Tester

me think beautiful things and feel joy. And this is why I am running.
But two weeks ago (after running regularly for the three weeks prior
to that) the thoughts that filled my runs were: how many times will I
run this week?; am I hurting my ankles?; do my shorts show my ass?
The form took over the content. The repetitious thought-patterns
whose source lay in my bodily experience of running emerged and
surmounted.
VI. Shock + content. Through the shock of inserting myself into new
forms, I sometimes lose the tired form, replacing it with a new will.
Running a new route. A step back.
VII.a. The individual. Individuality as a rhythm + repetition. The individual
as an occurrence over time. This occurrence who feels, thinks,
and acts with specificity is not an essence, a static bearer of diachronic
responsibility, an intentional recipient. The I as an ever-shifting
form, a happenstance. The I as a collection of capacities, structures,
and patterns. I as a rhythm of capacities, structures, and patterns.
VII.b. Relationships I am interested in and not interested in. I don’t
want intimacy to be code for a space to express (reproduce) my
insecurities.
VIII. Donald Ewen. Ewen says I should prioritize “having fun.” Of
course I should also always be moving toward the now’s kernel of
growing qua the emergent self-structure that I arise as and through.
But it could be good to balance this unceasing directionality with a
movement toward now’s kernel of joy.
IX. Production and Relation. The will to knowledge does not have
an end. Instead, its resulting ends are its real effects and affects. For
example, the experience of going on this run right now, and creating
games of truths (see parts I-VIII) is (affect) and produces (effect).
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