When the Devil Drives

Because she knew now, quite unequivocally, that she could notsubmit to Cal's demands. It was impossible—unthinkable, andalways had been. Her reaction to him in the past half-hour had shownher that with terrifying clarity.She had intended to remain bitterly aloof, scornfully immune fromhis lovemaking, granting him no more than the shell of her being.But in one brief, devastating lesson, Cal had shown her that there wasno immunity. Those few minutes in his arms had taught her a numberof shattering truths about her own sexuality. And if she was tocomply, physically, with the cynical bargain he'd offered her, sheknew now she could not hope to remain emotionally untouched.She shook her head. It still seemed unbelievable that she could havestood there like that, half naked—allowing him every intimacy hesought. And seeking more herself.The admission made her flinch, but it had to be faced. If he'd strippedher completely, taken here there on the floor, she would not havedenied him.Her brain, her spirit, her sense of decency might reject him, but herbody wanted him, as simply and completely as it needed food andwater. Yet, if she did surrender to him, she would be lost forever insome destructive limbo of self-betrayal.I could never forgive myself, she thought, shivering.Somehow the money to pay him off had to be raised, and Joanna drewa deep, painful breath as she reviewed the magnitude of the taskahead of them.Yet there must still be avenues left to explore, in spite of what Simonhad said. They could not afford to be pessimistic. There was too muchat stake for that.