Forest Path - Amaravati Buddhist Monastery

179
Acceptance, forgiveness and deep
blue empathy … Going home
Tan Acalo
It had been three years since I’d spent any time in the country of
my birth. Recently I unexpectedly had the opportunity to return
to Australia with one of my teachers. Tan Ajan Anan had been
invited to Melbourne to visit a newly established meditation
hermitage and to give teachings at the local Buddhist society.
Several other monks were going and we would be passing
through the cities of Sydney and Canberra, staying in Thai wats
and then later going onward to Melbourne. From Melbourne I
would take leave of my teacher and travel to Queensland to
spend time with my mother and father. As a monk, one tries to
practise in all situations. Going to Australia I would be being
close to the members of my family. I would have to honour our
own relationship and also their relationships with others. I
would have to be considerate of their lifestyles and views yet at
the same time I must maintain my own loyalties. The following
article explores some of the challenges along with what were to
me some of the more significant and moving times.
An incident that happened last year is a good way to introduce Tan
Ajan Anan. It was the middle of my second rains retreat and I was
staying for the first time at a Wat Nong Pa Phong branch monastery
where everyone, except for myself and another English-speaking
monk, was Thai. In one evening meditation session I was concerned
about myself. I was stuck in a negative mood that just wouldn’t
move. All the other monks appeared so sweet and kind and I was
sitting there being angry thinking about what was wrong with
everyone and everything: “Maybe everyone else’s moods arise and
pass away but maybe mine won’t! Maybe I’m just too defiled to be a
monk”. Distantly I knew all these thoughts were silly yet somehow I
couldn’t arrest them and it was very uncomfortable. The rains retreat
can be a tense or difficult period and most monks at some time
or other in it’s three month duration will experience some kind of