Standouts - The Beat Within

TheBeatWithin.org
Page 11
Pieces of the week
Saved
To all my friends and lovers! To everybody that I’m writing this letter
to, I want to let you know that I truly love and care about you. I want
to let everybody know that in this war of my world, I have a daughter
(Honey) and a son (Nathan). I never meant for them to be in this
world, but they are here now…
I’m seventeen years young, been in the system for a couple of
years now, not even caring what happens to me, but my family is
stressing and wondering what is happening to me. But for me, to be
saved, I honestly feel like somebody or something really has to be
an obstacle for me.
For an example, when my kids were born I felt horrible knowing
I’m still stuck to my varrio and to my mentality because if I really
wanted to change I would’ve already.
I have been using meth and heroin just as a way to ease the
pain. It does… it really does.. or for the moment.
No parents to really tell me from the start. The only thing that
stayed with me is the homies. The only tears that I’ve shed are lead,
and you’ll catch my “emotions” at the scene of a crime.
I’m in a shell case… The way I get rid of my pain, I try to yell…
the way I scream is through my pistol… well this is a small portion
of my life. Still hoping that some people can look at life and look at
this lifestyle and realize that it isn’t the way.
-Geavanny, Los Angeles
From The Beat: Although this is sad story and it might seem impossible
to get out of such a difficult situation, we hope you will continue to
reflect on how this situation came about in your life. Take the help that
is offered to you in programs and take your own advice—realize that
it isn’t the way.
We’re Not Just Young And Reckless
They say us kids nowadays are young and reckless, but they really
don’t know our side of the story and the struggle, and how it’s hard
to stay humble in this world, especially when it seems like everyone
around you is out to get you.
The friends you have in middle school turn frenemies, and
some youngsters don’t have moms or pops, so they look up to the
older homies in the ‘hood, and see how they move, and want to be
just like ‘em. We see the guns, drugs, and frenemies in nice whips,
and fall in love with the game. But the game don’t love us back, and
we find that out too late. We either in jail or dead.
-Fresh, San Francisco
From The Beat: It’s sad, tragic, when your friends turn into enemies.
Does the sight of weapons, drugs, as well as making you feel humble,
scare you to the depths of your soul? Since you’re alive, can you leave
the game?
Before My Self-Destruct
I finally found out what my self-destruct means. It means when you
do bad things like shoot and kill people, it comes back to you at
the end.
Like 50 Cent’s move called “Before I Self-Destruct.” He was
shooting and killing people through the whole movie and having sex
with a girl that was trife the whole time and her boyfriend got out of
jail and she set him up at the end and he got killed at the end of the
movie. That’s a good example of self-destruct.
‘Cause I did a lot of grimy stuff to my so-called friend. Like we
got into it and shot it out and then at the end he got grazed in the
face and I almost got shot in the face. But the gate saved me. But at
the end I got harmed ‘cause I lost two ninjas from pistol play.
So y’all don’t want to live the life I live. If y’all really doing it,
really movin’ mean. My self-destruct could get me and my family
killed.
-Casey, Alameda
From The Beat: You understand too well now the risks you have been
taking. What now? Is your life, your freedom and your family going to
come first? What are your ninjas going to say about that?
Pieces of the Week
Volume 17.01/02
Where’s God, Mom?
How am I supposed to believe in Him?
My mom’s faith is strong. She tells me to believe.
But, why pray on my knees
When I see all He’s done for me?
All He’s done for my moms, especially.
I’m seventeen years old, with a damn ICE hold.
My older brother moved out of state.
He’s the only one of my moms’ sons
Who hasn’t disappointed her, not even once
Yet he left without a goodbye.
“Tell me where God is, Mom,” I want to say.
My mom came to visit me
And she told me, “Keep faith strong.”
Then she drops the bomb.
“Your brother is dying. The doctor says he has cancer.”
“Where’s God, Mom? Where’s God?”
She keeps telling me, “Keep faith,” because I have faith.
“Why believe, Mom?” I try to say. “Where the hell is He?
I’m not even a criminal. I go to church.
What the hell did I do to get deported?
My brother never committed a crime.
Why is God punishing him?
Is it ‘cause he’s gay, God’s taking his life?
Where’s God, Mom?” I don’t say a word, though.
I remember some words. My favorite quote is:
“Mother is God in the eyes of her child.”
I keep believing. I keep my faith.
-Dopio, Marin
From The Beat: Since you wrote this, you’ve been deported by yourself
to Tijuana, say your friends in juvy. They/we were missing you before
you even left. We hope you’re not totally alone. Your poem asks all the
right questions, and you deserve answers. We hope you find them, and
you can soon return to your family in the US.
Pirate
You steal my heart like a pirate.
You worked very hard at tearing me apart.
You worked to get me down.
You turned my smile into a frown.
Why did you get with me?
I got with you because I loved you.
And I thought you loved me too.
Love and compassion is what you lack.
You came in and steal my heart like a pirate.
-Evan, Santa Clara
From The Beat: Very nicely written. We can sense pain in this writing.
By letting the pain that you have inside will help you overcome
whatever feelings you have. We encourage you to write more for us
and yourself.
I Don’t Want It To Go Away
Something... That something in my head is a memory drifting in my
head. This memory is my brother’s laugh before he was stabbed to
death. It still flashes in my head and brings tears to my eyes. I wish
I was by his side when it all happened. He wouldn’t have died. But
the streets will handle its justice.
It’s crazy how I shook his hand and I didn’t know it was going
to be the last. But yeah, that’s a memory I want to fade away but
don’t because it may be painful but it’s happiness. Gotta go Beat.
-Maniac, Santa Clara
From The Beat: We are sorry for your loss. That is something that many
people will not forget if they experienced what you did. Remember all
the good times you had with your friend. Keep his memory strong by
sharing with others how great of a person he was. This memory can
also be a reminder that life can be gone in a blink of an eye and to
not take anything for granted. Share a memory about your friend. We
would love to hear it.