Inside the Mind of BTK

292 INSIDE THE MIND OF BTK
school when the other kids would torment him because of his size.
Paul brought their mother with him, but she was so hopelessly lost in
the fog of Alzheimer’s that she couldn’t grasp what her oldest son had
done and why he’d been locked away in prison. From what my source
told me, the two brothers cried when they saw each other, and the bulk
of the visit revolved around Paul telling Dennis what his relatives had
been doing since his arrest.
Neither his wife, Paula, her parents, nor any of his children had
visited Rader. Kerri sent him a few letters at first, but hadn’t written
in over a year. Paula has never communicated with her now former
husband since he’s been at El Dorado, but Dennis told my source that
he dreams about the day she finally does. In one of the only letters she
penned to him right after his arrest, she told him that she’d have to
forgive him one day in order for God to forgive her for her sins. So
Rader tells himself he has that going for him. His son, Brian, writes
occasionally, telling him about his life in the Navy and filling him in
on family matters. In one letter, Brian commented, “You’re not right
in the head and people don’t understand that.”
The drive to the prison from Wichita takes roughly forty minutes,
but it felt longer to me.
I didn’t know what I expected to take away from this interview.
Truth is, I’d had a fairly good understanding about what went on
inside Rader’s head long before I reimmersed myself in this case. But
after digging through his journals, talking to his friends, and interviewing
the cops who had chased him, I found that Rader had begun
to grow blurry again for me, becoming almost mysterious. The sensation
was similar to that of driving into a fog bank. As you approach
it, you can make out its shape and dimensions, but within seconds of
entering it, you grow disoriented, confused.
I still had unanswered questions.
Could I truthfully say I understood why he’d gone so long between
killings?
Did I really know how he was able to compartmentalize his life
with such absolute precision?
Why did he resurface at the age of fifty-nine, an age when most
serial killers are incarcerated, dead, or smart enough to understand
that serial killing isn’t a pastime for old men?
And last, what could we in law enforcement learn from Rader to
help stop other serial killers earlier in their careers?