ssh-chemsex-study-final-main-report

“ So it was making me very horny, but impotent […]
And the whole process of having to find it [crystal
meth], buy it, do it, experience the feelings of it, trying
to hook up with men, and then the frustration of
knowing you can’t get an erection. And in the end, just
sitting around watching porn, trying to get this out of
your system. You can’t even masturbate, because you
can’t get a hard on. ”
[Aged 48, last tested HIV negative]
It was very common for men to take medication to
counteract erectile dysfunction arising from chemsex
drugs, thus enabling sexual performance in a period of
enhanced sexual desire. However, some lamented the loss
of sexual climax with partners, feeling that ejaculation
was a core component of enjoyable sex which often
cannot be achieved when drugs have been used.
5.3 INTIMACY AND SEXUAL CONNECTION
Over two-thirds of the participants described how drugs
were sometimes able to enhance the sense of connection
they felt with their sexual partner. Several articulated
very intense feelings of sexual intimacy and a sense that
they were ‘on another level’ with their sexual partner. This
stemmed from a feeling they were in touch with both
their own senses and the desires of their partner.
“ It puts you so much in the moment, so I’m just talking
about G in particular. It kind of makes me feel like I’m
so much in that one moment and with those people
and in that moment physically in a very sensual,
passionate, physical way. Not in this abstract ethereal
way, kind of all in my head. It’s not, I’m in my body. It
puts me in my body. And that kind of reconnection
with my own body that I think I just ignore so much
when I’m not high. It’s that very physical reconnection
that actually drives the horniness, that drives the fact
that I don’t have to think about these things anymore.
[Aged 32, last tested HIV negative]
”
However, this effect was often hard to achieve and could
be short-lived. Nearly all men talked of problems related
to not being ‘on the same level’ with their sexual partners.
If the other person had taken different drugs, or more
drugs, then some reported it was difficult or impossible
to achieve this connection. Some men also felt that drugs
distorted their view of real emotion and attraction – men
with whom they shared an intense, cognitively-connected,
sexual experience could appear cold or distant when the
effects of the drugs wore off.
“ I think you do feel more connected with someone
when you’re on drugs because you’re both on the
same level and there’ that kind of passion there. But
it’s not real. It’s a fake passion. That’s what I always
remind myself – it’s synthetic. It’s not real.
[Aged 21, last tested
”
HIV negative]
This emotional and intimate dimension of chemsex was
a significant contributor to dependency, particularly
when considering that sex within romantic or intimate
relationships was desired by the majority of those we
interviewed (see section 5.6).
However, sexual connection was not a key factor for all
men, or even for some men at all times – others said that
intimate sex just was not possible on drugs.
“ Taking crystal it makes me a bit more animalistic […] it
makes sex very kind of – not aggressive but instinctive.
It’s like more raw, for want of a better word. I don’t
think you have sensual sex on crystal.
[Aged 28, diagnosed
”
HIV positive]
The Chemsex Study | 5. THE IMPACT OF DRUGS ON SEXUAL PLEASURE AND SEXUAL PERFORMANCE 44