Inside the Mind of BTK

134 INSIDE THE MIND OF BTK
but not because he was shy. Rader had other reasons. Reasons that
only he knew about.
Rader wrote in his journals that by that point in his life, he was
obsessed with strings and cords. There was just something magical
about them. It was hard for him to put it into words.
In an effort to add to his collection, he was forever scouting the
back alleys of his neighborhood and the rubbish bins behind local
stores. He also loved to draw pictures of mummies, like the ones he’d
sometimes see chasing archeologists during the Saturday matinees at
the local theater.
Something about being wrapped up tight in all those strips of
cloth, feeling the pressure of all those bindings, just seemed so wonderful.
All he had to do was think about it for just a few seconds, and
he’d get an erection.
The fantasies were beginning, although the details were still fuzzy
and unresolved in his mind. All he knew was that he possessed an insatiable
need to find a pretty girl, then bind her arms and legs together.
Sort of like a mummy, he told himself, only it would be different.
The young Rader instinctively wanted his victim to be alive. After
a while, this longing to either wrap up a victim or have someone wrap
him up grew inside him like a tumor. One afternoon, his journals
reveal, he placed some of his precious ropes into his pocket and wandered
to the distant outskirts of his neighborhood, out to a hedgerow.
He scouted the area like a soldier, searching to make sure he was alone.
Eventually, after determining that all was safe, he lay down in the
warm dirt and awkwardly wrapped string around his ankles, yanked
it tight, then tied it off with a quick knot. The next step was a little
trickier, but he managed to pull it off. After placing his wrists together,
he passed his hands through a slipknot and, with the string clenched
between his teeth, pulled his bindings tight. He lay there hidden away
from the world, the hot afternoon sun warming his skin, feeling himself
get aroused in a way he never had before. Off in the distance, a
tractor rumbled, but he didn’t pay it any mind.
Then one afternoon, during one of his solo bondage sessions, it
happened: after a few minutes, he ejaculated. He’d never felt anything
like it. The sensation was so euphoric that he sneaked out of his house
the next afternoon and did it again. It wasn’t long before he was tying
himself up whenever he could find a few minutes alone. He wrote
about enjoying imagining himself to be helpless and weak, always just