ssh-chemsex-study-final-main-report

5.6 SEXUAL (UN)HAPPINESS AND MAKING SEX BETTER
At the end of the interview, all men were asked whether
they were happy with their sex lives and what, if anything,
would help to make it better. Two-thirds said that they
were unhappy, the reasons and potential remedies of
which were discussed in detail.
By far the most commonly cited reason for unhappiness
was the lack of a long-term, romantic partner. While
enjoying the benefits of chemsex, many felt that drugs
were not enabling them to have intimate and emotionally
connected sex that was sustained over the longer-term.
“ It can get a bit lonely after a while when it’s just fuck
and go, fuck and go, fuck and go. It’s not as if anyone
stays the night anymore, that’s just the lay of the land
these days. ”
[Aged 41, diagnosed HIV positive]
When asked what would make their sex lives better, most
replied that they would like a boyfriend for intimate,
mutually respectful and loving sex. Such findings
resonate with recently published results of the EMIS
survey, which showed that a sizeable majority of MSM in
the UK held as their idea of the best sex life one which
included a boyfriend or long-term partner with a sense of
emotional of sexual connection (Bourne et al, 2013).
Those already in relationships (12 out of the 30 men
interviewed) often said they would like better sex with
the man they were with, including being more attentive
to one another’s sexual needs and achieving a greater
sense of intimacy and connection, which for some
had diminished over time. Three of the twelve men
in relationships had only recently met their partners
and described how sex within their new relationship
contrasted to sex beforehand, which often included high
levels of drug use.
“ And what is it about your current situation that makes
you happy?
Having someone, and it not just being about sex you
know, being able to talk to someone and not having to
either it be about sex or drugs and all that.
[Aged 24, diagnosed
”
HIV positive]
While a boyfriend was desired by a majority of those
not already in relationships, most had struggled to find a
serious, romantic partner within a gay community where
casual sexual encounters are perceived to be the norm, a
situation facilitated by sexual networking apps and sexon-premises
venues.
“ Yeah. It’s a hell of a lot of difficulty finding a long-term
partner in the gay world. Seriously, I’ve tried. I think
all of these [*app name] meets is – really, deep down,
I’m just trying to find a partner to stay with, and to
hold. I think I’m just picking the wrong app. I mean, it’s
just not the place to do that, really. It’s just, you know,
sex on tap. That’s what it is, really. That’s what it boils
down to. ”
[Aged 31, last tested HIV negative]
Many felt that immediate sexual contact was expected
by other men, which was not conducive to establishing
or maintaining a longer-term romantic relationship. While
drugs were not necessarily the root cause of gay social
norms relating to casual sex, as described above, they
were reported to facilitate sex with a higher number of
men and could influence sexual intimacy.
Perhaps unsurprisingly given the data described in
section 5.1, there were several men who were unhappy
with their sex lives because of problems relating to selfesteem
and sexual self-confidence, as well as suppressed
libido. Their answer, therefore, to what might make sex
better was to take more drugs.
“ I felt if I took more drugs I would have a higher
confidence level and have more sex. Although I’ve
been cutting down on drugs, I know that the sex is not
as good and I’m not as confident to approach people
and get sex, so I would like to take more drugs.
[Aged 40, last tested HIV negative]
”
Those who reported that they were happy with their sex
lives presented themselves as in control of their drug use
and confident in their sexual abilities and body image.
They were typically longer-term drug users who were
familiar with harm reduction information and had learned
how to utilise drugs to enhance their sexual pleasure:
perhaps enabling experimentation, partner turnover or
sexual longevity, but within the confines of what they
consider safe.
The Chemsex Study | 5. THE IMPACT OF DRUGS ON SEXUAL PLEASURE AND SEXUAL PERFORMANCE 47