenty (five per
cent) of adults in the UK said they
‘often or always’ felt lonely, with
younger adults (sixteen to twentyfour
years old) reporting feeling
lonely more often than older
people.
The impact of social distancing and
lockdowns during the pandemic
meant that many more people
faced social isolation and loneliness
and the proportion of people who
felt ‘often or always lonely’ rose
to just over seven per cent of the
adult population, in February 2021.
Surveys by the Mental Health
Foundation (post-pandemic)
showed that there was a lag in
the reduction of loneliness, but
the levels are now back to those
of pre-pandemic, still equating to
approximately 2.5 million people in
the UK.
32 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO
LONELINESS
There are many factors that
contribute towards loneliness,
which include:
• Practical and physical barriers
that prevent socialising (i.e.
having caring responsibilities,
lack of access to transport,
lack of finance, and lack of
accessibility).
• Societal barriers such as
discrimination, prejudice and
stigma that contribute towards
isolation (whether physically or
relationally).
• Psychological barriers: loss
of confidence, social anxiety/
disorders, depression and other
mental health issues
These barriers clearly affect some
groups in our population more
than others and in the Mental
Health Foundation’s Loneliness
UK report (4) it is acknowledged
that whilst anyone can experience
loneliness, certain factors have
been identified as increasing
the chance of severe and lasting
loneliness:
• Being widowed.
• Being single.
• Being unemployed.
• Living alone.
• Having a long-term health
condition or disability.
• Having a mental health
condition.
• Living in rented
accommodation.
• Being between 16 and 24 years
old.
• Being a carer, including being a
single parent.
• Being from an ethnic minority
community.
• Being LGBTQ+.
(Surprisingly, being elderly, which
is often an image that we associate
with loneliness, was not identified
as a contributing factor.)
When we look at these factors, we
can also see that some of these
groups were disproportionately
impacted by lockdown. For
example, the unemployed, people
with physical and mental health
conditions, carers, etc. and so
loneliness levels for these groups
were also higher during the
pandemic than for the general
population.
There are also life events which
may increase feelings of loneliness:
• Experiencing a bereavement.
• Going through a relationship
break-up.
• Retiring and losing social
contact.
• Changing jobs and feeling
isolated from co-workers.
• Starting at university.
• Moving to a new area or country
without family, friends or
community networks.
• Specific times of the year such
as birthdays, Christmas, etc.
LONELINESS AND MENTAL
HEALTH
At times we may all experience
periods and feelings of loneliness
which are not going to have any
lasting impact on our mental
health, but severe loneliness and
poor mental health are interlinked
and in many ways can exist in
an unhealthy cycle or what is
sometimes called ‘the loneliness
loop’:
isolation and loneliness
may cause poor mental
health
The loneliness loop
Various studies (5 & 6) have
provided evidence that loneliness
is a strong predictor of poor mental
health and one study (7) measured
the link between loneliness and
depression, showing that an
increase in the degree of loneliness
resulted in increases in the severity
of depression symptoms.
In recent years, loneliness has
been recognised as a key social
determinant of health (physical
and mental) and has been adopted
as a public health priority across
local authorities and health bodies.
In 2018, the UK Government
published its first national strategy
on loneliness. Mark Rowland, Chief
Executive of the Mental Health
Foundation, said: ‘Loneliness is
affecting more and more of us in
the UK and has had a huge impact
on our physical and mental health
during the pandemic. That is why
we have chosen it as our theme
for Mental Health Awareness
Week 2022. Our connection to
other people and our community
is fundamental to protecting
our mental health so we much
find better ways of tackling the
epidemic of loneliness. We can all
play a part in this’ (8).
TACKLING LONELINESS
The Mental Health Foundation
has identified five UK-wide policy
recommendations to address
loneliness in society:
1) Taking a strategic approach to
loneliness.
2) Developing the community
resources needed to tackle
loneliness.
Poor mental health
may cause isolation and
loneliness
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
33

3) Building a greener lived
environment that supports
social contact.
4) Supporting children and young
people with interventions in
education settings; and
5) Ensuring that everyone
has access to digital
communication technology,
and the skills to use it, and
respecting preferences for nondigital
forms of communication.
I wonder, though: What is our
response is, as counsellors and
pastoral carers, to the loneliness
that the people we work with may
be experiencing?
Firstly, it may be for us to actually
appreciate the potential for
loneliness and its impact and a
whole variety of circumstances and
issues, not just the stereotypical
ones. (I may be the exception, but
it is not something that many
clients have actually named.)
Secondly, to help break down the
stigma of loneliness. It is thought
that ‘admitting’ to loneliness may
actually now carry more stigma
than talking about a mental health
issue.
Thirdly, there are many practical
steps and strategies we can
encourage people to adopt and
build into their lives. This article is
not going to detail them, but they
can be found in the Loneliness
and Mental Health Report UK at:
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/
our-work/research
Finally and perhaps most
importantly, we can consider
within our work the importance
of appropriate, meaningful
relationships that many people are
missing.
Timothy Keller, a Christian pastor
and theologian wrote this:
‘To be loved but not known is
comforting but superficial.
To be known and not loved is our
greatest fear.
But to be fully known and truly
loved is, well, a lot like being loved
by God.
It is what we need more than
anything.
It liberates us from pretence,
Humbles us out of our
self-righteousness,
And fortifies us for any difficulty
life can throw at us’ (9).
‘Being fully known and truly
loved’, or what we may know as
the ‘unconditional positive regard’
is the basis of counselling and
pastoral care relationships, and
may be the most important aspect
in reducing loneliness.
The Christian faith is all about
relationships and they have always
been seen by God as vital to
human existence. In Genesis 2:18
God says ‘It is not good for the man
to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him’. Our work may
sometimes be, to be that ‘suitable
helper’ and also to help those we
work with to find ways of bringing
into their lives the suitable helpers
they need.
References
1 MIND website.
2 Weiss R. The experience
of emotional and social
isolation. 1973.
3 van Tilburg T. Social,
emotional, and existential
loneliness: a test of the
multidimensional concept.
The Gerontologist. 2021 Oct;
61(7): 335–44.
4 Loneliness and Mental
Health UK, published by the
Mental Health Foundation.
May 2022.
5 Beller J, Wagner A.
Disentangling loneliness:
differential effects of
subjective loneliness,
network quality, network size,
and living alone on physical,
mental, and cognitive health.
Journal of Aging and Health.
2018 Apr; 30 (4):521–39.
6 Jaspal R, Breakwell GM.
Socio-economic inequalities
in social network, loneliness
and mental health during
the COVID-19 pandemic.
International Journal of
Social Psychiatry. 2022 Feb 1;
68(1):155–65.
7 Lee SL, Pearce E, Ajnakina
O, Johnson S, Lewis G, Mann
F, et al. The association
between loneliness and
depressive symptoms among
adults aged 50 years and
older: a 12-year populationbased
cohort study. The
Lancet Psychiatry. 2021 Jan 1;
8(1):48–57.
8 Mental Health Foundation
Website
9 The Meaning of Marriage:
Facing the Complexities
of Commitment with the
Wisdom of God. Timothy
Keller.
Sue Monckton-Rickett
About the author
Sue Monckton-Rickett is Chair
of ACC.
34 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

feature
Sandwiches, smiles
and sanity
Modern issues in counselling and pastoral care
by Mick Fleming
Losing someone comes with a
lot of complexity. You might
find yourself grappling with many
challenges alongside your grief,
from administration to wills and
probate. The last thing you need,
therefore, is for the cost of a funeral
to be part of that daunting list, but
the reality is that financial hardship
is making access to funerals more
difficult for people than ever
before, creating and imposing a
raft of challenging psychological
burdens for those whose mental
health might not (for other
reasons) be in great shape to begin
with. Such burdens represent what
I believe will become a modern
societal dilemma that will only
escalate, and to which Christian
counsellors and pastoral workers
are called to respond.
We live in a society where many
people quite simply can’t afford
to die. The increased cost of
living and escalation in funeral
costs means that families are
sometimes left unable to pay
for their loved ones to have
ceremonies, which can have
a massive impact on their
mental health. This represents a
particularly distressing element
of pastoral care in 2022.
Fortunately, there are grants
available for people who can’t
afford a funeral. However, the
money is paid out only after
the funeral has taken place.
Undertakers will not take on the
organisation of a funeral without
being paid first, which leaves many
people in an extremely challenging
financial situation, and although
these grants are helpful, they also
have limitations. Only people who
claim certain benefits are entitled
to them, and those who claim a
state pension aren’t allowed them.
This option reduces end of life
dignity, disrupts the essential
mourning process, and leaves
little space for proper grieving.
The psychological impact upon
those who are already struggling
with life in general can be truly
devastating and long-lasting.
Those who can’t afford a funeral
are left only with the option of a
state function where no formal
service is held, and the body of
their loved one is quietly cremated
without any sense of a fitting
farewell. Such a bleak process
leaves little space for proper
grieving.
At Church on the Street (COTS),
we work hard to ensure the
poor don’t have to suffer this
humiliating indignity and
psychological (spiritual) trauma.
Even if a bereaved individual has
the money to pay for a funeral, I
personally, as the celebrant, won’t
charge to conduct the service,
simply because I believe we must
give people the space they need
to grieve without the stress of
financial implications looming
in the background. Everyone
deserves an opportunity to
properly grieve and mourn their
loved ones.
Yet, for as many funeral services as
we take, people are suffering
because of an unjust society that
doesn’t serve our communities as
they need it to. Funerals should
be accessible to all, in that they
represent what should be a normal
opportunity for paying one’s
respects as an integral component
of the grieving process.
FUNERALS, FAITH AND FOOD
Whether it be a funeral, or an
enquiry about faith, for example,
or a request for a hot meal, our
underlying philosophy here at
COTS is that there is (or should be)
a place for everyone. We take the
rest from there.
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
35

feature
“Everyone
deserves an
opportunity to
properly grieve and
mourn their loved
ones.
IN THE BEGINING
Church on the Street started in
Burnley with, of all things, coffee
and sandwiches for those in
need, and has developed into a
burgeoning ministry that now
touches lives in different locations
in Burnley and beyond, grappling
daily with issues as diverse as the
population it seeks to serve, not
least a swathe of emotional and
pastoral crises that all-too-often
arise amongst a vulnerable and
marginalised populace.
Armed with little more than a flask
of coffee, Pastor Mick Fleming
simply opened his suitcase
one day, revealing packets of
sandwiches available to those on
the streets of Burnley who needed
them. Thereby began a holistic
ministry that primarily aims to
help those living with poverty,
according to the mandate of
Matthew 25:35-36, but which is
adaptable according to whatever
needs present themselves.
MIND THE GAP
COTS describes itself as ‘a one-sizefits-all
charity and church standing
in the gaps of society’ and it could
be argued that theirs is very much
a ministry grappling with modern
issues of counselling and pastoral
care.
Practical matters are often (daily)
to the fore, but COTS refuses to shy
away from the pressing demands
of mental health care that arise
just beneath the surface of the
problems that are immediately
obvious. With those increasingly
prevalent issues in mind, COTS
represents a safe place for recovery
where those whose mental health
is poor (and neglected) are always
made welcome and unfailingly
offered a listening ear . . . and one
of Mick’s famous sandwiches!
“I now have a purpose in my life,
my depression is lifting and I am
doing something that is helping
me back to work”
So says one of the many recipients
of Church on the Street’s multifaceted
ministry, which nowadays
includes and provides (in no
particular order):
• Assistance with funeral services.
• Help and advice for those
seeking to escape the poverty
trap.
• Service to God through service
to those in need (practical,
psychological or otherwise).
• Food and clothes with those
who can’t afford their own.
• A chat service for people who
might otherwise be largely
ignored.
• Recovery programmes based
around friendship and prayer.
• A charity shop in Barnoldswick,
Lancashire.
• A place of sanctuary for those
without adequate support
networks.
• Support for vulnerable women
working in the sex industry.
• Advocacy for those unable to
fight for the changes they need.
• Spiritual support and guidance.
• COTS presently has two fully
qualified, accredited counsellors
working alongside them. (All
counselling is provided free of
charge, on a walk-in basis for
appointments.)
It is not of course a quantum
leap from practical and financial
difficulties to severe emotional
distress or mental breakdown,
hence the connection COTS
endeavours to make between
hands-on help and matters
of the mind. The visitor who
finds themselves embarrassed
at, say, coming to COTS for
food, for example, might alltoo-easily,
without friendship,
understanding and assistance,
plunge into the horrors of
depression and even suicidal
thinking. How important, then, do
sandwiches and smiles become!
If you would like to know more
about the multi-dimensional
ministry of Church on the Street
– coffee, counselling and Christ!
– your interest would be most
welcome, at:
admin@cots-ministries.co.uk
1-7 Hammerton Street,
Burnley, Lancashire. BB11 1NA
If you think you might be
interested in supporting Church on
the Street in any way, then please
visit their website: cots-ministries.
co.uk
Mick Fleming
About the author
Born in Burnley,
Pastor Mick
Fleming
experienced
sexual abuse as
a child, and later
lost his older
sister. These
traumas led him
into the murky
world of drug dealing and debt
collection. Becoming an addict
himself, he experienced the
poverty of Burnley on a personal
level. God, however, touched his
life, and Mick has subsequently
made his way through a
recovery process and a course of
theological study.
This article was kindly supplied
by Pastor Mick Fleming
and Christopher Cherill,
Safeguarding Officer for Church
on the Street.
36 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

In Touch
Manna House Counselling Service
CHRISTIAN
COUNSELLING COURSES
Providing training for pastoral
workers and trainee counsellors
Provisional Dates:
L3 Advanced Certificate Course
1 yr p/t starting Autumn 2022
L2 Introductory Course
1 week (6 days) Summer School
8th-13th August 2022
6 alternate Saturdays starting
3rd Sept - 19th Nov 2022
For further information visit
www.themannahouseonline.com
Tel: 01604 633304 or email
Training@mannahouse.org.uk
Lot 36 Agency
Psychotherapy, Counselling,
Coaching, Pastoral Care
Life can be challenging at times!
Lot 36 Agency provides:
✔ Confidential talk therapy
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Counsellors, Therapists and
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Call us today!
Freephone 0800 689 0076
www.lot36.co.uk
info@lot36.co.uk
We seek to help and support those
who are suffering emotional and
personal issues helping them find a
way forward through their difficulties.
Particularly in the following areas:
Bereavement * Trauma * Loss * Stress
* Physical / Mental / Sexual Abuse *
Depression * Drug/Alcohol Abuse
* Gender * Sexuality * Relationships
* Marriage * Anxiety * Loneliness
Counselling is carried out by
professionally trained counsellors
using a range of recognised models
of counselling.
Tel: 078 1710 6295
The Olive Tree Centre, Eastwood
Baptist Church, Nobles Green Road,
Eastwood, Leigh on Sea,
Essex, SS9 5PY
enquiries@olivetreecentre.org.uk
www.olivetreecentre.org.uk
Registered Charity - Number 1075617
Safeguarding for Counsellors
Church Safeguarding Consultancy provides a
professional consultancy service to churches, faith
communities, counselling agencies, missions,
charities, and not-for-profit organisations to assist in
safeguarding children and adults.
PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPIES
COACHING | TRAINING
Accredited Cert and Dip Courses
from a Christian perspective
September 2022 - London
www.heartandmind.london
Our aim is to make our faith communities
safer places for all.
We offer support and advice, safeguarding training
in child and adult protection, writing policies, review
current & non-recent cases, audit, management
investigation, risk assessment and supervision.
For more information, please contact:
Church Safeguarding Consultancy
Unit 3, Chorley West Business Centre,
Chorley, Lancashire PR7 1NL
Telephone: 07761 486 764
Email: Info@churchsafeguarding.com
www.churchsafeguarding.com
www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org accord Summer 2022
37

Willows is an established leading training
agency, training counsellors for over 32 years.
We are a recognised Counselling Service and
organisational member of the National
Counselling Society - a distinct mark of quality.
From beginner to post-qualified, our courses
train people to become professional
counsellors and are also ideal for those already
working in the profession.
We deliver industry-wide recognised
qualifications and are regularly judged as
outstanding by the CPCAB, our awarding body.
From Level 2 to Level 5 all of our courses,
accredited by the CPCAB, start in Sept 2022.
Level 5 is a Diploma in Trauma Counselling.
We also run a series of one-day Continuing
Professional Development Workshops:
www.eventbrite.co.uk/o/willows-counsellingamp-training-30343729600
For further information please contact us
01793 426 650
training-enquiries@willowscounselling.org.uk
or visit our website at
www.willowscounselling.org.uk
Check out our creative,
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www.deeprelease.org.uk
Can't make the date?
Visit our website for the
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Beautifully edited and yours to keep!
ATTACHMENT
INNER CHILD
NESTING DOLLS
DREAMS
BLOCKED ANGER
RELATIONSHIPS
TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
ASPECTS OF SELF
GESTALT
DISORDERED EATING
www.pact-resources.org.uk
Do you have a female friend
or family member who is in
need of some support?
We’re here to help.
www.waterlilyproject.org.uk
The Water Lily Project is a registered
Christian charity, who support women
through divorce, bereavement, illness,
depression/anxiety, financial
difficulties, addictions, domestic abuse
or mental health issues. Based in
Christchurch, Dorset.
For Support Call:
01202 246763
24 hour answerphone
Or email
support@waterlilyproject.org.uk
Counselling Together, is the largest
Christian counselling service
operating in and around the
New Forest. We are a registered
charity, operating in local churches
supporting clients across the New
Forest.
We greatly welcome hearing from
Qualified Volunteer Counsellors
who are interested in joining us and
currently we are seeking someone
who can work with Couples, please
do get in touch.
Our support systems include team
meetings, individual supervision
and training.
For further details and
requirements for these positions,
please contact us on
07983 320450 or email
counsellingtogether@yahoo.com.
To see our full range of services
please head to our website
www.counsellingtogether.co.uk
The Oaks
Counselling Service
The Oaks Counselling Service is a
counselling charity based in
Bournemouth, Poole, Christchurch
and Dorset area, established in
2010.
We are looking for self-employed
Therapists to join our supportive
therapy team, who are
experienced with couples and
individual counselling and are
members of ACC/BACP/UKCP or
equivalent. The successful
applicants will be Accredited or
working towards Accreditation
status. For further information
please contact Lynn Coombs, Chair
of Trustees by June 30th
lcoombs@oaks-counselling .org.uk
Focus Counselling is a charity based in
Bath and Frome providing affordable
counselling for all. We welcome adults,
teenagers and children, as well as
couples and families. Our vision is to
improve mental health in the BANES area
(and beyond) through professional
counselling.
We offer therapy sessions in-person,
remotely and in schools. Our passion for
helping people is extended to our
support groups, including an Eating
Disorder support group and an upcoming
Survivors of Sexual Violence group and
Body Dysmorphia support group.
If you are struggling and need help, visit
www.focusbath.com
or call us on
01225 330096
38 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org

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39

Develop your gifts Be equipped Make a difference
• Counselling
• Spiritual Formation
• Spiritual Direction
• Mentoring and Coaching
• Pastoral Care
• Chaplaincy
t
Learn to be the difference
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