Lot's Wife Edition 6 2015

EdIToRIAL 3
Editorial
Imagine the shock as you touch down at Tullamarine Airport -
fresh from a month-long trek in Europe - to find that you owe
the government $848.85 because you forgot to pay tax for
one of your jobs. This was the awful news that awaited Claire
as she returned from her decadent trip that she couldn’t
really afford. A couple of weeks later, Claire sat in the Lot’s
Wife office eating her quinoa and roast vegetable salad and
mused over how she was going to be ever able to repay her
debt when she has to buy daily essentials such as craft
beers, pay for her six monthly repair of her Italian boots and
of course, buy her ‘ancient grains’.
What a classic fuck wit of an Arts student. She probably
deserved that slap in the face from the ATo.
Unfortunately Claire’s predicament was not a particularly
unique one, it is a well known fact that university students
enjoy the following; a) backpacking in Europe and b) not
paying taxes. over the mid year break the vast majority of
university students have their newsfeeds clogged up with
pictures of friends in Europe and when classes resume, have
those same friends penning martyred posts about how they
have no money or job.
However Bill and Jarrod were an exception to this as they
were far more savvy with their funds. For instance, Bill’s mum
managed all of his money and Jarrod had invested a large
proportion of his savings in various solar energy companies
across Australia. It was for this that, in light of the financial
demise of their co-editor, Bill and Jarrod decided to lend a
hand of assistance to Claire.
Throughout the weeks that followed, the editors spent
an extensive amount of time devising ways in which funds
could be raised to repay the debt. After a notable politician
had recently released a book of his ‘achievements’, a belief
was ignited that anybody can write a autobiographical book
these days. A proposal for a memoir on the 21 years lived
by Claire - ‘My Story: a tale of hardship, intelligence and
finding myself’ - was devised but rejected by all of the major
Australian publishers.
Someone had also come up with the idea of offering
helicopter rides between campus and the synchrotron for
weary blue permit holders at, what they thought, was a
reasonable price. However, given the high price already
paid for these permits, students were unwilling to shell out
any more money and were obviously a little nervous about
being shamed in the mainstream media in light of recent
controversies regarding air travel.
Such controversies were among many of the issues tackled
in the editors’ sixth edition of Lot’s Wife. Josh Zuzek examined
the domino effect caused by Bronwyn Bishop’s travel
expenses, Kathy Zhang explored the dangers and ethics of
autonomous weapons, Julia Pillai explained why your political
correctness is problematic, and Timothy Newport recounted
his field trip to the Australian outback. Plus the regular
puzzles, Art Showcase, and event listings were included.
Anyway, the purpose of this rather self indulgent editorial
unnecessarily written in the third person, in past tense, was
for the editors to inform their readers as to a slight change
in the nature of Lot’s Wife. After various fund raising ideas
were tossed around and then rejected, one final decision was
ultimately reached. Faced with no other options, the editors
made a decision that is universally dreaded by all editors.
After a ferocious bidding war between multiple interested
parties, Lot’s Wife was sold in a split buy between two major
corporations. For $848.80. So grab a cool, refreshing, Coke,
and enjoy a copy of Lot’s Wife. Independent. Always.
Afterword
The ‘events’ stipulated above is both a combination of fact and
fiction. Lot’s Wife has not actually been sold and remains to be in the
tight grip of the Monash Student Association. Mr Molloy, Ms Rowe
and Mr Verity never took any action in order to raise funds of any
kind for any particular purpose. Ms Rowe did however go to Europe
and it is to the belief of this author that she does in fact owe the
Australian Taxation Office $848.80 and will never forget to pay her
taxes again.