Anthony Robbins AWAKEN THE GIANT... - Lemma Coaching

Stage Two, Resentment 217 : If resistance is not handled, it grows into resentment. Now you're not
just annoyed; you're angry with your partner. You begin to separate yourself from them and erect an
emotional barrier. Resentment destroys the emotion of intimacy, and this is a destructive pattern
within a relationship that, if unchecked, will only gain speed. If it is not transformed or communicated,
it turns into .. .
Stage Three, Rejection: This is the point when you have so much resentment built up that you find
yourself looking for ways to make your partner wrong, to verbally or nonverbally attack them. In this
phase, you begin to see everything they do as irritating or annoying. It's here that not only emotional
separation occurs, but also physical separation as well. If rejection is allowed to continue, to lessen our
pain, we move to ...
Stage Four, Repression 218 : When you are tired of coping with the anger that comes with the
rejection phase, you try to reduce your pain by creating emotional numbness. You avoid feeling any
pain, but you also avoid passion and excitement. This is the most dangerous phase of a relationship
because this is the point at which lovers become roommates—no one else knows the couple has any
problems because they never fight, but there's no relationship left. What's the key to preventing these
"Four R's"? The answer is simple: communicate clearly up front. Make sure your rules are known and
can be met. To avoid blowing things out of proportion, use Transformational Vocabulary. Talk in terms
of preferences: instead of saying, "I can't stand it when you do that!," say, "I'd prefer it if you did this
instead." Develop pattern interrupts to prevent the type of argument where you can't even remember
what it's about anymore, only that you've got to win.
4. Make your relationships one of the highest priorities in your life; otherwise they will take a back seat
to any or all of the other things that are more urgent that happen during your day. Gradually, the level
of emotional intensity and passion will drift away. We don't want to lose the power of our relationships
simply because we got caught up in the law of familiarity, or we let neglect habituate us to the intense
excitement and passion we have for a person.
5. One of the most important patterns that Becky and I discovered early that is critical to making our
relationship last is to focus each day on making it better, rather than focusing on what might happen if
it ended. We must remember that whatever we focus on we'll experience. If we constantly focus on
our fear of a relationship being over, we'll begin to do things unconsciously to sabotage it so that we
can extract ourselves before we get too entwined and true pain results.
A corollary to this principle is that if you want your relationship to last, never, never, never, ever, ever
threaten the relationship itself. In other words, don't ever say, "If you do that, then I'm leaving." just
making this statement alone creates the possibility. It also induces a destabilizing fear in both partners.
Every couple that I've ever interviewed with a lasting relationship has made it their rule, no matter
how angry or hurt they felt, never to question whether or not the relationship would last and never to
threaten to leave it. Just remember the racing school metaphor of the skid car and the wall. You want
to focus on where you want to go in a relationship, not on what you fear.
217 resentment Ärger (against, at über Akkusativ)
218 repression Unterdrückung; PSYCHOLOGIE Verdrängung