Forest Path - Amaravati Buddhist Monastery

acceptance, forgiveness and deep blue empathy… going home 197
The sudden shift to frankness and resolution left me feeling a little
bewildered and then it was time to go. My father followed me to the
escalator and insisted upon another hug. Alone at the top of the
escalator with my father I felt something very consciously for the
first time: that I was a man just as he was a man. Indeed I actually
stood a little taller than he. There was an uncanny sense of mutual
respect and separateness yet at the same time I felt closer to him than
I ever had before. Going down the escalator and through customs
wearing my new lower robe I was quite astonished by the sense that
things had gone wonderfully, that in fact I couldn’t have hoped for a
more positive visit.
There were many events that I could later share with my teachers
and the other bhikkhus. Tan Ajan Anan had been very supportive of
this visit with my family. I would tell him how my mother had
decided to offer flowers to the Buddha statue, fresh from her own
garden, whenever she was thinking about me, so that she could feel
that she was giving something instead of just worrying.
Once a person has taken the mendicant’s vows the question of where
exactly home is becomes a primary one. For me, though, I suppose
home is the place that I miss most. After five weeks in Australia, my
years in Thailand had begun to feel like a short vacation I’d had
years ago. Although I’d had many pleasant experiences and met
with many good people, I was missing the quiet of the forest monasteries.
I missed my Dhamma brothers and I missed the simplicity
and clarity that come from monastic routine. After having such a
pleasant time with the members of my family, I anticipated then that
perhaps upon returning to Thailand I will feel even more at ease.
After coming home I felt that I could once again go home.