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Brain Go BOOM! Author/Survivor: John Cooper BOOM!, I lost it. I interrupted everyone’s analysis and opinions then broke out with an emotional and boisterous call to address the mental health concerns of patients. I cried as I shared my experience with them. I described how my psychological needs were overlooked by the medical community. “If I was bleeding, everyone here would know what to do. My mental health had been profusely bleeding and it was overlooked. I hope when you all become nurses, you will remember this meeting. Please advise and push your patient, their family members and doctors to get a mental health consult sooner than later. Thank you for letting me add in my two cents.” If anyone is unfortunate enough to fall victim of a life-changing event, I highly recommend the assistance of a mental health professional. If there is an electrical short in your house, you call an electrician before a fire occurs. When your check engine light goes on in your car, you take it to a mechanic. When the glass tabletop shatters, I strongly recommend that you buy a new one. Being proactive is vitally important. The student nurses were both receptive and understanding. Even future nurses rock! At the meetings, we shared our traumatic, sad and riveting life-changing stories. People described their anger, their fears and their dislikes of their new normal. Through tears comes laughter. Through pain comes strength. With the meeting room filled every third Wednesday of the month, I feel at home. I throw jokes around like I’ve known everyone for years. I informed the group that, “I try arrive to the meetings fifteen minutes early. I eagerly wait in the parking garage to take my own hysterical attendance report. I can tell who’s going to the meeting because they press the lock button on their keychain six or seven times: beep beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! We reassure ourselves while pissing off the world around us. Most of our short-term memory works like a vacuum cleaner when trying to reach that last piece of carpet and it turns off, then on for a quick second then off again. Obviously, the chord is barely in the socket, just like our short-term memory. On that note, why don’t manufacturers make that damn chord longer? After our meetings, we head back to the parking garage. Unfortunately, some of us can’t remember what level we parked on (mostly me). Brain injuries can be funny that way; but you can almost be sure our car doors will be locked. Page 116 of 167
Brain Go BOOM! Author/Survivor: John Cooper Chapter 43: Where is Johnny At? F rom outside my first floor bedroom, I consistently heard, “Where is Johnny at?” I was taking about five, 45 minute rest periods just to make it through the day. After the brain aneurysm and subsequent stroke, my brain needed rest. This is commonly referred to as Neurofatigue. I will need them for the rest of my life. My brain tells me when I need to stop and rest. Unfortunately, it’s usually at the most inopportune times and usually occurs when I am pushing myself in attempts to achieve more. I don’t know when or how to stop. Laura and I call it squirrel syndrome. I am running circles around the house, not completing the original task I set out to do. Add to this the character, “Kramer” from Seinfeld. I come in busting through the door, looking all sorts of disheveled, searching for the glass cleaner, paper towels, a screwdriver or whatever is needed for the project I’m involved with. More times than not, I forget what the Hell I was working on in the first place. We aptly refer to this as “The squirrels have partnered up with Kramer!” When this happens in the morning, I usually forget to insert the coffee filter. The coffee-ground-infused-liquid spills all over the counter and down to the floor. I never catch it in time because I’m running around doing something else. Sometimes it’s hilarious to watch when the squirrels partner up with Kramer; other times it’s not. When I did find time to rest, I ASSumed that anyone around me thought I was being lazy or using my brain injury as a crutch. I still feel like this, but I am trying to retrain my brain to listen to my and body vice versa. My good days are phenomenal. My bad days consist of me constantly making excuses for why I am fatigued or why I couldn’t accomplish the simplest of tasks. They are not excuses! At times I feel that many people, including some family members and friends, still can’t thoroughly see it; or maybe they can’t thoroughly accept it. If that’s the case, are they making an excuse? This is a part of my new normal. This is my new life. Will it get better? I have to continually remind myself that I have irreversible brain damage; some things will get better and some things will get worse. My dead brain cells will never return—never! I am slowly starting to accept this fact while still vigilantly battling my own worst enemy—me. With the help of Laura, I remain optimistic and continue to improve on better planning and scheduling. Many Page 117 of 167
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