ssh-chemsex-study-final-main-report

8.1 MAINTAINING CONTROL OVER DRUG USE
While this section is concerned with the ways in which all
men managed chemsex in their everyday lives, it is briefly
worth considering the accounts of the relatively few men
who had previously lost control of their drug use and
sexual behaviour and the steps they had taken to recover.
“ I got to the point where I said – I know I’ve got a
problem [...] What happened with me is my dad –
every month, my dad would have to come down [to
London]. I got in such a state, he’d have to take me
back home to [city name] for a week to recover.
[Aged 21, last tested HIV negative]
”
There were five men who clearly articulated a narrative of
drug recovery. All were unique, although a pressing need
to escape London gay life was present for each of them.
Similarly, they all alluded to a loss of interest in sober sex,
and a loss of interest in other aspects of everyday life.
“ There has been a big shift for me in the last six to nine
months. I have actually been clean for nine months so
that is off alcohol and drugs and I just came to a point
in my life where I had reached absolute rock bottom
and I spent five months in in-patient treatment […] I
had probably gone about three years in which time I
had not had sober sex. ”
[Aged 24, last tested HIV negative]
“ I’m not going to say it’s easy, I’m probably still going
to want to do them [chemsex parties] but I think I’ve
reached the point where I can’t. There’s been times
before I was okay for about a week or a week and a
half, I know it’s not a long time, but it’s a long time for
me and you kind of start thinking, okay, well, I can give
it up and I don’t have to do them.
[Aged 29, last
”
tested HIV negative]
Many other participants were seriously considering
stopping or reducing their drug use, not because of a
specific event, but simply because they felt they were
approaching a boundary they did not want to cross –
from drug use for recreation during sex towards drug use
because it was required to have sex. Many had actively
considered the need to bring their drug use under greater
control.
“ So sex does not depend on having drugs available, so
it is not […] I think that when we were talking about
boundaries and rules; that is sort of crossing from fun,
enjoyable to something that is ruling your life. And
again, it is crossing that boundary, it’s breaking one
of those rules, then it’s time to say, no, this is a bad
thing. ”
[Aged 46, last tested HIV negative]
Such stories of drug addiction were relatively rare,
although many others feared it. Several other participants
had realised that they needed to cut down or even stop
their drug use for sex, either because it was having an
impact on too many other aspects of their life, or they
had experienced a drug-related event that shocked them,
such as a hospitalisation or death among their social
circle. The following participant had just been the victim
of sexual assault in a chemsex party and this experience
had called into question his entire sexual lifestyle.
Some guarded against possible drug dependence or
addiction by avoiding specific drugs, such as crystal
meth (and especially heroin). Even among crystal meth
users, some said they would never inject because this
was perceived to mark a passage into likely addiction.
Others were willing to take crystal meth, but not to buy it,
although this limiting strategy occurred with all the main
drugs discussed.
The range of concern about drugs, and the strategies
men put in place to manage the perceived risks of use
‘Many other participants were seriously considering stopping or
reducing their drug use, not because of a specific event, but simply
because they felt they were approaching a boundary they did not
want to cross – from drug use for recreation during sex towards
drug use because it was required to have sex.’
The Chemsex Study | 8. MANAGING DRUG USE AND GETTING HELP 64