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Brain Go BOOM!
Author/Survivor: John Cooper
Chapter 48: Botulism
D
uring an occupational therapy session, two-and-a-half
years following my stroke, the therapist noticed
something seriously wrong with my left hand. My reaction
time and coordination varied tremendously compared to my
right hand. This slowly progressed into me not being able open it
fully. It then quickly progressed, starting to cause my fingers to
grip inward. As the months passed, my hand started to cramp more
frequently, so bad that the nails of my 3 fingers (my pinky finger,
ring finger and middle finger) were cutting into my palm. It got to
the point where the pain felt like a constant Charlie Horse. I just
chalked it off as a side effect of the stroke and convinced myself
that I should be happy that I was still alive. That was easier said
than done because the pain had trumped my pride.
Pictures taken March, 2015
While attempting to make light of the painful condition, my daughters and I named my
left hand Gimpy or The Gimp. It was a far cry from what we used to call The Claw. When The
Claw appeared, it meant it was time for tickle matches. I used to open my hands up and put them
over my head and say, “Look out for The Claw,” then quickly lower my hands and tickle them.
My left Claw was dead and the girls couldn’t understand what was happening with it.
Gimpy was, and still is, painful. I am often embarrassed walking around with it. Mind
you, my left hand is incredibly strong, I’ve just lost my fine motor skills. What does this mean?
Tying my own shoes, buttoning a shirt, tying a tie, buttering a piece of toast, opening packages,
doing my girls’ hair and typing on a keyboard are arduous tasks. On bad days, these tasks are
impossible to complete which intensifies my anxiety and depletes my energy reserves.
A considerable amount of the original writing of this book was done by using my iPad
voice dictation. I then made the numerous adjustments and revisions by hen-pecking the rest of
the book with my unaffected right hand, as Siri didn’t fully understand my Philly accent. (I hope
that someone creates an app that understands Philly vernacular.) I was referred to a hand
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