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Brain Go BOOM!<br />
Author/Survivor: John Cooper<br />
Chapter 43: Where is Johnny At?<br />
F<br />
rom outside my first floor bedroom, I consistently heard, “Where is Johnny at?” I was<br />
taking about five, 45 minute rest periods just to make it through the day. After the brain<br />
aneurysm and subsequent stroke, my brain needed rest. This is commonly referred to as<br />
Neurofatigue. I will need them for the rest of my life. My brain tells me when I need to stop and<br />
rest. Unfortunately, it’s usually at the most inopportune times and usually occurs when I am<br />
pushing myself in attempts to achieve more. I don’t know when or how to stop. Laura and I call<br />
it squirrel syndrome. I am running circles around the house, not completing the original task I<br />
set out to do. Add to this the character, “Kramer” from Seinfeld. I come in busting through the<br />
door, looking all sorts of disheveled, searching for the glass cleaner, paper towels, a screwdriver<br />
or whatever is needed for the project I’m involved with. More times than not, I forget what the<br />
Hell I was working on in the first place. We aptly refer to this as “The squirrels have partnered<br />
up with Kramer!” When this happens in the morning, I usually forget to insert the coffee filter.<br />
The coffee-ground-infused-liquid spills all over the counter and down to the floor. I never catch<br />
it in time because I’m running around doing something else. Sometimes it’s hilarious to watch<br />
when the squirrels partner up with Kramer; other times it’s not.<br />
When I did find time to rest, I ASSumed that anyone around me thought I was being lazy<br />
or using my brain injury as a crutch. I still feel like this, but I am trying to retrain my brain to<br />
listen to my and body vice versa. My good days are phenomenal. My bad days consist of me<br />
constantly making excuses for why I am fatigued or why I couldn’t accomplish the simplest of<br />
tasks. They are not excuses! At times I feel that many people, including some family members<br />
and friends, still can’t thoroughly see it; or maybe they can’t thoroughly accept it. If that’s the<br />
case, are they making an excuse?<br />
This is a part of my new normal. This is my new life. Will it get better? I have to<br />
continually remind myself that I have irreversible brain damage; some things will get better and<br />
some things will get worse. My dead brain cells will never return—never! I am slowly starting<br />
to accept this fact while still vigilantly battling my own worst enemy—me. With the help of<br />
Laura, I remain optimistic and continue to improve on better planning and scheduling. Many<br />
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