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Americans are marrying less,
divorcing more, and forming
households of one at a great
rate. Yet it's pairs and families
who dominate the popular and
political culture, keeping the
huge population of live-alones
off the screen of our national
vision. "Politicians talk incessantly
about families and 'family
values,'" notes a black woman,
42, who lives alone. "Aren't I a
citizen, too"
More than 24 million Americans—one
out of four adults—
live alone. Over 15 million of
them are women (who comprise
75% of all people over 45
who live alone). Individuals
move in and out of the single
population as couples are
formed and broken, as children
are born, grow up, and move
out, and as mates die. But the percentage of single American
households keeps increasing.
Negative stereotypes of the person living alone persist,
especially where women are concerned: the elderly widow,
divorcee, or empty-nesting single mom, pining away in a
large, echoing house or a tiny, cramped apartment. But the
truth is—while some people want to change their status,
growing numbers are choosing to stay single.
Living Alone and Loving It
"I have no intention of being part of a couple again," says
Nancy Elder, a management consultant in the Midwest. Her
feelings are echoed around the country, by men and women
who have tried the traditional route and found it didn't
work for them.
"I like living alone. I like not living with someone I don't
want to be living with an incredible amount," agrees Helen
Weingarten who lives in a college town in Michigan.
Actually, everyone contacted for this article claimed they
were the wrong person to talk to; they were much too busy
to fit the loneliness stereotype.
"When I get to go home alone early, it's like a gift that I
give myself. I get in bed, watch television, pig out, catch up
on all the papers and magazines I haven't read...That's my
gift for the evening," says Barbara Bode, who administers a
non-profit organization in Washington, D.C.
Like many singles, Bode has a full social calendar unaffected
by her lack of a permanent partner. Many women report
Better to live alone;
with afoot there id no
companionship.'
The Pali Canon (sacred scriptures of Theravada
Buddhists), c. 500-250 B.C.
ONE
BY
ONE
Single by choice and chance
By Bryna Taubman
that a newly single status
reduces invitations from married
friends, but most eventually
find new connections with
those also on their own.
The United States is the first
society rich enough to produce
enough housing and income to
enable so many people to live
by themselves. The decision by
so many people to live alone
has profound implications for
the nation as a whole. Single
people may need more health
services if they are hospitalized
for even a minor problem. And
as the population ages, it's probably
true that singles will
require a group home situation
earlier than couples living
together, especially if they are
hit with a chronic illness.
And the future is not that far
off. Although in the movies singles living on their own are
usually pictured as twenty something, in real life most of them
are 35-plus. They are the ones earning enough money to
afford the solitary life. Younger singles usually share with
parents, lovers, or friends.
This mostly middle-aged and middle-class group is a new
phenomenon, and it is everywhere. In 1993, one-third of all
first-time home buyers were single, according to a study
done by Chicago Title and Trust. Singles bought homes in
the suburbs, condos in urban centers, and vacation houses in
resort areas.
Although the popular culture doesn't seem to notice these
statistics much, business is beginning to recognize a market.
Think of soups for one and single-serving frozen foods.
Much of the growth of health clubs can be attributed to the
single person's need for a place to go after work that doesn't
include drinking. So can the growing number of coffee bars.
And the popularity of salad bars suggests a population that
can't use up a head of lettuce before it turns brown.
Can't Get No Respect
Yet, with the exception of some beer and fast-food ads, single
adults are left out of the national image. Vacations are
advertised for couples or families. Financial planning assumes
a pair at least. Car-buying decisions are a family affair. The
"family values" debates suggest an assumed amorality from
anyone not living with blood relatives.
When singles are portrayed in movies or TV, it is always
ON THE ISSUES WINTER 1995
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