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with the assumption they will end as half of a pair. In real
life, many people who reached middle age alone are choosing
to stay that way. In this age of AIDS, some have opted
for celibacy. Some have found interests beyond the social
scene. Others continue to search for romance, but insist it
will never again be a live-in relationship.
Lily Rivlin, a New York filmmaker, has started a support
group for women who are not only single, but also childless.
"If you don't have children, you don't count in our society,"
she argues. Rivlin and others believe the male-dominated culture
is threatened by women who don't fit the standard mold.
"They don't know how to deal with us, so we're just discounted,"
she says, pointing out that most men really don't
want an equal partner. Rivlin would like to see singles, particularly
women, organize as a political pressure group. That
way the women would feel better about themselves and the
power structure would have to acknowledge their existence.
"All the icons and archetypes we're presented with have
to do with couples, including gay and lesbian couples. Pairs
have more cachet than a single anything," says Jeff Mortimer,
an editor at the University of Michigan who claims to own
a button reading: "Stop me before I marry again."
"The deck is stacked against the single person, especially
the single middle-aged person, not just legally and not just
economically, but culturally," Mortimer finds. "The message
that comes across is that living alone can't possibly be something
that a person can freely choose, or enjoy."
I Really Vant to Be Alone
Many of those who live alone identified with a retired
woman who asked advice columnist Dear Abby for a politely
worded refusal for holiday invitations. Friends, neighbors,
and former co-workers insisted she spend Christmas,
Thanksgiving, and other holidays with their relatives. She
preferred to eat alone in a restaurant or practice cooking a
gourmet dish for herself to "pretending to have a good time
.52 ON THE ISSUES WINTER 1995