Lot's Wife Edition 6 2015
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STUdENT AFFAIRS 25<br />
‘Cheap’ eats<br />
Clayton campus<br />
edition<br />
of recent times, there has been murmurs amongst elite food<br />
circles that Melbourne’s Monash University’s Clayton campus<br />
is set to become the new ‘go to’ food destination akin to<br />
Lygon street and Smith street, due to the high quality in food<br />
types on offer to the staff and students at the campus. The<br />
university prides itself on the diversity within the cuisines on<br />
offer which range from gourmet Italian pizza to vegan curries<br />
to asian stir fries to fresh fruit. Renowned food critic Clarissa<br />
Williams ventured to the university’s beloved ‘campus centre’<br />
to explore the various cuisines on offer.<br />
Grain Express<br />
Grain Express, which prides itself on the healthy foods it<br />
offers (grains = good for you), is one of the last restaurants to<br />
close on campus each night. This makes it a perfect choice<br />
for those who enjoy spending their spare time hanging out<br />
in Clayton late at night by themselves and watching video<br />
games on youtube in the airport lounge. Walking through the<br />
entrance transports one to the serenity of Saigon, Bangkok,<br />
Singapore with the vast range of cuisines on display in a<br />
similar manner to those in oliver-Twist-orphanage-esque<br />
setting.<br />
Eftpos? No.<br />
Child friendly? No, Grain Express impose a similar Lynch’s<br />
style ‘strictly no child zone’<br />
Gluten free options? STAY AWAY IF GLUTEN INToLERANT.<br />
Wholefoods<br />
Nobody makes a wheatgrass infused chai macchiato with<br />
soy milk and honey quite like the baristas at wholefoods.<br />
The Wholefoods restaurant has been in the campus centre<br />
since the 1970’s but has recently witnessed a mass increase<br />
in their customer base after being vegan became cool. The<br />
restaurant is lined with the original furniture stained with<br />
dahl made in 1973 and you can always rely on Leonard Cohen,<br />
First Aid Kit or Tame Impala to be playing from the stereo.<br />
Eftpos? They pay in love.<br />
Child friendly? Naturally.<br />
Gluten free options? Cardboard is complimentary to all<br />
celiacs.<br />
Convenience Store<br />
A secret gem on campus for all your fresh foods needs. The<br />
existence of the Campus Centre convenience store renders<br />
the Vic Market completely redundant as the vast array of<br />
fresh produce would be sufficient enough to supply a family<br />
of five for an entire week. The best thing about the store is<br />
that you can always bet on your favourite fruit and vege being<br />
there everyday; exactly two rock hard avocados that should<br />
be ready to eat by the year 2030, four carrots and three<br />
‘juicing’ apples.<br />
Eftpos? Yes, minimum 150 dollars.<br />
Child friendly? Yes.<br />
Gluten free options? What’s gluten?<br />
Peri Peri<br />
Peri Peri’s quarter chicken and chips combo is to die for -<br />
literally. don’t let the constant rumored cases of salmonella<br />
deter you, Peri Peri is home to the best chips on campus. The<br />
secret is the chef’s light touch with adding flavour. Lightly<br />
dusted with enough salt to stave off an army of slugs.<br />
Eftpos? Yes.<br />
Child friendly? Yes.<br />
Gluten free options? Yes.<br />
The Kitchen<br />
Mysteriously closed since last semester either for mass<br />
renovations of interrogation by the department of Health and<br />
Human Services.<br />
Eftpos? N/A.<br />
Child friendly? N/A.<br />
Gluten free options? N/A.<br />
BY CLARISSA WILLIAMS This is, of course, satire. Nothing in<br />
this article is factual in anyway.