ACC E-Accord Summer 2022

There is hope for a tree when it is
cut down.
It will sprout again . . . merely a
scent of water will make it sprout
and grow again.
(Job 14:7-11 GWT)
watched as the car swept my
I mother away, tumbling and
tossing her frail 90-year-old body,
careering out of control down the
road. The horrendous accident,
as that car caught up both her
and me in its path, left me totally
devastated and suffering deeply
from Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder (PTSD).
Unable to read anything, not even
the Bible, I nevertheless wanted
a spiritual daily reading, one
that might speak into my deep
depression; something short,
approachable, and which would
meet me in my grief. My husband’s
mental breakdown a couple of
years later added to my depression.
A few years afterwards, out of those
times of trauma and loss, I began
to blog little daily devotionals for
times of bereavement; and I also
took even more notice of how grief
affected those I accompany in
Spiritual Direction.
From my own experience of grief
and from walking alongside
others who grieve, I know how
difficult and complex that
pathway can be. It follows no set
pattern; it ebbs and flows. A tear
can become a waterfall.
I also discovered that reading
and concentrating can be
become a burden, a chore, an
impossibility. My directees and I
needed something brief, easily
digested, yet understanding of our
situation, when Bible reading or
prayer becomes difficult, and even
onerous. The onslaught of grief can
sometimes cause a trauma that
renders the bereaved unable to
focus.
Eventually, a book was born out
of my own personal experiences
of such trauma, and the grief
of those I accompany. ‘Scent of
A scent of water
by Penelope Swithinbank
Water: words of comfort in times
of grief’ is a small hardback with
devotional readings, gorgeous
photos (courtesy of Canon Debbie
Dewes), poems, reflections and
quotes. The book has various
sections, including 26 weeks
of brief verses, thoughts and
prayers, with different themes, so
that readers can dip in and out.
Additionally, there is a section for
special days like, for example, the
first Christmas without a loved
one; the first birthday, the first
anniversary.
During Direction, it’s been helpful
to take a verse or a thought from
the book to talk through, as a way
into the grief, helping to explore
where God is at work and where
he is walking in and through this
grief with us. For those for whom
even a few words are too much,
the beautiful photography can be
an aid to reflection through Visio
Lectio. Sitting with a grieving
client, as they gaze at a photo and
invite the Holy Spirit to speak into
their grief, is often a profoundly
moving experience as God moves
alongside them or they become
aware of his presence.
Of course, there are also times
when nothing seems to help those
times of grief’s deep sorrow and
suffering. One client in particular,
in the early days of my own grief,
aroused my own sorrow again.
‘I miss her every day’, ‘M’ sobbed.
‘I can’t get used to not having my
mother around; I still cry a lot and
feel depressed’. My heart seemed
to miss a beat. As her Spiritual
Director, I knew I wanted to walk
with ‘M’ in and through her grief.
However, I felt lost in my own
remembrances of a mother dying. I
prayed one of those ‘arrow’ prayers
asking for help, for strength, even
just for composure.
To be and to share …
As my own tears flowed, I sensed
an answer to my prayer was to
be with ‘M’ in her grief and to
share it, not to ‘pretend’ I didn’t
feel anything; in other words, to
live out the biblical injunction
to ‘weep with those who weep’
(Romans 12:15).
We wept together, acknowledging
our individual griefs and
recognising that tears are indeed
one way of coping. I prayed for
us, that we’d each know God’s
strength and peace, as we gave
thanks for the memories of happy
times with those we’d lost, of being
grateful for having had them in our
lives. And I was then able to help
‘M’ with a daily looking back over
28 accord Summer 2022 www.acc-uk.org • www.pastoralcareuk.org