How To Enhance Your Life - Dean Amory

7 RULES TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE
By: Scott H. Young
Clearly a rule can’t define something as complex as human behaviour. But despite this, I’ve found
most people tend to make the same mistakes. Remembering these seven rules will help you avoid
these mistakes.
People Skills is About Being Nice, Friendly and Interesting. Duh!
Most of the books I’ve read on dealing with people either make two claims:
• Obvious stuff that most people already know: Things like be nice, be considerate, etc.
• Bizarre and complex theories that may explain some behaviour, but is difficult to
generalize.
However, what most people need is information that can be applied generally, but isn’t always
obvious and that helps to avoid people conflicts, social errors and emotional upsets.
Here are the seven rules I’m talking about:
Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.
People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because
they are mostly focused on themselves. Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of
thoughts a typical person has:
In this example, 60% of thoughts are selfdirected.
My goals. My problems. My feelings.
Another 30% are directed towards relationships,
but how they affect me. What does Julie think of
me? How will boss evaluate my performance in
the next review? Do my friends like me or see
me as irritating?
thinking.
Only 10% in this model is time spent in
empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one
person actually feels the emotions, problems and
perspective of another person. Instead of asking
what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie
Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know.
As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple
percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is
how your relationship affects them, not you.
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