When the Devil Drives

'No, my darling.' Cal looked at her soberly. 'Martin, poor devil, was atragedy waiting to happen. Remember my telling you that we were atschool together? Well, there were question marks about him—abouthis masculinity—even then. When you announced your engagementto him, I told myself I must have been wrong, that we'd done him aninjustice. Now I suspect we were right all along.' He kissed herquivering mouth very gently. 'Believe me, my darling, if you usedhim, you were certainly a lifeline as far as he was concerned.''I don't understand.' Joanna frowned in bewilderment. 'Are youimplying that Martin was— was...?''Homosexual?' Cal supplied. 'Yes, I think he undoubtedly was, butnot overtly. That was the pity of it all. For some reason, it wassomething he wasn't prepared to acknowledge, even to himself,maybe through family pressure. His aunt, after all, was a formidablewoman with a closed mind. I think Martin made a conscious decisionto deny his own nature, because he was afraid. He wanted to bestraight, to shut the closet door and lead what he thought would be anormal life. Only he found it wasn't going to be that simple.'He put a strand of hair tenderly back from her face. 'Your guilt aboutnot loving him can have been nothing compared to what he felt whenhe was actually living with you, trying to be your husband, andfailing. Marriage is an intimate relationship, mentally as well asphysically. He must have been terrified that you would guess thetruth. Eventually, there was nowhere left for him to hide.''Oh, my God!' Joanna shuddered, hiding her face on Cal's shoulder. 'Ifonly I'd known! Maybe I could have helped.'Cal shook his head. 'Only if you could have made him face up to thetruth about himself, and I doubt if anyone could have done that. In theend, he found a different sort of courage to solve his problems.' Hetook her chin in his hand, making her look at him. 'But you, my