Haunting-Adeline

A er a few minutes, I’m out of breath. The adrenaline and fear are
ge ng to me. My chest is constricted too ght, my lungs reduced to strings
and no longer capable of holding oxygen.
I’m lost and trapped with a very dangerous man who is going to
absolutely devastate me. I don’t think I’m running from him anymore, but
rather from the person I’m going to be when he’s finished with me.
I was ready to give myself over to him when he emerged from my
balcony doors and came to me with a heavy heart. The man put some type
of spell on me, because when he was hur ng, all I wanted to do was make
him feel be er. Give myself over to him if that’s what would help.
But I know that I would’ve woken up the next day and hated myself.
Because I would’ve slept with a stalker, a murderer and a man who has
forced himself on me on several occasions. I would’ve slept with a man
who doesn’t respect my boundaries, my personal space, or the word no.
And I know without a shadow of a doubt that’s exactly what’s about to
happen. How do I accept that? How do I toss away the moral compass
that’s been direc ng my en re life?
For a man that I should loathe, but… I don’t. I just don’t. He’s all those
things, but he’s also one of the most admirable men I’ve ever met. The
devo on and passion he has for saving women and children stolen away
from their homes and lives, he’s doing something massive in the world and
making an impact in a substan al way. I can't even begin to put into words
the way he makes me feel.
He’s such a fucking oxymoron. Contradic ng in the most agonizing ways.
And despite his cracked moral compass, I feel safe with him. Even now,
when fear is rewiring my brain.
I stop running, pan ng heavily.
Hopeless.
That’s what running from Zade is. Fucking. Hopeless.
Chest pumping, I wait for him to find me. Obviously, I’m not going to be
able to outrun him. My only chance of escaping is to somehow
incapacitate him, and then try to run.
A laugh bubbles up my throat.
He’s been training me to do just that, right? My shadow has been giving
me the means to protect myself.
Against him.