Reading Body Language

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Part II: Starting at the Top
you. The intensity and length of time she holds your eye influences the meaning
of the gaze. The following sections explain the different attitudes that a
held gaze can mean.
Jennifer is a psychiatric doctor working in private practice. A patient of hers,
Dorothy, is an elderly woman who was diagnosed schizophrenic when she was
in her late teens. Dorothy has managed to live an active life through the use of
medication and psychiatric treatment and many of her friends aren’t aware of
her illness. One behaviour that Jennifer noticed about Dorothy is the way she
stares at another person for long periods of time without speaking. The look is
difficult to read because of the blankness of the stare. The look is unflinching
and can be unnerving to people who aren’t aware of the problem.
When a person holds your gaze she’s telling you one of two things: She finds
you attractive or interesting, or she may be feeling anger or hostility towards
you and is offering you a non-verbal challenge. How do you tell the difference?
Look at her pupils: In the first case, the pupils are dilated; in the
second, the pupils are constricted.
To show interest
You can demonstrate interest in what you’re doing or saying by fixing your
gaze directly on the person or object you’re addressing for slightly longer
than you may normally do. The length and direction of your gaze tells anyone
who’s paying attention that you only have eyes for who and what you’re looking
at. The moment you look at another person, you have given that person
your attention. Hold the look for more than two to three seconds and you
imply that the person has grabbed your interest and has your permission to
look back at you.
Some people find establishing and maintaining
eye contact difficult and avert their eyes when
speaking. Others bore into their listeners with
piercing eyes. Because of the connective quality
of the eyes – the gateway to the soul as the
saying goes – it can be hard to gauge the other
person if she refuses to meet your eye.
Research shows that when Westerners interact,
they look at one another on average 61 per
cent of the time. The speaker looks at the listener
between 40–60 per cent of the time, and
the listener looks at the speaker approximately
Who’s watching who?
75 per cent of the time. People spend approximately
31 per cent of their time mutual gazing.
What this tells you is that if someone looks at
you more or less than usual, something’s going
on that’s impacting her response.
The average gaze for an individual lasts 2.95
seconds and the average mutual gaze is 1.8
seconds. However, in Japan, the Middle East,
and some Asian and South American cultures,
prolonged eye contact is perceived as hostile or
discourteous.