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Love Makes a Marriage
By Mitch Sorensen
On July 30, 2006, my
partner of three years
and I became each other’s
husband at Look Park
in Northampton, Mass.
Family and friends surrounded us and it
was a wonderful, loving and caring expression
of support from our two families
and all of our mutual friends. The guest
list included friends from Denver, San
Francisco and Las Vegas.
Like every major life decision, my decision
to propose marriage was a process, not
an event. When I met my future husband
online, it was the furthest thing from my
mind. The Goodrich decision (which led to
legalized gay marriage in Massachusetts) was
in the courts and, being from Connecticut,
I was not very focused on the issue as I felt
that it had little or no impact on me.
On our first date, Northampton’s Gay
Pride March and Rally in May 2003, Allan
and I marched together in the Pride Parade.
A first for me! As so many people yelled
hello to my “marching partner/date,” I
knew this guy was never going to be leaving
the Pioneer Valley. He was just too connected
to his community, and it became
clear that if this relationship was going to
go anyplace, the geographical focus of it
would be in the Northampton area where
he had spent the last 30 years of his life.
And so began a two-year history of commuting
back and forth between Hartford
and Northampton as our relationship progressed.
I had a major event coming up,
my only daughter’s wedding in the Hartford
area, for which I wanted to be living close by.
This gave us an 18-month window before
any decisions about moves had to be made.
As our dating continued beyond the
one-year mark, many of my local friends
and work colleagues asked if Allan would
be moving down or I would be moving up
to Massachusetts. I indicated that eventually
I thought I would be moving to the
“ I wanted to be
married to my partner,
and the fact that he
was another man was
no longer a problem
for me. I wanted to
be at that place that
earlier in my life I
held in high esteem.”
Mitch (left) and his
husband, Allan.
Northampton area because of his community
connections, and because I really loved
the quality of life there. The vast majority
of my Connecticut circle responded with
something like, “Oh, you’re moving to
Massachusetts so you can marry?” My
immediate reaction to that was, “No, I’ve
done that once (indicating my past marriage
to my ex-wife and now friend), and
it’s just not going to happen again!” I think
I might have said, “No, that’s never going to
happen again.”
Well, we all learn that on occasion we
have to eat our words! And truly, they are
the best words I have had to recant.
As our relationship grew and matured,
I fell deeply in love with this kind, caring,
affectionate and gentle soul. By the time
the marriage of my daughter took place,
my house was on the market and we were
looking for a home in Massachusetts. This
was clearly the guy for me, and my family’s
acceptance of him as my partner was unanimous.
His family, similarly, welcomed me
with open arms. I received numerous comments
from friends and work colleagues
about how much more “settled” and calm
and comfortable with myself I had become
in the recent months prior to our move.
I actually started to come out to a great
many more people—not so much with
the intent of doing so, but when the conversation
led us in that direction. One of
my business clients who did not know
I was gay asked me who the “babe” was
that got me to move to Massachusetts. I
turned to him and said, “It’s not a babe, it’s a
guy—and by the way, I am a gay man.” He
paused for a moment and said, “You know,
I am one of 10 in my family and we have
one of everything. It’s not a problem for
me!” There have been more of those positive
moments since I met my partner than
I can recount, and I feel blessed because of
every one of them.
I share all this here, and in this manner,
as it was a series of events over time
that made me realize I wanted to marry
my partner. He is a wonderful, caring and
affectionate man committed to making our
relationship work for both of us, and he is
a spectacular communicator when issues
arise. I had never been in a relationship
before where communication had come
so freely, and I was in two very long-term
relationships prior to meeting my husband.
Our mutual love and respect for each other,
as well as the love and caring our respective
families have shown us both, helped me to
understand that I belonged with this man.
I wanted to be married to my partner,
and the fact that he was another man was
no longer a problem for me. I wanted to
be at that place that earlier in my life I held
in high esteem. While I understood that
this marriage might be a problem for some
members of my family, I also knew they had
always loved me and supported me and
that while they might not be as comfortable
continued on page 26
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