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“she provoked me” because she 1) went
out with her female friends, 2) failed
to serve dinner promptly, 3) spent too
much, or 4) did something or did not do
something?
Should Zidane get a pass on this one?
I am a soccer fan because of my 15-
year-old son. He has been playing and
training continually for five years already.
Of course, I am proud of every goal he
scores. But I am most proud of Matt for
what he didn’t do.
Last year during a game a boy on the
other team targeted him with hard and
dirty physical play—an elbow to the ribs
when the ref wasn’t looking, etc. Finally,
when both went for the ball, he grabbed
Matt by the shoulders and slammed him
to the ground. Both went down in a
heap; the other boy came up screaming
and took a swing at Matt.
I report with great pride that Matt
merely took a step backward and said not
a word. The other boy was sent off with
a red card. He left the field belligerent,
unhappy, cursing. The game resumed.
Zidane’s teammate Thierry Henry
addressed Zidane’s impoverished youth,
saying, “You can take the man out of the
rough neighborhood, but you can’t take
the rough neighborhood out of the man.”
Does this explain the head-butt? For
some it undoubtedly does. The French
public is standing by their man. A poll
less than a week later found over 60 percent
forgiving Zidane and accepting his
rationale.
I am conflicted as I take the position
of condemning Matterazzi for his apparent
slanders while still finding greatest
fault with the Frenchman for choosing
to answer words with violence. I am vulnerable
to being called a naïve white boy
who has only seen rough neighborhoods
in the movies (mostly true). I don’t have
Zidane’s experience or the experience
of millions of men in this country of
poverty, gangs, racism, and violence.
I don’t have the same understanding
about responding to racial and family
and class insults (other than being called
“trailer trash”).
Still, I have come to the understanding
that violence leads to more violence and
initiating violence particularly pollutes
our social environment. How would I
react to deliberate, repeated provocation
such as Zidane endured? Or worse?
To be truthful, I don’t know for sure.
I have to hearken back to the words
of a man I met in Nicaragua. We were
both there in the late 1980s living with
villagers in the war zone and serving
as witnesses to the military assault of
the U.S.-funded “contra” guerilla army.
Rick had been wounded three times in
Vietnam, including getting his leg blown
off. He endured years of depression,
nightmares, alcoholism, and flashbacks.
By the time I met him 20 years after
that war, he had determined that he must
renounce verbal, emotional, and physical
violence in his own life, forever. He
told me he knew that the violence and
atrocities he had witnessed were not the
way forward. He said, “If it meant dying,
then I would rather that than propagate a
system that has been so unsuccessful.”
Rick’s words have haunted and inspired
me for years. I have not traveled as rough
a road as he, but I have come to similar
conclusions. Violence will stop only
when we stop using violence to deal
with our problems. And it has to start
with me.
And what about Zidane? Ultimately, he
had a choice. Didn’t he? VM
Tony Switzer works at the Texas Council on
Family Violence. This article first appeared
atwww.mensnonviolence.org.Commentsare
welcome at tswitz@tcfv.org.
You’re never far from Voice Male!
Look for the magazine at these distribution points throughout the U.S.:
California: Black Oak Books, Berkeley; Center for Women and Men,
USC, Los Angeles • Colorado: Boulder Cooperative Market, Boulder;
Page Two, Boulder • Florida: Goering’s Bookstore, Gainesville • Illinois:
New World Resource Center, Chicago • Maine: Boys to Men, Portland •
(Eastern) Massachusetts: Family Violence Prevention Fund, Boston;
Jane Doe, Boston; Men’s Resource Center of Central Mass., Worcester;
NOMAS-Boston, Westford • New Hampshire: Monadnock Men’s Resource
Center, Keene • New Mexico: Community Against Violence, Taos;
El Refugio, Silver City; Men’s Resource Center of Northern New Mexico,
Taos • North Carolina: Downtown Books and News, Asheville • Oregon:
Breaking Free, Eugene • Texas: Men’s Resource Center of South Texas,
Harlingen • Vermont: Everyone’s Books, Brattleboro; Healthy Living Market,
South Burlington; Lake Champlain Men’s Resource Center, Burlington •
Washington: Elliot Bay Café, Seattle; Twice Sold Tales, Seattle
Write to voicemale@mrcforchange.org for more information on
distributing VOICE MALE in your area.
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