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I N T H E N E W S
Season’s Grievings:
Remembering a Loved One Over the Holidays
submitted by John H. Vigliante
It’s the time of year for festive
family get-togethers, stockings
hung by the fire, twinkling tree
lights and the spreading of holiday
cheer. However, you probably
aren’t feeling very cheerful if
you’re missing a passed love
one. Because the holidays are a
time when loved ones gather,
this season can be particularly
difficult for those who have lost
a dear friend or family member
– whether they died recently or
many years ago.
Fortunately, there are countless
ways to remember a loved
one over the holidays. Even the
simplest rituals could help you
through this trying time – from
lighting a candle in their memory
to visiting a special holiday
memorial service. Not only will
these activities help you through
your grief, but they may also
offer you a sense of peace. With
a little effort, you may find yourself
slipping into the holiday
spirit after all.
Here are 12 meaningful ways
to remember your loved one this
holiday season:
1. Write a private holiday letter
to your loved one. This will
help you express your feelings
and get some things off
your chest.
2. Visit a special holiday
memorial service at your
local church or funeral
home. You may have an
opportunity to light a candle
or hang an ornament on a
tree in honor of your loved
one.
3. Listen to some of your loved
one’s favorite music –
whether it’s holiday tunes,
blues or rock n’ roll. This is
a great way to hold the
memory of your friend or
family member close.
4. Look at photos or watch
videos of your loved one.
This will give you the sense
that he or she is near for the
holidays.
5. Donate the money you
would have spent on gifts for
your loved one to his or her
favorite charity.
6. Light a candle. Whether you
light one at church, at a
memorial service or simply
in your home, this is a
meaningful way to honor
your loved one.
7. Plan a special holiday
remembrance or celebration
of life event and invite of
your loved one’s closest
friends and family members.
8. Hold a casual holiday gettogether
in honor of your
loved one. This will give
you and other family
members an opportunity to
share favorite stories and
memories.
OUR TOWN • DECEMBER 2008
9. Hang a special ornament on
your tree or a stocking in
honor of your loved one.
You may ask friends and
family members to place a
special note in the stocking
that could be shared later.
10. Prepare your loved one’s
favorite food or holiday dish.
11. Adopt an underprivileged
family for the holidays or
donate money to a soup
kitchen or animal shelter.
Helping others in need may
help distract you from your
own grief.
12. Before your family’s holiday
meal, offer a special toast or
prayer in remembrance of
your loved one.
Although there are numerous
ways to remember your loved
one this time of year, it’s important
to understand that each
friend and family member will
have their own unique way of
coping with the loss. While
some may want to join you for a
holiday memorial service at your
church, others may be more
comfortable mourning privately
in their home.
Above all else, remember that
it’s okay to be emotional this
time of year. Allow yourself to
feel grief, sadness, loneliness or
even anger. Just because it’s the
holidays, you shouldn’t be
forced to bottle up your feelings.
On the same token, you shouldn’t
feel guilty for experiencing
happiness or joy during the holidays.
This is not a sign of disrespect
to your passed love one –
it’s just a sign that you’re ready
to keep on living.
Editor’s Note:
John Vigliante is one of the owners of
the Branch Funeral Home in Smithtown.
If you need extra support this holiday
season, call 724-9500 for information
about their grief counseling services.